| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/12/2007 3:05:45 PM | If your ex is truly out of your life and you have moved on then the following questions might apply to you....
1.why do you feel the need to be the one to relay this groundbreaking news to her?
2.could it be that you are talking from past anger and hurt?
3.how is this vital information going to positively effect your daughter?
4.is is possible telling her only suits one purpose: to make you look better and to hurt him?
i dont know you at all. i am not suggesting this is your case. but...if he is as bad as you think then she will figure it out on her own time when her mind is capable of wrapping around the issue. | |
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Algy
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Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 52 | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/13/2007 1:08:26 AM | | You dont have to tell your daughter her dad is a jerk..She already knows.. Just continue being the best mom you can be.. I know it is difficult as a single parent to smooth over all the hurts he causes her.. when it comes to gifts etc.. But just make sure she knows... She has a great mom... | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/13/2007 1:44:11 AM | wow, all that posting and tying!
My X is like the BIGGEST Deadbeat around.
Has his own business, but wont pay child support.
NEVER buys the kids anything. His mom does. HE wont.
I pay all medical bills, and all their school activities.
AND the point is: he COULD.
But:
When peepz say dont say anything, thats just silly. WHO on earth has ever been able to completely NEVER EVER not say anything? I am a very gentle person and seldom say anything to put ANYONE down. But when dealing with an idiot, after so long, enough is enough. I think i can understand this gals point. ITS HARD not to say anything.
SO when ya slip up, just try to explain to her how much her daddy loves her , and you dont know he behaves why he does?......
hugzzzzzzzz!
STARANNA
http://shiningstar.ticklegroups.com
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/13/2007 2:34:20 AM | You know I do not think that you should tell her that her dad is a jerk, but you should be there for her when all of the heart break happen( as I am sure you are), She needs to learn this on her own, or she will hate u for telling her that her dad is an a**. She needs her dad right now, one day she might not want him, but right now she still nedds him, Please dont break her heart. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/14/2007 3:36:38 AM | u cant tell her how much of a jerk he is! u know he is but ur daughter will still love him as her dad. she will find out in her own time wot a waster he is and u will always be there when she needs u.
my ex sees my children once a week (he lives 5 mins away) and he doesnt get involved in any thing like schools, sports day and special events that my children r involved in. but in the long run the way i see it is it is his loss and soon enough the children will decide they dont want to go round there and sit indoors all day!! but i will be there for them and thats without saying a bad word about him infront of them. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/14/2007 4:27:20 AM | | I separated from my daughters father 7 years ago, and he was forever breaking promises with her. It got to the point where I was feeling like I was the one to blame for this, and I was the one mopping up tears when daddy dropped her in. However I would never say to her how much he was self-centred and what I thought to be a complete ass at the time. This is something she has to find out for herself. Yeah as young as she is, I decided to go along the route of that he would phone me to cancel whatever was planned… I thought I am not going to be the messenger being shot all the time, so I use to hand the phone to my daughter and tell her father to tell her himself that he was busy, or cancelling the visit. This way I think the child will not begin to blame you as she is hearing it from the horses mouth, I am positive she was beginning to think it was me that was stopping her from seeing her dad. Now she is 12 and she speaks to him when she wants something, that’s not my doing either, and still soft as I am and as rotten and self-centred her father was, I find myself saying to her now you can’t keep doing that, it’s not right …. Phoning him up whenever you want money. There is no easy way of being a parent, on giving birth there was no manual handed out, but we live and learn in our experiences, and try to prevent our children from being hurt, sometimes its inevitable that they do sometimes get their feelings hurt. As a mother you feel like these situations can be avoided at all cost, and try to wrap our kids up in cotton wool. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/14/2007 4:39:59 AM | Dear Singlemom,
The other parent is never a jerk! Bottom line, we cannot take back what we tell our small children about their parent. As hard as it is to do, we must bite our tongue. Sounds like you've gotten really good at that.
For me, I guess I'd take this opportunity to let your daughter know that everyone shows their love in a different way. Some people show it by buying presents and others want to spend time with you. This year at Christmas, my 7 year old, who absolutely loves his big brother of 22 could not wait to see what he would give him for Christmas. I knew that money was tight for big brother so I bought a little something to put big brother's name on. You're right that 7 year old children have a hard time in our society with understanding why someone did not give them a present. So, for me, I took the easy way out and supplied one.
We pull off Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, so why not a gift from a person who does not know how hurtful the lack of the gift from them. Will I continue to provide this gift in my older son's name? Probably not, but will let him kow that it's been done and he needs to pick up the slack. You might consider something small wrapped from Dad and letting Dad know that this has been done because your daughter cannot understand why Dad is not giving.
There is this huge problem though... Do we really want to give our children the message that everyone has to give us a gift if they love us? That's probably another entire forum discussion. Good luck to you on this one.
Another single mom.... | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/14/2007 6:20:44 AM | Believe it or not children actually see right through adults more than we ever can envisage. Your daughter needs to make her own mind up and she will in time. As others have said if you make her mind up for her she may just resent you!! Is he worth that,I am guessing not. Any father who has a daughter should move the sun and the stars to keep every promise made and put his children first at all costs.
Sadly I can only apologise for the pathetic ones who are amongst us. What hurts the most is seeing children hurt by so called fathers who are so selfish and wrapped up in their own s**t to put anyone else first.
Oh and for the record some mothers are just as bad.
Parents eh where would we be without them,lol
Love you all lol | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/14/2007 7:13:39 AM | | You never tell a Kid that their Parent is a Jerk. She will get tired of him soon enough, on her own. Just take the high road and she will thank you for it later on. Reem him out in private though and tell him what an ass**le he is being. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/14/2007 10:20:08 AM | | You Do Not Do It. Explain his faults or shortcommings, but never expose your child to name calling. One question what does that teach your daughter? He may be a jerk, but hes her Dad too and all you do by calling him names is set yourself up for future problems, it will backfire on you and she will end up having resentment towards you for telling her her dad is a jerk. Hope this helps | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/14/2007 12:06:05 PM | All you can do is make the times with you good times. That doesn't mean you should makeup for missing gifts, if you do that she will catch on quick and play you like a CD. Just give her love when she's down and spend time with her as much as possible. If you say nothing, she will respect you more when she's older. When I was little my dad wasn't even around, he live in CA. and I seen him once a year, never called ,sent gifts or anything. When I would ask Mom she would tell me Dad was busy or what ever. The thing I took from that is 1 spend as much time with your kids as you can and 2 never say a bad word about the "ex" it shows you are the bigger person.
Good luck and remember it all comes out in the wash | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/14/2007 1:18:58 PM | I have a 3 yr old who lives with my father, and her dad is the biggest idiot going. He used to have her every other weekend over night. Her routine was wrecked and he didnt even look after her, just dumpped her on his mum and went out.
He's also a cannibis smoker and he used to smoke it around her which is why i told him he could only see her if i or my dad were around.He only see's her now as theres a court order for him to do so. She hates him any way, and we're just going to let her work it out for herself, which she's already doing. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:35:20 AM | | If I were in your shoes I would tell her nothing unless she asks. From my experiences, I've learned that children figure it out for themselves. He's already let her down and she knows it... | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:16:06 AM | I've been through this exact this with my daughter... Her dad and I seperated when she was 7... it's been a year and a half now and the divorce is final, but my problem has always been from day one he's a compulsive liar... At the beginning I tried telling her what her daddy was like. He still lies to her to this day even though I've had many fusses with him to stop the lies... The thing is she's going on age 9 now and believe me she is starting to realize that I wasn't lying to her when I told her how much of a compulsive liar her father is. Now I just keep my mouth shut and I'm just watching. If your daughter is like mine she'll notice in not long from now that her father is an a$$ and you won't be the blame  | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:33:33 AM | You don't need to come right out and tell her he's a jerk. It sounds like she's already figuring that out for herself. My ex assaulted our son and daughter almost 3 yrs ago. He threatened us, threatened to take our son and disappear, you name it...he did it.
Supervised visits were started and in 6 visits, 3 were cancelled, so I stopped the visits. I was left to pick up the pieces of a broken 6 year old heart.
All you can do for your daughter, is comfort her, try to cheer her up and be the best mom you can. Let her know how special she is and how great a person she is. If she asks questions about "why didn't he" or "how come" or whatever she asks you, be very honest with her. I tell my son that I don't know why his dad does the things he does. I tell him to ask his father. Sometimes he does, and of course, good ol' dad changes the subject and doesn't want to talk about it.
My son is learning fast that dad is not reliable and blows smoke when confronted. It's hard to watch, but I am not the one who is telling him this, he's learning it himself. Kids are more intuitive than we give them credit for. He knows that he can come to me, and he does. You will build a better bond with your daughter if you just support her as much as you can. Don't bad mouth the father, as it will eventually pop up and bite you in the a**.
This is how I deal with it. Hope it helps. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/15/2007 11:09:15 AM | He is clearly behaving like a jerk-but i agree with the majority of the posts here-you should never tell her that her father is a jerk-it is already painful enough for her-if you tell a child the parent is a jerk to them-the child often actually instead of blaming the parent-blames themselves-because a young child cannot rationalise adult relationships-and she will feel there must be something wrong with her-and that this is why her father is a "jerk" towards her-all you can do is hope he changes-and try to let him know how his actions make his daughter feel.
Get someone to let him know that every time he does this he is hurting his child-as he may simply not be sensitive enough to realise the consequences of what he is doing. And encourage youre daughter to let him know in some way that she values her time with him-maybe this will give him the boost he needs to start being a responsible parent-and stop letting her down.
Good luck. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:45:22 PM | I went through the same thing 15 years ago. I took the "don' t worry, he will dig his own hole" approach. I never once bad mouthed my ex to our children. He hasn't seen nor talked to my children in eight and a half years. I just went about being the best parent that I could be and didn't over compensate for his shortcomings. The kids were free to talk about him if they wished and I just told them that it was ok to vent, but that "I didn't know why he did the things that he did" and that "they were more than willing to ask him themselves", but NEVER EVER talk bad about him because, as they get older, they will resent. All kids need to form their own opinions of others...including the absent parent. The turmoil and questions and doubt you put in her head if you talk bad about him, will stay there and affect her everyday life.
My children have not seen their dad since the day before they started Kindergarten, Second, and Fourth grade. My oldest is graduating high school this year and the one missing out is HIM!!!!! She is graduating with honors and a full-ride scholarship. The middle one is head cheerleader, a leading officer in JROTC Drill Team, Community Service Volunteer and has been accepted to a collegiate high school next year. She also is an honor student and member of NHS. My son, who was only 5, when he last saw his DAD also volunteers in the community and was recently nominated for County Student of the Year and Disney's Doers and Dreamers. He is a straight A student and member of the winning E-team at school, Honors Band, Soloist award winner in band, and TV station manager.......
These are the things you have to think about in life. If you ask any of my kids to name their best friend or hero.....the answer will be the same from all three.......MY MOM!!!!!! So, it isn't about making the other parent look bad...It is about being the shining star in your child's life. When you are struggling, say you are struggling! When you need a hug, tell her you need a hug..........let her be there for you as much as you are there for her. That is what is going to make her resent him all on her own.....she doesn't need your help in realizing what the difference between you and he are. Enjoy your time....I am off of my soapbox now!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:37:47 PM | | I have a 7 year old son... I dont have to tell him anything ,he has seen him 4 times in 5 years.. for a week each time(once was scheduled for court). He makes promises to my son regularly and nothing comes from it. My 7 year old son has tripped his dad up in his own lies... so do i need to tell him..hahaha noooooo.. my ex is doing a wonderful job showing it.. but I am always the one there to help put the pieces back together... Not all dads are dogs... but my ex is... | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:42:53 PM | swt2bwith,, Congratulations on your success raising your children without their father. YOU deserve a pat on the back for keeping up with everything. I hope they have continued success.. And you as well...
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k4r3n
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Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 74 | |
| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:56:32 PM | I agree with with ISO...
You don't tell your kids that your ex is a jerk. It's not fair to the kids. I have been tempted at times, but really it is not up to you to tell them and break their illusions. Eventually they may find out on their own. If not, oh well. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:38:10 PM | | A nice confrontation with the ex is in order.....he needs to know that if he is NOT going to buy her anything, he needs to NOT promise her. Without making dad out to be a jerk, you need to say to your daughter, daddy must not have enough money this week because he had to pay bills or fix his car and hopefully this sooths her over. As far as telling her that dad is a jerk, isn't right. In time, she will learn that he is a jerk and she will make up her mind if she wants to see him, not see him and will be able to see through his little lies about the supposed pending gifts. I just asked my 12 year old son the other day, are we going to send your dad a card for his birthday and in his own little intelligent way said, "what did dad get me for my birthday"? He was very right. In the meantime, let your daughter figure it out along the way, with you lovingly standing by to help pick up the pieces of her broken heart. | |
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