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Gje!
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Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 127 | |
| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:42:09 AM | | That is the funniest thing Ive ever read on this site. Everything about it makes me laugh. But to anwer your question who cares, if you need to cry, cry and if she has a problem with it, then ask her to visit the 'Hood' where bros mourn their bros with tears often, and they suppose to be 'Gangsta' (or they say!). A man who cant cry is a human being I dont want to ever be around...By the way this may too be ZEn but isnt an expression of emotions a sign of weakness, but weakness in the Buddhist sense....and thats a good sense...But thats a funny one that you will have for ever to share with people, and trust me they'll laugh... | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:43:05 AM | gawd i am shocked at most of the men here
of course CRYING is not bad
its WHEN and WHY you cry that's the issue
crying on a first date at a movie? not good
cyring over your dog...very good, if you didn't you'd be heartless
to cry in a movie on a first date shows you wear your heart on your sleave, you cannot contain your emotions...you put it all out there right away..and thats sensory overload to show someone so early. It's too intimate. It's a form of intimacy...we always refer to sex as intimacy...but emotional displays are also intimacy. So yeah, i think any normal woman would be taken aback by it.
to the fireman about crying at work over kids, also NORMAL...but you know if you showed up blubbering at every call, you'd be looked down upon by your colleagues, not strong, not the right stuff for the job, lacking in mettle....
its the same for me in my job, if i cry over everyone who is hurt or dies, i would be too weak to do my job...though yes, sometimes it slips out and i cry...
so dont miss the point people, its not that A MAN CRIED, its that he cried at a first date...over a movie....too personal a thing to do with someone in your presence that is a relative stranger...that's what scared her...she's wondering if this is how he reacts in front of me over a fictional incidident, how reliable or sturdy will he be when some real and personal tragedy happens?
that woman has the right to her taste in men, just as the author of thread has the right ot his taste in women...to find one that sees this sensitivity as a positive, not a neg. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 7:49:51 AM | well brett..it could be a good thing....she shows no emotional support for you. there is nothing wrong with expressing your emotional side at any given time....shows you have feelings too. an maybe your cried because it triggered some memories. gawd..i am so tired of people saying>> get over it...suk it up..quit crying...men dont cry....pppftt...bull. they are human with emotions just like everyone else. if it were i with you brett...i would of held your hand tight an moved closer to you..to let you know i am there an it will be ok.  its called support. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 8:02:41 AM |
you put it all out there right away
What do you think he did, selected a movie that he KNEW would have a touching scene in it?
To berate the guy for being himself whether it was early in their shared time or not is out of line.
to cry in a movie on a first date shows you wear your heart on your sleave, you cannot contain your emotions
That is a terrible value judgement and not even close to true. You have heard of "coincidence"? They saw a movie with a scene that moved him. Now if he had cried during "Talladega Nights" I'd give you that one.
Have you SEENn the film he is referring to, and have you seen the scene that brought out the emotion?
I hope you don't have sons because I can see you'd be the kind of parent who says men shouldn't cry.
Emotion comes out of people for different reasonas at different times. A memory, a past experience.... you can't judge someone else based on that (and shouldn't judge others EVER).
I am a musician. BA in music, double major, playing since age 5 (50 years), professionally for 22. Now retired. I STILL get choked up when I hear certain pieces (Mozart's "Marriage of Figaro" for one - Chopin's "Polonaise" is another) because with my education in the field I listen at a different level than a casual listener, and quality of composition in those pieces is nothing short of MAGNIFICENT. I suppose that is wearing my heart on my sleeve.
In my performing days, we tried to do "Neither One of Us Wants to be the First to Say Goodbye". We couldn't get through it because the lyrics awakened ghosts for 3 of the 5 band members. Of course, that made us weak, right?
You don't know enough about this situation to berate the poster the way you did.
its that he cried at a first date
Would you prefer men who are so coldly calculated that they turn their emotions on and off as needed? Maybe to get some sympathy sex?
Inventory, my dear. Take some personal inventory. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 8:07:29 AM | "gawd I am shocked at most of the men here
of course CRYING is not bad
its WHEN and WHY you cry that's the issue
crying on a first date at a movie? not good
cyring over your dog...very good, if you didn't you'd be heartless
to cry in a movie on a first date shows you wear your heart on your sleave, you cannot contain your emotions...you put it all out there right away.."
- sofishtikated, a 38 year old woman
Truth being dispensed right from the source!
No wonder some guys here are crying in their beers that they can't get a woman. They'll log on and post that it's okay to get their eyes all teary watching a film on a first date or two (bad date idea at that stage, I think, but that's another topic), because HEY! They're sensitive, emotional men and in touch with their feelings, and miss the point entirely about being able to manage feelings (now THERE'S a novel idea!), and basically promote and argue for the very types of behaviors that keeps making women not interested in them. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 8:34:01 AM | If a woman can't handle me crying at a movie, how is she going to be able to be supportive when the REAL sorrows of life happen?
Real sorrow is different, that's the point. Cry when there's something to actually cry about and it's not a problem. I doubt she would have cared as much if his dog died or his child was hospitalized or his house burned down. It's a matter of what triggers the crying that's questionable. I don't cry during many movies, and when I do it's either alone or secretly. During 9/11 I cried, when we lost 100 here in the Station Fire, I cried, during Katrina, I cried, when I went to St Judes hospital more than once, and watched families deal with major cancer in their children, I cried (and at St Jude the kids never cry, the parents and doctors do).
Watching chick flicks and bawling is just not something that makes sense to me.
It's weird for me to see ANYONE openly weeping over a movie love scene, it's just a bit much. I have girlfriends who do this and it's just as strange, and guess what? They cry over just about everything else too, so an assumption that they're overly emotional is pretty accurate, since they are. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 8:57:50 AM | | i agree with old school queen . crying over the death of a loved one , a dog you love getting hit by a car "i,ve done that, your child being sick is very different from getting teary eyes over a klennex commercial or a movie. not everybody is wired to cry over everything . some of us just dont cry at movies and there is nothing wrong with that . i use my tears for something real here in life . not commercials or movies.watching my father die now that was something worth sobbing and bawling uncontrollably about. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 135 | |
| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:16:30 AM | The last two posts make it sound as if people CHOOSE when they're going to cry. The fact is, movies that have anything to do with 9/11 will make most of us cry, or at least get a little choked up. I am a person who will sob during a sad movie scene, I will cry during a happy/touching scene...it doesn't mean I've chosen to cry about it, it's something that touched me.
She needs a man to be rock solid and devoid of emotion, otherwise she would have to be accountable for your feelings. If she has to be considerate and worry about you as a human being, she can't run roughshod doing as she pleases. I have known women like that and you can run now, or limp away later. This is very true. This woman doesn't want to have to be supportive to you, OP, but you better be prepared to be supportive of her for every little thing.
I think it's sweet that you cried. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:19:29 AM | "In my performing days, we tried to do "Neither One of Us Wants to be the First to Say Goodbye". We couldn't get through it because the lyrics awakened ghosts for 3 of the 5 band members. Of course, that made us weak, right?"
That's not really the question. That's a little twist to the logic. The premise is really, in what you're arguing, that sappy lyrics of a song has several guys choking up. What does that demonstrate, is really the question. It shows lack of emotional control. As an artist performing a musical piece, your function is to perform the musical piece. If you don't have enough control over your emotions so as to be able to not get choked up over some sentimental lyrics, then you're not doing your job. And in a way, that's what these women are telling you. If you can't manage your emotions over fluff that triggers them, then you can't be trusted to get the job done.
Oh, the sentiments in the song may stir memories and those memories have difficult emotions tied to them, but that doesn't mean you can't help but keel over and weep, especially since it's a song, it's a movie, that's triggering you. You have to be able to see what's triggering you and know that you can turn it off and not be a puppet to random triggers. We're not talking about you just threw dirt on your brother's lowered casket. We're not talking about your mom's in a hospital room unconscious all tied up in tubes and dying. We're talking about being emotionally triggered from a flick. From a lyric being sung. A couple of words being tossed around.
Can you imagine some radio station plays Unchained Melody in the middle of the workday and suddenly, in work places and in traffic all over the listening area, men are choking up and can't go on with whatever task they're engaged in at the moment?
9/11's been cited as an example... You know, it's different if a jet is crashing into the World Trade Center at the moment and you're getting choked up and are immobilized. But a song about lost love?
Yet consider this: Even when jets were crashing into buildings - and not on film but in real life - amid the explosions and fires and panic and death and chaos and confusion, there were men and women who responded to the challenge of the task at hand - despite the emotions they were feeling at the moment. And you're going to ask if choking up while playing some song means you're weak? | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:25:04 AM | I think it's an indication that these two people may not be emotionally compatible. Really it's just as simple as that. Where/why/when someone is moved to tears is more or less irrelevant, what is is that your partner should be understanding and caring when you do express something that affects you emotionally, whether it's a pet dying or a scene in a movie.
I think that emotional compatability may be more overlooked and it certainly is as important as any other level of compatability. Not as easy to discover, perhaps, but would definitely affect a relationship or potential relationship. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:27:22 AM | By your logic, the absolute definition of keeping emotions under control would have been exhibited by the guys who flew the planes into the buildings. They did it devoid of emotion as they committed suicide. And multiple murders.
Robots are cyborgs are free from emotion. People are not.
<div class="quote">We're not talking about you just threw dirt on your brother's lowered casket. We're not talking about your mom's in a hospital room unconscious all tied up in tubes and dying.
That statement implies that you have given yourself control over what should touch someone and what should not. My mother died in her sleep. Peacefully. Quietly. After she had done everything she wanted to do in her 79 years. Most of it twice. Should the tubes change the reaction? She's no less dead....
Take a few more psych classes before you attempt to define me, ok? | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:42:33 AM | | not crying during sad movies has nothing to do with me not choosing to cry at them . they just dont make me want to cry . thats just me and the way i am wired . i have never felt the need to cry during a movie ,commercial or sad song. its not choice its who i am . i cry over real tragedie that is going on in my life not something hollywood came up with .if you cry at movies then that is just the way you are and there is nothing wrong with it but i dont do that and there is nothing wrong with it either . i would be very poorly matched with someone who was that different from me . i am a very realistic person , but that doesnt mean i am made of stone. i have done more then my fair share of crying in life over real life tragedies. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 9:42:58 AM | | not crying during sad movies has nothing to do with me not choosing to cry at them . they just dont make me want to cry . thats just me and the way i am wired . i have never felt the need to cry during a movie ,commercial or sad song. its not choice its who i am . i cry over real tragedie that is going on in my life not something hollywood came up with .if you cry at movies then that is just the way you are and there is nothing wrong with it but i dont do that and there is nothing wrong with it either . i would be very poorly matched with someone who was that different from me . i am a very realistic person , but that doesnt mean i am made of stone. i have done more then my fair share of crying in life over real life tragedies.OOPS SORRY DOUBLE POST . NO I AM NOT GOING TO CRY.lmfao. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:06:42 AM | Turned off...freaked out. whatever. The thing is you had certain expectations. She did;nt live up to your expectations, you did'nt get to be the new age sensitive guy and hold hands blubbering in a movie theatre. You did'nt live up to her expectations to be her man in shining armour. You still were only on a second date. You guys are just not a match and dont date each other ever again!.
*Who ever made that comment about the crying native warrior...spare me!. << | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 10:24:18 AM | "On the Edge" i stand corrected if you feel it's needed...i have native friends, and many native clients across ontario, that tell me this is the case...so i just parlayed on what they have told me about thir culture and customs...
maybe it's like people telling tourists there aren't any mosquito's on Manitoulin Island...maybe some people have pulled my leg...
On Topic: I'm surprised this battles still raging here...i agree with lots of posters...they don't seem too compatible...not yet anyway | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 11:50:58 AM | | You need to think about this. If you cried at an emotional scene in a movie and she couldn't take THAT and wants you to be strong for HER all the time....what happens when the really tough stuff in life hits and it hits YOU? The same way this scene in the movie hit you? Is she going to expect you to hide your emotion? You're not going to be able to be honest with her about how you're feeling or what the impact of life is on you on an ongoing basis because she can't handle it. I went out with a guy who couldn't handle being there for me. His philosophy was why burden down two people when you only have to burden down one? Some really tough stuff hit and I was on my own. Her issue is different but same thing .. what happens when you need HER strength (if she has any herself) and support? You're screwed, bud. I would guess you aren't going to be able to rely on her because she NEEDS you to be strong for her. I'd wait to see what she comes back with. If she acknowledges that this is out of whack and you see enough potential here to work it out together, okay. But I'd be really really wary on this one. You're not going to be allowed to be real and be yourself and she has a seriously twisted idea of what inner strength really is. You sound like you want to be very understanding and all of her pain ... but you want to think really hard if this person is the one who deserves those sort of energies from you. Good luck with this. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 12:49:46 PM | | she probably has been misjudging you. I came off once being all**** and conceited then became all sensitive and nice. She was like your all sensitive thats pathetic. I laughed bc I am basically every personality. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 1:02:00 PM | | Based on her reaction when you confronted her, and explained your position, I think she has something going on in her life...her strong reaction says that too. Give her some time to talk about it, sounds like she needs to talk about it... | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 2:20:15 PM | @creativguy, post 131, et. al.
yes...you get it, that's my point
@eastside, you didn't get my point. and comparing the suicide bombers lack of emotion to my point of not blubbering on a first date in front of a stranger??...WOW, you should be a politician...talk about comparing apples and oranges to try and win a point.
all i have said is that the woman is entitled to be put off by a man crying in front of her on a first date...and i ALSO said he is entitled to be put off by her response at not appreciating his sensitivity. it's just a matter of finding someone compatible, and obviously they aren't. the poster of the thread wanted peoples/womens ops on it, and i gave an honest one. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 2:40:16 PM | y'all, i just gotta say, this thread has just gotten stupid. i cannot believe there are women actually agreeing with this rude woman's response to the OP, who actually feel that for a man to cry at a film is somehow wrong or unattractive. you know, i find myself for the first time EVER actually feeling tempted to say: "no wonder you're all still single."
sheesh!
east side eddie: wonderful posts!! :-) | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 4:46:09 PM | | the problem with any thread about an experience someone had with another person is we only see one side of the story . we dont know anything for certain.i dont necessarily agree with how she reacted . if it was me i would of started teasing him unmercifully . yeah yeah i know i am sooooooo mean . not everyone in the world is the same and it would be a pretty boring place if it was. no matter what went on between these two its clear they were not very well matched so its better each of them just get over it instead of trying to force each other to be something different. | |
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| I cried during a sad scene - and she freaked!
Posted: 4/8/2007 6:58:29 PM | I think any woman who thinks a guy being able to express his emotions is a bad thing... needs a swift kick in the bottom. My ex was quite the opposite, sort of an emotional desert. Maybe she's like him? I dunno, if it was me I'd steer clear, you shouldn't have to explain having normal human emotion.  | |
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