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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 10:27:59 PM | dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb.
My longest relationship is only ten months, but I can go ahead and tell you that if you take her back unconditionally, she won't try for you at all just like she hasn't been for you up until recently.
Keep her at a distance for a while, see how she acts after some time passes, then go from there.
Personally, I'd hate the woman for eternity for cheating and dating other people when you wanted to work it out. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 10:28:04 PM | Marriage is a very personal thing...first of all if you are on here asking.. should you take here back... letting everybody know what she has done.. this is just a road to hell and will never work.. the trust has gone.. you don't say why she did it.. or why you are trying to take the child.. or what you did to make her go off into the arms of another man..i suppose you were an absolute perfect husband..... bit fishy  | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 10:31:09 PM | Oh Lord, pardon the pun, didn't I see this on a episode of Oprah or was it Desperate Housewives? This sounds like a country song ? and Im giving you the benefit of the doubt here that you are a adult with a modicum of intelligence , but I have to question certain things
1) you're wife kicked you out, after 10 yrs of marriage
2) best friends husband moved in
3) has had numerous boyfriends since you separated
4)she has cheated on you & it sounds like more than one occasion
And you want to take her back? I wonder if its your emotions acting with out the benefit of intellect, its nice and touching you want to forgive her and live in Shangrilah together and live the Leave it to beaver type of family situation , but if you truly believe she's going to change, I like to sell you some land in the North Pole beside Santa Claus , you can get dirt cheap bud.
If you want some advice RUN FOREST RUN, and make sure the door hits your a$$ on the way out and leave a mark. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 10:48:10 PM | Well, this is my first post, but I felt compelled. All I can say after reading the last post is... WOW.
A few comments to Patricia:
First, you challenge him to tell us "why she did it". I guess I didn't know there was a justifiable reason to cheat - maybe you can tell what some good reasons would be?
Second, no one MAKES a person "go off into the arms of another". Think about what you just said. Could you "force" your significant other to cheat? Tell me how?
Third, ready2dateagain did not say he was "trying to take the child" - he said he was fighting for 50% (read: joint / equal) custody, like any good parent would want. READ HIS POST!
Last, I doubt ready2dateagain thinks he's a perfect husband... in fact, as someone who has been cheated on, I am confident he's asked himself "what's wrong with me?" many, many times. Egos are rarely "puffed up" when someone has been slapped in the face. What could possibly compel you to take the infidels side?
OK, enough time and energy spent on that...
Just a quick piece of advice to ready2dateagain: most of it has been said, but I would just say that, if you're not ready to divorce quite yet, don't. But that doesn't mean you should just "take her back" either. Maybe your separation can now take a different turn - one in which you can assess your wife's heart and soul in a neutral, balanced atmosphere. Returning to living together (with your wife AND most importantly daughter) probably isn't a great idea unless you both are SURE - now that your daughter is used to the two of you being separate I wouldn't tease her with a reconciliation unless you both truly believe it's permanent.
Steve | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/4/2007 11:49:34 PM | HELL NO! WELL I HAVE BEEN THE ONE WHO WAS LEFT AND IT DOESN'T FEEL GOOD..AND WHO GOES OUT WITH THEIR BEST FRIENDS HUSBAND? I'LL TELL YOU THAT'S WHO0 AND YOU HAVE A LITTLE GIRL AND MY KIDS NEVER WANTED ME TO GO BACK WITH THEIR DAD. THAT RELATIONSHIP DIED AND HE WAS LEFT ALONE AND HE IS STILL SUFFERING. "YOU REAP WHAT U SOW,SO SHALL YOU REAP" MY GRANNY'S WORDS  YOU SHOULD REALLY FIND A NICE CHRISTIAN LADY AND GIVE HER YOUR LOVE AND ATTENTION ALONG WITH SHOWING YOUR DAUGHTER THAT "WHEN YOU LIVE BY THE SWORD YOU DIE BY THE SWORD" SORRY BEEN CHEATED ON TOO MANY TIMES AND A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES IT'S SPOTS.......RUN AND HAVE A COUPLE NO MAYBE THEN YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER HER NAME.LOL LOVE CAN'T HOLD SOMETHING TOGETHER WHEN ONLY ONE IS IN LOVE....LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR DAUGHTER AND MOVE ON i...I PROMISE GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU...THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON....DO KEEP US INFORMED....JULIET  | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:01:47 AM |
Just a quick piece of advice to ready2dateagain: most of it has been said, but I would just say that, if you're not ready to divorce quite yet, don't. But that doesn't mean you should just "take her back" either. Maybe your separation can now take a different turn - one in which you can assess your wife's heart and soul in a neutral, balanced atmosphere. Returning to living together (with your wife AND most importantly daughter) probably isn't a great idea unless you both are SURE - now that your daughter is used to the two of you being separate I wouldn't tease her with a reconciliation unless you both truly believe it's permanent. Very good post sir steve!!!  | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:12:57 AM | I'm curious is she is only wanting to be back with you out of fear of losing her child.
Ask yourself, What reason do I have to think she won't wind up with another man. Also ask, Why has she changed her mind.
You can forgive her and still divorce her btw. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:30:47 AM | You know...what you are going through, only you can make that call. Each one of us has his or her own story on things with there marriages. Myself...after my wife pulled on me...NEVER...! I do not care if she gets down on her hands and knees and begs and promises the world to me and crys her heart out over it....ITS OVER..! Now do not take me as a cold hearted person...for I am not that at all...! In fact I am very warm hearted and very loving by nature. However...based on what my wife did and how she did it and the other dirty under handed things she did...all of which where by design meant to cut to the bone and by design made to be as hurtful as they can be made to be. In my case....NOT A HOPE IN HELL....I will not take my EX back..even if she would be the last female to walk the face of this earth.... If you would only know what my marriage was like, you would be shocked....REALLY...! It makes a Jerry Springer show look like a walk in the park....ya...that tame...OK..!
So in closing....only you can make that call...you have to see whats in your heart. I know what is in mine...and its not ICE... But I can NOT and will NEVER be able to trust my EX ever again....so on those ground....I will NEVER get back together with her..... End Of Story... | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/5/2007 12:36:12 AM | Hey guy, you just have to go on your gut feeling on this one. But I will say if your wife is not one w/ you in your endeavor to pursue a religious life then you are dragging an anchor. So what you have to do is assess your past and use that as a guideline, that is if she is going to stay the same. Its a know the tree by the fruit thing, ya get me? It's really hard to give something up after 10 years, but what is your life and your daughters life going to amount to when you have someone who you cant trust, who doesn't give like a truly called person would. And if your wife starts dragging bottom again after you take her back? what will that do to you and your daughters dream of this Ministry and your life? It could only be a matter of time when your wife decides to obliterate both your lives again. I'm sorry but I don't have any tolerance for cheaters......none. Good luck dude, hope you make the correct decision.
Maybe you can get her to make a decision, If ya know what I mean
Father O'Timothy | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/5/2007 8:21:57 AM | Should you take her back - No
You found God - you started a ministry -
this is teaching you to forgive and forget- right-
Well -
lets see here - lets look at this purely as non religious - okay-
She kicked you out - she proceded to break your marriage vows
she cheated on you with another womans husband-
If she stops the divorce - I suggest you start it again - will she give
you 100% - she didnt the first time-
Dont give me the people change crap - yeah they do - but why do they
have to do something and then change - why could she not be the 100%
person she promised to be in the first place-
You - concentrate on your ministry and getting out of this marriage- | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/5/2007 10:02:29 AM | I feel there are some other things that come in to play here and you should be asking yourself. Really stop and think about these things.
First and foremost, do you love her?
Now, do you believe she loves you and can be faithful to you?
When you are together, are you capable of being happy together? What traits do you bring out in each other? and , more importantly since you are in a ministry, how does her relationship with you effect your relationship with God? Will it effect it at all? Can she help you or will she discourage you?
Do you bring out in each other good things?
As for her leaving you and moving in with another man? We all slip and fail. None of us know what she was going through. Only you can decide if the results have effected you long term. One thing to consider is did she act on her feelings toward this other man before she left you? In other words, did she cheat on you before you seperated?
If you can patch it up, it's a grand thing so long as she will not be leading you into a destructive lifestyle for either of you. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/6/2007 2:04:09 PM | | Sometime the known is easier to face .... than the unknown... it is hard to start over...to let go.. and to come to terms... that a certain part of ones life is over.....it is much easier to believe .. that maybe . you should forgive the person.. give them another chance... whether it be for religious beliefs or for having that sense of family....maybe even for genuinely wanting it to work.....i suppose some do get through it ...and even have a better marriage... but on the whole... it usually still ends up falling apart.....not that a one night stand is excusable... because its not... but she did not have that.... she moved in with him....with no regards for her marriage or vows takem..... is she genuinely sorry.... who knows.... or maybe. she has realized that the man.. she had .. is not what she thought....forgiveness of course is a choice...and a decision that needs to be thought about long and hard.... good luck to you ... | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/6/2007 2:56:56 PM | OP.
Would you truely ever be able to trust her again?
Not worry that she would do this to you again?
That would require forgiveness and also forgetting.
Because to remember this , and what she did, day after day,
the relationship would not stand a chance.
Like others said, if you are not sure about the divorce, dont get it now.
Take the time , to get to know her again, and see if she realy has
"seen the light" and wants to have a commited loving marriage with you.
Also as another poster said, it would be best for your daughter if you and
your wife did this from separate residences. Dont cofuse the poor thing further
than she already will be, by this.
If you both do want a good marriage again, and decide to one day reunite,
maybe for all concerned you would want to have another ceremony , renewing
the vows , that she once broke.
A symbol of a new beginning.
But that ofcourse is after you have given yourself a chance to see if you can get
past it, and also a chance to see if she realy is a changed woman.
Good luck,
I also understand, your desire to fix this, but......I couldnt do it.
I think it is not going to be an easy thing , if you choose to try. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/6/2007 3:54:53 PM | You asked:
"Should I take my wife back if she stops the divorce?" Answer: Unless you trust her totally...no. Remember this: The same person has the same head. It does not change. You could cut her head off and put it on another person's body, and she would still be the same person. She has defouled the marriage bed. Has she asked God and you to forgive her? You know this, being a minister, that she MUST do these things BEFORE you allow her back into your life as your wife. Please consider some serious thought to this. It is not to be taken lightly when you are a man of the cloth. A lot is at stake here. As someone else posted, please step back and look at this before you make a decision. Although most of us would say no...dont take her back, I suggest YOU make your OWN decision on this one. I think you already know the answer. Dont be blind to what is obvious and plainly seen by your eyes. Use your wisdom!
Best of wishes to you, and good luck! | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/6/2007 6:18:55 PM | The million dollar question is 'do you still love your wife, and could you LIVE with what she has done?' It sounds to me that your wife wants to get back with you for her own selfish reasons, and from the appearance of her history with men, chances of her cheating AGAIN look pretty damn good.
IMO this marriage has run it's course.
One thing I am concerned about is you being on a dating site declaring you are divorced, yet you are clearly not, and have a ton of unfinished business (drama). Do you think you are doing the right thing by involving another person with your dillema?  | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/6/2007 6:57:13 PM | WHOA!...I overlooked that part about you being on HERE...and you are claiming to be divorced already!...and on here looking too??? OMG...you are SO setting yourself up! Well, well, well....hmmmm...looks like the preacher aint such an angel AFTER all!! Im gonna go see what that profile is saying...I'll be right back! Matter of fact...lets ALL go check this out!!!  | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:44:21 PM | Mimosa,
As a guy, I feel that your idea has merit. My intuitions are with it all the way.
I've had enough dealings with women to know that everyone has their own nature and character. This girl might be a christian, but I know that she has not walked the path of sanctification. This means that she is not a fully mature christian.
It does appear that she may be seeking the cover of her husband because her selfish capers have failed. If I were him, I would want to make sure of a few things.
She committed gross adultery in the most insulting way. He is right to wonder about being treated like dirt. If she had a history of treating him badly before this caper, my decision would be greatly simplified. There would be a divorce and any notion of me sympathyzing with her would be firehosed without fail.
Yes, these may be embers of an old love. The house of love has burned down. Any flaring of the embers must be hosed immediately.
Ken | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 4/9/2007 4:26:34 PM | | Who knows OP, maybe she sees the error of her Godless heathen ways and is making a beeline for the nearest church? The heavenly light has warmed her Lying, cheating, cold dead beating, two time double dealing, mean mistreating heart, PRAISE GOD, she will be free | |
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