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| Break up --- how to get the guy to move on?
Posted: 8/5/2007 8:36:48 AM | Lots of good advice, sweetheart, also some bad. The good?: definitely stop boinking him - it's hurting both of you. No matter how much you think you can see him and not get your emotions involved, You can't. You end up emotionally empty, he ends up physically satisfied and believing everything is OK. Men equate sex with power, not emotions. He is abusive, will always be abusive, will never change.
The bad?: To try and help him thinking that YOU created the situation. He is responsible for himself. Codependant does NOT mean responsible.
So cut off ALL contact, put him out of your mind and move on!!! | |
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| Break up --- how to get the guy to move on?
Posted: 8/5/2007 8:56:23 AM | | Oh stick it out with him! One day, one day in 40 or so years you'll be laying next to him in bed one morning and he's still snoring and those little oxygen bringing tubes in his nose will be bouncin' up and down like a trampoline and his emphysema caused coughing won't be so bad and you'll reach over and softly trace your arthritic finger over that big jagged scar on his chest from that time he was super drunk and belligerent and you shoved him through your picture window and you'll feel a little tear welling up in your good eye and as you reach over to give him a hug before you have to scurry into the bathroom to change your colostomy bag, why right then you'll be glad you listened to me on the POF forum and not all the rest of those negative Nellies and Neds. | |
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| Break up --- how to get the guy to move on?
Posted: 8/5/2007 12:39:16 PM | As others have said, if you're not willing to work on it it's probably best to cut him off everywhere you can. Anything else might be mistaken for renewed interest or a shift in your resolve. You can't make him feel better about it or move on, and neither of those things are going to happen anywhere near within a week for anyone who was really in love to any extent.
I'm not saying write him off forever, but I've been in his shoes before and the continued contact with the ex. just left me confused and hindered my ability to move on towards a life without her in it. Granted, the mixed signals didn't help. Post-relationship boinking and a continued desire to go out on dates when she was bored kept me confused for a good three months before I realized she was just keeping me around until someone else came into the picture. | |
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| Break up --- how to get the guy to move on?
Posted: 8/5/2007 1:12:34 PM |
TeJ_25 Joined: 2/17/2007 Msg: 4 view profile History Break up --- how to get the guy to move on? Posted: 4/10/2007 8  42 AM dont call, email, etc. he'll get it.
No contact. Don't call, email, text, see him, go where you used to go, run into him, try to be his friend, etc. Politely tell him it's over, and for your own good and mine I'm letting you go, goodbye and walk away like you never were. Otherwise you will draw it out and he will have a harder time recovering.
You do not get them to move on. You can't. All you can do is what you can do, which in this case is...walking away. | |
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| Break up --- how to get the guy to move on?
Posted: 8/5/2007 1:13:41 PM | I stopped speaking to him.
Then again, I stopped speaking to all my exes, with the exception of the middle school "boyfriends" that weren't serious. I never understood how people could still remain "good friends" with their exes (even if there are kids involved). I mean, I know you ahve to be civil, but do you really have to share every intimate detail of your life with someone you're not with anymore?
About your on again/off again guy-- it sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into being with him. He doesn't want to be single and he thinks you'll come back, because you've come back before. Seems like it might be codependent-type behavior. Stop answering his calls, stop seeing him, stop speaking to him. If he continues or starts threatening, get a restraining order. You don't have to stick around for that-- no matter whether you "feel bad" or not. Your'e right that there's nothing you can do; let him go and move on. He'll eithe move on, too, or you'll have to take action against him to make him move on. | |
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