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1john1
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Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 101 | |
| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 6:58:03 PM | my mind has been absolutely blown by this thread. The name-calling, the self-righteousness, the convoluted reasoning, the sheer poor thinking.
I'm sorry to say this...but, this is part of the reason I will probably never
go out with someone uneducated. I can see the emotional, rather than
logical reasoning in so many of the responses. Especially from the men!
I gave REAL world examples along with 2 or 3 other posters...everyone
else rode in on their high-horses with *I* *THINK*....
The stats don't lie. Facts are such a drag aren't they people?
one last comment on a comment that literally sounds like it's coming
from the someone very young.
"Yeah, you were enjoying all those things that (cough cough) his *wife* should have been enjoying... the sex, him buying you flowers (while not paying his electric bills, parking tickets, etc). Justify it all you want, but reality is that *you* were in effect contributing to him neglecting his own family."
She was CONTRIBUTING...bahahhahahahah....that poor powerless man, who
had an affair previous to this woman, who had an affair with this Kassey,
and tried to play her for 15000 bucks, and is now probably onto his next
affair.
This dude is a PRO. But you can't seem to see that.
Everyone I know who is married says the same thing after 10 years.
"I love him/her, she/he's my best friend, but, the passion isn't there anymore."
If a beautiful woman came up to me, introduced herself, and made me
feel really really good, which no one has done for a long long time,
and told me she was in a dead marriage....would I have an affair with her?
You bet.
It's me, or someone else.
And YOU people would do the same. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:22:19 PM | Again, he took you for a ride. Do you actually believe he wasn't having sex with his wife? *ahem* I don't doubt he told YOU he wasn't, but he's a lying, cheating, scumbag, so what is his word worth? He probably seemed like such an honest, caring, loving man... *sniff sniff...wipes her eyes* but while he's being so honest with you *ahem* what do you think he was telling his wife? Uh....let me guess here....LIES? 
Repost when you've walked in the shoes of the unsuspecting wife...I'd be interested in what you have to say then. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:31:45 PM | OP, are you that naive and gullible to believe a guy who cheats on his wife when he tells you that he is not having sex with her? You have got to be kidding me! I suggest you read some of the research out there on affairs. Men don't have affairs just because they aren't getting sex at home. From what I have read, most have a fairly active sex life with their wife.
Everyone I know who is married says the same thing after 10 years.
"I love him/her, she/he's my best friend, but, the passion isn't there anymore."
If a beautiful woman came up to me, introduced herself, and made me
feel really really good, which no one has done for a long long time,
and told me she was in a dead marriage....would I have an affair with her?
You bet.
It's me, or someone else.
And YOU people would do the same.
You call that fact? What a load of BS! You apparently don't know the right married people as I have met countless couples that share passion after many years of marriage.
...and..NO...I would not do the same as I was brought up with what some people call integrity and values. Had plenty an opportunity and never bought the t-shirt | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:37:52 PM |
one last comment on a comment that literally sounds like it's coming
from the someone very young.
Interesting, coming from someone younger than me, who's profile says he's living with his mother, says "I am not a real man, I am weak and don't accept responsibility for any of my actions", and "I HATE thinking." You hate thinking, yet "will probably never go out with someone uneducated"? Interesting concept there. Must be some "logic" there I'm missing, from someone who claims to be so logical.
This dude is a PRO. But you can't seem to see that.
Yes, I *can* see that. Not only is he a "pro" at cheating, he's also a "pro" at being financially unstable it seems. Obviously not too good of a "pro" at scamming money though, or the OP would be out $15K. And yeah, he probably is onto his next victim... I mean, affair.
And YOU people would do the same.
Nope. Dunno why I'd want to be with someone who claims to be in a "dead marriage", and yet stays in it only to cheat. That says a lot about their self-esteem, if your marriage is "dead" then you either work on it or get out of it. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:43:03 PM |
Obviously singleguy64? cough cough.... you're single!
Which means she couldn't possibly be interested in you. (You're single)
She's picky about who's life she destroys. Let's just hope that someday, karma comes around. She gets married and her husband cheats on her. Or, even better, Kassey, let me give you my ex husband's number, he's married again. I divorced him because HE had an affair and contracted herpes. His new wife was his affair and I'm sure he's unhappy with her by now,,, besides,, you know what they say,, Love is Love,,, But Herpes is Forever! | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 7:52:28 PM |
Obviously singleguy64? cough cough.... you're single! Which means she couldn't possibly be interested in you. (You're single)
Except if she read my profile, its "not single/not looking". 
And yes, that does mean "not looking", unlike the OP's married guy.  | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:07:53 PM |
YOU people would do the same.
Nope. I wouldn't. I have had that opportunity and passed on it.
I believe that someone who would help a person cheat will cheat themselves if they are in a relationship. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:18:22 PM | I'm with drg on this one. Nope, I wouldn't. I guess it's the fine line that separates those with moral fiber from those without.
I've seen, personally, what devastating effects an affair has and I would never wish that on anyone. Your pathetic attempts to justify it aren't working on this crowd...sorry.  | |
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1john1
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Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 111 | |
| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:31:49 PM | “I think there are more productive avenues that one could
take to help them feel better about themselves.....like say?? THERAPY”
That’s the best you could come up with as a productive avenue?
Also tell me, what do you know about therapy? And laughing
at your own jokes is on the lame side dude.
“Sorry to disappoint You again, Unlike You I don't just hop on to what ever Woman that spreads Her legs in front of Me”
That’s weird, unless I can’t read, or remember what I wrote, I never said
I would hop onto whatever woman that would spread her legs in front of me.
No need to apologize about disappointing me, your remarks
are too removed from what I wrote to be taken seriously.
“You call that fact? What a load of BS! You apparently don't know the right married people as I have met countless couples that share passion after many years of marriage.”
Where did I use the word ‘Fact’….I said the people I know ( here, I’ll do the predictable
Insult…ummm…let me think…ok”well then, you obviously hang around low lifes
And losers) ok…now that’s out of the way.
Fair enough…I know of successful marriages too, and I also know of successful
partnerships.
So, you say you’ve met countless couples that ‘share passion’ … that’s different from what I said. I said ‘the passion isn’t there anymore’… I’ll go further and specify ‘romantic passion’… ‘sexual passion’…’ not we love doing things together because
We’re best friends passion. If you know people like that, then I really think that’s great.
I also think the 4 year relationship I had with a gf was great, a 6 month relationship
was great, a one night stand I had was great too. Connection is what I think we all
crave, it is a necessity, and if you’re not being fed, well….you know the rest.
“what some people call integrity and values. Had plenty an opportunity and never bought the t-shirt”
Yes, the operative word being ‘some’ people. Not at all meaning very few, or many,
just a subgroup who have designed a set a values that I do not subscribe too in the
scenario painted above. Whether a partnership, or boyfriend, or marriage, it’s all
the same, if a women says too me….”it’s dead, he knows it, I know it, we don’t
even have sex anymore and I like you”…..dude…we’re all going to be 6 feet
underground maybe tomorrow, maybe in 10 years, and maximum 30 years.
DEAD. No longer exist. Guess what, I’m going to take the offer. * shrug*
“Interesting, coming from someone younger than me, who's profile says he's living with his mother, says "I am not a real man, I am weak and don't accept responsibility for any of my actions", and "I HATE thinking." You hate thinking, yet "will probably never go out with someone uneducated"? Interesting concept there. Must be some "logic" there I'm missing, from someone who claims to be so logical.”
LOL….you just made my day.
Ok, let's agree to disagree. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:33:40 PM | I cannot believe the logic a few (very few thank good ness) people are using to justify the cheating!!!  My gawd, I had sex with my mate everyday for eight and a half years. In that time we went without for one week twice in that time and that was because it was medically mandated.......I also wasn't the one initiating it all the time either, he was just as active as a participant!
There are many ways to keep the relationship hot and if it isn't doing it for you then you move on to something "better", but you do not risk hurting someone who has put in the time and effort into the relationship. Oh yeah, and is still being faithful.
When I found out my ex was cheating, I was almost more hurt by the outright lies he was telling her than by the act itself. What a joke, geezus he made me out to be the biggest b:tch the history of mankind would ever want to meet!!! I mean face it for gawd sakes! A guy trolling for a mistress on the side is not going to say to the prospective woman "You know what? I cannot tell a lie, my wife is good to me, kind and loyal, and we are still actively having sex that gets me off everytime, I am just an immature man who is trying to re-assert my manliness by sowing my wild oats for awhile! You IN?"
PUH-LEEEEZE  | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:38:07 PM | I agree with you.. I have been there myself.. and the pain stays with you along time..
from being the wife that was cheated on.. I can say I knew.. I saw the signs and when I had enough information I confronted him. and he did not deny it.. Just said it meant nothing.. LOL so I guess our marriage of 16 years meant nothing as well.. You dont have to tell the wife.. she knows.. if she cares at all.. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:41:26 PM | get your head out of your a$$!!! with theses days of STD's, Aids, herpies etc.. why in the hell would contribute to it?
Sure HE has to deal with cheating on his wife, his vows, his marriage.. so should you! you KNEW about the wife,, bad karma is coming your way.
If I ever had a relationship with someone then found out that they were married. (cos I would never enter one WHILE he was married) I would most certainly tell the wife.... nothing to do with him, or getting revenge... for her own sexual health if not for anything else!
the wife is not innocent.. sure in the sense of not knowing her husband is cheating... but she is unknowingly sleeping with a man who's putting her health at risk, and the future of their family due to all consequences from his actions and yours!
maybe you were having safe sex.. but who's to say he was with others?
How would you feel? wouldnt you want someone to tell you that your husband doesnt respect you enough to be faithful...
as far as us "non cheaters" not knowing, yes you can not control who you fall in love with but we are a species that can choose to be morally right. The fact that you know right from wrong and chose to ignore it..... doesn't say alot for you.
I'm sure you're a lovely women aside from this... but you are no more angelic than him because you were in love!
Then we wonder why the divorce rate is going up and more people are choosing to be single. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:45:00 PM | Goodness! And to think that I felt guilty for sharing a quick peck on the lips with my married male best friend of 10 years! (Just as a good bye when he and his wife moved overseas - and I still felt guilt for his being married for just a little peck!) All this rationalizing of adultery! There is a better course than finding a mistress: It is called couples' counseling.
I have not read all of the pages, but the term "Home Wrecker" comes to mind (as well as a few others which would be censored.) Marriage is a sacred bond between two people, and a sworn oath (whether in front of God, or a magistrate.) My opinion would be different if it was an open relationship he had with his wife and she knew all along, but that she thought her man was being faithful, and he was sneaking about behind her back is terrible. You should feel ashamed for your part in deceit, not asking for applause because you did not give the woman the heads up that she was married to a cheating, lying SOB.
Whether or not you contacted her has nothing to do with being noble and Lady like. Being a lady would have been leaving the temptation as soon as you discovered that he was taken. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 8:45:36 PM | laugh:
ok....and you know she wasnt having sex with him how often?? did you call her for her scheduled days to put out?
but your profile says so much,...you want a guy who is honest?? i bet if you ask his wife..he was truly honest with her and his side m trips.
cant forget your treatment statement!! oops or even the pride you have in being yourself and who you are. we wont even put a name to it..since others have already posted them as i did. takes alot of gutter pride to bed down with another attached person and brag over it yet!!! | |
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MISS13
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Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 117 | |
| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:12:27 PM | No need to apologize about disappointing me, your remarks
are too removed from what I wrote to be taken seriously.
They were serious enough for you to specifically comment on them....
(I laugh at my own jokes too)
If a beautiful woman came up to me, introduced herself, and made me
feel really really good, which no one has done for a long long time,
and told me she was in a dead marriage....would I have an affair with her?
You bet.
It's me, or someone else.
the secret is---you should feel good about yourself....you shouldn't be getting your self- worth from lonely women in messed up marriages.....I also think therapy would be the better way to go. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 9:17:55 PM | its nice to know that people like you OP want to make the world a better place.... what about married with kids.... do you care about wrecking that home too....  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:04:20 PM | Any woman that dates or fools around with a married man and she knows he is married- is a slut, tramp and somewhat mentally ill. Of course married men shouldn't cheat if they have a good, faithful woman, but sometimes men are stupid so the other woman should say " No you are married- go home to your wife and family - you **stard"
All this cheating, alcohol and drugs just creates too many problems. It hurts too many familes and kids. Its all a big mess. If you want to f-around and party stay single and don't have kids! | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:13:39 PM | I always find this topic very interesting because people just go sideways talking about it. I think it should be listed up there with religion and politics for topics to never discuss if you want to stay civil.
I don't know what situation would occur that would cause me to be unfaithful to a mate, but the reality is I DON'T KNOW. I have the ability to admit that, because I haven't been faced with it. Everyone has experienced flirting with others while you are in a relationship but if one is smart they shut that down before it can go any further. What would happen if I fell in love with a married man? I just don't know. I would like to think I would take the high road, but again, until I am faced with that situation I won't know. And frankly no one does, until they are faced with it.
My grandmother told me once to not say never because it was both ignorant and daring fate. There is wisdom there. How many of us have sworn, "I'd NEVER..." only to find some time later that we in fact did. No one really knows what is going on in a marriage. Are there ever times when infidelty would be justifiable? Perhaps one partner is permanently disabled and unable to engage is sexual activity. Perhaps there is an understanding. Is one of the partners ill and the other staying in the marriage to provide health coverage? I've seen both of those situations, and I would not judge any of the people in those relationships. It's not my road to walk, so I'm not going to presume what the behavior should be. I've also seen the guys and gals that will bang anything that moves because it's how they fill themselves. I think that is a pretty sorry state of affairs. What about emotional affairs, where no sex has taken place, but you are taking time and energy to another person that you should be investing in your mate? It starts getting real fuzzy.
Biologically men and women are different. That's a fact, no getting around it. I don't believe that implies that men are incapable or unwilling to be faithful. It's a stereotype, just like the poor little woman slaving away at home while the hubby is "working late." Trust but verify!!! Hello!
I always find it interesting that people get so much energy behind a topic that they really don't stop to think about what they are spouting. Defensive posture is always the sign of a lack of true self knowledge. The topic itself is one that illustrates how repressed Americans tend to be, because they can't even discuss it without name calling and spouting moralities. My .02 worth.
A hui hou! | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 10:27:40 PM | Re msg 125. It is entirely different if it is an open relationship. If one partner cannot do the deed I would hope such would be discussed. Infidelity is not excusable. If you are lying to your partner there are deep issues. If it is out in the open and the other partner is aware it is not deceit.
If ever I even get a crush outside of my relationship I tell my partner about it - and he to me. It helps us bond and be closer. We question "what does this person have that I feel I need or is missing from our relationship?" That has strengthened every moment of our relationship because we discuss it before it becomes an act to hurt the other. Yes, it does cause the odd fight, especially if I feel inadequate in some way, but it is much better out in the open. And guess what? These attractions fade once we have worked out what we need in our relationship and make the necessary adjustments.
No need to cheat. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:11:04 PM | Marriage = Exchanging vows
Vows = Give your word
Your word = Honor
Honor = Respect
Respect = for better or worst!
There is a well known poem (I don’t recall the author):
“If it were not for MY HONOR, I could not love you so!”
So according to OP’s stats . . . . we don’t have much people with HONOR in our society!!!!!!!
Life is very simple . . . your sexual needs versus your current relationship? If your sexual needs/lust are "A" stronger, driving force and you cannot control it . . . . go for it!!! But the other person should be freed BEFORE you dwell in your needs.
Now this B.S. about IT JUST HAPPENS! B.S!!!!! We are not animals that we just give into our instincts, feelings, emotions!!!! YES, it is easier to go with feelings!!!!
Feelings, emotions, lust, desires are very POWERFUL!!!! Anyone . . . and I mean anyone. . . that says “it just happened” or “I did not plan it” or “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone” or “I have my needs also and she doesn't like sex” . . . are individuals that have NO HONOR . . . they have yet to grow out of that “me, my needs, I want,” stage and will BLAME and JUSTIFY what they did with THEIR EMOTIONS/FEELINGS.
We have been blessed with the ability to think and make decisions . . . we have been blessed with the ability to push our feelings, emotions, desires, lust, instincts ASIDE and THINK what is best for us and those we love!!!! It is called growing up and thinking of others not just our needs. It is called growing up and being responsible. IT IS CALLED THINKING!!!!
No one said that HONOR does not have a price!!!! HONOR at times means we have to overlook our personal needs (not emote). HONOR is what carriers us through the good and the bad times. HONOR is about making the right choices as difficult and self-scarifying as it may be at times.
You are only as good as your HONOR for at the end . . . . . . .HONOR is all we have to walk away with that is of value!
OP: No one is judging you for you have already condemned yourself. You see. . .YOUR actions and confession clearly state that you had/have no HONOR to begin with.
Best of luck,
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/6/2007 11:27:38 PM | another interesting/ironic thing is that the posters who are defending this behaviour and slapping those of us who said we wouldn't cheat on the wrist are generalizing and assuming that everyone would stoop to such behaviour. (this must be a way of making yourself feel better , because I can assure you , based on my past and what I watched my mother go through, I wouldn't cheat on a spouse)
I think many who have cheated with a married men tell the wife for one or two reasons
namely
1. they feel genuine remorse and want to purge.
2. more often then not , they feel burned and bitter and want to make life miserable for the married man and his wife.
Yes life happens , and my mother even said that it takes two to make or break a marriage, and that their relationship definitely had issues of its own minus the whole cheating deal. That being said, does being cheated on become justified because there is trouble in the marriage? In my opinion it doesn't.
I would rather have someone say "you know what Wendy, I'm not feelin this anymore" or "we have to work on our issues" etc versus sneaking out , lying, and potentially destroying a relationship that could have been helped.
The woman my dad cheated on my mother with really felt she won a great prize when he left my mom for her , I was 12 at the time and she made sure all his child support payments were at least a week late so we could suffer just a little bit more , in other words she was a real gem. Well he married her and guess what? She cheated on him!
yep reap sow and all that good stuff!
just keep that in mind , it may be fun exciting to be the "other woman" for a little while , but in the end , you're really not being respected, by yourself or the married guy. | |
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| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/7/2007 3:06:39 AM | I did know he was having sex with his wife.... But, ya know what? There's no way in he** that what he shared with me he was getting at home. But? What you fail to understand that this was all a plot! Was I to blame here? You bet I was. I'm single. My boyfriend passed away 3 years ago at age 46. He dropped dead from an anerism. I'm by no means a "whore"; a "whore" sleeps around with everyone and anyone. I hadn't been with a man for 3 years for my reasons, which was related to loosing Bryan. This man, my knight in shining armor, swoooooed in and made me feel alive again. Do I love him? Yes! I don't have to explain anything and I won't go further because most of you here had formed your opinions probably by not even reading most of the original post, but just by reading the SUBJECT LINE. I'm a very smart and articulate woman with a very successful career. Regardless of how many of you have responded here, I still have the same dignity that I had when I posted this thread; you certainly haven't taken that away from me. Do I feel guilty? You bet, I did. And, more so when I figured everything else. But, if we don't fail in life, we don't grow and we don't learn. We also don't learn to pick ourselves up; brush ourselves off and learn to let the past go and start fresh each and every new day. I've seen some comments about the OP posting this and basically making myself vulnerable to all these comments. I expected these comments! And? Not one time have you seen me "lash" back at your disrespectful comments and I've maintained respect for you.
I applaud your efforts and I also believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but we can express those with class and with politeness and as adults. | |
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MISS13
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Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 125 | |
| The Married Man - Why Tell The Wife?
Posted: 4/7/2007 4:58:57 AM |
I did know he was having sex with his wife.... But, ya know what? There's no way in he** that what he shared with me he was getting at home.
omg....keep telling yourself that....
I applaud your efforts and I also believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but we can express those with class and with politeness and as adults.
I only treat classy, polite people with politeness and class........
I expected these comments! And? Not one time have you seen me "lash" back at your disrespectful comments and I've maintained respect for you.
Your postings are very disrespectful--your cleanest words are dirty---and you have no respect for anyone----including yourself. | |
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