| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/2/2007 8:44:52 AM | Its not my ex is it..lol
Have you confronted him and asked him why he is still on singles web site's posing as a single man? I did with my ex and i got all the excuses possible he could think of. Now i know people make friends on the internet as i did before i met him, but i told all the people i spoke to both males and females that i had met someone and gave my msn address to the ones that didn have it and deleted my profile or at least changed the single box to in relationship. He on the other hand was a different kettle of fish, and as bad as it may seem 4 weeks after i confronted him over it (been dating then for 7mth) the profile was still active and he was still showing as single on it, so i told my friend and she said join one of the sites he was on and see what he actually was looking for ie friends as he claimedwhich only had to be female so i was supspicious, or something other, and let me tell you he was on a fair few too, so i guess honesty wasnt his strong point either as he claimed he was only on the one we met on!! Well i did join one of the sites, not because i was insecure or anything, basically if he was up to no good etc it was best to find out now than waste my time and effort etc getting involved with a wannabee playa, and to be honest i was not suprised of the result, he wanted to meet my alias at 12pm that night after exchanging only a few messages with her and it was just for sex as he was a single male who was horny as hell...... To this day he claims it never happened and he was never on that site, now its one thing to be a liar but to lie to your face is little shallow dont you think?.......The way i see it when you first start dating then you can't expect either of you to take your profiles off etc, but after 6mth of seeing each other and agreeing to give it a go i would say its a relationship so why the need to keep looking for something else... maybe some guys want stand by's as they know they can't be loyal and faithfull or in time they get sloppy and the g/f finds out what they are up to??? Best advise i can give to my ex is go on a site and instead of saying your looking for a relationship say your after no strings fun or a F**k buddy!! Lets just say im glad i got away as he will never change, think the internet dating for him is a addiction, why else would he be on so many dating sites at any one time?....
To be honest it does put you off dating guys off the net, but they are not all the same and no way would i go to them lengths again to catch any guy out, its simple if you met a guy off the net and he feels anything for you etc you would not even have to ask him or question why his profile is still active after 6 mth!! Some guys just simply want their cake and eat it and its selfish! | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/2/2007 8:56:46 AM | Hon, the second guy I met online dumped me a few weeks into things because he was head over heels for an oriental girl he'd met on match-dot-com. They married within a year. He still has a profile on here (that says he's single and looking for intimate encounters). He used to have one on Lava too, as well as the Match site. He is still on my msn and still messages me, emails me, from time to time wanting to hook up for sex (especially after he and his wife quarrel). Is that the kind of life / relationship you want?? I have another friend I met through Lava (although have never met in person) whose been dating the same girl since December 2004. They got engaged just recently. In the meantime, I can't count the number of times he's talked about other women he's hooked up with while seeing the one he's engaged to now. You really need to put this on the table, and if your bf isn't willing to give up the sites, you need to be willing to give him his marching orders and get out now before you fall more in love with him than you already are!!!!!
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/2/2007 2:06:05 PM | HUZAH!!!
This may sound interesting coming from a guy but kudos to her for passing on this suggestion. It does sound like someone needs to do a slight reality check. Not him. but, once you have discovered yours and his true feelings, life will be easier. I too am involved in a relationship right now. and YES, I still am on 2 out of 3 sites. but, as I stated in these sites I am in a relationship and I love her dearly and therefore I am keeping in contact with my friends that I have made on these sites.
THAT may be his only reason for checking the sites, I know my girlfriend doesn't mind me checking the sites because she knows SHE has stolen my heart and soul and that is all that counts...
Jim
P.S. If I am coming of sounding ticked off I am sorry. just have more faith in yourself and in your relationship. But, by not being up front with your boyfriend your getting nowhere fast. so, do something about it. | |
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cgisme
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Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 55 | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:44:03 PM | .....I don't know about you but I will not let someone waste my sweet precious time with their little dating games......You deserve someone who wants the same type of relationship you do.
It's hard when you start to have feelings for someone but take a step back and really look at the situation.
Isn't trust the key to sucess in a relationship?.....Looks like the only key you'll get from this is the one to your broken heart.
I'd say step away from it....If it's already taken you to this point(bogas profiles) It's truly not healthy.
It's better to be alone than lonely in a relationship. | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:24:17 PM | 1. She alread stated that on 2 of the 3 dating sites he has active profiles on, those ones don't have "forums" - so come on, he's obviously not still active there because of the forums.
2. If he was here on POF, "only for the forums", surely she'd see from his profile here, a few things:
a) his profile clearly indicates that he's involved or "not single/not looking" or some clear mention within profile that he's "only here for the forums" and has someone in his life. I don't believe she mentioned any of this therefore it would be very safe to assume his profile here shows him as "single" and therefore available.
b) if he WAS just "here for the forums", in addition to his profile specifically mentioning this, she'd be able to find posts here's written here -- but she doesn't mention that.
Sorry, it's a cold hard fact that if someone is committed to you, sees and wants a future with you, they are NOT going to continue being active on Dating Sites. Duh. | |
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diz73
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Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 58 | |
| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:35:31 PM | im not going to come in here and trash you lol... but i think first you need to talk to him. have you ever discussed 'dating exclusively'? or just assumed it was exclusive because thats how YOU feel? yeah 6 months seems like a long time to not already know if you are only interested in dating each other, but the only way to find out is to ask. if he turns the tables on you and gets all in a huff about you checking up on him, perhaps thats a sign he is being defensive because he has something to hide. on the other hand, he checked his email right in front of you and apparently didnt try to hide that he was getting matches from dating sites still, so maybe he just goes in there as a momentary thrill to see who has messaged or viewed him, but isnt actually interested in meeting anyone else. again, you will only know that by talking to him. if you dont like his answers or dont think he is telling the truth, the relationship isnt going to go much further - not in a healthy way at any rate....
ive been seeing someone for the past month but still log in here daily. im not interested in meeting anyone else to date, i come in and haunt the forums, or check out who is on here. anyone that messages me gets the 'im not interested in dating anyone else' response and if they want to chat as friends, thats okay with me (as long as they dont push for more lol)... so perhaps the guy you are dating is doing the same thing. who knows. or maybe he is unsure about what the relationship means to YOU and is keeping his options open... talk to him... | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/3/2007 6:56:13 AM | OP. Some guys are into sick mind games. The guy is a player and does not deserve you. I agree with Creativeguy ( the 2end post). I also suggest you not to attach to fast to a relationship if you feel that your mate does not love you back.
Have a great day | |
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*Illsa
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Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 61 | |
| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:19:14 AM | Perhaps there is another alternative...Put a good picture of HIM and YOU on your profiles...makes things pretty clear, and there are other couples here on POF who do this too! Think it is kinda CUTE!!!...and whenever he or you are online, everyone can see you are happily together in an exclusive relationship...and NOT single...ask him if he will do this with you...then you will know how exclusive he feels about you...if he is really in to you, he would be happy to show you off to the other people in his life, men or women friends...being open about being exclusive...besides it makes those out there *still looking* have something to smile about and have hope of finding that *someone special* for them too!
My BF and I have had the *exclusive* talk and have agreed on what our relationship is to each of us together... I would never restrict him from making his own decisions...as I want these things to come from him freely...
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:35:31 AM | O,kay first off read what you just wrote... "He checked his emails right infront of me..and i seen it said new matches" O,kay think about that for a min. If he was trying to keep it a secret that he was on dating sites he never would of read his emails infront of you knowing that he could possibly have emails from the dating sites. This sounds like he's not offering any information or conformation that you two are actually COMMITED! At the same time if he was "cheating" or "Looking for a better bet" he was very careless in hiding it.
If you are or were so concerned about it the better bet would of been to ask him upfront in a very adult mannor why he was still on the dating sites. My best friend went through this met a guy on a dating site and spent many years sneaking around finding him on other sites ect.. She even found out at some points in the relationship he cheated on her in her OWN BED!!! She could of prevented all of it if she would of said something to his face and waited to know the answer by his reaction then sneaking around and not to be rude but going about it in a totally immature mannor. Don't cause yourself more grief then needed. Be open unlike him show him that your better than that. That you don't need to sneak around and "check up on him" maybe it's innocent maybe not .. don't over stress yourself about it ..really it's only been 6 months. If it's not innocent then you don't have that much invested.. keep playing the cat and mouse game and you could be asking for bigger heartache.
Wish you all the best. | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 5/3/2007 8:22:46 AM | | a leopard never changes its spots, may i remind you theres plenty of other fish stop making yourself miserable you deserve to have what you want in a guy, i have found that when u meet someone from online and start dating it always seems to be an issue of if they are online still or not because before they met you and you them there were other people you have made friendships with and people seem to sometimes have a hard time of letting go of that its like there back up in case you dont work out and i do find that to be a downfall of internet dating it takes alot of trust so if you arent feeling it move on you will be fine | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 7/6/2007 6:44:08 AM | | I thought boyfriend meant exclusive, and exclusive meant changing all your online profiles that you still use to say Not Looking / Not Seeking or In a Relationship or something like that. | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:44:18 AM | I can see BOTH viewpoints to this.
I think it depends on the personality of the person, but some have had some really major bad experiences with cheaters/abusers....and have trust issues.
Even though i was in that situation, funny thing, im naive and trust EVERYONE. teehee
Everyone says thats my problem, im TOO trusting. Go figure! So i dont have a problem and actually i think NOTHING of it when i leave messages in my inbox. Why delete them? I dont get why taking on a new boy/girlfriend has anything at all to do with getting rid of all your old friends!!! Maybe i am unique, but.....i love peepz and i hate fighting! And i dont think he tried to hide a thing from OP so seems to me he has my attitude. :)
EDIT:
HAHA. ok, i just saw this was a post of a year ago. Thought it was yesterday and it wont let me delete it. | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:11:55 AM | If he made an agreement to NOT date other women, then you can consider the possibility that he is what you call "cheating" on you. Contracts are made to be honored.
If no such agreement has been made, BY HIM and you, then all that is going on is childlike daydreaming in YOUR mind, imagining an exclusive relationship where in reality none has been agreed on.
Frankly, I think the rush to get into one-on-one relationships is sick. Healthy human beings build lots of connections with many persons of both sexes, throughout their lives.
People who imagine that love and friendship are something to be hoarded, people who think that if a person gives love to a person of the opposite sex it means going to bed with them, distort and warp the meaning of love. | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:27:48 AM | | I find it incredible that some posting here are advising you to talk to him about it. The only conversation I would have with this loser is this: don't ever contact me again and if you do I will get a restraining order. | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:28:56 AM | Let me be blunt, he is keeping his options open and you should too. When it comes to the internet, never assume anything, regardless of how "intrigued" someone says they are with you there is a good chance that they are still looking and browsing the catalog.
It just kills me when people say "I am keeping touch with my friends" well here is the thing, when people truly become friends they move off of the web-site to personal email addresses. Also when logging into dating web-sites that have no forums, come on what else can he be doing? Face it some people are just very disingenuous and will always require a fair amount of on-line groupies in order to feel good about themselves. You really want to be with someone like that? I think no. | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:14:39 PM | Hey guys,
My guy is still active on 3 dating sites (that I know of). We have been dating for 6 months and I have started to fall in love with him. I have not told him this yet though. I sense that he really has feelings for me too. His logging on to these dating sites really bothers me. Some of these dating sites he has been a member of for almost 3 years and there are NO forums to post on. Any sense as to why he still logs in? Is there such a thing as online dating addiction? I really want our relationship to grow into something great. *sigh*
Another female poster who should be asking these questions to her man, instead of getting perfect strangers to mind read what he's thinking.
Do the math; its not hard. Guys go on dating sites to; DATE!
If there are no forums he sure isn't swapping recipes. 6 sites? wow.
If you want your relationship to grow, him talking to dozens of women on dating sites aren't going to cut it. Confront him; so many women dont want to because they are fearful of losing the guy; Well then lose him! Do you want a guy that is chatting and talking it up with dozens of women?
Tell him one, I care for you deeply and I want us to get to the next level in our relationship. 2; why are you on the dating sites. And 3; if you dont get off of them; I mean all of them; Then its over.
He has no excuse. Woman up and dont get walked on. And for the love of God do not move in together or have unprotected sex. I know you think this is a magical romance but there are mega red flags.
This ones easy. good luck. | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:14:22 PM | If your guy is not on the site to post on the forums, then he is "keeping his options open" and might even possibly be hooking up and dating other people without you knowing. If its been 6 months, personally I would dump him. If I found someone that I am serious about, I would delete my profile or at the very least make my profile "invisible" -- I don't think what he's doing is fair for you. Have you thought of confronting him?
Last year I met a guy I liked from POF, we had about 5-6 dates and he told me he stopped dating other people -- then it turns out my gf got a message from him and he asked her out!! Yep, you can bet that was the end of that. This was also the primary reason I took a year off from the dating scene. Look, if you're not serious about finding someone worthwhile, then I don't want to waste my time on you. | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:38:14 PM | Just perfect. You create a bogus account, just to check up on him. Obviously there is a trust issue or an insecurity issue. I'm willing to bet that you contacted him as a poser, just to see what he'll say or do?
And at 6 months...It depends if you guys are exclusive or not? Are you? If not...then he's free to do as he and you, see fit.
If this clown is checking his email right in front of you....he's an idiot for checking it, with you there. And secondly, why would you be shoulder surfing, unless you are insecure or just nosey.
This sounds like high school all over again! | |
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| My b/f of 6 months is still active on dating sites
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:46:04 AM | Ever thought about writing up a hot little profile without a photo or fake picture and write him and see what he says.
^^^^^very good idea. then she will know 100%. (actually, i think she already knows, but until it sinks into her mind....) | |
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