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| | gals....what does take things slow really mean?Page 8 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | Ridiculous...hmm, let's talk about that a minute,shall we?
The original post is over 3 years old. About a year ago(or thereabouts) another male poster "entered the lists"(lol) with a "sorta" similar experience.
Look, here is my interpretation. Despite the lady being a single mom, being on a dating site, being old, being "fat"(however you define that),ugly, only having one tit-WHATEVER! she is perfectly within her right to enter a new relationship cautiously. Yeppers,EVEN if her hormones got the better of her and she had a go with the guy sexually, I don't think that OBLIGATES her to tie her legs open for that guy. Yeah yeah I know, one should begin as one intends to proceed, it's very difficult to take a toy AWAY from a baby once it's been given,and all that. She might have had second thoughts afterward-no not REGRETS-but a flash of insight or wisdom and realized she might be starting off on the wrong foot-again. Yep-again. If you as a woman are left as the sole support and unwed parent of a child and the child's dad has floated off into the mystic( or on the dodge from the Friend of the Court), I would say that's a good indication that relationship got off on the wrong foot. This is not condemnation- I think we all know this stuff happens every day. But for a person who has gotten burnt once already, taking a step back to evaluate and consider more carefully, while not utterly rejecting the potential new partner, is a possible symptom of someone growing in wisdom and grace.
While I speak often of that amazing combination of overall mutual chemistry, attraction and interest, it seldom happens completely, entirely and all at once in the first few dates. For either gender, having sex with someone is not necessarily a declaration of undying love and committment, or even much of an indication that y'all really like each other!
Anyway, because threads are often relevant to MANY people's present, past or future experiences, I would say that the ladies here have learned to exercise an iron restraint on their libido, Apparently wanting to slow down/re-think the situation once intimacy has occurred,isn't an option unless you just want to pitch the whole potential relationship right out the window,in it's entirety. Guys don't GET words like "re-think", "slow down" "develop ALL facets of the potential relationship", once the nookie jar has been opened one time.
I could suggest that a guy taking offense/objection to the concept of re-thought, isn't much of a loss because he's clearly thinking with his dipstick, but that's really not a fair assessment either. I do appreciate that many guys have experienced relationships where sex was all about control and leverage(for HER!). I realize how any seeming dial-back of sexual privilege could cause flashbacks to that sorry state of affairs-but why not take some time to look the situation over in as unbiased a manner as possible, instead of flying off the handle and jumping to conclusions the minute a woman does something that doesn't fit YOUR logic?
Taking it slow generally means the person asking for that manner of proceeding has gotten themselves burnt pretty good in a previous romantic situation. If you honestly feel like you want this person in your life,is it going to be some concession of enormous cost to allow for that distinct possibility, at least for a bit to see where it goes?
I think pretty much everyone looking for dating and relationships has some concerns about getting hurt,and I do not think that being a single custodial parent, or old, or chubby,or plain looking, or previously married, or experiencing economic challenges-whatever! means that they have to ignore those concerns.
Cindy O | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 8/4/2010 5:40:02 PM | | Aside from the OP's story I can only speak for myself. Taking things slow mean I've thrown caution to the wind and followed my heart and boy did that hurt. Now I want to be sure my picker is doing a decent job before becoming attached. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 8/4/2010 9:28:05 PM |
It's hardly ridiculous at all.What fit person wants to date an out of shape overweight person who refuses to take the time to become fit and healthy.I would hazard to guess that the number would be very close to zero because those who are fit and in shape would only date someone fat and out of shape if they have some sort of fat fetish.If a fat person is not attracted to other fat people then maybe they should eat right and start exercising so as to become attractive to the fit people they are attracted too.
If he is very wealthy it won't matter.
A fat person does not HAVE to date another fat person if they don't want to. If they aren't complaining or insulting others because they don't want to date them then I don't see how that makes them hypocritical. Their chances of finding a fit person to date them may be small but that's not the point.
Advising someone to date another in their situation is by far not ridiculous,it's sensible.How many free and happily childless people want to involve themselves in the hardship that is little kids.Jam all over your books,running,screaming,crying,breaking your things,pissing and craping in their pants then sitting on your new furniture,picking their noses and rubbing it everywhere,fighting with each other,back talking,rudeness,snapping your cds
It's only sensible if the person WANTS to date people in their own situation. However some people regardless of their situation or appearance would rather be alone then lower their standards. You could say the same thing about short women ho don't want to date short men, or people who don't want to date their own race. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 8/5/2010 12:02:47 AM | Lets take this slow....
Great, I will see you in the spring, I am going over seas, that should give you all the space, time and speed you need.
caveat, if it is actually spring, then make sure your trip is atleast six months and adjust accordingly. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 8/5/2010 12:52:12 AM |
If someone is going to slow for your taste then do yourself a favor and go find someone more your speed
When we say "dump her" that's what we are saying, just in a more direct, no-nonsense way. | |
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tnt144
| | Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 179 | |
| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 8/5/2010 12:25:41 PM |
She just got out of a three year relationship shortly before Valentine's Day. "
" but she says that she wants to take things slow.
- Asking women about relationships would not be much better than asking your sister about brain sergery. Being a woman does not automatically quilify one as an expert on women.
When she says she wants to take it slow, this means she is on the rebound from the previous relationship and not ready to fall in love with anyone she meets in this time peroid. While she may have a temporary rebound relationship with you, she will eventually leave you, and the relationship will be lackluster at best.
She won't be ready for years, perhaps 4.5 years, but that is just an estimate... only she will know when she is ready.
Your relationship with this woman was over before it even began... unless you want to dive into to massive heartache, find another... remember, you only need one... make it a good one. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 8/5/2010 1:36:53 PM |
She won't be ready for years, perhaps 4.5 years, but that is just an estimate...
OHHKAYYY-it's going to take longer for her to regroup than the length of the relationship? Please cite your basis, or at least give a plausible explanation for your statement.
Asking women about relationships would not be much better than asking your sister about brain sergery.
Actually, I have a sister who is a nurse educator with a Masters degree...granted, she may not be an expert in all aspects of brain surgery,but I'm sure she has information, and I bet she knows how to SPELL "surgery".
What the OP asked for was "person-in-the-street"opinions/interpretations of the meaning of a certain phrase-since we are dealing with opinions and interpretations, there certainly is not going to be one universal and unanimous answer.
Again, I'd like to know how you can so blithely name a time frame that's actually LONGER than the relationship?
Cindy O
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 8/5/2010 2:19:12 PM |
She does show signs of having interest in me, but she says that she wants to take things slow. Now, girls that have told me that in the past have said that simply because that's an easy way to tell me that they're not interested. It means she "went with the flow", and got used. Now, she doesn't want that to happen again. So she's thought about it, and can't think of a way to tell the players from the guys who want a relationship. So she figures that if she keeps them waiting, then the players will just get bored and give up.
Unfortunately, rule #1 that every player knows, is that: persistence pays dividends.
In other words, when you keep a guy waiting, the players just keep coming round, but are seeing other women as well. So it's not a loss to them.
The guys who want a relationship see that she isn't really that keen. They realise that there really isn't much point in starting a long-term venture with someone who is providing less effort than you are, not in business, and not in anything else. They realise that most relationships where both parties start out lukewarm, rarely ever become a relationship, and usually fizzle out. So either they can be lukewarm, and have it fizzle out, wasting their time, or they can put a lot of effort in, and she doesn't do the same, feel suffocated and pressured, and have it fizzle out, wasting their time.
So often, such approaches get one used more often than before.
Now, there IS a rule that DOES work: Don't sleep with someone you don't know.
GET TO KNOW HIM. If you aren't sure, then don't do it. If you are sure on the first date, then you are sure. If you are not sure after 6 months, then don't do it.
If you think you know him, and he acts unexpectedly, then you don't know how to get to know someone. If you want to know how to get to know someone, just trust him the way you trust your mother with knowing about your drug habit. | |
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| gals....what does take things slow really mean?
Posted: 8/5/2010 4:04:52 PM |
Guys are encouraged to answer as well, but I need input from a female perspective.
I've been seeing this girl for a little over a month now. She just got out of a three year relationship shortly before Valentine's Day. She has an 8 month old baby with this dead beat Dad. We hit it off very well on our first date. We ended the night with an innocent kiss, a little tongue and a few pecks on the lips. Maybe about 2, 3 weeks later we had sex for the first time. That was a couple of weeks ago. Since then, we didn't have sex, and kisses are just short pecks on the lips, cheeks. She does show signs of having interest in me, but she says that she wants to take things slow. Now, girls that have told me that in the past have said that simply because that's an easy way to tell me that they're not interested. I really like this girl and I want to make a "go" at something. But on the other side of the coin, I'm ready for a relationship and I sure do not want to wait until she is ready. That could be 2 months, 2 years, or even never. So girls.....and guys, what do you think she means by "taking things slow?" Thanks for your input.
quite possibly, she has selected you as a 'dating' guy and has another guy she uses for sex, the 'sex' guy.
women often decide soon after meeting a guy, whether he is a potential for almost immediate sex, or to be relegated into the 'dating' pool, or the 'just friends' pool, or the 'not interested at all' pool
some women are good at having two guys, one the alpha, 'bad boy' she likes to f*ck, the other the beta 'nice guy' who takes her out on dates & maybe gets the occasional peck on the cheek | |
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