| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 6/8/2007 3:08:53 PM | | I believe everybody deserves one , only one second chance. especially if children are in the marriage. but you all must go to counseling. maybe she needs medication. I cant believe how many guys have confided in me since my divorse , about how their wives need medication. alot of hormones going nuts i guess. 1 chance, at least your child will respect that you wanted to try. but you will have alot of work and forgiveness ahead of you. can you handle that? | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 6/8/2007 5:19:36 PM | | First of all - I am not by any stretch of even my imagination any kind of authority on relationships. I can help you wreck them but as far as building one... my history proves that. My heart goes out to you my friend. I was in a similar situation and if she had tried it would have been ok. She didn't want to deal with it and in hindsight her actions were motivated by her need to relieve her own guilt and restore her own image in a few persons eyes - completely self serving (as was the affair). I tried by stepping away to grieve, dealing with the feelings I was having, outside of the relationship. Fighting feelings of mistrust for the greater cause etc etc. Her heart wasn't in it and her behaviours became 'familiar' again. The signs were obvious this time and there were little clues which I couldn't ignore. I prayed hard for resolution and eventually the truth became known and I confronted her on the telephone. She has not talked to me since and I prefer it this way because all that could be said has already been said. Like yourself I am a good guy and deserve respect. There is not a reason why I should not get the respect I deserve. Looking back it was not a small error in judgement for her ... it was huge! One of the biggest with deep and far reaching consequences. I look at my relationships differently now, if someone shows signs of uncertainty, inconsistencies in feelings towards me or a general lack of respect, i'm going to step back. Life is to short too be someones experiment or journey of self discovery. Some try to deny it but if they just get real and admit it things can go in a positive direction. Denying it only sets up a destructive pattern in the relationship and (IMO) its probably doomed in the long run. rather than nice boobs and a pretty face I now look for someone with keen self awareness and a healthy respect for others ( ifind cute in there). Hopefully things will evolve to a better place for you. Anyways, I could go on, and on, and on, and on.... | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:09:57 PM | | once a cheater always a cheater.there will always be three people in that bed.you her and him.wouldnt you wonder if she was thinking about him?there is no 2nd chances when it comes to cheating.thats the ultimate betrayal. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/18/2007 8:07:36 PM |
I wife kick me out 1 week after our 10 year anniversary (2005). Her best friend's Husband move in. He is now divorce. My wife is divorcing me. Since then she has moved couple times, had numberous boyfriends. We are at the last stage of the divorce process, the appeal hearing. I am fighting for 50% custody of my daughter. Now she is thinking about restore the marriage 1 week before the trial. I told her I do forgive her and take her back if she only gives 100%. My daughter and I (mostly her) started a ministry last year. Pretty amazing for a 10 year girl. I do believe and follow God. My wife, my daughter, and I are christians. She tried to be friends 6 montths ago to try to soften me up to sign the divorce papers which I did because I did not agree to the visitation. Should I take my wife back if she stops the divorce, or start dating after the divorce is over. I will truely read you responses. Thank you.
The Christian thing to do is to forgive and save the marriage. I do agree that she must commit 100% to work things out. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:32:57 AM | | I am sorry for what you went through and are still going through. I can relate. It has happened to me too. I threw her out eventualy. While going to a Christian counsuling through the affair and my counsuler said to me to throw her out after several months. I was his Deacon (he was married too) and her affair happened in my first church while they both played in the church band. I could have wrote a book on it. Its now five years after my divorce and she also wanted to come back. Betrayl is a very hard thing and then to trust the other person again thats real hard. We talk and we are not great friends but we are not enemys either. I also forgave her for what she did to us and my kids. My kids are fine, thank God. Its really up to you and how you feel. I am glad you are still in the ministry with your daughter, a big plus. I am not sure if she saw what she did was wrong and she sinncerly misses you! But I feel once a bite of that fruit of lust outside your marriage while married. Your doomed. And to ever really forget what happend, I have never forgotten what happened. I don't dewl on it. But how could you forget? It would never have been the same. I do not know if you had a good marriage to begin with. But it can happen for some to get back together. And it may work if she is really a Christian and God worked on her heart. And if he did, she would always be looking to come back. She wouldn't give up. If she is showing you almost every day that she misses you and not showing anger when she doesn't get her way then she is might be sincere. MIGHT! If she is angry she is only looking for security or has GUILT. Is she still going to counsuling? I took my kids to counsuling too over this. My X still goes to counsuling to this day. She married him and was unhappy for a long time. But now she has to be happy in the bed lays in now. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:54:45 AM | I will never take back a cheater. There is no excuse for cheating.
If you loved me you wouldn't cheat on me. I don't care if kids are involved or not should have thought about that before you cheated. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 10:59:29 AM | I will try to be tactful here. The easiest way to put it is that a cheetah can't change its spots. Most people don't change either. Even though we would like they could change or are trying. They slip back into their old patterns. You didn't mention if there was any conflicts to why she kicked you out a week after your 1oth anniversary. You have to do what is best for you and your daughter. I am sure you can find a Christian women that would love to date you. One that would accept your daughter for her own. You probably should just try to be friends with your wife. As one person said maybe there is a possibility you could remarry her in the future but now just work on rebuilding.
You can read all of these but you know you should honestly pray about this.
BEST OF LUCK. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 11:17:04 AM | ok thats a tough one and I am sure you want to do whats best for all so hers my 2 cents ,,
tell her that you have considered getting back together and hope to do so ,you are asking for reassurance so I feel this is the truth .
yes go through with the devoice as planned ,start clean ,,try being engaged a while ,then re marry her if things are working out .Its not easy to go straight back to wife husband so fast after all thats happened but if you and her are serious ,,try it from scratch . | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 11:39:18 AM | | Eventually your 10 year old daughter will leave home and you will be alone together. Ask yourself is this about your child? If so keep fighting for custody. You don't need to take her back to see your daughter. If she did it once she'll do it again. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 12:59:00 PM | | if she cheated before she will do it again,odviously she is not too much into her faith because she didnt respect the marriage.you know what god thinks of this.whatever was missing for her to cheat how will you ever know she wont do it again.its not fair for your daughter to go through this.you have to ask yourself will this happen again | |
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U-nMe
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Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 86 | |
| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 1:05:31 PM | Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater! christian or non christian...she will do it again ! you know why? she sees you as a door mat. She holds your daughter as her trump card.
At the end of the day you are the only one who has to make this decision ....good luck! | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 1:26:45 PM | The Bible is pretty clear on this, the OT says that if you and your wife divorce, you can't take her back if she has been married to or w/ another man. Paul in the NT does say for you to let her go and take her back if she is a believer, But HE (God) has called you to peace. That was Paul speaking w/ "permission". Take ALL the Scriptures in the Bible concerning divorce and remarriage and put them together, compare the setting, eras and culture of the texts and my money is on NOT taking her back. Don't think God wants you to live in a Hell on earth of her making. That is not to say you shouldn't forgive her, but forgiving her is one thing and letting her back into your life as your wife is quite another.
You could take her back but why would you? There are 3 billion women on this planet, get that, THREE BILLION!!!!!!!! Find another one or stay single if you like. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 2:40:40 PM | FIRST OF ALL...HELLO AND BEST WISHE FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER,,,,,PLESE I HOPE GOD..CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH SOME COMMON SENSE.....GO BACK AND READ YOUR HOLY BOOKS AND REMEMBER HOW IS BEONG A GOOD CHRISTIAN SHOULD BE.......IAN ALL RELIGIONS...FIDELITY IS IMPORTANT IN A MARRIAGE.....STOP BEING SELFISH AND SEE THE DAMAMGE THAT YOUR ACTIONS ARE CAUSING TO YOUR DAUGHTER AND TO YOURSELVES.....YOU WILL FORGIVE YES...BUT YOU WONT FORGET....I THINK YOUR MARRIAGE IS TOO FAR DOWN TO SAVE IT...BETTER START ANEW AND HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER HAVE 2 GOOD PARENTS...PLEASE..ALL OF YOU SEEK A THERAPIST TO HELP YOU MAKE A BETTER LIFE FOR ALL YOU 3 EVEN THOUGH IS APART...YOUR WIFE WILL NOT MAKE A GOOD PARENT FOR YOUR DAUGHTER IF SHE CONINUES TO BE THE PERSON SHE IS NOW...AND YOU CANNOT BE A GOOD PARENT TO YOUR DAUGHTER CAUSE YOU ARE HURTING AND IN PAIN FROM THE ACTIONS OF YOUR WIFE...REMEMBER..YOU WERE A COUPLE..SO..IT IS NOT ALL YOUR WIFES FAULT THE MARRIAGE WENT DOWN THE HILL..IT TOOK BOTH OF YOU TOO REACH THIS POINT....LOOKS LIKE YOU TWO ARE WALKING DIFFERENT PATHS NOW...LET HER GO ON HER WAY....AND YOU.PICK YOURSELF UP..KEEP YOU CHIN UP AND GET RID OF A PERSON THAT IS NO LONGER IN LOVE WITH YOU....AND START A NEW LIFE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.,,,ALL OF YOUR ACTIONS WILL REFLECT ON HER ...BE CAREFUL..BE CAUTIOUS....YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.....AND TOO YOURELF......FIRST GET YOURSELF TOETHER...BE STABLE AND HEALTHY OF ANY BAD FEELINGS,,,STAY HEALTHY ..GO TO WORK...GET INTO SPORTS...GO BACK TO CHURCH...NOT AS A VICTIM OF DIVORCE, BUT A OVERCOMER OF ADVERSITY...IN HAND WITH YOUT DAUGHTER, SO SHE CAN BE PROUD OF A FATHER THAT HAS OVERCOME A BAD SITUATION...AND THEN,,,ANYTHING ELSE WILL FOLLOW....HAVE FAITH IN GOD AND YOURSELF...REMEMBER...DONT BARTER OR DONT BEG, OR DONT MANIPULATE YOUR WIFE INTO ANYTHING....YOU CANT AND WILL NOT FIND LOVE LIKE THAT......LOVE YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE AGAIN....IF YOU NEED MORE ADVICE OR YOU WANT TO TALK FURTHER...EMAIL ME...
TAKE CARE...BE PATIENT...STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.....BE AN ADULT..BE A FATHER FOR YOUR DAUGHTER........TAKE CARE. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 91 | |
| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/19/2007 3:52:33 PM | OP - your name of "ready2dateagain", doesn't make you good dating, much less relating material. Yes, I do hope you forgive her. Doesn't mean you have to "forget" her. As far as taking her back, there's no way either of you can pick up where you left off. You'd have to start all over again. I think if it is in both of your hearts to try to mend fences, start off with counseling. She's going to have to earn your trust again. In the meantime, your daughter doesn't need to know the details, nor should you trash your wife in front of your daughter. What she did to YOU was wrong. However, she is the Mother of your child.
As far as dating, you need to hold off on that for awhile. You need to re-discover who you are, what makes you, YOU! You've been part of a couple for quite awhile. You need to heal yourself, because otherwise, the first few women you do date, will be nothing but Rebound Babes. Not a good thing. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/20/2007 5:03:36 AM | Well, from a wife's perspective....a woman, usually, does not cheat unless
she has a damn good reason to do so. In many cases, like mine, her husband
basicly isn't meeting her emotional and sexual needs anymore. She feels ignored,
undesireable, unwanted, and unloved. That leaves her vulernable to temptation.
Men are masters at telling women what we want to hear, but they usually stop doing that after they get married. Most men and women tend to forget that a good marriage requires both partners to fall in love with each other many times over for it to last.
Courtship, romance, and passion shoouldn't end with "I do" and I am not kidding about that. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/20/2007 6:01:25 AM | | I believe the bible says that only through adultery can you be truly freed from any connection with your wife/husband and in the eyes of God be able to move on and enter into another relationship/marriage (put into layman terms..!) Well my opinion...move on....shes lost..and in time will possibly find her way...but thats not your concern..your daughter is..and if she (wife) has any consideration for her (daughter) well she wouldnt be floundering around in other relationships. Concentrate on your daughters well being...and your own...for that matter..leave your wife in the hands of God....(best place to be..!!) and get on with your own life...!! | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/20/2007 7:40:45 AM |
Well, from a wife's perspective....a woman, usually, does not cheat unless
she has a damn good reason to do so. Been spoon fed feminist Pablum for a while eh? What a load of crap. That's like saying "Oh he must have driven her to shoot him. Therefore put him in jail because its his fault." Your looking for an excuse for your weakness. Why don't you take responsibility for your actions.
If you want to fvck someone else, you could at least put on a bit of courage and leave first. Oh.. I forgot.. you're too weak. | |
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| Take back my cheating wife and restore the marriage???
Posted: 7/20/2007 7:42:02 AM | Exotic Tastes writes: The Christian thing to do is to forgive and save the marriage. I do agree that she must commit 100% to work things out.
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You gotta be kidding me....... YOU CALL THAT A MARRIAGE ? She is no damn good. Her screwing around reflected no thought what so ever concerning him nor what her actions would do to their daughter. None. Nadda. Zip. Zero.
Not to mention he stated that she kicked HIM out of the house and he lacking a spine actually packed his bags and left !!! It comes down to character, morals and values. She has none. Christianity has nothing to do with this. Taking a stand and putting your foot down does.
No disrespect intended....... and what is truly clear here is......If the OP was a man with a spine and his b*lls intact and his wife came home who has been having an affair and told HIM to leave, he would have told HER to LEAVE since she is the one not happy with the living situation. She lost all respect for him which is why she did what she did...... and to be honest...... and again without any disrespect to the OP I can understand why........
Peace | |
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