In my forty years, twenty of which I have been sexually and romantically active I have been with quite a few women.I've had one night stands, short passionate flings, long term realtionships, domestic living situations, and been nearly married twice. They have ranged in age from 15 years younger than me at the time (but still legal), to 30 years older than me at the time.

Physically they have been, short (well at 6'7" they've all been short to me :) ), tall, they have been "heroin chic" thin, they have been what society would call bbw's, they've had blond hair, they've had black hair, they've had (my personal favorite) red hair. They've had small breasts, they've had big breasts. They've had smooth skin, they've had a few wrinkles. They've been great in bed, they've been lousy in bed, yadda yadda yadda....

In other words they have all been different to each other, not one "type" of woman....And at the time I was with them they were the most beautiful woman in the world to me.

To me it hasn't been about their bodies and shapes, that bought me to want to love them, or make love to them. It was who they were...Their minds, their sense of humor, their passions, their playfulness, their way of looking at the world, their hobbies, their sexuality, their sensuality, our commonalities and our differences that lead to discovering new things. Not some society driven view of beauty or conventionality or what was appropriate (Like a 30 yr old male radio producer dating a 56 year old female actress- one of the most passionate and fun relationships I ever had).

The biggest, sexiest thing to me is not some superficial physical attribute, but what craftygirl wrote so eloquently about in one of the earlier posts which I quoted. It's self acceptance- being comfortable in your skin, in your body and in your own head.... If you've got that going for you when I meet you...Then you've got my :heart: or at least my for a few hours :) .


It is what the spiritual writer Oriah Mountain Dreamer wrote in her poem and subsequent book, The Invitation. If you've never seen the poem I will quote it here...It defines what I look for in human connections, not just romantic partners but in my freinds, male and female alike...


The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

-Fin-