| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/4/2007 8:05:50 PM |
I still don't understand the "has it worked on you" part.
Has anyone ever come to you and said something like: "We've known each other for a long time now and I've grown to admire you in so many ways that I would like to go on some dates and see if some chemistry develops." and you responded positively. Not what you think or claim you would do. Has it ever actually happened with you?
I'm seeing a lot of dancing around the edges going on here from the women...which means NO, it has never worked on any of you. | |
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Kengne
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Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 27 | |
| such a general question
Posted: 4/4/2007 8:09:44 PM | sometimes it works... when the other person has NO IDEA of your feelings.
but i guess 'success' is only measured by whether or not the other person reciprocates your feelings so no, it does NOT always work.
either way better to put urself out there, than be shy and maybe lose out on the best thing ever to happen to you...
good luck!
K. | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 28 | |
| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/4/2007 8:55:50 PM | Well, my opinion is that if you like someone in a way you would romantically be involved with this person then It's better knowing how she feels than wondering for years what might have been...
So if you like this person so much wouldn't you rather know what she feels about you then wondering the next 10 years if she did?
For me that's something I live by, cause I just hate to be wondering all this time.. If it worked for me well I don't know. Way back (20 years) I had a dancing mate (ballroom) I had an absolute crush on, and she probably had one on me (given all the signs). But I just didn't have the balls then to tell her what I felt like.. To this day I still wonder what would have happend if I just stepped up to the plate and told her... And this is the reason why I would tell someone how i'd feel not knowing how she'd feel about me.. Am done wondering... !!! | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/4/2007 9:02:44 PM | | A lot of men I know, settle for less than thay feel feel they deserve. I've noticed that most of these men are in their 50's and cite women as aweakness. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/4/2007 10:27:05 PM | It seems to me that if there even had to be a conversation about it in the first place (where the friend responded "just tell her/him how you feel") there was already doubt (you were feeling/sensing reluctance on the other's part) about the relationship.
So just telling her/him how you feel just accelerates the inevitable end of that relationship because it causes that person to have to make a decision right then and there. They're put on the spot.
If the relationship is "right," having to "just tell her/him how you feel" never even comes up. It just flows naturally. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/4/2007 11:10:05 PM | Weirder things have happened, but in general...... NO!!!!!!!!!! IT NEVER WORKS TO "TELL A WOMAN HOW YOU FEEL"!!!!!!!!
What works is SHOWING a woman how you feel with actions. Leave those "feelings" and whatever until AFTER you are sure she is interested in you. Instead of telling her something, take her out, kiss her, act like a man, etc. Anyone who tells you that telling her how you feel works is an exception to the rule. Actions are much more powerful than words. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:18:21 AM | | Yes it has worked. But OP - its all in the timing. That is I have been at the stage where I wanted to hear it. If I I didnt want to hear it it would too soon and make things uncomfortable- Eg if he told me how he felt too soon, say after only a couple of dates,. But thats just me. Good timing is impossible to define sometimes because all couples, dating or otherwise are different. I guess ideally it would be when you "sense" the other person is ready for a "feelings" talk. Now as to when that might be too hard to figure out, my only suggestion is ask them first. Say do you think we are ready for a talk as to where we are at? If she says yes, then tell her how you are feeling, if she wants to wait a bit longer, then leave it...Thats just a rough guideline I've used and it worked. In my case I asked, the guy was vague-ish so I dropped the subject. He ended bringing it up himself a few weeks later and we were both ready and it worked out fine | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/5/2007 6:18:26 AM | Has anyone ever come to you and said something like: "We've known each other for a long time now and I've grown to admire you in so many ways that I would like to go on some dates and see if some chemistry develops." and you responded positively. Not what you think or claim you would do. Has it ever actually happened with you?
Thanks for clarifying exactly what your question was regarding. Now I can answer truthfully, and promise not to dance 
I have never been in a situation when a man I've known for a long time has told me he's come to admire me and would like to try dating to see if some chemistry develops.
Therefore, I'm not qualified to answer your question of whether or not it "worked".
Edit: Ooo, that doesn't sound so good, does it? Let me take back the "won't dance" part and add that I've been single for three years, two of those spent in school where the mean age was 20. I'm now working in an environment where there are (to my knowledge) no single men in my age range. Makes it kinda hard to meet somebody and establish a longterm friendship so that some guy could ask me that question. Okay, I'll stop dancing now! | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 4/5/2007 6:30:29 AM | I tend to agree with the post that said if you're feeling a need to say something then the feelings probably are not mutual. If the feelings WERE mutual, there would be no need to bring it up! Things would be flowing and she would be trying to get closer to you. It would be obvious to you and you wouldn't feel the need to wonder about it or ask for advice. Eventually the attraction would be undeniable and you couldn't stop it.
Why don't you consider just naturally spending more time with her. Flirt with her more. But don't tell her you want anything. Don't start a "conversation." Just kick up the charm a few notches and if she's responsive then you know it has potential. If she starts backing off or not making time for you, then you should just fade away and pursue something else.
Of course a lot of men I've come across can't control their urge to say something prematurely rather than be patient and finesse the whole thing. Those impatient, unsure men are the ones most women typically don't develop an attraction for. The ones who are smooth and charming and reel women in slowly are the ones they want.
What I'm saying is WORK FOR IT! See her more, use your charm more, and have the confidence to let something develop slowly. Don't reek of desperation or she'll sense it and won't develop an attraction for you. Maybe consider spending time with other women, too. It will boost your confidence and will possibly increase her curiosity about you. A very good thing if you want to win her over! | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:18:10 PM | no
no one has ever said something like that to me or taken that approach
and if they did....it wouldn't work
you are actually insulting the person. you are saying: i didn't really like you for a very long time...but you've kinda grown on me and are actually a respectable person. well...i'd like to take you out and see if i can persuade you to sleep with me....how does that sound?
this is sooooo repulsive.
keep it simple and just ask her out....you don't have to give an explanatory prologue. but probably if you didn't like her or respect her and have changed your mind....and you still don't feel the chemistry...well...let's just say....you're not sincerely and genuinely attracted to her. why torture each other? | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:26:46 PM | Like someone above me said, "it only works when she is interested back". Period. If you tell her how you feel and she freaks out or jets, all it means is that she only considered you a "friend" or something along those lines. It may sting but look at the bright side: you have just saved yourself a lot of wasted time. You can start moving on.
The way I see it, you can't go wrong with telling her because if she is emotionally stable and reciprocates your feelings, she will respond in kind. If she is emotionally unstable, she will freak out and you are better off without her. If she doesn't feel the same way then why waste your time? | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:29:14 PM | LOL, Telling her how you feel can only work when what you are telling her is what she wants to hear. If telling her what you feel is a conflict to her then you have a problem.
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 12:27:05 AM | you need to tell this kind of thing face to face for starters!
and, pick the right moment!
it's not enough to tell someone how you feel, you have to show them too, words are too easy. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 1:03:00 AM | | I don't think it does. In my experience when people (guys) have asked me to tell them the truth about how I feel and I tell them. Well, they don't like what I said and drop me as a friend. So it is kind of frustrating when I am asked what do I think or feel about something and I have to think, ' do they really want to know what I think?' or do they just want me to agree with them or tell them they are wonderful? So, I'm not sure, but I try to be as honest as possible when asked. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 3:54:07 AM | Communication is a good thing...whether you're a man or a woman | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 4:41:10 AM | Only from the guy I wanted to receive it from. That's the key. It's bothersome from anyone else.
Telling her how you feel needs to include how this statement will involve her. Saying, "you mean the world to me" does not suffice. It should also inculde, "Let's build a life together" and " I want you to be able to count on me". Telling her what this would mean to her gives it the extra flair and differentiates you from the pack. Women like to picture "where things will go from here".
Players use the same phrases/statements all the time to get a piece of the action without there being any intent for continuity. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:24:31 AM | The only problem is that it has NEVER worked for me. Not once.
Don't be a dumb a$$. If it has never worked for you then you have your answer. Keep your own council and select your own decisions.
If it is something you want to start up with someone then just interact with her. Keep your mouth shut about feelings.
If it's an ongoing interaction then let her ask you. Tell her what you want without turning into the jello man. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:35:17 AM | Seems to me ur love is unrequanted
Some day when u say the TRUTH which is all that matters and is what u have been doing that woman will be WAITING for u to say that to her and her heart will swell til then let em come and let em go
kathi
ps gotta kiss alotta frogs | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:40:44 AM | | It worked for me with the last person I was serious with. It lasted 4 years.... I say go for it... never know, might be the one. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:48:51 AM | | I have and it does work..just in any of my situations it has been me doing the telling..and never been told till after we decided to call it quits..then w/o fail later I see them or get a call and then it all comes out...Usually by then I have No interest left for someone that runs away.. | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:49:54 AM | ROFLMAO! @ jumbo shrimp
  
OP - sometimes you can say a lot more when you say nothing at all - your "consistent" actions and behavior can usually get you to the point where verbalizing it is a whole lot easier. And it gives you a lot better idea of how she's feeling about YOU before you say anything you might regret. | |
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zsuzs
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Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 47 | |
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| Does this EVER work?
Posted: 8/3/2007 8:32:10 AM | | Well if you tell them how you feel, and they don't feel the same.....At least you can move on and you won't feel like too much time has been wasted. I figure be honest about everything, but careful too. If you confess your love after only a couple of days of knowing her/him you probably won't see them again. There is definitely a time and place to do that. | |
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