| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 2:56:38 PM | | Its all right to be a little bitter.... not enough that it hurts you in future relationships... he is difinitely not worth it....his behavior is really strange for someone who supposingly wanted to get serious....proudly was seeing another woman as well.. she may even have been there when you called... so maybe he is indeed playing a game.. and letting on to whoever caught him.. that someone is harassing him.... if he wanted to look innocent in hers eyes . he would have to keep the game going in order for her to believe him.... unfortunately people can say anything.. and make them self look good to others..... like i want to be exclusive... ..if i tell her that.. she is really gonna think i am serious... and we like to feel people are sincere and care about us.. so we feed on what they say.....your friends.,.. because they care about you... wanted to see the good things as well.....it is a hard pill to swallow.. and no one deserves to be treated like that... but unfortunately..someone else will go through the same thing......what goes around comes around... and for sure he will get his....brush it off as a bad experience...and move on.. you deserve and will find so much better... | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 3:21:50 PM | DSD: Tell us about the hangover tomorrow....    
I have traced his ISPN number and my men are on their way tonight.....give me 48 hours and he is GONE! | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 4:14:56 PM | Here I am the girl that lives in the same city as this loser we speak of ... LOL Anyway, as I compared notes I don't think we speak of the same man which makes the situation even more scary that there's more than 1 of them out there .... maybe these 2 losers were seperated at birth. Anyhow, a man to claim his undying love so easily couldn't have possibly loved at all if it all ended so abruptly. Love doesn't just end at the snap of a finger and that's what he did and in my opinion and having gome through it myself, it wasn't love at all they claimed for us. It was a sweet talker we both were dealing with. To get us to fall easily and hard. They told us what we wanted to hear, not what they truely meant in their heart .... if in fact they do have a heart. Anyhow, got to jet and meet my sweetheart (yes, we met here 9 months ago....yippie), and like I said to you "doingsomethingdifferent", you know where you can reach me if you need words of encouragement or if you need me to do a stake out in Mississauga ... lol. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! I toast you. Enjoy, have fun and forget about this loser. Ciao for now :O) | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 4:24:52 PM |
All I feel today, is "stupid
don't feel that way...your profile tells me your smart
This guy sounds psycho
i'm no doctor, not in this field anyway, but, yep he duzz sound like a sick little puppy
I realize I need to let go
then let go and go have a Happy Birthday with people you trust!
in the meantime, a couple of things: something smells fishy about this guy with regard to a couple of the posters on here...you girls should be giving each other the heads up down there with private emails to double-check the same shark isn't swimming around there looking for someone he can control...that's what they do up here anyway...i think it's called in secret "girlpower"
i wouldn't be too worried about his threat of harassment...i have a feeling if your story's legit on here, and as a smart manager you've kept copies of the correspondences, tha last thing he wants is to expose himself to the authorities...call it a hunch...he sounds like a boy in a mans body, and if things get ugly with accusations here there and everywhere, they'll do a good look at his own hardrive and expose the guy for the little control freak he is...i think it's called in secret "karma"
like i've said so many times before to people "Better off down the road without that load"
Happy Birthday! | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 4:36:02 PM | Okay my new found friends, and the reason why I am letting my awsome girlfriends take me out for drinks tonight....I was going to sit on the couch, snacking on Easter Chocolate and thinking about how me and him were heading to a B&B this coming weekend.....who knows, maybe tonight I'll meet the "REAL" man of my dreams. Not that I need a "man" to complete me, but its nice knowing someone's there. I appreciate all of your words of encouragement and birthday wishes. You have no idea, how you have raised my spirits and I wish you all the very best that life has to offer.
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 4:44:36 PM | I feel for you! Maybe if I share with you my own experience recently it might help. The way you described the beginning of your relationship sounded SO familiar to me. I was in the process of a divorce when a manager where I am employed began to pursue me. Our first meeting was at a friend's house becuase the divorce wasn't final and I was afraid of being seen in public with a man. HE made the lunch, brought the salad, cokes, even the dishes! I, too, felt an "immediate connection". Okay, for the ending. After 15 months of being promised that we would "be together forever" (even promised my sons that we would all live in the same house and they could choose their own cats, etc.) he ended the relationship. I offer this because I wish he would have ended it when it began. He is a commitmentphobic. I don't know if I am allowed to put the web address here for what I found but it really helped in understanding that the break up had nothing to do with me. This is just what he does to all women. Do you know anything about this guy's past relationships? How many has he had? How long were they? As I shared with a friend of mine once when she said, "maybe his Mom can talk some sense into him" I replied, "If this relationship has reached the point of not being natural for him then I don't want to stay in it. It's not worth "dragging him through it!"
I am so sorry. I hope this helps.
1acesurvivor | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 5:07:46 PM | My ex was the same when we first met, all attentive, loving, generous, funny, couldnt do enough for me, nothing too much trouble etc etc. Then he started asking for committment, and even tho neither of us was divorced he was on about marriage after three months of meeting! He was constantly on the phone even while I was at work much to my colleagues annoyance. I explained to him from the start that I was not going to rush into anything as Id just come out of a bad relationship. I had "baggage" and so did he. We needed to work it all out, and I needed to be sure I wasnt going to end up making yet another mistake! He pressured me on and on relentlessly, I didnt like the pressure bit I liked him apart from that so kept the relationship going. I began to think I had found a man who truely loved me, and that he was the most lovely man I had ever known. So eventually I decided I would let him move in with me ( tho it wa 2.5 years on!) only to find out he was seeing a married woman (colleague ) behind my back. He has since turned out to be the most selfish and cruel man Ive ever know. (Too long a story to tell it all but it has been awful) . However, he really got to me and Im finding it hard to get over him. I still love him and want him back, but hate him for the terrible delusion he created. But Its only the delusion I still love, as Im told by other people who have known him a long time that the cruel, cold, selfish heartless man is the real one. The charm and smarm was just an act, a means to an end, an ego trip which he fed himself on - then when he'd had enough he just switched it all off and onto someone else. That is not love - at least not my idea of it.
Look up the work "sociopath" on the web and see if any of the characteristics it describes apply to your ex. It may just convince you that you (and I ) have had narrow escapes! Im working on it still!!!
Take care - hope you find a genuine and loving man soon! | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 6:29:57 PM | sweetie his interets and concern were not for u he had his own interets at heart be glad he is gone. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 6:49:26 PM | | Wow and you miss this guy, what a kid he is, he must of been something special though when you were together, or you might not feel this way, but look at him now that you wanted some breathing room, acting like a real kid, with no manners, so think back and wonder why you were so gong ho over him, and then work on that, there must be something there that you are missing or a weakness that you should give some attention. Letting go though maybe difficult if you do not work on this. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 7:31:19 PM | aw sweetie believe me that happin to me but was me that went to fast now im payin for it if i can tell you anything trust your heart and if he was pushing it was only because he truly did feel something for you dont stop trying maybe he needs some space to trust you too
jennifer  | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 8:06:32 PM | I just wanted to add another story to the "what might of happened if you didn't try to slow him down" pile. I dated a guy for 6 months and believed wholeheartedly that I had found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He was and is still the most compatible person I have ever met. We wanted ALL of the same things, liked the same things (music, activities, movies, tv, food, etc...) had the same values... he was really quite perfect for me. Our first "date" we talked for almost 12 hours straight on Lavalife and then I ended up driving to his place and lying in bed talking all night. Within a week he was making jokes about eloping. I told him that I didn't want to go too fast because I really liked him and didn't want to lose him... the problem was that even though I said that, I didn't slow it down... I just rode the wave of his enthusiasm. I went home with him at Christmas after 2.5 months to meet his parents and on the way home he told me he was saving for an engagement ring and asked what kind of wedding/reception I wanted. We both wanted to get married at a golf course and have a BBQ reception and were thrilled. Many times he told me point blank that we were going to marry, have kids and live happily ever after. Understand, we are both 30ish professionals with Masters degrees; this wasn't just kid stuff and we were serious about really believing each other was the one.
Then suddenly after Christmas, he just pulled away. I knew something was wrong, but he wouldn't talk about it. He became more thoughtless, didn't buy me a birthday gift, didn't do anything for Valentines day and eventually completely broke my heart. He went away to vacation in Africa for a month (it was long planned), didn't communicate with me and eventually when I called him on it, sent me an email telling me he just didn't love me. I talked to him once after and he was just cold and said that he didn't miss me while he was gone and so knew I wasn't the one for him. When I asked if we could try again without so much pressure from going so fast he said he just wanted a blank slate and to move on. He didn't cry or show any of the passion from the first 2 months; he was very stoic. This from the man who wanted to marry me 3 months before. I was kind and let him go with grace and very little anger (which I sometimes regret, because I apologized for things I didn't really need to and I was actually really angry that he didn't give me any answers or show much remorse) but I totally empathize with you... I was devastated. He wasn't even a very good boyfriend (thoughtless, emotionally closed, etc...) but I was so excited about the man he was at first that for weeks I just felt a profound sense of loss, even though I didn't know if I loved him or wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It just seemed like life dangled my dream in front of me and then yanked it away after a few months. All of my friends colleagues still can't figure out why a 6 month relationship devastated me so much, but it did; much more than my two 4 year ones before that. Our hearts are so complex and moving on isn't always "very simple". I wish I had have slowed him down at first, because then when he did pull away I got a bit needy and I'm sure I pushed him away even more. Plus, I was disappointed that he wasn't excited about me anymore so quickly and I didn't know why. I've come to accept that I was a rebound/transitional relationship as a long term (4-year) partner had just moved out of his home about two weeks before we met, but it still just hurts when a dream is taken away from you. This could have been you and an earlier break up may have saved your heart just a little bit. I wish you all the best as you try to get over this. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 9:15:14 PM | | This guy is a nut case. Consider yourself lucky to be free of him before he tries to take complete control of your life. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/10/2007 9:44:04 PM | | You guys have been my saving grace....trust me when I say, I have gotten over a divorce and bounced right back. Tonight it was hard(when drinks are involved) I was approached by men and tried, but could not get into it. Your stories move me and have opened my eyes. Nobody deserves such experiences, I keep thinking had he given me 5 minutes(in person) to try and explain???? Okay I sound "messed" for lack of a better word, please keep in mind one too many b-day drinks..lol, but I did not "drunk and dial or text" and I am going straight to bed. Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your stories... | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 11:00:43 AM | DSD: Its all OK now.........I have had the call.....the boys dun good.
Would you like his kneecaps as castenets.......... | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 12:09:19 PM | | Hey, girl... let me suggest something.... I am a super-nice, almost too nice type of girl. A lot of guys mistake me for the girl that's falling in love already...I'm just happy in my life, and I love men. I get a lot of cold shoulders. That's okay with me! I have adopted the two call limit. If I call twice, and he doesn't call back at least to say he's been "real busy", I erase his number from my phone...period. The other part to that rule is to have a few backups...let's face it, we're single, we're bored, dating more people is more fun. You don't have to be a skank about it, but I promise you that a lot of the bachelors out there are not sitting home wondering what you're doing. That guy...as clingy as he was... do you really think he wasn't out there on a date as soon as you told him you needed more time? He went to the next girl on his list. I see nothing wrong with that. He did you a favor...trust me. You weren't giving him what he wanted. Sounds like he was a ticking time bomb of drama, anyway...But build that list up... you will have a hard time getting caught up on the wrong guy when some other hot guy is ready to take you out and be nice to you. The more you date, the more great guys you will meet. I use marketing at work, and with dating. Trust me...it works.... numbers, girl, numbers (huge wink). | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 1:25:56 PM | | I feel good today, even great!!!! Started this forum with no expectations and you guys have opened my eyes, and made me realize that its not worth all the drama. I am thankful. I got out today and had great business meetings, I love you Cody....you are my true "knight and shinning armour" !!!! I definately going to take your advice lebunni and I am glad to have met a new friend in sweet_thing1971 and of course all of you!!! I will still love to hear from you all still......anytime you have more advise and stories, love to read them!!!! Talk to you soon | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 2:16:41 PM | you guys are too much.....lol
Hope you don't get banned for this.
Do you think he will come back noww???? LMAO!!! Just kidding... | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 2:47:14 PM | | Right this is a heart breaker..........Im glad you had even the shortest of time with someone you like. Im really sorry, however, that it went down the pan. PLease dont let this stop you from looking for the one person who will make you happy. Its not just an adult thing, remember when you where at school, and the guys would ask to take you out, now and then it was good, and also at times it was rubbish - well just because we are 30 somthings or 40 somethings it makes no difference, we all have the ideal in our minds and we search for them, but during the search we experience other people, its called learning................we never stop learning. Have fun | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 2:56:10 PM | Hi doingsomethingdifferent,
Like you, I am a pretty successful business woman. You know...I really thought that my experience and instinct was pretty accurate. But I have to tell you...I had a wonderful relationship last Christmas....we saw one another EVERY day for 36 days...the reasons for our breakup are not similar, but the hurt sure is. Can't remember when I've gotten blind sided like that. Really threw me for a loop...couldn't stop thinking about him...we continued t communicate for several months via email....he lives in another country. Things are finally starting to get a little better! So as always, time takes care of most things. Just wanted to lend my support and let you know that it can happen to anyone....I guess the only thing really good about it is that we become aware that we still have deep emotions. If there's anything I can do to help...just buzz. Keep your chin up! | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 2:56:20 PM | It's hard to add to all the sensible observations here. Maybe just one little piece of advice that hasn't yet been offered.
OPie, obviously this guy kept saying the things that lit your eyes up to control you. Obviously, you had the uncommon sense to step back from the absurdity of a stranger claiming - demanding - intimacy.
But you miss it. You want the substance of the things he said, and that makes the shell of them attractive. He's a bomb looking for someplace to explode, but a cute bomb who says just the right things. What's a girl to do?
May I suggest you start saying those very same things to yourself? Out loud? With passion and conviction? "You are BEAUTIFUL!" "You are amAZing!" Whatever. You don't need Captain Toxic to say them for you, do you?
And, anyway, isn't this what a woman's girlfriends are for? To say these things and mean them, even after Mr. Possibly comes along? Where are your galpals, OPie?
Cheers!
Vulf  | |
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