| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 6/5/2009 9:36:51 PM | Geezus this is a suspicious lot.
Sounds to me like she's doing exactly what she says she's doing. She wants to take it slow.
And I think it's healthy for her to recognize that she needs that. OP...why are you needing it to be more than it is right now? It's not like you were enjoying a varied sex life before you started seeing this woman.
Either you like her enough to wait till she's ready or you don't. It's your decision but she's not manipulating you, that's just stupid. She's fresh out of a major relationship FFS. | |
|
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 6/6/2009 10:22:59 PM | | I will tell you what it doesn't mean first. When I say I want to take things slow, I am not talking about not being ready to have sex. Taking things slow to me, means I am not ready to date just one person and get serious right away. I like to date different people at first and then I will know when I meet the right one I want to date exclusively. Sex within a relationship is good as long as it is at least a "dating relationship". I don't like one night stands. If I am going to have sex with someone, I want them to want to be seeing me again. Besides, this girl did have sex with you so her wanting to take things slow may not mean that she doesn't want to have sex. | |
|
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 6/6/2009 11:13:07 PM | Geezus this is a suspicious lot.
Sounds to me like she's doing exactly what she says she's doing. She wants to take it slow.
And I think it's healthy for her to recognize that she needs that. OP...why are you needing it to be more than it is right now? It's not like you were enjoying a varied sex life before you started seeing this woman.
This forum is starting to remind me of Don Quixote and tilting at windmills. The OP was in 2007, and has deleted his profile. I prefer to swordfight with ghosts, but that is about the only difference between Mr. Quixote and I.
At least this topic never grows old. There will always be a girl who say; "Take it slow" when she means; "I am bored, and I am waiting for Mr. Right, but you will do for now."
Then there are others. | |
|
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 6/7/2009 5:49:50 AM | mate! you mentioned dead beat dad,there"s thousands out there, all because people are in to much of a hurry to clone ,possess,or just be apart of some imaginary dream where love and bliss are never ending. "do yer own thing dude, and have fun " dont live with drama ,or it will take over. ... things do get better.  | |
|
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 8:33:39 AM | Hope it´s ok that i bump this thread with my problem, and i hope a guy from Denmark can get some good advise from both men and women:)
Ok here goes.
I met this girl online and right away we just clicked without ever have met irl.
At that time she had the same boyfriend for 5 years, and she told me that she didn´t know why she was with him anymore, long story short they broke up and i agreed to meet with her and we just continued to click and felt like we´ve known eachother for several years. She even said that she had never had anything as strong emtionally as with me.
I have never had anything to hide and i told her what i wanted in a relationship. She was very emotionally confused at that time but she was very interested in me. I asked her if she was through with her ex and she told me yes so we continued to see eachother. However i´m not stupid and i could feel from time to time that something was wrong and i told her that i would not settle as i have alot of selfconfidence. I am smart and I work out alot and have a pretty nice body to say so myself, so she knew i could get someone else.
Anyway what happened was that she went back with her ex for all the wrong reasons and i didn´t speak to her at all after that. I should mention that we weren´t a couple so she didn´t cheat on me as i told her from the beginning that i would never tolerate that in a realtionship.
All of a sudden she writes me like 6 months later and tells me that she left her boyfriend again because the feelings weren´t there anymore for her and she told me that i had a big part of her leaving him and she had thought about me alot. So we started seeing eachother again and she told me that she wanted to try and be single for a while and try out some fantasies, which i thought was ok with me as long as she told me about it, cause if she was with another guy i would back off and not have anything to do with her. I found out that she had done some things and eventhough we were still not a couple i was mad at her and hurt and i didn´t want to talk to her anymore. She knew that she ****ed up and her pride came in the way of calling me up and tell me that she was sorry and she wanted me in her life, so i just did what i did first and didn´t talk to her again. Then she writes me and tells me yet again that she had made a big mistake and she wanted us to be a couple, and i told her that if i should take her back then i wanted it to be all or nothing and she accepted. Then we talked about me visiting her as we had alot to talk about and she told me that she needs us to take it slow as she is affraid that she will **** things up yet again with me. I know emotinally she is a wreck and she has a very hard time telling people what they mean to her so i know it was very difficult those times she had to write me and apologize to me, as i know her pretty well. I am the type of guy who tells people whats on my mind and she has a fear of conflicts so in that way we are eachothers total opposites. But we have so many things in common which is why we have such an easy way of being with eachother and really good chemistry (she told me she had never had that kind of chemistry as she does with me) and i really started to think that i had found my soulmate and i think it is the same way with her which scares her, as i told her from the start that i thought we would end up together. But i have a hard time with her as she has this problem by showing her feelings and she rarely text me something cute and nice where i feel it is always me who write to her how beautiful she is etc. And i feel i don´t get anything back which makes me feel she doesn´t give a crap about me (probably not true but that´s how i feel). When i told her, she told me that she is that way because she just doesn´t want to rush it. Back when she just got to know me and she was still with her boyfriend she wrote me all the time, and things like "thinking of u"
My question is: Do you guys think she is sincere that her and I have a future together? as i have a hard time trusting her, but she tells me that i have to trust her not doing something stupid and i would really like to trust her and i think i can, as we have talked alot about what kind of house the two of us should get in the future, we have even discussed kids and travelling to USA together.
She wants to take things slow which I respect but then again i would like to see us going somewhere too and if i feel she is ignoring me and her feelings for me. Then i tend to get stubborn and ignore her back but at the same time i loose interest in her, which is what i do right now as i feel i give alot of me emotionally and she doesn´t give me that much back. Will it not be wise for me to ignore her so she can start thinking about me and if i find someone else?
She really means alot to me and before i didn´t give my girlfriend that much attention and it never worked out. Here with this girl i want to give her a massage, kiss her alot etc. and isn´t it saying something about us that she keeps coming back eventhough she now knows that it is our last chance as i can´t go through all this shit again as i don´t want to become and emotional wreck.
I also told her that i don´t want her to hurt me again and she told me that she would do everything in her power so it wouldn´t be like it was before as this time we should make it work. And keep in mind that she knows i have no problem just leaving her alone and get on with my life.
We were together 2 weeks ago and it is like she doesn´t want to let her family know that we are seeing eachother again, she told me it was because she wanted us to be surden that it would be the two of us, and she wants to be really sure about us. But what i don´t understand is that she has very strong feelings for me and i think she is the kind of girl that not many guys say no to, so i think it was good for me when i told her to leave me alone no? It´s like she almost feels that everything can´t be as good as it seems and she expects something bad to happen cause it´s to good to be true as i´m very optimistic and she is pessimistic. Anyone experienced that?
Anyway i think at some level i actually love this girl but she doesn´t give me as much emotionally as my former girlfriends, but i would really like to fight for her, as i think she has alot to give underneath the shell.
I should also mention that she has very low selfesteem and before she only got some selfesteem from sex which just gave her an empty feeling afterwards, where i give her alot more than just sex as she told me that i am the only one she can talk too about everything and that i even have everything she looks for but is afraid to receive, but what does that mean? I´m really torn about going on like this or if I should keep ignoring her. The reason why i´m ignoring her right now is that she was at her mothers birthday last night and i wrote that if she wanted too, she could tell her mom happy birthday from me, and she didn´t write me back like she always does, so i guess now i will try and see if i can make her abit jealous. But i want a girlfriend and i don´t want to waste my time with something that will never happen u know? Anyway this is a girl i could see myself be very happy with if she would open up emotionally for me cause we have so many things in common and at the same time we are eachothers total opposites:)
Hope u guys can give me some advice on what to do eventhough this was alooong read:)
thanx in advance | |
|
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 1:46:00 PM | This is a facinating post because there is such a separation between the Female and Male responses. Men think it is a blow off to hear that a woman wants to take it slow. Women think she's afraid, needs some time to be comfortable before jumping into a new relationship and with some time and reasurance she'll realize you are indeed reliable. I agree with the women on this...big surprise! 
She has a little baby and doesn't want to casually bring men in and out of her life. The man she just left was undependable and she wants to be sure you are different. Spending a few months enjoying her company is a good investment for a great relationship. (If that is what you were looking for in the first place). | |
|
| |
| |
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 2:30:56 PM | | Well, that's up to you. If she wanted you to wait for marriage, she shouldn't have spread her legs for you. Just ask her directly, what it is she wants from you. Be very direct, and ask her if she is scared to be intimate with you. Or she may, like others have said, be "on the rebound", which means that she is a nut-case and you should leave her alone. She shouldn't be dating if she still has feelings for another man. Are you two committed to each other? If not, I would move on. | |
|
~Music
|
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 135 | |
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 4:54:08 PM | | 'Take it slow' means take it slow. 'Just friends' means just friends. 'Not interested' means not interested. Why the dilemma? Why the rush? If this girl is worth it then don't push if she isn't comfortable with it. If you are just looking to get into a relationship you have that choice too. Don't complicate it. | |
|
| |
| |
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 5:20:06 PM | women need to be honest about that
thats part of the problem
I dont drag along chicks, I tell em if I like em or not
I dont use code words
women everywhere: Please stop with the code words, be honest. | |
|
| |
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 5:53:30 PM | When a woman wants to take things slow, it just means that she wants to begin as friends and see if anything develops from there. Men and women both I'm certain have discovered that jumping head first into a relationship without getting to know the other person, only leads to disaster and heartbreak,it's nothing against you personally. Hope nothing but the best for you lil  !  | |
|
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 6:07:43 PM | When I say that it just means I don't want to jump in the sack right away. She's a little late for that, now don't you think?
She already jumped in the sack and she doesn't know that a guy will want more after that? | |
|
| |
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 6:30:40 PM | Since she still shows signs of still having interest in you, it looks to me like she needs to see that you care about her, think of her, will be there for her, and not just use her for her body. So, if you really want to stay with her, prove it to her! Be patient and caring and give her time to see you are there for her 
If she stops showing signs of interest, move on. | |
|
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/12/2009 6:42:40 PM | | From personal experience. When she said take things slow, it means you guys are not exclusive. So don't wait around, and go date other people. Remember to NEVER put all your eggs in one basket, don't invest everything into this girl in these kinds of situation because you guys are not exclusive. Don't make her a priority when she's considers you an option. Stay in touch with her, but keep doing your own thing and see other people. | |
|
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/13/2009 12:57:23 AM | Thanx for all the replies:)
Well I see what u guys mean by me being an option but i´m pretty sure that she is very sincere about me and her but she is really scared to show that she actually has feelings for me. That gets to me cause i tell her and text nice things alot without getting anything back as i too would like to get some compliments on what i mean to her instead of just getting "u too" back in return.
I really don´t think that she just keeps me hanging on untill something better comes cause i know she will have a hard time finding someone who really cares about her as much as i do but still have an option of finding another girl. And I think it has something to do with me finding someone better than her after when she gives me all she got emotionally and I think she is affraid that will happen. That she won´t be good enough eventhough i have told her that she is and tried to boost her confidence.
It´s not like we haven´t had sex, cause that was almost the only thing we had in the beginning. But she has some bleeding and estrogenic issues so i can understand why sex is not so big for her right now.
But on the other hand we have never just been together like this witout sex like we have done for the last month. So that we can be around eachother and still kiss and have a nice time is good i think.
I am sure she is interested in me cause the things she has done to get me to be a part of her life is really hard for her as she hides her feelings so if she has to apologize for something is almost the worst thing for her, and she did that to me twice now.
We started as friends and grew into much more! I think she is affraid that she is not ready for a relationship and if she dive into this thing she would end up hurting me again, is that possible?
I have shown and told her numerous times i will be there for her and that she means alot to me so. I don´t just want to use her for sex and she knows that cause if i wanted only that i would have found another one by now:)
But I don´t think she knows that what she does right now is pushing me away!
And again i don´t understand cause i am surden it would really hurt her if I found someone else and I really want to give this a try so i don´t want to be with anyone else but her. But again I too need to feel that I am worth something to her and not just some other guy.
I am also being patient and like I said if she couldn´t be the mother for my children I would have moved on long time ago. This is not some teenage fling otherwise she would never write me that her and I have alot of the same hopes and dreams, but i guess she is affraid but I´m pretty sure she thinks of me alot but she never tells me cause she doesn´t want to loose control over the situation. | |
|
| |
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/13/2009 1:14:45 AM |
Posted By: wwwwwhatever on 4/11/2007 7  16 AM Subject: gals....what does take things slow really mean? Message: In a nut shell, it means she's in control; in control of you, that is. Curious, do you like that? Do you honestly like the idea that you got together, bashed the x a bit, and are now trying to play the hero to a woman who doesn't actually respect you for it? Most women like, further want challenging men; men like her x. Fact is, you're too easy. Not saying you're not a nice guy or anything, just telling you that it sounds like you're setting your self up for a great deal of crap. Been there, done that. Notice the sign; says Plenty of Fish... next.
this is right on the money.... good job wwwwwhatever...
somewhere along the way, her attraction to you has diminished... i suggest, back off, regain control over yourself and dont be so eager or needy to please. this will put the ball back in your court, otherwise, this is going nowhere, guaranteed. | |
|
| |
| |
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:35:32 AM | Personally I never understood this whole "take things slow" issue. I prefer to have relationships develop naturally on their own and let it have it's own pace, not me interferring with it.
Many make a relationship "happen" but forcing things and others do this whole "wait" crap. I prefer neither.
Find someone who is comfortable and confident in themselves that this whole "timing issue" is not an issue. | |
|
Home
login 
