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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:46:02 AM | | As others have posted, you have to ask HER why the 'no-sex' all of a sudden?/ Tell her you like to feel intimate with her.Its all part of a 'r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p. Sex or lack thereof should not be hung over your head like a carrot stick either.Ask her if she regrets the one-time thingy..or if it just didnt do it for her or if she just wants to see you as a friend (which is prolly the case).then with this info, you have to decide if you want to stick around with the drama and games. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:12:44 AM | | When I say it, I mean I’m not going to jump into bed with the guy; I want to get to know him first and have feelings for him. You wrote ‘Maybe about 2, 3 weeks later we had sex for the first time.’ That’s not taking it slow, that’s her backing away for whatever reason. Sounds like you both need to talk. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:58:27 AM | As others have posted, you have to ask HER why the 'no-sex' all of a sudden?/ Tell her you like to feel intimate with her.Its all part of a 'r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p. Sex or lack thereof should not be hung over your head like a carrot stick either.Ask her if she regrets the one-time thingy..or if it just didnt do it for her or if she just wants to see you as a friend (which is prolly the case).then with this info, you have to decide if you want to stick around with the drama and games.
If the above was meant for me, I am fully aware of why and i wrote it in my reply;)
Sex and the desire has never been an issue when she didn´t have these bleeding/estrogenic problems and it´s not something she says because she doesn´t want to have sex, trust me i know:)
I know she regrets having sex with these other guys and not telling me as she told me and she was affraid that it would push me away and not have anything to do with her which is exactly what i did.
Try read what i wrote:) I wrote that she is very stubborn and has this pride thing so it´s very hard for her to get back at me and tell me that she was wrong and she really has strong feelings for me, which is why i know it´s not just blowing smoke:)
But I´m just not sure if I can wait any longer for her to realise that it is supposed to be the two of us and i think her feelings for not getting me close to her is a barrier cause she told me that i know her very well and if she gives me all she has emotionally then I can be the one who puts her down mentally which I would never do and i told her that.
I would not have a problem waiting for her if I know i´m not just a stepping stone for something better, which I truly don´t believe I am.
I really think she should talk to a psychologist cause being this way would definately harm her in the future with someone other than me, I´m sure of that.
Right now we are not speaking as I want her to think about if I´m really important to her, and the stunt with her not texting me back because I was friendly and wanted her to tell her mom congrats on her B-day is just being rude and i think she knows she has done something not very nice to me. Otherwise I´m sure she would write/text me and she is probably waiting for me to write/text her as i always do but I´m just fed up being the nice and kind one as she knows I can find something better than her and I think that scares her too.
Maybe that´s why she doesn´t want me "close"?
All my friends tell me to just ignore her because everytime it´s me who brings the "lets talk about it" up but as I wrote before I don´t know if she is aware that she is pushing me away by not contacting me:( | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/14/2009 12:58:00 AM | update on my "relationship-story" If someone is interested:)
I hit rockbottom yesterday and wrote it on my msn live, which made her write me.
First she told me that she would try and be better at writing me nice things and all. She told me that she wanted to surprise me with a visit today and so the more the chatting went i told her that she should tell me that I wasn´t just a steppingstone for something better and she told me that there was this guy and she wasn´t sure what she wanted.
That made me mad of course and sad cause why did she write me in the first place when she wasn´t aware of that as I told her that i didn't want any part of it if she still wanted to be single. You know all or nothing, and then I told her that she really shouldn´t have to choose as I think it was obvious that she should be with me if she really had feelings for me.
Anyway I told her that i think she should just be with this other guy instead of me cause I will never want to be a choice for her. Furthermore I told her that if she wanted to be with me she better start fighting for me cause I know the reason why she wrote me is that she can´t stand if she knows I´m with another girl and I also wrote her that.
I told her to choose this other guy and while she did that I would find someone who thinks about family and kids someday. Then I told her that i think it would hurt her real bad if she knew I had the perfect life with someone who loves me the way I deserve and have kids with and that person wouldn´t be her if she didn´t get her act together and grow up!
Well I guess that was the end as I don´t know wether or not she chooses this other guy but I really have a hard time trusting her if she should come by my place which I don´t really believe she will but let´s see what happens.
I truly feel good about what i told her about this other guy so hopefully things will turn out better for me with this.
Thanks for the advice and for listening:) | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/14/2009 2:10:55 AM | I dont think your response was befitting of your true nature, just my opinion.
It comes across sounding more like you lashing out from a defensive position due to feeling rejection.
Your best bet would be to stop wasting your time, stop putting stock into any one person that you dont know so well (whilst you are single) and move on... get out and date other women... even if its coffee dates... get out there and just start having many experiences with different types of women, they dont all have to be romantic in nature... and you will see a rise in your self-confidence, awareness and wisdom of the opposite sex grows and you become more comfortable in a variety of situations and discussions.
Pick yourself up and brush yourself off... time to take back control over you! | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:34:22 AM | cooldudeinberlin
I think u are right! It will be difficult for me in the beginning as she meant alot to me but i guess I have to move on and get out there.
I liked the part of "time to take back control over you" And that is what i will try and do:)
Thanx for ur reply | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 7/14/2009 7:23:50 AM | Here's a perspective on why "women" need to take thing slow.
As per noted anthropologist Helen Fisher. She is a Human Behavioural Anthropologist which studies human behaviour and why we do what we do....scientifically proven. Which differs considerably from idealistic "social conditioning" which is rampant in our lifestyle creating confusion amongst the genders.
And what is commonly thought as the drive for love, explains anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J., is actually three different desires.
"One is the sex drive that gets you out there looking for anything remotely appropriate," says Fisher. The next is "romantic love, that giddiness of first love that enables you to focus that mating energy and conserve your courtship time. And the third mating system in the brain is attachment."
Inside the Brains of Men and Women
The most powerful of the three desires may not be sex but romance, Fisher adds.
"People don't die for sex," she says. "I've at looked at poetry all over the world, even as much as 4,000 years ago. People live for love, they die for love, they sing for love, they dance for love."
While many women may be convinced men's brains are wired more powerfully for sex, Fisher says there's evidence men are also powerfully wired for romance.
"Men fall in love faster than women do, because men are so visual," she notes.
There is more but the most noted part of this piece is the fact that women don't fall in love as fast as men. Why we need to go slow is the simple fact we need to be courted.
Courting is apparently a dirty word now, so the catch-phrase is "taking things slow".
Men hate it because they figure attraaction equals having sex. Women have been brain-washed with social conditioning to believe that also. Most are incomfortable with the pressure that men give them to have sex through name-calling (tease, game-player, frigid, et al) and withdrawal of love (I will go somewhere else and get it...et al).
Sometimes a woman has sex for whatever reason that engaged her at that time and she regrets it afterwards because maybe she realizes she wasn't ready...it was too soon. Or..she realizes it was with a guy that she really doesn't want...Or...she is confused with what she should do as opposed to what her inner instinct tells her.
I my case, I told my b/f simply "I wanted it to go slow because I liked to see what he was really about.." In other words..he courted me. He was impatient for sex but I made him wait until I was ready. As he became more in love with me, he was more willing to wait. Funny thing, eh? | |
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