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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 102 | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 103 | |
| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:42:01 AM |
But if you cant be emotional with your significant other...I guess thats fine for some people?
My wife married me for my sense of humour more than anything else, dude....it's the
highlight of my personality and probably the one significant thing that
got me the date - whereas crying isn't my thing. Being EMOTIONAL, as you
put it, does not always involve VISUAL EFFECTS. You can still demonstrate
your sensitive side without appearing to come apart at the seams. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:14:44 AM | I think it's interesting that most of the people who have chimed in on the "Men shouldn't cry" side of this debate are basically saying, "Show how strong you are by hiding your feelings and pretending to be what she wants you to be."
Funny, I thought strength was being YOURSELF and saying "f*ck that b*tch if she doesn't like it."
Might not get me as many dates as the guy who's pretending to be exactly what you want... but maybe my goal *ISN'T* to get a lot of dates with a bunch of game-playing, needy narcissists. Maybe my goal is to find someone I connect with on a deep level to have a REAL RELATIONSHIP with.
Maybe *I* require a woman who is more than a cardboard cutout with breasts, who is intelligent enough to see what I have to offer, and to look me in the face and watch my mannerisms and SEE that whether an errant tear falls or not, I'm more of a "man" than most of the guys she's met. I walk it as I talk it. If something is especially beautiful, or poignant, I might get a little teary about it. And F*CK YOU if you don't like it. I'm a MAN. Come get some. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 12:13:58 PM |
I think it's interesting that most of the people who have chimed in on the "Men shouldn't cry" side of this debate are basically saying, "Show how strong you are by hiding your feelings and pretending to be what she wants you to be."
I wasn't saying that at all Johnny.
There's a few movies that get me misty-eyed, but I don't go out of my way to show her my tears. 
Funny, I thought strength was being YOURSELF and saying "f*ck that b*tch if she doesn't like it."
It is, but if you love someone you sometimes strive to fufill their fantasies.
How many women could open a jar perfectly fine without a man's help yet still pass him the jar to make him feel important?
All I'm saying is some men are too in touch with their emotions and cry like babies at every chance they get. Women don't want to see that. It shatters their perceptions of what a man is and frankly I agree that it's more than a little pathetic. Not to sound like some abusive ex-military father figure....but be a man for godsake! | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 12:20:54 PM | | johnny prophet for someone who claims to be so sentive and in touch with you emotions you are awfully defensive and angry . was the cursing necessary and come and get some . is it really necessary to get so bent out of shape over a forum topic. you really should calm down just a little bit its not healthy for you to get so angry . no one says you have to be a robot . its ok calm down now . | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 12:40:38 PM | | yes johnny you are usually nice in your post and dont curse . thats why i said calm down . take some deep breaths and dont let a forum thread get you so mad . just take all this with a few grains of salt . its not really important. i suppose we are all guilty of letting these forums get to us from time to time . you just have to remember is not really all that important. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 12:42:18 PM |
It is, but if you love someone you sometimes strive to fufill their fantasies.
How many women could open a jar perfectly fine without a man's help yet still pass him the jar to make him feel important?
Hey, I'm all for fulfilling my lover's fantasies (In and out of the bedroom.) But I think we were talking about a guy who was on his second date. There is no "love" to get confused about here. He saw something that touched him and what he saw moved him to tears. It obviously didn't move him to bawling, sniffling, blowing snot all over the place, etc. (If it had, she wouldn't have had to ask "Are you crying?") Doesn't seem like the kind of thing you describe (quoted below) at all, does it?
All I'm saying is some men are too in touch with their emotions and cry like babies at every chance they get. Women don't want to see that. It shatters their perceptions of what a man is and frankly I agree that it's more than a little pathetic.
ANYBODY who cries all the time is annoying. I've dated women who cried over the dumbest shit. I simply see a difference between expressing normal, healthy human emotions and taking that behavior to it's absolute extreme.
Look, if you hold the door open for a stranger, it generally means you're a nice guy. If you hold the door for a stranger, and they stop right outside the door and have a 15 minute telephone conversation and you continue to hold the door for 15 minutes... THAT'S EXTREME.
[note: Johnny Prophet is not angry. He is just expressing his opinion in a somewhat direct (some might call it manly) way. Look at the happy faces:    ] | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 12:45:39 PM |
yes johnny you are usually nice in your post and dont curse . thats why i said calm down .
Sweet, sweet lady. How many ways can I show you that I am not mad? When people aggressively share opinions that I think are infantile, I *ENJOY* using their same tone to rebuke them. It gives me the giggles.  I like to play the role of a mirror in my interpersonal relationships: Whatever you are showing to me, I like to turn it around and show it to you. It's just how I roll.
I'm not upset. I promise.
I do, however, have a very "f*ck him/her/it/them" attitude toward anyone who espouses beliefs like "a man who shows his tears is a whiny crybaby." F*CK THAT.
(still not mad.) | |
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acgoat
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Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 112 | |
| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 1:05:42 PM | tdh46
That's why i only watch sad movies by myself or with people i know very well. I have this bad habit of crying my eyes out at sad movies.
I agree with you. Tend to watch those alone ,so as not to display emotions to anyone else. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 1:07:22 PM | Hey Op,
Just wondering if you met the lady you are describing here on Plenty of Fish, and if she can see how everything that happened on your date is now out there for all to see and know. I am new here, and just wondering if being a "fishy" means that all my dates will be as if we are in a fish bowl for all to see.
Just wondering? | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 2:39:46 PM | | i wish guyincognito64 would tell the woman who the op is talking about to come in here and let her see what is going on . he knows her so he should give her a clue as to what the op is spreading around. i would be very interested to see if their stories matched at all . i have a feeling we are being either lied to or told a whole bunch of half truths. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:15:48 PM | i like guys, i was also thinking, in the spirit of your remark, that it's that need for machoism that lands some women in relationships with abusive men. i mean, if you have to be a macho tough ass all the time, isn't that going to have certain side effects? ugh.
and johnny and mary rachelle: i agree with johnny that i think you took his message the wrong way, mary. what i liked about it was the passion and intensity of it, and the strong position he was taking on this. but no, not a flame at all. sometimes "indignant" strong emotive language can be an effective tool in a debate, especially one where the topic is so very... mmmmmm damn well stupid? 
oops, i mean "darn" | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/7/2007 10:13:34 AM |
She told me that her man couldnt show any signs of weakness, that had he had to be strong all the time for her.
At this she began sobbing, and told me when I cried in the movie theater her chest tightened up and that she got really scared suddenly.
That is sooo a double standard. She is displays emotions, but you are not. I can see someone not wanting a wimp. But no one can always be strong. You can have the odd moment of weakness, yet still be strong. Look at some tough athletes that cry after winning a title. And her reaction was pretty negative towards you. Physically moving her body away from you, changing her mind on schdule & needing time to think. What happens when you encounter another aspect of life where a man is supposed to act a certain way. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/7/2007 6:09:02 PM | Dang, I got a little misty myself yesterday on a date watching Reign Over Me also. Then again, the Notebook was the real dam breaker..................... pass the tissue.  | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 3:00:44 AM | well,
there must be a reason for why she'd shy away from it. we could psyhoanalyze, but at the end of the day she anti-selects for certain traits. my ex reacted similarly when I reacted to something in a movie, but it brought back the memory of watching a loved one die slowly before me. it never happened to her, so she saw me as vulnerable and incapable of strength.
her father never cried, but he also never showed tenderness or affection. i can see why she would feel threatened by it.
there are other persons who might match you better, so go on. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:07:37 AM | ^^^^ good post.
what this discussion makes me wonder about is this: what does it mean for men that they have to be so much on guard in the context of dating lest he lose someone's interest because she suddenly sees him as a human being instead of as the gladiator she imagined him to be?
this is, in a word, nuts. pun intended.
i mean, women don't have to deal with that -- we have to deal with other stuff, but not that. i think that would drive me a bit ... nuts ... if i was a guy.
i know -- i'm terrible with this awful pun. what can i say.
but my question is entirely serious and not in any way rhetorical -- does that not drive you crazy, guys???? | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:12:04 AM | Hi fellow Plenty Of Fishers,
Just so everyone knows, no she isnt on Plenty of Fish. I met her on another dating site.
If she had been on here, I would have made an alternative account to talk about it on the forums to protect her identity.
I didnt post to bad mouth her or make her look bad, I just wanted to share what happened and get the opinions of others in todays dating scene about it.
Thanks to all of you for your insights and thoughts!
Brett | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:22:45 AM | now that woman calling herself oldschoolqueen sounds very interesting. even if she did not like anything on my profile, she seems to agree with me to a great extent about men crying. (and she is one damn good looking woman to) damn shame she lives so far away, i'd love to have her as a local friend. 
kenny | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:26:41 AM | If a woman can't handle me crying at a movie, how is she going to be able to be supportive when the REAL sorrows of life happen?
I hate all of that "I need someone to always be strong for me" crap. It's so selfish. Sure, I'm willing to be strong for someone... but ALL the time?
Unless you're the kind of man that can take all of your emotions, crumple them into a ball, and shove them in your stomach, I'd let this one pass. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:28:21 AM | Dude, you have heard the term "dodged a bullet"?
You dodged a cannonball.
Having emotions is NOT a sign of weakness. It's a sign that you are a human being.
I am approaching 56 years of age. My dog died the day after Thanksgiving. I cried for days afterward, and often since. If someone like this girl would tell me that makes me weak or any less of a man, she would be escorted to the door if at my house, left alone on the spot if we were in public.
How dare she assume anything about you. You may have some life experience that the scene reminded you of. I cry when I see TV shows that show the Vietnam Memorial wall in DC, given how close I was to being a name etched into it and how many people I knew whose names ARE etched into it.
I suppose that makes ME weak.
She wants a soul-less robot.
Run, Forrest, run.
Edit to reply to the next comment about her being emotionally damaged.
She isn't emotionally damaged. She is devoid of emotion. That's worse.
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