| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:12:25 PM | What I truley think happened was....I have always been a "no shit" kind of person. I have been focusing on my career and my daughter(now 12) and all that is going great, I though"let me open, myself to this"...."it feels good, what the hell". I even watched the "secret" and invisioned what I wanted in an intimate relationship(maybe a little too much..lol) Anyway I have my career and my daughter on her way to her own independence and me 35, I can have it all now. Gotten over my divorce, and some ups and downs. I am going to be "cautiously optomistic and go with this" I was open with him from the beginning and told him I had fears like everyone else, but I would be open. He was convinced we could make it through anything. I would get countless e-mails(I really didn't need that much reassurance) He would say you are perfect, trust me I am not perfect....game or no game, he was putting pressure on me to be "perfect" and this is a man who was also successful and independent, seemed well put together...so why wouldn't I believe him. So I let my guard down and BANG...I made to him the mistake of questioning him....and he was gone. I was not drilling him, I was not asking him where he was etc....I just said why the "urgency" I am the first to admit I could have done things differently(in heinsite), but I was willing to work through this with the man, who said(I am falling in love with you). Okay so I have been a little burned, and felt like NOPE not doing this again, thanks to you all and a little self insight, I will not let "ONE" man ruin it for the others....lol
Too much info I know. But you are all so thoughtful with your opinions and the great lengths you go to, you are deserving of the best explanation I can give....good bad or indifferent. Gotta run I will check back later. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 6:51:54 PM | Lesson number one internet dating; this must be taken slowly. We do not know the people we have been talking to no matter how long we talk over the net.
Look at them as actors on a world stage, do we know who they really are..?
The old fashioned way is the best, you met, you go out, you met friends and family and talk to them about him. They know him better then you.
Lesson number two; put it down to experience, learn by it and try not to make the same mistakes again..
Lesson three; keep what little dignity you have left. Stop all contact with him. Destroy letters, emails phone numbers so in a moment of weakness you can not contact him.
Wash this man right out of your hair. Vinnie | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/11/2007 8:44:07 PM | | It sounds like he felt rejected by you and that might have hurt his pride or ego. Some people don't know how to handle rejection very well. Time will tell what it brings. All you can do is live your life the way it was before this happened. If it was meant to be, it will work itself out. Love and pride don't mix very well, you either have either one or you don't. | |
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| Going threw a similar thing...
Posted: 4/12/2007 12:16:53 AM |
If this man cannot or will not understand why you needed to slow down, or give you the time and space that you needed, then he is selfish and your needs mean very little to him. Always best to find these things out early on; that's why dating for at least 6 months is a good rule of thumb. It gives a person time to reveal or have revealed, those characteristics and qualities that may not be desirable in a future mate.
Beautiful Deviant , I am going threw a similar suituation with my ex...but everyday she keeps telling me how she loves me and misses me, and calling me hun and shit like that and she said she just wants to be friends with me cause she wants to spend time with her son but on her myspace she has she is looking for a relationship and today I was chatting with a guy she was trying to get with on here..told me how she sent him a rose and everything
I have a right to know why she leads me on like that and she avoids talking about us or what I am feeling...in the real world when someone is your "first love" as she said I was you dont become friends with them and try dating someone else....what do u think about her and what I should do because I do lover her but she cant be telling me she loves me and then tries avoiding talking about us. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/12/2007 12:31:39 AM | Again thanks for the continuous support, I am not normally this "weak" ....
Hun.. point out one person who has never been weak.. I will show you a liar!!!! We are all here, we share, we support and sometimes we give someone a good community kick in the butt when they are seriously wrong! I have read the posts and Yeah he is jerking you around. He put pressure on you to meet his expectations of you, instead of excepting the real you. Be better than that... you are valuable, beautiful, strong, successful and intelligent! Why would you need someone in your life who plays manipulation games? ANSWER... You don't!!!! Hang in there... you will meet the right man... just be glad you identified one of the wrong ones early.
Hugs and prayers, | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/12/2007 6:25:04 AM | | I can't send you a message since I am not a guy:)Do a Internet search for e not alone...look under getting back together topic and the no contact thread.Superdave 71..this seems to be theraputic..good luck! | |
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| Going threw a similar thing...
Posted: 4/12/2007 6:42:15 AM | darthtorch,
The relationship you describe sounds very unhealthy.
I know someone who is doing the same thing...she's considered married by common-law, they just bought a home together, and she's online meeting men. Before the holidays, she accepted a proposal for marriage from someone...all without telling her SO. She was meeting another guy over the holiday weekend that she's created a relationship with online. When I tell her how Fk'd up that sounds and ask why she doesn't just leave him, she always says, "But I love him, we've been together 17 years."
Honestly...I think she's trying to find someone to latch on to before she lets go of the last guy...taking care of her own needs without thought for anyone else.
I can't say why your ex does it, I'd say attention-seeking, messed up, selfish and unable to see the problem from a third person perspective.
Is she using you? Probably. Are you allowing it? Yes.
Forget "having the right to know" and walk away, for your own sanity and well-being. If you stay, then you are a part of the problem as well.
You know it's not right, she's told you she only wants to be friends. Believe her. Remove yourself from the situation...stop being available..stop allowing her to use you.
Loving someone can be the hardest thing you do...sometimes it means having to make the hard decision for the two of you and walking away.
Not sure that's the answer you want to hear, good luck.
Dev | |
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| Going threw a similar thing...
Posted: 4/12/2007 3:05:01 PM | I agree with you....I think she wants to"see what else is out there" but she cant come back to me if it doesnt workout with the others..thanks for the advice  | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/12/2007 7:26:36 PM | Hello All
I am just wanting to thank you all again....day by day it gets easier. Notlookingback, trying to find what you told me to look up and can't.
Thanks | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/12/2007 7:55:46 PM | | If I post it here they (moderators) will delete it..I will find a man on this thread to send it to you:) | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/12/2007 8:07:24 PM | Ummm..I didnt find anyone that was within your 75 mile range.I'll try again.The w w w dot e n o t a l o n e dot com. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/13/2007 5:48:05 AM | He he...Posting to myself...I am young but I have alot of experience in relationships..as the dumper and dumpee also.One thing to ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS remember is...to walk away,pride intact.Remember and tell yourself constantly that no matter how much you loved him he is only a man..He is no God..He is a man,and does not reserve the right to control your emotions,life,feelings, or mood.
Hang tough:) | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 4/16/2007 11:00:08 PM | I realize you need to let go.....I don't think that you loved this guy, But you had lust for this guy? Lust happens like that, Love takes time to build 
Time heal's most wounds, as the season's change in front of us. As the years pass, the harder they are to see. By the end of this season you'll be on your way 
So keep  not everyone is like this  | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:34:39 PM | OP: the most pragmatic advice I can give you if you ever find yourself in a similar situation is not to say anything so early (whether re: backing off a little (your case) or speeding up the pace). There are ways to slow things off without verbalizing it. If the relationship had been 15-20 dates, then I'd say it would be OK to verbalize. It was too heavy on both of your parts (in opposing fashions) too soon.
BTW, that brings up another issue: it's a red flag when someone starts expressing "love" on a 7th date. You obviously sensed that. Perhaps you were covertly seeking reassurance when you backed down?
The bottom line is: whether rushed, slowed, or whatever is the case, relationships either ultimately proceed or they don't. You've reached out to the guy 3-4 times. That's enough for him to know how you feel. If he's interested, he'll pursue it sometime in the not too distant future. If he doesn't, then you have your answer. The ball is in his court now. Sit tight and see what happens. In the interim, try not to obsess over him and DEFINITELY continue on with your life (dating and otherwise). If it's meant to be, it WILL be.
Best wishes. | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 10/5/2007 10:46:39 PM | Sorry,
But its your fault because you tried to push him away when u felt like he was moving to fast. Take it easy next time and let the man be the man. Let them take control sometimes ok. | |
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Mary1K
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 95 | |
| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 5/12/2008 6:02:52 PM | The First thing I want to ask is "Do U like the Person U are, or Do U think you need to improve yourself in any way? I hav e a family full of Nieces that think they are not Complete with out a partner in there lives it is Refered to " The Barbie Syndrome". Barbie was not complete unless she had "Ken" in her Life. To me you were given Warning signs and you chose to ignor them, like they say I something is to good to be True it usely is. This person you became involved with sounds like a very "NEEDY" and yoyu became his rescuer. When you let sonme space come between you he became scared " He lacks confidece in himself and not contacting you again makes you feel guilty . And that is his way of Controlling this relationship. When U give in to his way of thinking He will be back, the Question U need to ask is: Is this the Type of Relationship I truely want to "or " Deserve to be in?  Doesn't thisa sound more like what U want?/                          All Year Round,   Do U feel you Deserve those types of Relationships? | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 11/6/2008 2:56:06 PM | | Move to the left, then move to the right, keep thing together and in time all things well get better. time is the great healer. you truly need to STOP this whole B.S. of even chatting in here about what has happened to you, it feeds the Madness and that's it and that's that. MOVE ON ALREADY. may you find the true Peace in doing just that. Doc | |
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| I realize I need to let go.....
Posted: 11/6/2008 3:07:11 PM | | News flash for everyone this account is closed and she is no longer on this site and I just found this out and feel like a fool for evcn reading this and responding to it too. OH well it's been one. that's a Rap | |
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