| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 3:09:53 PM | | If his intentions were sincere... and his feelings were real .. he would not be acting the way he is acting .......sounds like a control freak .... a real idiot.. apparently his actions .. does not back up his words... he is definitely not acting like a man .. who has fallen for a women and wants more....he sounds like .. its my way or the high way.. type of guy.... and really... you should be thanking your lucky stars.... and keep him out of your life....if it was that important to him.. he would have given it time to nurture and grow....... he certainly is acting like a scolded kid... and sending the message. you didn;t want me under my terms and now you can't have me......either that... or hoping by playing his game.. and letting you hurt for a while.. that you will make the decision to see things his way...... not only should you move on.. but never look back......REJECTION....is lifes way of letting us know there is someone else out there for us...... | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 5:27:39 PM | OMG!!!! This sounds all too familiar to me. I went through the exact, photo-like scenario as yourself. Pretty scary if you ask me. Espressing I was "the one" after such a brief time of us meeting, asking to be exclusive on our second date, using the "I love you" so soon and obviously quite loosely etc. etc. and yes I did meet him here too. I'd be curious to know if we speak of the same person. If you'd like, you can email me privately because if it is the the same loser, then sweety trust me, no love lost because this is actually a pattern of his. He did this to me and also to a friend of mine that was on POF too .... exactly the same to her. She didn't want to listen to my warnings about him and eventually it ended up biting her in the a$$. Cut your losses and rise above it all, you're better off trust me. Oh and by the way HAPPY BITHRDAY!!!!!!! | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 8:29:26 PM | | The latest.....I guess I overstepped my boundaries, when he recieved my text wishing him "Happy Easter" hope all is well....yup, this is something I never experienced. Please keep in mind, this is a man, who practically proposed marriage after 7 days. He sends me a text stating and I quote, "if you text me again or e-mail me, I will file a harrassment with the police". OMG....he would send me anywhere from 10 to 15 e-mails a day. Leave messages on my work voice mail, saying "I just want to hear your voice". Ok so I should have not text him anything, another blow. I have not been stalking him, I apologized for the way he was feeling. So now I look desperate. I am truly not accustomed to a person behaving this way. Well I guess no wondering if I meant anything at all..... | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 8:39:18 PM | sweet thing1971.....well he definately lives in your area....is it possible that there are two of these characters??????? I have to say, I am going to be 35 in a few minutes, and never ever, seen anything like this, and I have alot of single female and male friends, who also where blown away by this guy. If it sounds that familiar, we have got to chat!!!
Thank you for the birthday wishes.
p.s. Did he hide his profile after your first date?
Feel bad for your friend....hope to chat | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:05:59 PM | A Class A narc.....read on and see if it fits, straight from the book.
Diagnostic criteria
At least five of the following are necessary for a diagnosis (as with many DSM diagnoses, they must form a pervasive pattern; for example, a person who shows these criteria only in one or two relationships or situations would not properly be diagnosed with NPD):
1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by other special people
4. requires excessive admiration
5. strong sense of entitlement
6. takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious or believes others are envious of him or her
9. arrogant affect.
If this applies to ANYONE you know...run away.   | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:13:27 PM | | I was just reading about this at chapters tonight...I didn't get to know him that well....but he has shown alot of those attributes. And OMG if he is the same guy as stated above, do I feel like I "dodged a bullet". The whole story is quite intriguing, possibly the reason I am trying to make sense of it? I appreciate everyone's valuable opinions. You would just think that a 37 year old man, has better things to do, than play these games. Truley he believes in his head that I am the "enemy". Funny thing is I was willing to give it another go. Glad I trusted my intuition. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:34:59 PM | OP ~ I'm sorry you're going through this, but as others have said this raises huge red flags and he is playing with your head. Doing the silent treatment and getting his ego fed by your emails etc. ... and they're right, he'll come back with the same intensity later... and it will repeat. Please protect yourself from this.
I'd 'met' someone on another site. We clicked instantly through chat (we were in different cities)... and it was fast and furious and got serious quickly within the 3 weeks we were talking. Then one day he went poof. Didn't answer my emails or offline messages... nothing... just gone. I can't tell you how much wasted time I spent agonizing over how someone could just do that to someone else? It boggles the mind. 8 months later he leaves me an offline and apologizes for what he'd done and said although he wanted it, he scared himself with allowing his feelings to get that intense that quickly. I told him point blank that didn't justify him just disappearing. We chatted for a couple of weeks as friends and guess what? He poofed again without a word.
Interestingly enough I met another person through that site in October of last year. He was going to be going to the west coast of the US for the month of December and wanted to drive up to meet me and spend time with me over the holidays. The last offline I got was that he was on the road and when he would be arriving at his US destination. Nothing after that either. I have NO idea if this guy is alive even. It's a crappy thing to do to someone for sure. Internet dating can be great if used honestly and with the right intention... unfortunately there are SO many that are dishonest, or not here seriously that ruin it for the rest. So many stories of scary / weird experiences tend to leave us (men and women) a lot more guarded which isn't fair if one does come along that is genuine as we might not give them a fair chance for fear of being screwed around again.
I hope you can move on from this and if he starts coming around... just let it and him go. Don't get involved with someone this emotionally volatile. It's not healthy and it doesn't sound safe either. It's hard when you think you felt sparks, but players are pretty good at making you think those sparks are there... in the end there's no real flame... just a pile of ashes. Dust yourself off and move on to better things! | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:28:42 PM | Thanks for the honesty...I really can't see him coming back, especially after he threatened with the police. If I was out of line, I would admit to that. Could of, would of, should of....it just erks me now that his ego is hugely inflated. I know as quickly as I "inflated" it, I could "deflate" it. He drained me during our brief relationship....but a few friends of mine were trying to convince me...he can't be "playin" he wouldn't want to remain exclusive and say "call me anytime day or night".....Oh the warning signs were there, I realize that now reflecting on it. On to bigger and better things. I took my pics of POF, was totally turned off by this whole experience. I am a woman who has been married, almost re-married and yet this "character" ???? Honestly I realize now so many things. He was very suspicious of my phone calls and why I carried my cell with me at all times. The list goes on....he acted as though "obsessed" with me. He knew how to play, but in my opinion he plays a little to hard. Serioulsy men, I think the worst thing to use to get a woman to sleep with you nowadays...is "if city hall were open, right now....would you marry me"? ARe you fing kidding me?? Buddy been there done that, of course we all want the picket fence, but thats a little to over the top. Thats what turned me away, not melt. So now he thinks I played a "game" and he has decided to end it. Which is a line I used often..."It takes two to play a game, and One to end it"!!!! He used my own words against it. Funny thing is that is something I have no time to do.....I hope he is enjoying that bottle of Ice Wine I bought him for his b-day. I know I am sounding bitter, I am not bitter, annoyed yeah. I don't wish this on my worst enemy. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:40:32 PM | You are not alone....I feel like I'm the new leading role for "How to lose a Guy in 10 days..."
Hang in there sista! You have to meet a few of the wrong ones first....do i really need to tell yah the rest??? | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/9/2007 10:53:11 PM | | i think his behavour had very little to do with you and a lot to do with him. it seems that when you gently said you needed to take things slower he over reacted. clearly there is something going on with him that causes him to behave differently then most would to a normal relationship discussion. i understand its hard to give someone up when you dont have something negative to end the relationship on but i think its for the best. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 4:42:51 AM |
The latest.....I guess I overstepped my boundaries, when he recieved my text wishing him "Happy Easter" hope all is well....yup, this is something I never experienced. Please keep in mind, this is a man, who practically proposed marriage after 7 days. He sends me a text stating and I quote, "if you text me again or e-mail me, I will file a harrassment with the police". OMG....he would send me anywhere from 10 to 15 e-mails a day. Leave messages on my work voice mail, saying "I just want to hear your voice". Ok so I should have not text him anything, another blow. I have not been stalking him, I apologized for the way he was feeling. So now I look desperate. I am truly not accustomed to a person behaving this way. Well I guess no wondering if I meant anything at all.....
Errrrrr what a total show pony......first class monkey chops...he gives most blokes a bad name.
10 to 15 emails A DAY.....christ did he ever get ANY work done.....  | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 9:08:43 AM | | All I feel today, is "stupid". It was a short time, but the intensity of his words and actions, was like nothing I have even seen before....my ex-husband wasn't that passionate, on our wedding night(might be why we are divorced...lol)Well what can I say..."good luck to him" I can't say I didn't have fun, it was a great time....must be something that happens to him on a regular basis, therefore so easy to get over. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:07:12 AM | OP - first I agree with all the posters who identified this guy as having some huge issues. I went out with someone who told me he would consider it "cheating" on him if I went out with anyone else - after the second date, 8 days after the first email contact! Since when does two dates constitute an exclusive relationship?
Nevertheless, you were swept off your feet, and experienced all the lovely feelings that go along with thinking you are falling in love with "the one" - He really cares about me, he's passionate, he wants to make me happy, etc. (All the things missing in a previous relationship.) There is not a thing wrong with that so don't beat yourself up. It shows you are a normal person, with the capability to love unconditionally!
But what you do take from this whole thing, is the lessons to be learned so it doesn't happen again (the ability to spot the red flags), because it hurts! Been there, done that and bought the tee-shirt! You will be better for having been through this, but he will have gained nothing! | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:44:04 AM | It is so cool that you are contributing all the way from there......maybe I need to re-locate..lol
Wish you were all coming tonight for a b-day drink..... | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:02:14 AM | Nope...thats all your fun......however I have just taken a sip of beer and nodded in your general direction....  | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:21:44 AM | | doingsomethingdifferent--- Please do not be so hard on yourself. Isn't life filled with first times? Being human is nothing to be ashamed of, I am certain that most everyone have done things they think back on with humility or wonderment. For me, I just laugh at my ignorance at the time and shrug it off with the fact that it is done and over with. I hope that you Birthday is/was the greatest one ever. Most certain of all, I am glad that you did not become more deeply involved with such a person as you described. Also, keep believing in your dreams and be mindful that there really are decent guys out there in the world. As long as you believe and try, you have an opportunity for your dreams to come true. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:39:25 PM | | What he is doing is called NC (No contact)...I learned this from a relationship healing sight.He must have found that site also.The reason for NC is to drive your ex crazy making them wonder what you are doing since your not answering their calls.The other purpose is to heal in the time that you are ignoring the other person.It can be cruel.But can also work.Stop calling him for as long as it takes.Go on with your life and see what happens.Make HIM wonder for a while. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:56:51 PM | | The guy really sounds like a jerk, what normal person gets that mad because the other party wants to take it slow? My honest thoughts are that he is abusive and acts like a king-baby when he doesnt get his own way. Id probably be glad hes gone because he sounds like a complete ass. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 1:08:30 PM | He wants to be exclusive after the second date? This is not always bad, my current guy decided on the first date and we have been together 5 months and discussing long term plans! It can happen, but I am aware it is rare and dependent on the parties ability to communicate clearly. Also, exclusive does not always indicate permanent, but can also mean someone is committing to working on one thing, rather than flailing around. In and of itself, it is not a bad thing.
Tukabirdy, you took the disorder right out of my mouth, but you may have overlooked those dependent personality disorder traits too. It might be more than one. I find a high rate of comorbidity with personality disorders. :)
This guy sounds psycho. He has shown a marked disregard for your boundaries and feelings, consider yourself red flagged. Take the space he has given you to look for something a little more stable. I know you want to avoid feeling rejected and it is really difficult to drop something so quickly when it was so glorious and intense so quickly, but don't make him whack you over the head with the red flags, just because you are lonesome at times.
I know we all want resolution. It's hard wired into a lot of us. It's irritating when someone takes away our right to resolve. But you can satisfy yourself and gain perspective by knowing he is probably complaining about all the women he has become involved with that "fear commitment." In fact, he may be posting to the forums as we speak...  | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 1:25:15 PM | | He knows that I am not one to ignore problems in hopes they go away or disappear. I am a very analytical person. A "GROWN UP". I try not to do to others what I wouldn't want done myself. He could have said "f-off" from the beginning, but nothing. So if his thing was to "irritate" and make me "wonder" yup did a "great" job. So I will in turn try this "NC" therapy. Please forgive me for dragging this on....the unfortunate part of this, is that he will continue to do this, and he will get what he wants. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 1:32:13 PM | Right thats it I have had enough....
Send me his details and me and my boys will go round and whoop his mental brain..........
we will invite him for a quite drink and then slipp 200ml of pure LSD into the base of his drink..........we can then take him to our strobe light factory and stick pins in his eye balls while a full length taped version of 'Revelations' plays long and hard to the sound of a crying child.
That shoud do it.......... | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 1:47:03 PM | You are awsome.....and I thought my Italian "mobster" friends were tough!!!!! Will be at the local "pub" toasting you guys tonight!!!!! Not Quite the UK but after a few PINTS it will be pretty damn close.....if I get on POF tonight and splur some crazy shit.....make no mind, it will be the alcohol talking...lol, see I have a sense of humour as well, sad that he doesn't!!!! New there was a "great" reason to stay on this site. Would love to chat with the woman who had the exact same situation( he lives in that same city) you know how it is....misery loves company...lol, just jokin
Miserable after him.....the father of my child, couldn't make me that miserable.lol | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 1:51:57 PM | Everyone is giving you good advice. If the guy loved you as he said, how could he stop so suddenly? You didn't stop because you are not lying, but he did!
Not long enough ago I had to make myself stop seeing a woman I really cared for but who I found was in love with someone else (a player like your guy). She still "loves" me but if he bothers to call her she will come running. I realized that the more I let myself feel, the worse I would eventually get hurt.
So I have decided that the cigarette analogy is almost an exact one. I really, really liked cigarettes when I smoked. Knowing in the back of my mind that eventually they would kill me. So do you cling to the addiction that you really like or exercise the will to kick the habit?
Like your guy, the cigarettes are available if you seek them out; fatal but available. Once you get over the addiction, really get over it, you are home free but it takes a fairly long time to get over it. BUT the worst thing you can do is to have just one cigarette-you get totally addicted all over again. You have to make yourself realize that this guy is a total jerk, using you and force yourself to ignore his existence.
You know you are addicted. You know you need to stop. Besides your friends and family, tons of people on POF are willing to help you. So you need to just quit! Which is easy for me to say, right? | |
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