| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/19/2007 9:37:45 AM | | Mine are finding out on their own how he is. It is very difficult as a parent when you do everything you can to protect their little hearts, and their other parent destroys it. But bite your tongue til it bleeds if you have to. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/19/2007 4:28:09 PM | | I'm a dad of a 6 year old and I give her everything. Every mother or father deserves a second chance as long as the child does not feel like they have to sacrifice to do that. The leason that will be learned is not to hate. When you think about it, we only hate those we are afraid of. Get it, teach not to hate teach not to fear. All that is left is patience and love. Good luck. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/20/2007 9:42:21 AM | My mother bad mouthed my father every chance she got. Turns out as I got older I realized it was the other way around.
Your daughter will find out on her own. Let him be the bad seed. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/20/2007 11:26:53 AM | | You don't. That would break her heart, and trust me if he is as unreliable as you describe him...she is heartbroken already. Just let it go, tell her you love her, show her you love her and keep your promises to her. She will see the truth for what it really is as she grows older. | |
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argfin
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 105 | |
| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/20/2007 1:03:34 PM | I would suggest you don't say anything of the sort. Everyone wants their parents to be 'special'. She'll just resent it. And why would you want her to hate him? He may be a bit of a shit, but he's all she's got!
As she gets older she'll judge him for herself. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/21/2007 1:22:38 AM | | Ya heres a thought try taking responsibility for choosing this alleged ***hole? rather then pretending you are the immaculate conception? Stop putting blame on others when it's you who are to be blamed? You'll find no sympathy here dear. YOU chose this guy! no one else! You are not the immaculate conception! | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/21/2007 7:46:29 AM | | well i'm assuming she already knows he's a jerk. And its ok for her to feel this way. tell her its not right for her dad to make promises he doesnt keep and if she needs more of an answer then she needs to ask him. Maybe if she asks him he will start keeping promises to her and if he doesnt then just be the best mom you can and keep your own promises, and love her. Teach her what it is to be a good person, and to always keep her promises. She will understand that her Dad is not being a good person doing what he does. It doesnt matter what the childs age they will know the difference if they are raised with the right values. So don't worry, her feelings may be hurt and you may hurt for her , but it's the best way. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/21/2007 9:08:22 AM | You don't tell her...she will figure it out for herself and it will come alot sooner than you think.
I have a 7 yr old son and my ex likes to promise things he can't deliver. My 7 yr old will tell you "My daddy promises things but you can't always believe him. He breaks promises sometimes"
No matter how bad the other parent is, it is never a good idea to talk bad about them. In the long run that hurts the child. Your daughter is a smart girl and it won't take long before she figures out she can't count on Daddy's promises...
Wren | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:12:53 AM | | Plain and simple you don't tell your daughter that. It's not for you to do. As a mum you have to cover for any eventuality or disappointment your children face or have forced on them, even if this means telling a fib and going through the tantrums. Believe me when they are old enough they will make up their own minds, but until then never, never, never "burst their bubble" especially when either parent is involved. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/21/2007 1:32:16 PM |
How can anyone behave that way towards their own flash and blood?!
he probably thinks of himself as a good dad... because he still sees her.
My 7 year old's dad put up a fuss in court long enought to cost me a whack of money... then disappeared off the face of the earth... which except for the fact when I want a divorce it'll cost me money again to find him... is fine by me...
when my daughter asks why her dad doesn't want to talk to her etc... I just say I don't really know sweetie.. if he wants to get in touch with you he knows how...
Good Luck with your daughter... if she is as smart as my little one... you have your hands full! :) | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/21/2007 9:19:34 PM | O M G !!!! you NEVER ever NEVER badmouth the other parent to your child!!!! They will internalize that parent's lack of compassion for a sign of innability to measure up to anyone!!! If you will just do as the others say....bite your tounge...but not too hard...and pray a lot even for him aka jerk...all will work out. If you tell her he is a jerk...you will blacklist yourself in her eyes.
It is better to tell her that some people struggle with communicating and don't realize that their actions and words and even lack of followthru on pinky swears can affect someone so deeply that they feel internal pain. This is the truth of the matter...whether you want to be impartial about it or not. And yes I know it is painful to see your daughter hurt.
You can NEVER say anything bad about him!!!! I don't care how ugly he gets...she needs to learn not to stoop to this level. And one day...she will come to you in confidence and say...Mom, I am glad my dad taught me how not to treat people. She is watching you and you are responsible for showing her how to be a lady of grace under fire.
Lots of hugs are in order tho...  | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/21/2007 11:30:17 PM | I was in a similar situation. My 1st wife would promise to take my daughters shopping and then would not show up. I really did not try to make excuses for her, when my daughters asked I suggested they ask her. After a while they figured out they could not depend on mom. It was rough, my oldest was 8 and the youngest 3. It was not fun watching them be hurt. I probably spoiled them because of it. When their mother mentioned she was thinking about moving out of state I gave her a ride to the bus station.
Kids will figure out sooner or later if one of their parents is a jerk.
Well, now my daughters are 22 and 17, they still talk with their mother and I did not completley ruin them after all. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:30:33 AM | It will bite him in the ass at the end. I just gave my x $10,000 and what did my son get from the money ...nothen thats why he said when he turns 12 for me to go to court and get custady of him.
Your X will find in time that his little girl will grow to NOT trust him and in the end, he only hurt himself becouse she will forget him and thats a shame.
Maybe it would be best if you told him to just goaway if he cant keep his word. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/22/2007 3:18:56 AM | | PLEASE dont tell any child there father or even there mother are jerks. My 8 yr old father is dead and i wish she didnt have to grow up without one. It doesnt matter what he has or has not done he is there father. I would rather a pig for a father for my daughter instead of a dead one. I would rather her know her dad is like that than have to have gone and see him lying dead in a coffin. Let the child love there parents as they want to love them and not hate them like you may. This is coming form a woman who is raising a child on her own because her father is dead | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/22/2007 8:37:45 AM | You have already seen the responces and now i will tell you the result of not telling the child.
My son's mother was doing the same thing (still is actually) for the first 3 years of his life i went out of my way to make sure she saw him whether she wanted to or not. Over the years she would constantly tell him she would phone/visit on a specific date/time and then we would not hear from her for 6 months to a year. Not even a phone call to him to say "sorry i missed it"
In the last couple of years she has actually been sortof making an effort (well i like to think so anyways) to see him occasionally. I was not aware that she was deliberately telling him stories (lies) about what happened between us and why she didn't see him more.
One day last summer, after one of her impromptu visits were she took him to stay at a friends house with her for the weekend (don't ask she always lives at friends houses for 2 weeks to 3 months at a time) he turned around in front of her when he had not been out of the car for a full minute yet and asked me "why did you stop mommy from seeing me?"
I was totally shocked by this and didn't know how to respond. I believe i said something at the time about how the only time i ever stopped it was when i went to drop him off at 2 years old and the place she was staying was VERY unsafe for a small child. ( a party house full of broken bottles/windows, rotting pizza crusts etc.) This is after years of his asking me why mommy didn't call/show up and being unable to answer him simply because i avoid lying. Basically i said " i don't know" a lot! He was 9 years old when he asked me this in front of his mother and she had the good grace to atleast blush and LEAVE without even a proper goodbye to him.
It turned out in the end that he had known she was lying and decided to see how she would react to being confronted with it. You might think that i'm a wuss or a weekling but i am crying as i write this even now remembering and realising that he NEVER asks about his mother... he NEVER calls her and he ONLY really talks about her near mothers day or if he is going to visit her parents and she is actually going to be there.
He is only 10.
The child will realise the truth on thier own. All you can do is hope, pray and express your own love for your child while pointing out how important family is. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/22/2007 10:20:58 AM | you should never tell your daughter he is a jerk.. i have been in your shoes.. my kids dad never sees his kids.. and in 10 years has barely paid a dime for them.. and now he is being a dad to his new baby. or so i have been told. yes it hurts.. but i don't have the time or the energy to let his life affect mine. i do the best i can for my kids.. and we are a team ... the relationship i have with them is the most important thing in my life.. my kids are a set of twins that are 11 and the oldest is 18.. .. the one thing i did have to remember.. that my kids are part of me and part of him.. and even some of the good qualities in them . came from their dad and his family.. some kids actually understand that they are part of their parents. so if you tell her that he is a jerk.. on some level that she may think that something is wrong with her...
but i will tell you the worse thing that happened was my oldest father came back when she was 14 and told her that everything was my fault.. yes .. we had some problems for it.. . it took some time. but she finally saw the light and realized that he was just feeling quilty about how he treated her.. and blaming me was the only thing he could do.. my oldest daughter and i are now back to the way we use to be.. maybe even better.. but what she said that hurt her the most was when she was old enough why did i not tell her some the of things that happened .. the good and the bad.. so at least then she would have some answers to the questions she had..instead of the ones that her dad had to say. and of course his version of what i did was totally off..there is a fine line of telling your child what happened. .. and why their family does not include dad living with them. ...
so now with my twins. we talk about the good the things that happened when we were a family. they are allowed to remember or even know about some of the vacations.. or even sunday dinners at grandmas.. .. and even some of the things their dad and i did before we decided to have them.. my ex and i were together for several years before we planned to have kids.. we split up when they were 2 years old.. i have pictures of his family up on the wall. it is sometimes hard for me..but right now my life is about raising them . and when the twins are hurting or missing their dad.. i let them express those feelings.. without my opinion . other than i understand how you feel .. and that it is ok.... i believe our kids need to know that it is right to be angry .. how they express that anger is what is some times not ok..
that is the realationship i have with my kids. and i know not for everyone will what we do work. but never say that they dad is a jerk.. honest the kids will figure it out on their own what is real and what is not ..
k | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/22/2007 2:07:08 PM | | well, here's my humble advice to you. i am a 27 year old mother with a five year old son. from experiance i can tell you that there's not much to tell her because it's apparent that children already know these things. all you need to do is sit back and just be there for her and answer all of her questions open and honestly. it pays off in the end. enjoy the parental advice while you can because in a few years she will think she knows it all and won't depend on you as often. | |
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Heide
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Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 119 | |
| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:27:11 PM | You don't. You love her the way that a mother should. You be there for her when he doesn't follow through, and when she is older she will see and appreciate what you do for her. I myself am a single parent of a child who doesn't even realize that somewhere out there exists the other contributing half to her genetic make up. He's not present, has never been, and never will be, (excluding the brief period where he met, injured, and threatened her very life). I don't talk about him, and he is a non-issue. I would not try to explain to her that he is out there somewhere but that he is schizophrenic and doesn't care or believe that she is his, can you imagine what this would do to a child? You love your daughter the way that parents are meant to love a child, and when she is older she will see the love you have for her, and the times you were there, and she can form her own conclusions about her father. If you do this for her, she will resent you, she'll go through a period of denial where she will try to make it perfect, and then she will crash down even harder, only this time, she won't eagerly turn to you. Tread carefully. Don't have any of the confrontational moments in front of her, do that privately, and if he is an all around dead beat, let the courts work it out.
Best wishes. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/22/2007 8:42:07 PM | As you very well know , your ex is not being the farther he should be!
There are many familys in the same situation as yourself , but its not right to go slagging of your ex to your little girl .
At the end of the day, he is her dad , (good or bad) ... all you can do is make sure she gets all the love and attention she needs from yourself !
As time goes on, she will relise that he's never been there for her and will then make her own judgements on her dad.
Its a sad situation, 1 that i can never understand ?
JAZZY J  | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/22/2007 8:55:47 PM | You don't.
It will break your heart without a doubt - it's better to say nothing at all then "trash talk" another parent .
I have an ex who would/will buy my children everything and anything, but is not "there" - your ex seems to be present on holidays , birthdays and really that matters more -- in time your daughter will probably find out he is a jerk, but she will respect you for trying to protect her -- she is only 7 you can be "the good guy" and keep token stickers, books etc... and just like the easter bunny/tooth fairy/santa ...you can pull out a gift when your daughter is saddened ands say" your daddy left this for you" -- I know it is lying, but isn't it her happiness that counts ? | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/23/2007 3:55:56 AM | Hey there.............
I can hear where your coming from, My ex and I went through something similar i learnt to just comfort my son when he again was let down from his father.......
In all due respect i would not reccommend bad mouthing her father, dont fall victim to poisoning her with your thoughts of her father, try to find another way of easing her hurt without having to be the bad wolf ...... Remember at the end of the day she loves her daddy, and thats her daddy!!!!!
Just comfort her , cheer her up she will bounce back.......... | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/23/2007 4:34:28 AM | when a relationship break's down, you go trough the process of shock hate sadness to not caring about the other person anymore but when there are kids their will always be some form of cntact with the other parent alothough u might not want it so for the sake of the childrens mental and social wellfare u have to try and say something nice about the miserable fcking **stard and the uncareing selfcentered mean other parent who left u to raise ur kids alone !   I have done that and i and my kids are much happyer! I bring them to vist her a few times a week and they and me are doing well . she bad mouths me to them all the time but i dont care the kids dont really listen to her anymore they love me and they tell me this every night when i put them to bed . im really loved by two little people and thats all the matters . roddney | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/23/2007 5:18:20 AM | i understand your frustration about how your ex is treating your child but slagging him off to her will not help matters in the long run
This mans endless broken promises are something she will remember as she grows into a young woman and at some point when she is no longer going to tolerate it, his bubble will be burst.
Next time he picks her up, say u have plans for the following week for a special treat and see is response, I assure u she will lose interest in this worthless man | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 4/23/2007 6:35:25 AM | | You don't! I have a similar problem. I have 2 boys 5 & 9, and I NEVER say anything derogatory about their father to them or around them...EVER. I normally don't tell people what to do but you're asking for advice. My advice is to just be there for your daughter, if there are plans set up fro her to spend time with her dad don't tell her. Don't NOT make plans because he said he'll be there to get her, instead have something simple in mind to do with her and if he doesn't show up she wont be disappointed. If he truly is unworthy of your daughter, she will form a poor opinion of him all on her own and you should not interfere. | |
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