| Stop, Thief! Arrest that woman, she broke my family!
Posted: 4/19/2007 6:40:11 AM | Hate to tell you...... but you both were aware of consequences! Both of you!
We might hurt someones feelings - Neither of you care!
We might break up a marriage.
We may leave some children permanently traumatised.
We may loose our family home.
We may infect the innoscent wife with an STD.
Youre RANT or adulterisationalistic response :-
"Who cares what the kids think.... I'm NOT a family woman.... who cares if the children are hurt....I wasnt given any of my own...... Who cares if the family breaks down.... I myself haven't got one......, so why should they?"
YOU ARE SELFISH because you are in complete denial over the fact that YOU do THIS to a FAMILY and wonder why you never got one.
You have to earn the right to have a loving partnership and family, and stop stealing from everyone else!
Would you steal a handbag? A car? A childs toy? A dialisis machine?
SCUM, blood sucker, grim reaper visiting death apon the family unit!
RUIN RUIN RUIN.....
I believe that in jealousy, people love to see a better person hurting. You love the fact that you can get claws in the woman who has everything you CAN'T achieve for yourself......
i.e. functional family with house and husband....
You are a termite..... MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH
I think you should apologise for undermining society and annoying me yet again at midnight!!!!!!!
APOLOGISE
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:48:54 PM | Pay no attention to their criticism because they are classifying you as a homewrecker, sinner, and who knows what else.
The main issue here is; "should you tell the wife"? The answer is no.
For all these self-righteous hipocrits, they are not your judge. No one person can look at a situation and be the deciding factor on, " what if or why did he/she cheat", and "what an awful thing to do", they may say? They don't understand the circumstances and really don't care. Some of these same people may be the very ones who flirted with others husband/wives at a bar and didn't know it.
What ever you do, remember that there are others in the same boat. "Him without sin cast the first stone". | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 2:10:41 AM |
Pay no attention to their criticism because they are classifying you as a homewrecker, sinner, and who knows what else.
The main issue here is; "should you tell the wife"? The answer is no.
For all these self-righteous hipocrits, they are not your judge. No one person can look at a situation and be the deciding factor on, " what if or why did he/she cheat", and "what an awful thing to do", they may say? They don't understand the circumstances and really don't care. Some of these same people may be the very ones who flirted with others husband/wives at a bar and didn't know it.
What ever you do, remember that there are others in the same boat. "Him without sin cast the first stone".
Flirting in a bar with someones husband/wife without knowing it is totally different to having a full blown affair with someone who is married and you knowing they are married.
There is NO excuse for having an affair with someone who is attached.
No we don't know the circumstances, but the OP was trying to justify having an affair, trying to wreck a marriage and possibly hurting children.
And why shoouldn't the wife know? If the OP and others like here are prepared to sleep with attached males then who else is she having sex with?
Tell the wife so at least she can get checked for STD's.
It isn't 'Him without sin caste the first stone' but 'those with the ethics and morals of the OP get what they deserve at some point.' ................... as will you 2path..... remember, what goes around, comes around! | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 2:59:35 PM | Kassey, you seem to assume 'running to the wife' is all about revenge. I guess you have never been that cheated wife or you'd realise that it's for her benefit (& children's) to know.
My husband cheated on me for years & I really didn't have a clue. We were sooo happy...every1 was jealous over how smitten he was with me & what a gentleman he was. The sex life was great & HE pushed for the wedding & our daughter!....When I eventually found out what h'ed done I was just so hurt that no1 told me. People (his family/friends) knew & they sat in the church as we took our vows...they let my family scrape together to put towards our happy day. They let us plan a child...who is now in a single parent family. AND not to mention the issue of trusting him regarding unprotected sex!!
You might think ignorance is bliss but that kind of attitude will just encourage men to carry on as they think they can get away with it. Well I think we all deserve better than that. If I can't find a man that's happy with just me then I'd rather be without! | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:26:10 PM |
How many of you have ever tried drugs? ILLEGAL!
How many of you drank under age? ILLEGAL!
Better yet, how many have every stolen something? Anything? ILLEGAL!
Very good questions. This opened my eyes. Allow me to explain. I'll answer by question...
1. How many of you have ever tried drugs? ILLEGAL! I have, I HAVE, and boy have I.
2. How many of you drank under age? ILLEGAL! Same here...sure have yup yup.
3. Better yet, how many have every stolen something? Anything? ILLEGAL! Oh shit...see when I was like 4 I stole a pack of Chicklets from the store, my mom realized what I did and made me take them back...she stayed in the car. I took them back...and they gave me a refund. Get it. I guess I robbed them of like 72 cents and didn't even know it.
Wanna know the **** of this though, I can do all the drugs I want, drink under age and make a mistake when I'm 4....but I'm still not a skeezer who thought it a good idea to break one of the BIG commandments. It does not say "thou shalt not covet thy neighbors weed." DUMMY! So who's got a better chance at getting past Peter at the gate? Uh...duh that'd be me...and I'm bringing the weed with me. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:37:24 PM | Ooli_Oop....? Thank you. I appreciate your genuine character. You're right. I was with someone for 8 years, of which he cheated on me probably 3 out of the 8 years. I sat up until 3 or 4 in the morning waiting for him to stumble home, after working all day to pay "our" bills and take care of "our" son, while he was out drinking every night; spending his money on who knows what. Did anyone? One person? Come tell me that he was cheating on me? Guess how many? Not One! He worked in a billiard lounge that his brother owned.... it appeared to be a running joke, that all the men, married or not, was out to hustle whoever they wanted regardless of whether or not they had a ring on their finger or a girlfriend at home. I was cheated on and cheated on bad. His money was his money; my money was our money. Did I know? Hell, yeah I knew, but no one told me. Did any of the 100's of people that saw him out at the bars whisper a word? Hell no! I'm glad I didn't know who it was; I didn't want to know, but just the same, the signs were there. I knew he was cheating. And, for those that don't think I have children and don't have a clue what this feels like? WRONG! YOU'RE DANG RIGHT I DO! Did I get over it? Yes. Did anyone care that I was home every night taking care of my son while the dad was out drinking? No! Did anyone care that I was a good mother or care about "MY" feelings? Did one person care? You're right! NOT ONE! My sister said, "Kassey, you know he's cheating; that should be enough"? But, is it enough to know he's cheating or do we put blinders on and say? Naw! He wouldn't do that to me! I just got to the point that I held my head up and walked away. We reach a point that we have had enough; it's time to go.
I look back and ask myself? "Would I really have wanted to know who it was" or "Did I want someone to tell me"? No! I didn't. I knew. Did I need validation just to say, "There I knew it"....? No, I didn't. In fact, I used to see his brother out with women; different women. Guess what folks? He was married! Did anyone tell his wife? No. She knew, too. We talked about it. She always felt that she had a roof over her head; her children were taken care of. What he did was his business. She didn't ask questions.
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:52:56 PM | I wasted 8 years of my life with a man that was a cheater.
The love of my life.
Yes I'll admit there were times I felt something was up. I'd question him and he'd say I was nuts, paranoid, possessive and those who accuse are really the guilty ones of cheating because of a guilty cauntience!!!
By the end of the relationship I was a nervous, really insecure mess.
He damn near succeeded into making me nuts.. I would admit I was a basket case. A shell of the woman I was. The woman he met.
He asked me to marry him on my birthday. The very next night, a girlfriend finally couldn't watch me be made a fool of any more.
She called me, picked me up, and sent me into his house to find the truth.
It broke my heart. But the truth as painful as it was, was just that. The truth.
It took many years to get over that. I admit even today I'm never 100% about any man in my life. That insecurity will always be there now. No matter what.
Funny thing about my girlfriends, when I told them they all told me they all knew. When I asked them why didn't you tell me. They all pretty much said the same thing. They didn't think I would believe them. He would lie and manipulate to make me believe him. They figured to shut their mouths and not tell me so they could keep the friendship. They knew he would have persuaded me that they were liars and causing trouble.
Truth was, because I had no proof, I stayed, when I should have left. I was young and didn't understand or know any better. So naive.
Its 15 years later and I can still honestly say: I really really wish someone had told me sooner.
I would have had the proof and conviction of what he was really capable of, this man had convinced and manipulated and lied to me for years to doubt myself and my gut and inner instincts and the psycological damage would not have been so permanently shattering and life long lasting.
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 4:02:03 PM | Kassey--so now we are supposed to feel sorry for you because you were cheated on first, then went out and went with another woman's husband? SHAME ON YOU! | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 4:09:05 PM | I guess what I'm finding so appalling about OPie, is that even admitting that she's been on the other side, she'd do it to another woman. And defend it with evolution, yet.
Where ever we came from, we are human now. Which means we are expected to learn and grow, and be kind to each other. If we can't learn that, there's not much hope for us, is there?
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 4:28:46 PM | Once the ring is on, cheating will cause somebody pain. Why make someone to go through that.
I thought I was a playboy at one time, but I want to tell you it broke my heart to see the other guys faces.
I still, if I saw them today couldn't tell them how out of line and sorry I was, and still am. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/20/2007 11:22:06 PM | Please quit trying to condemn this woman and stick to the question at hand? I haven't even said anything about my life so get off my case madchick.
Should you tell the wife "the answer is no". I would want to know if my husband was cheating on me just so I would have something over on him, that's all. I could care less. I didn't want to sleep with him anyway. Was he a good man? Yes, I suppose he was in his own way, but not to me. Even if I knew he was cheating , he would never tell, most men don't as well as women.
I have no husband because I left the jerk for reasons that were worse than these. I feel if he is cheating, the wife already knows, he's a jerk in other ways. She will find out soon enough. Sometimes people don't want to know.
So is everybody here perfect then? No, nobody is perfect because we all have weakness even though we may be very strong in other things. So please .......get off your high horse and stop putting people down. Everybody is entitled to their own mistakes, like it or not, men and woman alike. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 5:22:40 AM | ^^^^^^^ It's a public forum where the OP asked a question. Everybody... including you... is entitled to respond.... with THEIR opinion. This is a very sensitive subject to MANY.... so YOU get off YOUR high horse and accept that not everybody is going to "care less" about their husbands out d*cking other women!! Not everybody here is cutting down the OP... but everyone IS entitled to their opinion!!
My opinion? There is nothing lower than a man putting his****in another woman and then going home to his partner and pretending life is good. Nothing. But hey.... that's just MY opinion | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 267 | |
| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 5:42:45 AM | I'm a little confused...is the OP asking whether the wife should or should not be told when SHE (the OP) is the one who would be getting exposed? Why would anyone think that YOU, of all people, is going to look out for a woman that you are helping to hurt?
I actually feel sorry for the OP. She is obviously damaged goods.
To justify your using of someone else's husband is, well, ridiculous beyond belief. I think there are probably many of us responding here with hatred because we've BEEN cheated on.
The only victim's here are the wife and any children. YOU, my dear, are not a victim, even though you seem to be looking for that classification.
OP:
I also think that spouses absolutley know; the signs are there; they just ignore them. Is this your way of saying they deserve it?
You look like you've been rode hard and put away wet.
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 6:17:21 AM | While I haven't had to deal with cheating if someone did something to me that hurt me, the last thing I'd want to do is do that to someone else. No matter what it was, I don't stand someone up on a date, I don't not return messages, I don't start talking to someone and suddenly disappear. I guess it is because I do think about and care about how other people feel in regards to the things that I do.
I think that's the biggest thing that most people who post are emphasizing the apparent lack of compassion for another person's feelings, especially when that person has been hurt in the same manner herself. I wonder about that myself, people who lack compassion or empathy just aren't individuals that I care to associate myself with and don't think very much of as a human being.
Mistakes, sure we do make mistakes and sometimes we may inadvertently do something that hurts someone without being aware of it. That's a totally different scenario. But if someone does something to hurt me, I wouldn't think of doing that same thing to someone else that I KNOW would be hurt ful.
I can't understand what someone has to shut off in their brain or their heart to be able to do that. Maybe some people have lost their compassion for their fellow human beings and that's the worst part of the whole situation IMO. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 6:53:17 AM | lol....what the hell is this world comin to?"I had an affair with a married man and I didnt tell the wife cuz she was innocent"???? WTF?When people start affairs with married men/women I wonder if they ever really think of the consequences of that affair.What about the kids that are involved.THEY ARE INNOCENT!"I didnt want to hurt her"..Ummm...Your gettin busy with her HUSBAND,did you think that was going to make her FEEL GOOD?Actions speak louder than words..it's about self control and what is right and wrong.Maybe try fishin for some morals | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 7:44:52 AM |
We all grow from experiences and we learn from those experiences yes we do.
Our personalities, our outlook on life, they ways we decide to treat others are all developed by our experiences.
Most people can take the experiences they have in life, and grow in a possitive direction. Becoming wiser, stronger, more aware of other's feelings, more respectful toward others etc.
Other people, (such as the OP apparently) will change for the worse.
In post 260, she tells us (after 11 pages) that she was hurt by the actions of a cheating husband.
Some women in her situation would become stronger, and more determined to refuse to be hurt by such a man again. Also many of these women, if they honestly felt hurt by these actions would become more aware of the feelings of hurt and heartbteak and would not do this to another innocent victim.
But our OP has since turned into the cheating hussie. With no respect for the wives our children of the men she'd be cheating with.
We do grow and learn from our experiences.
But I think the OP's refused to learn and grow in a possitive direction from hers.
Instead she's likely changed for the worse as a result of her experiences. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:17:03 AM | If you can't live with sexual boredom, then don't make a marital commitment. Shack up.
OP: your rationalizations a ludicrous. Well before it progressed to the "affair" stage, you could have easily backed out. You selfishly chose not to. You were looking out only for yourself. Me, me, me. You got what you deserved.
Let's hopes the hapless wife finds out and then promptly discards her no good husband. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:41:44 AM | | This is my last post on this thread...still cant believe that this chic can rationalize what she did to be ok....all I can say is "what comes around goes around" and it ALWAYS DOES. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 9:07:07 AM | OP, two wrongs don't make a right, sometimes you got to take the high road, hopefully you weren't having sex with your husband while he was picking up chicks at the billiard hall, and the reason why a wife or husband should know if their spouse is cheating is to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases. Because generally when a guy is cheating, he is doing it with a skank likely to be diseased. Same thing is true, the lady is cheating undoubtedly with a cassenova who has had his peter in many holes.
The point of most people making mistakes is a distraction to the issue at hand. Sure we make mistakes but mature responsible adults don't rationalize their mistakes into a cheating manipulative lifestyle. I'm going to reiterate this: if you feel a cheating relationship is something you value highly, you've never been "closer" to any other person than your cheating lover, you're just flushing your self esteem right down the toilet, and your priorities are seriously fucked up. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:03:20 AM | OP, do a google search on the law "Alienation of Affection". This could be of interest to you some day, and if I were you I wouldn't be so vocal about who I'm sleeping with.
Just an FYI... | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:20:24 AM | while I deplore the OP's actions and attitude, I think if we take a look at the original post, she was wanting kudus for "Not telling the wife" as a form of revenge against her former married lover-- some people seem to say they think the wife (1) already knows (2) kinda knows (3) should know or (4) doesn't want to know, or a combination of the above. I have known cheated on wives who felt all the 1-4's. So would I tell a wife if I knew? Depends on the wife & situation. One friend I knew, and didn't tell, "knew" and essentially told me she "sorta knew" and didn't want to KNOW, because then she would have to get a divorce and she didn't want to divorce. Denial let her cope.
Other times I have "told" if I had proof--because I would want to know--STDs etc. and usually folks find out anyway, so sooner is better. It is just a shame that today with divorce obtainable that folks still cheat. I think sometimes "forbidden fruit" is what they are after and variety and risk taking. | |
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