| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 1:18:14 PM | | well here is my story I met my wife who didn't want sex before marriage and after marriage it became a thing in the past. S ex became a zero for 23 years later. we divorced and I met some one who did and we lasted 9 years till she relocated back home. to care for her ailing mother. I also had a friend who met a girl an a beach , sex was all night, 40 years they just celebrated there 40th anniversary. Sex is a tool women use on guys .... so guys move on..... there are a lot out there that will be compatable and not a prude. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:14:01 PM | """""The last night we talked, I tried to get her to say whether I was dumped and really couldn't get that out of her.
I dont know if I should flat out 1) Move on and blow her off, 2) Try to be more patient or what. ....(irrelevant information deleted)
Its been eating me up and I've been re-reading emails, replaying phone conversations in my mind ect ect trynig to figure out what happened.""""""
You and 50 million other people this happens to. NO CONTACT, don't mail her CD's or cards anymore....she does think this is all on her whims, which is totally disrespectful to you. forget reading the old emails, LET HER GO. Call her in 2 months if she IS BACK IN TOWN, no more of this columbia stuff airports, etc.
Go read the 1748 other threads with the same topic, and report your summary back to us. That will be your answer (since we don't know her or what she is thinking). | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:33:57 PM | OP... Listen to Gypsy.. don't listen to these men most of them are way way off..
Sheesh.. like on another planet off.
I think that you have stated that she does still act interested in you.. so go slow.. do what Gypsy says to do.. very excellent post by the way Gypsy. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:01:05 PM | It could mean one of three things in my opinion...
) I'm not really interested in you.
2) I'm not sure if I'm interested in you But, I will continue to check you out just in case I might be.
or
3) I've just gotten out of a relationship or I've been hurt in the past and I would like to go slowly.
However, this is just my opinion....you might want to ask her what exactly going slowly entails. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:05:09 PM | | And, whichever of Tarika's three possibilities, or any of the others suggested in this thread, the appropriate response is to move on, and find someone, who is interested in him, and wants to have an adult relationship without the confusion and drama. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:23:32 PM | | sounds like u didnt exactly 'rock her world'...when u had sex..did u make sure she was gratified first, beyond a reasonable doubt?/If i were you, i'd move on and put her in the 'friendship' level. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:25:18 PM | | Renaissance Man 1950 hit the nail on the head. Everyone has the right to take things as slowly as the want...but everyone also has the right not to wait around for someone to make up their mind. If she thinks she can just have you on stand-by if and when she decides she wants you, that's no good. Much better in my opinion to be seen as a limited time offer that won't be available much longer. Your best chance with her is to move on. If she does want you, she'll realize it when faced with the reality of losing you forever. If she doesn't want you, then you need to find someone that does. Just don't be the guy that's "always gonna be here when and if you decide you want me." Life is short. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:29:44 PM | All of you all are making great points and I appreciate it VERY much.
Gourmet Chef, if that question was for me, DEFINITELY on making sure she was gratified first. We even talked about it and how much I enjoying doing that to her and she said she had noticed. I can't imagine that being the issue at all. The last night we were together was even extra great. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:48:48 PM | 1) Let her know how you feel. Tell her what you fear. Let her know you are willing to go slow; but, if she really isn't interested, that you're a grown man and can take the truth.
2) If you are giving her money. (Not saying you are.) Stop. That is a bad idea. She is not your responsibility, and this can cloud the issue for both of you. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:53:00 PM | definitely not giving money. (one thing that attracts me to this woman so much is that she appears to have her act together.
She definitely knows how I feel and I've told her many times, that we can go slow and that if she dates other guys, as long as I am in the game, I can deal with it since I think my good qualities will win out over any guy in town. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:34:05 PM | | Just because she told you she wanted to take things slow, doesnt mean shes not interested in you, it means she wants you to respect her, and she respects you, and wants to take things slow, cuz maybe she felt like you were taking things to fast, especially when you had sex so soon, and maybe she didnt want that to happen, but it did, than she realized she wanted to take things slower. But never take that as a bad thing, its a better thing sometimes to take things slow and not rush into things. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:36:09 PM | Ok...so you had sex, once. Heads up! Women have needs and make impulsive decisions too. Now she is obviously trying to back away. Why? Ask her, not us! If she is important to you, then you will not make it about the lack of sex but her reasoning behind it.
Good luck! | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:54:31 PM | I think this is getting confused.
We've been dating (were dating for two months) We did have sex, (Many times and it was great every time). she Initiated it and fully admits to that. I of course was a willing participant. At the moment though, I am not sure that I am in the game. Last time I talked to her, she said she didn't know if we would get together romantically again. She has been flip flopping and sending mixed messages from day one. ( I figured this was because, she was scared confused ect etc) I asked her point blank in an email if she wanted me to disapear (that seemed to upset her) the last conversation we had, she didn't want to talk about if I was dumped or not ( I was trynig to get where I stood before she left on her trip). In the same conversation she was asking me how long I thought peopel should date before they talked about getting married. Its really hard to explain. I've been on a roller coaster (now for 3 months ) with this woman. I've done everything in my power to not put undue pressure on her ect ect. One of the last emails she sent also said that I liked her to much. Is that possible? Maybe she's just been using me for the sex and when she saw I was becoming more attached, just decided to end it?) Kind of Reverse of the way this usually works :( | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:36:33 PM | | I dated a guy a long time ago who we both were very attracted to each other but never had sex. We dated for almost a yr and he kept saying to wait till we know for sure. All along he was using me as someone to hang out with while waiting for his wife to take him back. So basicly I was a pal to hang out with. Yet he told me he loved me and that I should be patient and wait. Well he dumped me to go back to his wife so he thought. She ended up not taking him back and now he is alone. I have no desire to be with someone like that now or ever. Making a person wait and wait and wait is cruel and a sick game of lets see how long I can torture this person. Either you like someone or you don't. Either you want to be with them or you don't. If you don't have sex and hang out for months and get close and break up its just as painfull as when you habe sex and break up. If there are feelings there are feelings sex or no sex it hurts either way. But at least if you both are attracted to each other why dangle your self infront of a person who really digs you and wants to be with you? Why play hard to get games? People do not have all the time in the world to play endless guessing games. Does he like does she like me should I stay or should I go. If you care about each other than you should be showing it in every way you can. Life is too short to play hard to get. No one wins. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:11:13 PM |
We've been dating (were dating for two months) We did have sex, (Many times and it was great every time). she Initiated it and fully admits to that. I of course was a willing participant. At the moment though, I am not sure that I am in the game. Last time I talked to her, she said she didn't know if we would get together romantically again. She has been flip flopping and sending mixed messages from day one. ( I figured this was because, she was scared confused ect etc) I asked her point blank in an email if she wanted me to disapear (that seemed to upset her) the last conversation we had, she didn't want to talk about if I was dumped or not ( I was trynig to get where I stood before she left on her trip). In the same conversation she was asking me how long I thought peopel should date before they talked about getting married. Its really hard to explain. I've been on a roller coaster (now for 3 months ) with this woman. I've done everything in my power to not put undue pressure on her ect ect. One of the last emails she sent also said that I liked her to much. Is that possible? Maybe she's just been using me for the sex and when she saw I was becoming more attached, just decided to end it?) Kind of Reverse of the way this usually works :(
"The best predictor of future behavior is......past behavior!"
It's a mantra I use a lot to aid me in making decisions of this nature.
It seems you've been (overly?) concerned about HER situation, but I can't help but wonder, from what you've offered, if she has reciprocated.
I know people go through hard times and it isn't always fair to judge if one is right for us from a "snap-shot" of their lives, but then again I would expect some resemblence of empathy for what they might be putting us/me through.
Bottem line for me? If things are going roughly early in a relationship it's better to just let it go, at least for the time being. In the past I made it ALL about my SOs comfort zone. I've learned MY comfort zone is just as valuable and deserves the same respect.
I've learned to make myself a priority as well!
just a few thoughts
PS: Good Luck! | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:53:30 PM | THANKS levi
That makes some good sense. Not sure that I am at the point where I can 100% let it go. ( IE not realy ready to start looking again) but am definitely at the point that it is in HER court. I've sent my last email, last gift and made my last phone call unless contacted first.
I REALLY do appreciate everyones imput. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/21/2008 11:29:05 AM | OP/ Ok...so you had sex, once. Heads up! Women have needs and make impulsive decisions too. Now she is obviously trying to back away. Why? Ask her, not us! If she is important to you, then you will not make it about the lack of sex but her reasoning behind it. Good luck! I would add that perhaps baby's daddy is still in the picture and she is hoping for a reconciliation?
Jar61/ I would suggest that you run...or stop being a door mat. People respect assertive people. She is treating you badly and does not respect you for sticking around. Call it quits...and she may come looking for you, but then you must communicate to firmly establish the terms of your relationship, and why sex is no longer an option. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/21/2008 12:08:59 PM | | I dont really understand how I have been being a door mat. (although I realize that by nature I probably am to some degree) All I've been doing is trying to not pressure her (knowing that I was the first person she has dated since her divorce and trying to take things slowly) | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/21/2008 12:28:12 PM | | If she had sex with you once and then she decided that "She want to take things slow" by having sex with you, she already bypassed the slow issue. Perhaps you did not blow her socks off when you had sex and she dosen't know the right way to tell you. Tell her you want a relationship with her that includes romance and sex and ask her how she feels about that. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/21/2008 12:33:07 PM | | The sex has happened many times and without a doubt she has enjoyed it. blew her . I think that part of it was great. I have doubts of whether if personality wise if I blew her socks off. (obviously not I guess). I just don't know whether to just give her more time to sort out her feelings or just say ADIOS completely. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/21/2008 2:28:43 PM |
I think this is getting confused.
We've been dating (were dating for two months) We did have sex, (Many times and it was great every time). she Initiated it and fully admits to that. I of course was a willing participant. At the moment though, I am not sure that I am in the game. Last time I talked to her, she said she didn't know if we would get together romantically again. She has been flip flopping and sending mixed messages from day one. ( I figured this was because, she was scared confused ect etc) I asked her point blank in an email if she wanted me to disapear (that seemed to upset her) the last conversation we had, she didn't want to talk about if I was dumped or not ( I was trynig to get where I stood before she left on her trip). In the same conversation she was asking me how long I thought peopel should date before they talked about getting married. Its really hard to explain. I've been on a roller coaster (now for 3 months ) with this woman. I've done everything in my power to not put undue pressure on her ect ect. One of the last emails she sent also said that I liked her to much. Is that possible? Maybe she's just been using me for the sex and when she saw I was becoming more attached, just decided to end it?) Kind of Reverse of the way this usually works :(
O.k. You guys had sex many times that she initiated, seeing her for three months now. Shes still not sure what she wants. It seems to me its clear by now. Seems to be dragging you along for just for sex or for many unknown reasons not looking for something solid. Been in that situation already for the same amount of time ( Three months ) I just got rid of her and went on with my life. For me it was the right choice. | |
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