| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/8/2007 3:08:59 AM | | hey there,sad story sweety,but you have to think atleast she sees her dad ,plenty of kids out there dont,my youngest is 6and a half knows who her dad is but never had the chance to spend 2 hrs with him let alone a day,you need to explain to yr child that its sad that daddy doesnt give you little gifts,for special times,but hon she has must understand,that because someone does not buy you a gift,doesnt mean they dont care,yes he should make the effort, but its not the end of the world if he dont,you need to reasure her that she has lots of special things,and lots of loving people around her try turn the bad feelings in to great happy ones, and telling her ,her dad is a jerk well hon remember you might know that and feel that at the end of the day it is her dad,no matter what happens ,try be positive about the whole thing just be strong for your daughter | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/8/2007 5:33:42 AM | It's easy for me to provide my opinion because I'm not living with the frustration. When a child is seven it is easy to distract them with something wonderful so they don't feel bad about themselves.
A couple of things I would do.
Never speak ill about your 'ex' around your child. Never.
Don't turn around and tell him what she said. Is she still in the car? She can feel your frustration, anger and disappointment. Carry on and have a great day in some other way.
Don't try and change the person your 'ex' is. You are expecting your 'ex' to be something he isn't and all the words in the world isn't going to change who he is.
Allow you 'ex' and child to develop whatever relationship they can. She will soon be old enough to form her own opinions about who he is.
I wish you all the best. Children are so precious. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/8/2007 8:59:24 AM | | unfortunately I think all you can do is let the years of disapointment continue until your child figures out for themselves what an ass dad actually is. In the mean time provide as much love and reassurance as you can that even without him they will always be loved and cared for and paid attention to . I always tell my childs father.... if your daughter ends up hating you, it will be your fault... not mine. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/8/2007 10:29:27 AM | Sorry I didn't read the entire thread....
No matter how you feel or what you think of the man who fathered your child... you have NO business expressing or convincing or manipulating your child into believing the same.
ALL children no matter what have a right to make their own judgement and decisions based on their parents behaviour rather than someone attempt to make that decision for them.
Before you jump all over me.. in the end that is what you want. You want your child to despise and hate and see your ex for the person you see him as. Yet you have NO right to do that. Your child has a right to see for themselves who their father is and make their own decisions as you have made your decisions. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/8/2007 5:09:41 PM | I'm having a difficult time with some of the answers I've read here.
While I don't think you should tell your daughter her father is a jerk, I do think that you can be angry with him for the way he hurts her feelings, and I think you can be angry in front of her.
Some people have said that it's wrong for your little girl to expect a gift from her dad on her birthday, or something to that affect. I disagree with that. It doesn't take a lot of money to go to the dollar store and buy something for her. It's the thought that counts and his thoughts were not on her. I would also get her into counseling. She's going to need it. God Bless. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/8/2007 7:16:37 PM | ok, y'all are gonna hate me, but i have to dissagree with most of you. im in almost the same situation with my daughter's father. keep in mind that children are little people and they are extreamly intellegent. although, you shouldnt come right out and say he is a "jerk", dont make excuses for him. i learned my lesson with that. when my ex and i split up, he promised my daughter he would call her every night to say goodnight to her. a week went by, a month, 2 months, finally i got so tired of the look in her eyes when the phone would ring and the dissapointment of it not being her dad. i sat down with her one night, keeping in mind this is a three year old, and asked her how she was feeling. she said "daddy doesnt like me anymore cause im bad." this compleatly broke my heart. kids will put any situation and think its thier fault. i simply told her "daddy is being very selfish right now and it's not ok to lie. if you are mad at him, its ok to feel that way. but you are a wonderful loving little girl and daddy is missing out on a great kid. you did nothing wrong, and you have alot of people who love you very much." then we went on to talk about all the people who love her and all the things that make her special. my daughter then decided on her own that she wanted to draw daddy a picture about how sad she is and send it to him. so she did. for a seven year old i would sujest letting her write a letter, and dont worry about how it makes him feel. just let her tell him from her own words how what he is doing is making her feel.
some times it changes sometimes it doesnt. in my case it didnt, but the important thing is my daughter got to express freely how the siyuation is affecting her, and she is now slowly healing from it.
best of luck to both of you
melanie | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/8/2007 9:19:41 PM | | If you want your children to turn on you later on. Keep pounding that in their head. If their dad is a "jerk" keep that to yourself. Kids have a right to have a relationship with their father and know him for him and NO outside source should tell those kids otherwise (yours included). I don't watch Dr. Phil but this sounds like a Dr. Phil episode waiting to happen | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/8/2007 10:52:55 PM | You do not need to tell your kids their father is a jerk. Is not for you to burst their bubble, every kid must be allowed to love their Dad, even if you think he is a jerk. Let the children make up their own minds, if he really is a jerk....they will see it and wont grow up feeling tainted by your opionion.
My ex is a loser...but my boys love him. They dont see him very often, as often as my ex gets around to it.....but who am I to say ,..their daddy is a jerk.....at some point in time you mustnt have thought so......they will work it out too | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/9/2007 1:01:58 PM | My mom and step dad pretty much did say things about my dad being a loser. Whether they were right or wrong didnt matter. Now some 35 years later I still resent them for saying the things they did. My dad had a different opinion of what it meant to take care of his kids while he wasnt living in the home with us. The thing is, now that his daughters have all been through a divorce and are going or have gone through things that he put our mothers through, he sees things differently. And we never had to say a thing to him about it. He knows he did wrong by us but we all still love him. My mother knows she did wrong by talking bad about him to us and she still regrets it.
I have to try very carefully when my daughter says things about her dad. He pays his child support and buys her gifts. Money isnt a problem for him. Its the quality time she gets with him thats an issue now. He's remarried to a woman who has kids and they do things together and my daughter resents that she doesnt get the same quality time with him. He chooses to do things with his new family when its her weekend with me. I encourage her to talk to him about it. I cant explain his actions because I'm not him. I HAVE told him that he needs to be a little more careful about what he does when she is not with him because the more she learns about the things he's doing with his new family and NOT doing with her, the more she resents him. There are really only a few years where our kids WANT to be with us and he is wasting hers. Soon enough she will be busy with her friends and not want to go on weekends with him and he will regret the choices he made. But its his choice to do so and I dont need to point those out to her or him. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/9/2007 3:11:36 PM | My daughters father was and is a complete waste of space but I let her find out on her own. Kids never thank us for saying bad about their dads.
I thought just because I dont get alng with him she might. He may be a crap man for you but he may end up being a good day eventually.
So I let nature and time do its work on this one. | |
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lulah
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Joined: 5/3/2007
Msg: 162 | |
| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/9/2007 5:03:48 PM | My daughters dad put me through some really bad times but I have never told her.
As long as they treat the children right it doesnt matter what has happened in the past.They have a really good relationship now | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/9/2007 5:54:32 PM | I agree with the other post....u tell her and u r the bad guy...all u can do is just be there to pick up the pieces and for her to cry with if need be....i got three kids whose dad is a total jerk...my kids r 6, 8, & 10....and many nights we have a cry fest because other kids dads do things with them and they are stuck with just me....
Eventually she will realize on her own and know that u were the one that was there for her...
good luck!
Autumn | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:18:45 PM | Ah late late post...
You can't tell her her dad's a jerk. For the main reason, he IS her dad, and if you put him down, you're telling her she's half a jerk. You're insulting her gene pool.
Believe me, she'll figure it out sooner or later nad hen she's going to need you more. No matter how badly you want to insult him, pick at him, put him down - don't do it. Regardless of anything... he is still her father.
I"m sorry. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/10/2007 3:24:21 AM | | You dont. If the child ahs a relationship with their father & its ok then leave it. If hes a jerk to you then thats your point of view it has nowt to do with the child. Im sure as the child gets older they may find out for themselves but you dont tell them their dad is a jerk. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 6/10/2007 8:58:50 AM | | Is the OP still around? Are you taking notes? I would like to hear your opinion on this, you heard from many of us and about 98% of us agree with one another. OP what do you think?? | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 7/9/2007 10:14:36 PM | I have never said anything bad or negative about my son Bio father to him until about 4 months ago. My son and I always seem to have the best talks in the car. Anyway I have always told him the truth, but u can tell the truth without really cutting someone down. When he asked I tell him that I don't really know where his bio Father is. When he asked me about him with a pointed ? that I could not dance around. I had to think real hard (because I know one day my son will ask to meet his bio father then I will have to hunt this man down so my son can meet him). I told him that he was not good to me and that he took my car out of state and did not bring it back. At that point my son said that is enough Mom. I told him I did not mean to upset him, he said U did not Mom.
What I did not tell him was that he would hit me and abuse Josh . I am a very strong will person and anyone who knows me can't understand what happen to me at that time. But when other things happen in your life you can let someone take over you and whom u are until u become a strong again. I did go though hell and guess what I came back. That happen years ago. My son will be 11 this month and to me he is the best person on this earth. Joshua has gave me so much and tought me to become a better person. He tells me that I am the best Mother he has....I tell him I am his only Mother.. LOL. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 7/9/2007 11:32:49 PM | You dont tell her. Keep your rage to yourself. Let her find out for herself what her definition is for her father. If he is all the things you say, she will catch on eventually which is sad because it sounds as though he will likely break her heart!
Try to salvage what you can.... if you can! | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 7/13/2007 10:25:02 PM | | I agree, you can't tell her. I have an 8 yr old and twin 4 yr old kids and I try to talk good about there dad around them, even though I don't like him now. I try telling the kids good stories from when we were happy. The day will come when she will realize he's not so great on her own. I just think of it as if they find out on there own then he is the jerk, but if I tell them I would be the bad guy in there eyes. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2007 10:14:57 AM | You just need to step back and let her figure that out on her own. He isn't gonna make it that hard for her to realize. The more you try to cover for him or intervene the more you destroy her vision of you.
You can only be responsible for your relationship with her, not his too. If he wants to screw it up, that is his perogative. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2007 2:54:59 PM | | DON'T WORRY SHE ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT. MY 4 INFORMED ME AND VERY GLAD TO ELABORATE Y. BOY I LEARNED A LOT ONE AFTERNOON ABOUT HOW THEY FELT AND NOW THEY DON'T CARE IF HE HAS CONTACT BECAUSE OF FEW TIMES HE DID HE TREATED THEM HARSHLY ,BROKE PROMISES,MADE OF THEM,LATE TO PICK UP AND EARLY DROP OFFS OR HELD THEM ONCE LATE AS PUNISHMENT BECAUSE HE WAS MAD AT THEM FOR NOT WANTING TO EAT THE GIRLFRIENDS COOKING AND THEY WERE ALLERGIC TO SOME OF IT.SEAL MEAT OH NO WAY.MADE ONE OF THEM EAT AND SHE GOT VERY ILL.THINGS LIKE THAT CHILDREN NEVER FORGET. JUST SUPPORT HER FEELING WHEN THE TIME COMES AND TRY TO MAKE UP FOR BROKEN PROMISE IN WHATEVER WAY U CAN.JUST LET HER KNOW SHE CAN COME TO U FOR ANYTHING . | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 175 | |
| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:00:59 PM | ^^^^^^^why are you shouting? i have no idea what you were trying to say there. I make typos sometimes to but i do try to make sense. Try re reading before posting.
read the rules...No CAPS. | |
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