| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/12/2007 4:17:29 PM | | I got very lucky in this. I agreed to pay the support without any arguments on the condition that the money goes directly into two accounts that were set up in the kids names. Half goes directly into the bank, the other half goes to the kids for monthly allowance money. In that form I was sure that the KIDS were getting the benefit from the cash, not my ex. At the age of 18, the money in the accounts will be turned over to them for college help. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/12/2007 8:34:52 PM | | Half of my daughter's child support goes into her college fund. Half of what is left goes into her savings account for things like new toys, clothes, Chuck E Cheese, etc... and the remaining balance gets absorbed into my monthly budget. That money is for my daughter to have the best life she can have, not so I can have fake fingernails and a tan! | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/12/2007 9:05:03 PM |
Thank God I have an awesome dad that just did it and didn't put me in the middle of it, or make me suffer because my mom was being an ass.
No... thank God your father had enough money to ensure you didn't suffer. Some people are already maxed out and can't afford any more.
And actually... since this was your experience, you might be able to shed a little light on this situation for us. You indicate that your father is awesome and your mother was pretty much a dead beat. How is it that your mother ended up with custody and your father didn't? There are so many people who think it's like a walk in the park for an NCP to just up and get their children out of such an environment. With insider knowledge, perhaps you could enlighten them. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/12/2007 10:47:40 PM | | Yea, that's the real world girls.....Obviously they have never had to try and fight for a child thru the system. Believe me its so much red tape and chances CS give the druggie mother to get her shit together taking the child then returning the child over and over when she dries out . Great FUN for the child..... Then they hide then there caught. phone calls Lawyer bills and nights awake thinking what hell the child is going thru w/ all the men she has in and out of her house and bed......Welcome to the SYSTEM girls and boys! | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/12/2007 11:48:12 PM | And I suppose next you'll say all the mothers are druggies who are misusing CS?
Sorry, but instead of whining and playing victim... work the system. I'm quite tired of all the whining and complaining about how biased the courts are. THEY ARE, I believe you that they are, but DO SOMETHING about it.
My motto: Dont submit a complaint without a suggestion. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/13/2007 7:18:51 AM |
No... thank God your father had enough money to ensure you didn't suffer. Some people are already maxed out and can't afford any more.
I wouldn't say my father had enough money. To me that makes it sound like he was rolling in it or something. He worked long hours and he worked hard. (Still does.) And I guarantee you it wasn't so easy when he remarried and had another kid. But someone had to do it, so he somehow got it done.
How is it that your mother ended up with custody and your father didn't?
I really don't know. I was the kid in this equation, so I wasn't kept up to date on why who got what in the divorce. I know he tried a few times, but I would assume that it was because my mom wasn't doing anything illegal, wasn't abusing me, and I wasn't living in squalor. I never said that she didn't love me or take care of me. I only said that my dad went above and beyond his court ordered child support to care for me- his child because my mother didn't make good choices when it came to child support. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/13/2007 4:02:25 PM | | My ex tells me the child support is my payment for raising the children ~ so ~ I treat it like a paycheck and spend it however I wish. BUT, I do have a well paid job so the kids have everything they could possibly need and have never gone without anything! I could understand the frustration if the one receiving the money blew it on drugs or cigarettes, and the children obviously went without. It just isn't that way in my case as my paycheck is obviously going towards living expenses!! And, the amount I receive monthly is no way near the amount required to raise children!! | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/13/2007 4:11:48 PM |
Yea, that's the real world girls.....Obviously they have never had to try and fight for a child thru the system. Believe me its so much red tape and chances CS give the druggie mother to get her shit together taking the child then returning the child over and over when she dries out . Great FUN for the child..... Then they hide then there caught. phone calls Lawyer bills and nights awake thinking what hell the child is going thru w/ all the men she has in and out of her house and bed......Welcome to the SYSTEM girls and boys!
My real world is on the other side of the coin... my ex is a felon for non-support and in arrears of $20,000. Oh, and HE is the one with the drug/alcohol habits...not I. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/13/2007 9:19:49 PM | Got to put my two cents worth in on this topic. About all that is left after everything else is taken care of.
I am absolutely sure that what the OP is talking about happens for some.
For me it goes something like this.
This is not in anyway a bash at my ex or any other person that pays child support. It is simply an accounting for those of you that think that because a parent recieves child support they have it easy!
Husband pays child support. Great!
I have to provide a 3 bedroom residence in a hopefully decent neighborhood. He can stay with a buddy. Difference in cost of about $1000 a month ( including utilities). Then there is the food. And since I feel that the kids should eat healthy that probably is an additional $400 a month. Then there is the cloths, shoes, coats etc that they need. Averaged out over the year at least $150 a month. Then there is the toys, birthday presents and parties, christmas, easter, halloween costumes probably an additional $150 a month. Have I forgotten anything? Lets not even talk about the cost of vacations or a day at the zoo!!!
1000 + 400 + 150 +150 = $1700 a month divided in two = $850 a month per parent.
Do I get anywhere near that? No not ever. I have to earn the difference. I make it up. And no I do not get any type of government assistance either. It is on me!! And then there of course is the $188 per month that I and I alone put into thier education fund because this is important to my childrens future. Oh and if I charge a little money for babysitting fees since I have the kids 99% of the time. Give me a break!
But fortunately for me I do get the support that he pays unlike many others that have to do it all alone! | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/14/2007 4:16:59 PM | | Way to say it lyrical girl. CS is for the kids - that's for sure and I think it needs to be accounted for. Not every dime but reasonable evidence that the recipient is not only using the money paid for the kids but antying (?) up a reasonable share of the kids costs themselves. This shows good faith that the custody application was not just for the money. CS is pretty generous these days so it is like a dangling carrot - when the CS just becomes profit, which is my situation, then there are serious problems. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/14/2007 4:53:34 PM | Yes you are right about "the right to ask", if this is truly a concern then you should have it looked into after all there is an innocent child involved.
Child support??? what is that I never received a dime and my son is 13. Note: not all people are bad.
all the best | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/14/2007 4:55:11 PM | Yea, that's the real world girls.....Obviously they have never had to try and fight for a child thru the system. Believe me its so much red tape and chances CS give the druggie mother to get her shit together taking the child then returning the child over and over when she dries out . Great FUN for the child
I have dealt with these issues in my line of work...if you need an ear I would be happy to help if I can.  | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/14/2007 8:59:50 PM | Just as there are maintenance recipients using drugs, there are the payors that are too busy doing drugs and partying to even pay their maintenance...
Really though, if your ex has a cocaine habit, unless you're putting up $1k a month in support, guess what dude, you probably AREN'T covering the habit...
Instead of being concerned about the money going towards a habit...Be concerned about what influence (or lack of) this habit could have on YOUR child...
Where is this habit taking place? At home, where is this crap being kept? It wouldn't take a large dose to KILL a child of the garbage out there these days...
Meth and coke are huge (and VERY expensive) habits - Mommy might be out pawning her a** off at night for that habit leaving your child at home...
Aren't there bigger things to worry about than the money aspect? | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40 | |
| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 3:59:29 AM | Well, I think a lot of people bring up good points, but OP, you DO know that there are a lot of parents out there receiving child support who use it for their children, right? Of course, there are a lot that use it for bingo, beer, smokes, etc. and I think the paying parent should have the right to ensure the money is being used for the child.
But Fleurette said it best. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 4:28:00 AM | | as long as there is a roof over the kids head, food on the table and clothing on their back there isnt much you can say. how do ya know the support money didnt pay the rent last month and the money she made went to her entertainment? if your that concerned about the coke, crack or what ever drug she is using, ask childrens aide (in canada) to do a hair test. the drug stays in the hair alot longer then the rest of the body but be prepared to provide your own sample. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:43:18 AM | Yes OP I am just curious as to what you are actually concerned about here. The money and how it is being spent or the child.
Child support is added to the pool of money for the household and used as needed. If you look at my post above you will see that although child support is a reasonable amount these day it does not cover half of the cost of taking care of the children.
The money is for the use in providing for the child.
If you are truly concerned that she uses it for the purchase of cocaine or other such things then should your concern not be for the child!!!!!
The child needs to have a safe environment in which to grow and thrieve. Living with a cocaine addict or any other addict is not a safe environmant. So if this is the issue and you truly care look into it. Call the CAS (children aid society) or get a lawyer.
Do realize though that by doing this you are putting yourself into a posistion that you might have to step up to the plate and be the full time custodial parent to the child....
So if you think that she is doing drugs ... be a man and a father and help your child!!!! | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:57:49 AM | happydork just a question for you
How is the child support that you pay profit?
Please explain this statement as I do not understand!
I presume that your kids have a safe decent place to live, good food to eat, decent cloths on thier backs, toys books, school supplies, santa the easter bunny the tooth fairy all show up. (If you are answering no to these things then you need to unsure that they do.)
Or do you consider it to be profit because your ex makes a good living and you feel that she does not need it to support the children.
And to the gentleman that stated that the money is all put into an account for the kids future at his assistance. May I ask what your kids eat and who pays for that?
Do not get me wrong I know that problems exist. Trust me my ex has a drinking problem and that is why I have the kids 99% of the time. Because my kids come first. If you do not feel that your support is being used appropriately then ask a few questions. But remember that both parents have an emotional and financial responsibility to the children that they created. Period.
And for those other moms out there. If you actually have any money left over after you take care of all the expenses of the children, have the laundry done, the shopping done, the meals cooked, the noses wiped, the home work done etc etc etc. Then by all means go and get your nails done. You deserve it!!!! | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:38:13 AM | And for those other moms out there. If you actually have any money left over after you take care of all the expenses of the children, have the laundry done, the shopping done, the meals cooked, the noses wiped, the home work done etc etc etc. Then by all means go and get your nails done. You deserve it!!!!
 I hear ya mom,,,nails done? I do my own - cant afford that expense....good day to all. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 10:38:39 AM |
Half goes directly into the bank, the other half goes to the kids for monthly allowance money.
wait a minute..what about the essentials? a place to live, food, clothing etc?
child support isnt movie money!!!!!!!!!11 | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 4:10:07 PM | | ^^^^^^ and why cant she use the rest of it for movie money......if all the bills are covered....why not?????????Maybe...just maybe she covered all the bills,food,clothing,daycare,school field trips etc with the money she makes....so why cant she put some aside to take the kid to the movies??????People need to quit being bitter about paying support for their kids....Do you think she should give the money back to you instead of taking the kids to a movie...come on now. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 4:45:06 PM |
Do you think she should give the money back to you instead of taking the kids to a movie
Hmmmm? College education vs. The Last Mimsy..........Life insurance policy vs. Ninja Turtles.........GIC vs. Meet the Robinsons..........not give it back but ask my opinion about where it should go.......I got a million suggestions and buttered popcorn wouldn't be one of them...... | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:21:49 PM | Sweets,
It goes to the heart of every major battle between someone and their ex..........control.
People can play their harps, adjust their halos and say "Think about the children...." but in truth it always comes down to this.......one side has some, the other wants to get theirs and the chain begins link by link, forge by forge that binds them forever.
In my experience the best post relationship business dealings involve each party knowing exactly how much control each party wants and planning their lives accordingly.......the same as any other business deal. It may sound heartless but thats life.
If more people treated it as a business arrangement they could more quickly get to the important part of loving their kids. Instead however each side spends their emotional energy on their ex and their lucky if they have some left for their kids.
Go to the table, know what your BETNA (look it up) is and negotiate. Know where each party is coming from (emotional experiences, financial situations, etc.) and plan for a future you both can agree on.......not one that either party has to "live with".
Just my 2 cents. | |
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| What kind of drug does your child support check go for?
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:23:31 PM | Response to the above post.
I some what agree with the fact that people need to put aside thier emotional stuff. Hurt feelings, pride and all that and focus on the children. It is not a business deal but both parents need to act mature and focus on what is best for the children. Most people fall into the anger bitterness trap and can not get back out.
My ex and I are adults and acted like adults. Do I get paid child support in the amount that is required to cover his half? No! But he pays what he can afford and I can not ask more than that. He needs to be able to have a place to live and all the essentials that his children and I need. If everyone can remember that what we do effects our children FOREEVER then maybe everyone would be happier and carry much less negativity down the path of life.
In response to what should be done with the money -
I will repeat my previous statement that in most cases the child support paid does not cover even half of the actual basic needs of the child. We make up the difference.
So if after I have paid about 70 % of actual basic costs and ensured that there is an education fund I do not need someones permission to take my kids to the movies.
Thank God my ex although not the most responsible reliable person in the planet does not question where the money goes as he knows that his kids are well taken care of and I work about 50% more hours then he does to ensure that they are.
And no I do not spend money on alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, manicures, pedicures or tanning. My kids are first everyday always. I will do without everything to ensure that they have what they need. | |
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