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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 8/20/2007 8:29:38 PM | If you are dating guys your age I'd say the answer is HORMONES.
Sex is a great bonus to a meaningful relationship. If the guys you are dating don't want to take the time to build the relationship I'd say you need to start dating older men. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 8/20/2007 8:31:44 PM | @ MeloFelo --
If a guy is looking for a relationship, it is just as much about "what does the absence of sex mean" as it is about the positive anticipation of sex. It's why most men won't "wait".
No. That's what it means to you. There are plenty of men in this thread who have stated that they would wait, that it's their PREFERENCE to wait until they know a woman better. Some of them are young enough to be my son, so I'm guessing they have pretty high hormone levels.
I've never had a problem and neither have my girlfriends. It's a rarity that any one of them would tell me that some idiot pawed her, or made it obvious that if she wasn't going to put out that they weren't dating anymore.
This was the case when I was young and now that I'm 54. Unless there's something I don't know about you I've dated a whole lot more men than you have, and combined with my girlfriends we've had hundreds of dates (at the very least).
Don't assume most men won't wait. It ain't true.
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 8/20/2007 8:43:12 PM |
I've never had a problem and neither have my girlfriends. It's a rarity that any one of them would tell me that some idiot pawed her, or made it obvious that if she wasn't going to put out that they weren't dating anymore.
You are confusing boorishness with a man being a natural man. I have never "pawed" a woman, nor do I "ask" for sex. I have NEVER said to a woman, "if you don't "put out",I won't date you". It's a simple thing. Sex is "there" as a natural part of things, or it's not. If it's not, then we aren't on the same page, and I simply move on. It's not like the world is going to run out of potential partners, and it's never been all that difficult to find someone to 'date". Actually, the "sexual dilemna" hasn't come up in my own experience, because before I invest time, energy, money and emotions, I am usually able to tell if we're fundamentally compatible. If we're not, we never get to the first meet, and in a first date, unless we just seem to "fit" on, at least, a surface level, it doesn't matter. I won't want sex with her, any more than she would with me.
As to what "most men" do, it's fairly well quantified, statistically, that "most" men have, more or less, the same pattern as I do. "Most" doesn't mean "all", though. I've never had trouble "finding a date" with women, who were open about sexuality, and expected sex to be part of exploring a relationship, even though the women who I date, would be in the minority of women, in terms of sexual attitudes. I'm sure the reverse is true for you.
I'm not trying to "resolve" the issue on a sociological level, nor trying to tell any specific woman what she "should" do. The question was asked in the OP, and part of the answer is, as I just posted, that the absence of sex in a relationship carries a negative meaning to most men. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:13:08 PM | White_Gardenia, i bow down to you. as an aspiring model myself i know EXACTLY what you are talking about can certainly relate..even with my fiancee by my side i still get the ogles and so does she and i also agree that is all about how you present yourself.
I also find that if you really want to make it look like your not interested...just say so. A guy can approach me and have an amazing conversation and still get turned down yet walk away with dignity. | |
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D_lily
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Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 330 | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/29/2008 11:47:47 PM | I think it's nature that creates this problem.
For a man 'not' to want sex means he has to suppress his sexual drive - and a decline in sex drive usually means a decline in other areas of his life is happening also. I know men who do try to suppress their sex drive, especially religious men, and it often means they're obsessed with sex - it's like trying to seal a pressure cooker and inappropriate behaviour usually follows in 'bursts'.
Whereas women have to be aroused from the inside out (generally) men are aroused from the outside in. Men are outies and women are innies. I reckon nature designed them this way so they'd fit together.
I think blatancy is the problem - there are men who 'disguise' it so it isn't 'blatant' and rude and there are others who can't be bothered with all that and go for it early on.
I think this behaviour can be overcome with a bit of self-respect and a man valuing his own sexuality. I've turned many a lady (all of them, in fact) down when they use a 'sexual' opener.
There are women who also want 'only sex' but maybe what they're really craving is a bit of excitement because they're bored?
I get ladies moan at and be frustrated by my not pursuing them for this. But I'd be lying if I tried to pretend that the possibility of 'sex' doesn't spring into mind when I'm with an attractive woman.
Nature's a b******d. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:08:06 AM | | First of all take responsibility; I'm also sick of women that make dumb choices in men; believe every word they say, give up sex, then wonder when they finally see the truth. Pick better guys. Not all guys are like this. Choose responsibly. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:34:42 AM | | Ladys and Gents if I may offer some small observations here. I think the problem isn't so much that men want sex is how they go about it. Lets face it we were created as sexual beings to want and desire sex because it feels good. Dah lol. And to have babies but if we had as many babies as we had sex the world could not handle it lol. Anyway I think men are so anxious to get to the hot spots on the tour they forget to take the time to enjoy what they see feel hear and learn. Women love to be treated special. Not like a blow up doll to bang and deflate. We want to know that your interested in us as human beings. If your only goal is sex use your hand or go to a whore house. Or local bar and pick up a drunk. If you want a meaningful relationship then treat women with some respect. Is that too much to ask? Ladies also have to treat men with respect too. It works both ways. If you act like a pig then your going to be treated like a pig. you reap what you sow. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:06:05 PM | Get used to it darlin. I'm old enough to be your grandmother. I happen to have good genes and don't look my age. In my entire life, have met "few" men who didn't have sex on their mind, except when I was married, then he was too tired. Yep it happens. It's a biological factor. It's what will be, will be. Naturally, the younger the guy, the hornier he is.
Learn to accept that that's where it's at and cope with it. Learn to say "get lost" or "come hither" but don't knock it. If you really feel as though you don't want it, then join a Nunnery. You'll be safe there. (I think). :modhammer:
Lots of Luck and grow up. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 12:06:13 PM | OP, I think just about every woman here has probably had her fair share of men bombarding them with sexually-related comments, come-ons, requests, and whatever else you'd like to call them. Part of it stems from the fact that people are pretty well anonymous when it comes to online stuff like this and take advantage of it.
I've actually gone so far as asking some of them if they'd ask me that if they happened to see me in a supermarket and of course most lied saying they would. If anyone approached me in a supermarket (or anywhere else) and asked me some of the things I've been asked, I'd be worried about my safety and calling the cops. I've just come to accept that there are social rejects out there who are desperate for sex even if it's with a stranger and can't go out and find it in real life.
My advice to you is don't let it bother you, just ignore them, block them, do whatever you have to do to make them go away and hopefully you'll find someone who does actually know how to act in a civilized manner. There's a lot of garbage to sift through on these sites but every now and then you can find a pretty nice gem :-D | |
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| Why do men care so deeply and profoundly for sex?
Posted: 5/30/2008 6:44:50 PM | Social rejects!?
carré, how many high-profile, well-paid, successful, powerful men have to be caught untrousered with gay and straight hookers, interns, pages, secretaries, and sisters-in-law for you to understand? It's any man, all men. Many of our number - many of the alphadogs as well - respond to a new woman like a hound dog to a new hound dog. It's not at all that a man lacks options; in fact, many men build upon their successes, learning and repeating successful behavior with each prospect as she comes. And don't forget all the desperate urgency for that freaky-deaky a man doesn't get at home. Sooner or later, many men fire that pistol. Some are happy to get there once, and don't go back. Others take membership at the shooting range, so to speak.
For these men (and maybe for all of us - I'm not sure), a prospect who doesn't know us is ideal. How are our romanticizin', mesmerizin', awe-inspirin' bullshit lines supposed to reel her in if she is already aware of our bullshit? A new woman is a clean slate, one more chance to get that irresistible loverboy act right!
But it sure isn't the losers. It's them, and the winners, and the preachers, and the teachers, and the doctors, and the lawyers, and the executive vice-presidents for sales, and, of course, the prudes. Those boys can get into some serious shit and goat play when they're sure no one is looking. Can't upset the wife, you know?
Cheers!
Vulf  | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:07:34 PM | I think women are the ones who think deeply and profoundly about sex, at least I do. Sex is so important that if I had mind blowing sex with a stranger, I could profoundly fall in love with him. Lousy sex can totally ruin all the great qualities a guy has. Also, good sex to women involves more than just mechanical repetitive movement. It's an art. Unfortunately not many men understand that. Seriously. Women care about sex more than men do.
So your question actually should be, why do lots of guys think that they're sexually attractive enough and good enough in bed to make women want to sleep with them. That's a mystery I've never figured out.
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:11:47 PM | | ur so right woodstar...men do not care what a gal looks like...if they think they can get her in bed.....that is all that matters....wham ..bam..ty ma'am...or not even a ty...or much of a ....goodbye......and then they move on to another they can do the same to..and give their respect to the pretty lady they put on a pedestal...while they use the gals that are not pretty enough to find love.....oh well...i guess i am tired too of never learning and thinking there is ONE good guy out there ..somewhere... | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:52:29 PM | | First I feel that no woman should ever consider themselves a who__e. There are many men that would possibly think that a woman may be coming on to them and that is most likely because they maybe insecure and or don't understand that possibly the woman or say yourself is just maybe flirting around, which is fun and harmless. Some men may not understand that a woman flirting abit is harmless. Sure it's possible especially if the man was married 15 or 18 yrs or whatever and thinking that times have changed, and they have. I am at the age where I realize sex isn't the most important. Honestly if I truley liked the woman, I wouldn't care how long it took at being close together. I feel if people opened their eyes and also listened, both the man and the woman would know and would have lot's of fun doing and going to different places. I personally don't know of any man that may be on a date thinking when's it going to happen, but I am sure it does. Being honest, caring and kind as well as listening and communicating will get any man more attention then anything else. That is what I believe in. Number one for a couple is total RESPECT TOWARDS EACH OTHER.. | |
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| Why do men care so deeply and profoundly for sex?
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:12:43 PM |
carré, how many high-profile, well-paid, successful, powerful men have to be caught untrousered with gay and straight hookers, interns, pages, secretaries, and sisters-in-law for you to understand?
I wasn't talking about social stature. When someone can't have a normal, decent conversation without hitting someone up for sex on the internet because it's easy to hide behind a computer, that doesn't denote good social skills. We weren't talking about men going out and having sex with their secretaries, and so forth. The OP was expressing some annoyance over a problem that a lot of women have on dating sites regarding being hit up for sex from men, who the hell cares about what they do for a living. Under normal circumstances (ie: being in a public place like a grocery store), men don't go around approaching women for sex. Why do they do it online? Because they can hide behind their keyboards.
For the record, the occupation doesn't make a loser a loser. Just because someone has a high profile job doesn't mean they're not socially dysfunctional in some way.
And what's up with the carré comment. Oh wait, never mind, I don't care. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:30:01 PM | | Its very simple, A woman can get sex anytime anywhere she gets the need period. It may not be her first or second choice but all she has to do is walk into a crowded place smile. Sex is a important part of a relationship how many marriages have been ruined because of sex , and no guys arent the only ones that stray. As we get older their is less time for going out, meeting people ect. Their are many mant woman between 30 and 50 that want friends with bennies period. Let me ask you this have you ever walked up to a strange man and tried to get his attention? Not all men want sex the second date, but yes its on their minds. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:33:04 PM | | Just keep on going as you are. Maybe getting involved in a very LARGE church is your best place to find a guy who knows the spiritual reasons to waiting for sex. Other guys just want to rip your soul out, and tromp all over you, so why bother? And why do you think that you are missing anything? Be thankful that they did you a favor by walking away, in order to find their next victim. | |
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| regarding your comments, 'Just Different'
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:43:46 PM |
because I am one that actually does not like "easy women" that have no respect for themselves.
Define 'having respect for oneself'. Are you suggesting 'easy' men have no respect for themselves? That would be pretty much 90% or so of them, wouldn't it? An awful lot of men not having 'respect' for themselves - It's not relevant to equate respect with a normal healthy sexual libido and you know it.
I think in the Year 2008 we should be above using this sort of labelling on women who might enjoy expressing their sexuality in a similar manner to men. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:44:29 PM |
Maybe getting involved in a very LARGE church is your best place to find a guy who knows the spiritual reasons to waiting for sex. Other guys just want to rip your soul out, and tromp all over you, so why bother?
So let me get this straight... According to you, any guy who doesn't want to wait for sex is trying to rip women's souls out?
Do you always apply this either/or mentality to your thinking or do you actually realize that there are shades of grey in the world? Maybe, just *maybe* there's a guy who actually wants to have sex AND wants to be in a committed, monogamous relationship. Does that possibility even cross your mind? | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:32:42 AM |
Do you always apply this either/or mentality to your thinking or do you actually realize that there are shades of grey in the world? Maybe, just *maybe* there's a guy who actually wants to have sex AND wants to be in a committed, monogamous relationship. Does that possibility even cross your mind?
Bravo! Well said CSI Anaheim
I want and need sex as much as any other guy. Make no mistake about it. But I am not going to press, push or otherwise force those intentions on any woman.
I like to think I have the good sense to know when the lady I am with wants it too. And for this guy, I honestly do not want sex with any woman that does not want it with me as much as I want it with her. I don't know, maybe it's my age or maturity. Maybe it's the respect I have for woman that my mother instilled in me at age 14 when she found those condoms in my dresser draw. I will never forget that embarrassing lecture and the way she dealt with a young man's hormonal desires. How she made me feel good about those desires and how to deal with them when it came to the girls I was dating.
Maybe it was because I did not have a Dad for her to have "that talk" with me. Where I may have gotten a slap on the back, "way to go son"
I want so much more then just sex with a woman. so I keep my sexual desires in check until she is ready willing and wantinf it as much as me. Old fashion? maybe. But i like me the way I am. It's all about respect and caring about what will please the woman and not my own selfish hormone driven wants. | |
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| why do men only care about sex???
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:58:28 AM | OP, people have sex because it feels good. It is like eating some ice cream or fast food. People like Mcdonalds and McSex.
Dudes are going to do whatever and say whatever a lady wants to hear to have sex. That is just the honest truth. The problem is that it is damn hard to discern what is genuine and what is fake when people are so good at lying. The only thing you can do is make your own set of rules and protocol to prevent a bad situation. Worst things can happen than just having sex if you aren't careful....... | |
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| Why do men care so deeply and profoundly for sex?
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:01:06 PM | Rest assured, C!, I care not, either. I guess no one ever played with your WWWhandle before. It happens every day, doesn't mean anything - usually - but a bit of play and maybe a little less typing. Now that you've noticed it, I'll bet you'll see it everywhere.
That's how it is with a lot of things in this world. Until we recognize them, they can be invisible to us. You may not believe it until you see it yourself, but droves of people of every gender are hitting on strangers every day in the grocery, in traffic court, on the sidewalk, at the county fair, in the library . . . I know a woman who picked up her current bf at graveside! (Neither of them was all that close to the departed, if you're curious.)
I remember, in my green years, attending a baptism of a half a dozen squalling infants at the insistence of one of the fathers, a friend of mine. I was bored pissless in no time, as you might imagine. It was a Catholic ceremony, to put the icing on, so maybe twice as long as the Prots would have it.
Anyway, resigned to my suffering, I looked glumly around the sanctuary and noticed a pretty thing who seemed equally in pain. Her brow was knotted like a spinster's handkerchief, and her jaw was slack with failing endurance. I was lucky enough to catch her eye, and smiled, c0cked an eyebrow, and nodded toward the doors. She was startled, but brightened right up, nodded, and whispered to the man sitting next to her. In the next moment, she was hustling up the aisle, throwing me a grin as she went past.
I followed after a moment, though I was a bit at a loss where we would go. I hadn't been there before. She was waiting in the empty corridor, where she took my hand and hustled me upstairs to some sort of dressing room for the choir - there were choir robes hanging on both sides of the room. As soon as the door was closed, we locked tongues and rassled around for a while. Then she broke away, gave me the most delightfully wicked smile, and started pulling choir robes off the racks and piling them on the floor. Once she had made our nest, she got out of her pastel Sunday suit and most everything else. She paused to pull her hair back and tie it with a scrunchie. I followed suit, of course!
Anyway, we did the deed - OK, deeds - releasing all that pent up frustration and tedium, laughing and growling like maniacs. I like to think those robes were tied in knots by the time we were done. Then we spoke our first words to each other. Aside from learning her name, I also learned why we were where we were. It turned out she was an aunt to one of the infants and a soloist in the choir. She not only knew the room; she also knew it was more soundproof than most of the church, and that the choir wouldn't interrupt us, because they rehearsed in the sanctuary and had the day off.
I don't expect Citizen of the Year for this story. I only want to make clear to you that propositioning a stranger sometimes works. Socially adept people learn what works and go with it, as they please. It is also true, as you say, that the socially inept try the same thing. Being inept, they are more likely to fail, and, so, more likely to annoy, but even that isn't guaranteed. Sometimes, the stranger is itching for a little zoom, and the crooked puppy humping her leg will do for the moment.
None of this is to say anything against your objections. I respect them utterly. But you make a great error when you say that only defective people proposition strangers. Every sort of person does, given the inclination and opportunity. Your preference for a more orderly introduction is just that - your preference. You are as much entitled to it as the next guy is entitled to make his tawdry suggestion. I don't expect you to like it or even to tolerate it, let alone welcome it. But you are mistaken to draw categorical conclusions about him. After all, you don't know him any better than he does you. Do you?
Cheers! (really)
Vulf | |
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