| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 8/13/2007 10:00:30 PM | You don't tell her anyhing bad about her dad. Let me tell you my situation. I have been raising my 14 year old son alone since he was 2 months old. I was never married to his mother. My son was born with drugs in his system and I told his mother she had 2 months to clean up. 2 months later she was doing any and all drugs, so I took my son and left. I told her she could see him anytime she wished as long as she was not high. She never chose to. I never told my son about all the stuff his mother did like prostitution, comming to our house to try and get money from me and not even asking to see him. I just told him she had a problem with drugs, because telling him she was a whore or anyother bad thing serves no good purpose.
I would just tell your daughter that her father means well, but chooses not to be a responsible adult, never talk bad about her father, no matter what he does. Let your daughter make up her own mind.
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Marcus
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Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 202 | |
| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 8/13/2007 11:02:50 PM | | As per others advcie, you dont. Your child may be young but you cant force your impressions on her. It is indeed sad, however he will dig his own hole and it is easier to dig a hole than dig out of one. Just share your life with your daughter and forget the distractions. You dont need the negatives in your life. I am a single dad, kids 13 and 16 and my ex wife does the same thing to them. She continually lies to them about me, uses them as pawns, puts me down to them, refuses to pay her share of school fees even though in court order. This is only a learning path for you and your children. Good luck and GOD Bless. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:22:30 AM | | i TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. i WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO TELL MY 3 AND 5 YEAR OLD KIDS THAT THEIR CHEATING DAD IS THE REASON THAT OUR FAMILY IS BROKEN UP BUT HOW DO YOU, AS A LOVING PARENT SAY SOMETHING HORRIBLE ABOUT A DAD WHOM THEY LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY. tHE KIDS ARE INNOCENT AND SO, WE AS MOMS HAVE TO SPEAK ONLY GOOD THINGS UNTIL THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE CONCLUSIONS FOR THEMSELVES. YOUR DAUGHTERS TIME WILL COME WHEN SHE WILL FIGURE THINGS OUT FOR HERSELF, UNTIL THEN GOODLUCK AND JUST BE THE BEST MOM YOU CAN CAUSE SHE'LL REMEMBER THAT TOO! | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 8/15/2007 9:26:37 AM | | explain that sometimes adults make promises they're not able to keep, be there for her and let her draw her own conclusions. Kids are pretty smart, they absorb things like a siv, and she'll remember it as she gets older and know him for what he is.. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 8/15/2007 3:15:51 PM | You don't.... That isn't fair to her for you to talk about her blood like that. After all, no matter what he is like, it is her father, and HE is a part of her too.
"In a childs mind you would be calling her a "jerk", because of the bloodlines too...."
She's just a child... | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 8/21/2007 11:28:11 PM | OP >>> he must have been a real jerk for you to lay down spread your legs and let him have sex with you.
he probably wanted nothing more than to have sex and not become a father.
you women do nothing but amaze me with your distorted views and twisted logic, that you could never be wrong.
why don't you blame yourself for your poor judgement!! | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 8/22/2007 7:45:32 PM | Dear singlemom1969,
Tough one, I have three girls and their dad did behaved in a similar fashion. They would keep asking why he behaved the way he did and I like a fool tried to answer. Your daughter even though she is young knows her dad is letting her down and all I would do is remind her not to get her hopes up when dad promisses something. I used to say things like you know your dad loves you, but sometimes he just cant keep his promisses. Just tell the dad if you cant deliver dont screw around with your daughters feelings, step up or step away. Hope that helps, tough to see your kids cry. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 8/29/2007 5:31:21 AM | | AMEN TO YOU. You will find with anyone that is treating someone else poorly, and making false promises that if you give them enough rope they will hang themselves. I agree with you 100%. Children are not stupid, and it is not up to us to make excuses for a parent with no interest. They will figure it out on there own, when they ask the why's and how comes, all you can do is comfort them with a hug and say, I really wish I knew, but mommy/daddy doesnt know, just know that I am here for you and always will be. Hopefully they take some comfort in knowing they have one stable parent. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 8/29/2007 6:50:32 AM | in reguards to toomuch4u
wow kinda harsh there isn't it.. where did the OP state anything about this whole thing being about her? she is simply asking for advice on how to tell her daughter that the dad is a jerk.. who cares if there was poor judgement on who she chooses to have a child with.. nobody is perfect and nobody knows from the start of a relationship that the mother/father is going to turn out to be somebody that you really don't know.. now with that said..
OP you don't tell her that as others have said. I learned from a class that my ex husband and I had to take in order for our divorce to be finalized called "children in the middle" that you never put the kids in the middle of your differences.. which for some it is hard to do. no matter how much my ex and I disagree or can't stand eachother anymore I don't say anything bad to my kids about their father.. They have witnessed him call me every name in the book as we were going through our divorce but that doesn't make them stop loving him, which I'd hope that they don't ever stop loving him, just learn from that, that isn't the way you talk to a female or anybody as far as that goes. They will learn on their own as they get older how both parents are from their own point of views. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/7/2007 7:34:19 PM | imo...idont think that u should. i came from a broken home and my parents both did their best not to talk ill of eachother to me. my dad was a jerk and wasnt there for much of my life and i had all the broken promises lies ect...i learned on my own after giving my mother many hard times that my dad wasnt then man i had grown up thinking he was. this question hits very close to home for me as my dad passed away when i was 18 and even when he was sick i felt it wasnt easy to forgive him for what he had done to me. i remember once when i was i donno maybe 7 or 8 asking my mother after a few months had gone by without so much as a phone call(he moved to Ont.)if my father loved me, a very hard question for a child at that age, her answer to me was of course he does even though i know now it broke her heart to say so rather than tell me he was a jerk...i now know at 22 and well before that even i was about 15 that my mom was the one who was there for me when i needed anything. she is my bestfriend and i dont think that we would have the same relationship had i not gone through this learnig process on my own.
sad to say but history has repeated itself with my family life now. i have a 2yr old and her father couldnt remind me anymore of my own father if he was my dad...he comes around only when its good for him and never calls her, i have to make the call and hope that he will answer the phone because his little girl wnats to say good night. sure it would make things easier for me or at least make me feel better for the moment if i told her that hes an ass and doesnt care but y?? children r so inocent and do not yet understand the "bad" in ppl she thinks the world of her father do i really want to be the one to take that away. i know it hurts sometimes as i have hurt my mother by saying that i wanted to live with my dad and she was rude and had too many rules. i guess really all i can say is hang in there be strong and let he find out on her own. let her make her own judgement.
lol on the flip side to EVERYTHING i have just said(sorry i didnt mean to go on and on) do not lie for him. daddy had other plans he may have forgotten didnt have time. u can tell her the truth without pushing ur opp. on her. i hope this helped somewhat! take care and be strong! flutter. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:59:37 PM | The worse thing you could do is to bad mouth him, they will figure it out as they get older which is when he will probably contact them. The only thing I guess you could do is talk to him yourself and explain the effect he is having on his children with making empty promises and not seeking them, gifts, etc.
If he doesn't change I would limit his telephone privileges and seeing the children right now as you don't want to upset them, not good for them or you.
Take care and good luck, single parenting is not easy but we do get through it somehow. Just show them that you are a good, stable mother who loves them.
Good Luck | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/8/2007 12:36:06 AM | My daughter just turned 22. It's been the two of us from day one. He's met her twice, when she was 5 and 12. A few hours each time, making promises I knew he wouldn't keep. We weren't married, had already ended the relationship when I found out I was pregnant. I never said anything bad about her father and would not allow any one else to either. The kids learn pretty young what the parent is like. One thing you have to remember is that even though he is a jerk, and believe me, I know that one, your daughter is part of both of you. If you bad mouth him, or allow others to in front of her, she may begin to wonder if she's the same as he is, after all, he helped to make her. It didn't take my daughter very long to figure out what a jerk her sperm donor was/is. You need to remember that if you tell her these things, all you are doing is hurting her in the long run.
I've already lived it and my daughter turned out very well in spite of him. When I stop by where she works, she introduces to her regular customers and they all tell me what a sweet girl she is and how she is their favorite at the store. She's finally decided what she wants to do with her life and has started college.
If your daughter is asking you questions, she's already starting to figure this out on her own, which is the best for her in the long run. You just need to be there for her, support her in every way, and if she needs it, get her in with a good therapist that specializes in children.
My roommate says terrible things about his ex in front of and to his kids, he has full custody, and the problems that have already started are really bad. They both say bad things about each other in front of the kids, and the kids treat the parents just like they treat each other.
I wish you the best of luck with this, it is a hard road to travel. Just try and make sure she has a positive male role model in her life, that will go a long way to helping her. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/8/2007 1:11:20 AM | | A word of advice from someone who's been there, don't speak anything ill of her father to her. Kid's are pretty smart and figure out many things on their own, however they also can start resenting a parent who "bad mouths" the other parent in front of them. My son has grown up without his dad as well. Never have I spoken badly about him in front of my son. Yet, my son has figured out on his own that he's a deadbeat. He's 14 now. What I've always said was that when my son is ready to meet his father, I will assist him in doing so, thus far, he hasn't even asked. But it should be up to him to form his own opinions of his father without my influence positive or negative. I guess what I'm trying to say here is yes it's hard, you raise them the best you can, and the truth about their dad, mom or whoever comes out in the end. Good luck! | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:16:20 AM | | You don't. If he ends up lying to her, she will know it. But, you don't want to create hostility. If she comes to you for advice (if he doesn't deliver on promises or something), tell her you recommend she talk to him about it. 7 Year olds can be independent too and they can make their own decisions about people. Try not to create hostility. It's unhealthy for you and for your child. Also if it's her coming to him, he may actually do something, you coming to him doesn't help because he wants to be right and you to be wrong. If he does that to your daughter when she confronts him, she'll know she doesn't have a caring father. Your response to her should just always be supportive of her. "You're a wonderful girl. You're super smart." Anything which will bring her out of the sadness which could happen if she does get disappointed by his reaction. Also, when she cries, you can help her to extrovert by taking a walk with her and have her look at things on your walk. Do this until she brightens up and she may even tell you something she realized, this is a good time to end the walk and come home. This really helps a lot...it helps get people to not look inward so much and start looking outward.. It works on my daughter, friends and family all the time. Good luck! | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/8/2007 3:45:13 PM | I'm a single father with a 8year girl.
Her mom is far from a mother, including skipping out on 2 christmas day visits, leaving my daughter crying all day long.
I had my daughter for over 4years now and even with all the trouble and miseary she caused my daughter I NEVER said anything bad about her mom.
It's just wrong to put down the other parent , it just makes you feel better and hurts the child.
After a period of time the child will figure out the truth without your help. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/9/2007 12:05:39 AM | | You don't. It's something that they will figure out on their own. My 7 yr old also has a dad that's a jerk. I don't tell her that though. She knew darn well when he didn't show up at her birthday last month and when he tells her he's coming and doesn't show up. Anything important in her life, he's never there for. It's not worth your time or energy to worry about the short comings of the father. Just be the best mom you can be and make their lives fulfilling and don't worry about what you cannot control. Been there, done that and still doing it. As long as I make my kids happy, it doesn't really matter what the dead beat dad is doing or not doing. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/9/2007 11:41:23 AM | .I read the first line. and you NEVER EVER EVER talk bad to a child about his/her mother and/or father..ever! The child will grow up hating you and wanting to be with his father more when she is older. You want the child to see her father in a good light but he is the one who isn't doing the right things and or raising her right. She sees that..she can and will talk to you about how she is mad at him among other things...You do the best you can. You buy her gifts on birthdays and holidays and put your name and her fathers name on the gift. DO NOT even mention this again. to him or her.....there it is solved...no more fighting and being upset at your husband. No more having your daughter upset! The issue should then be dropped and never talked about again. DO it for your daughter...just tell her you decided to stop the madness and it won't be a problem any more. Do not tell her you are buying for him or anything to upset her...YOU be the hero, cause you husband certainly isn't. And too you are teaching your daughter how to be a problem solver, which is a good thing... | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:20:32 PM | about 3 months ago, my 13 year old asked
"why doesn't Mom ever say I love you, until after I do?"
I simply answered that's the way Mom is....she understood!
Nuff said | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:24:04 PM | I agree with ANGELPS- You buy the gifts and put the fathers name on it as well! I know that would be a hard thing to do, but it will save ur daughters feelings and thats all that matters at the end of the day! He sounds like a complete looser. YOU are better of without him HOWEVER SHE isnt! Its good that he still sees her! Many fathers / mothers dont give a toss about their children and dont even go see them! Never mention to her that her dads a jerk! Say nothin like that to a child! In time she will realise herself, and when she does it will be time enuf! Good luck!
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skoosh
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Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 223 | |
| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:57:34 PM | | She may only be seven years old but she has been learning alongside you the type of person he is. Your daughter will already have her own thoughts about her dad as she is voicing them to you. I would tell him shes starting to notice the pattern of being let down and how important it is for his child to feel special and wanted by him - it may only be an easter egg or birthday present to him but for a child it means to feel cared about,wanted n loved. You asked what do you say to her?? - acknowledge her feelings and how its not fair for her to feel let down, be honest with her. Children are good at asking questions and maybe he needs to here her ask him why??? pick up the peaces and make her feel better about herself and I do hope it doesnt come to this but prepare her for the next let down if there is no change. | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/11/2007 11:20:22 AM | | you definitely do not tell her that her dad's a jerk.... when she is old enough to make opinions for herself she will figure it out as what most people have been saying on here... | |
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| How do I tell my 7 year old her dad's a jerk?
Posted: 9/24/2007 9:32:59 AM | STOP-!!!
Don't you ever tell your 7 y/o the Daddy is a jerk. Let her make up her mind. Do your part and then if you can--limit the hone calls, talk to him about his crazy lies. I had to make a altermatum...If you can talk with the truth--you can call...if you can't--don't
In your case--the Dad see's the child and he is as sorry as any Man can be...It's tough--but you gotta throw some positive in....You start now with the "JERK"--it could carry over to all Men are...Lee | |
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