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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:10:55 PM | SweetKristine,
I've been single for 2 years and I do feel the same way as you..... sometimes. Most of my friends are engaged/married and especially now that I am nearly 30 I do at times get that swelling tide of panic.. what am I doing here, where is the other half that I am supposed to have?
But what I've realized I guess is that it's better to be alone than in a bad relationship or one that you are not happy in just for the sake of having a boyfriend. I've been there and done that. and at the end of it I always felt worse than if I had been alone the whole time. You can't rush finding/meeting that special person, but you can help things along by making it easier for them to find you. However tempting it is to sit at home and chat on the computer, make yourself go out and mingle. Do something you are passionate about, make other areas of your life fulfilling and successful. I'm concentrating on my career and family, and building a little nest egg so that I'm independent and won't be forced to rely on a guy. Do something you are passionate about which fulfills you so that the happiness just shines out of you (I know it sounds cliched but it is true, when you are doing something fulfilling you radiate and look _that_ much more approachable :) Love yourself, go out and find single friends and spoil yourself. For valentines day I made a candlelit dinner of lobster for me and my puppy, and for my 30th birthday I am treating myself to a week in Paris. Just because you are alone doesn't mean that you will be alone forever, or that it's the worst state to be in. Find the silver linings, that being alone means that you can stay up as long as you like, padding around in the nude if you want to, eating ice cream out of the tub for dinner and playing Celine Dion as loud as you want. It means you can take as long as you want shopping, go on spontaneous little trips away whenever you like, and there is no one to hog the covers. Revel in this state and appreciate it while you are still single ;p | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/17/2008 12:23:23 AM | I used to feel like I'm going to be alone forever. Seeing my friends getting married or in relationships used to be tough. It gets worst when people keep asking "Why is something like you still single?". But now I just squash those feelings because I know there's nothing I can do about it. I am me, and I have to work with the cards I've been dealt with when I was born.
I'm not sad or anything by it though because everyone has their ups and downs, everyone faces challenges throughout their lives, and to me this is just one of those challenges.
I know I'm a very capable provider, friend, lover and everything else. But I can't force girls to like me, so I just have to keep doing what I'm doing, and that is to constantly try to become a better man because no matter how great we are all we can always be a better person, for ourselves and for others. | |
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Maxx2
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Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 803 | |
| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/17/2008 4:57:31 AM | "Does anyone els feel this way"?
The answer here my dear is yes I know exatcly how you feel becuase I am there myself. I've been on here for an entire year and Ive gotten 1 reply to my profile. All the rest Ive had to innitiate. The other two dates Ive had (yes Ive only had two, pretty pathetic huh?  ) Have sucked. I'm lucky now if I get ANY responses from E-mail I myself send! So yes I know how you feel. Be glad you have friends though those are hard to come by! count your blessings I always say. And if dating isnt working out for you. Then you have two choices: Give up! I'm ready to! OR dont...theres nothing you can do to make people like you. My advice is let it go and be happy where you are. Look at what you have not what you dont have. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/17/2008 4:42:17 PM | | You sound like you want the finer things in life and in my eyes that is a fine quality in a woman. The whole putting you'r hart on the line thing is the worst. I have done the same thing in every attempted relationship I have been in, although that isn't very many. The only problem I can see with that is the one time you don't put your heart out there, who knows, it could be that special someone. When they see that you aren't putting it all out there, they could get a little worried and then, who knows, you may lose them because you didn't give them 100%. So, I hate the whole thing. I wish people just had more morals today. Honisty is an excellent way to communicate, but apparently most people just can't handle that so you just have to believe them and hope for the best, or not believe them and maby screw everything up. Well, I just thought I would throw in my two cents. Yours Truly, JOHN | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/17/2008 4:50:17 PM | | Right there with you girlfriend. I introduced my two best friends Jim and Gwen and now they are dating. And now I feel like the third wheel. They neveer let me feel this way but I do. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/17/2008 4:57:34 PM | | Hi from Ireland. Believe it or not you are telling my story and probably a lot of other people,s also. But, you are the brave one to say it!!!! I seperated 8 yrs ago and, a lot older than you. I stay in all the time coz in Ireland a woman doesnt go out on her own. I was unhappily married for over 20 yrs and when I had the courage to get out I thought "oh I,l have a great life now meeting new people". Hasent really turned out that way-so, I stay in all the time!!!!!! I am a nice woman as you probably are too. Havent the solution for you pet but, just want you to know-your not alone!!! | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/17/2008 6:16:44 PM | | i agree with galanne....i'm 43 and been separated for going on 5 years. i'm alone but i'm not alone, i'm lonely but not lonely. i have my cyber friends to help me from feeling alone and lonely.....that's much better than a pet right now. pets are nice to have and to cuddle with but cyber friends if not real friends are there to talk to....you can always get a teddy bear to cuddle with. i have very few real life friends so i believe in holding true to my cyber friends....you're never going to be alone as long as you have them. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/18/2008 10:03:55 PM | I am just an average looking woman, no great pluses or minuses. Average and boring!
I am not 'all that', nor am I stuck up as someone recently accused me of acting; I am scared to death of growing old alone...
Some words of wisdom somebody just shared with me, and this seems like the perfect place to drop this gem, for those of us thinking about settleing for nothing, or or worse than that, for a person who can never appreciate our gifts. I think despite my fears I may be better off alone.
[NEVER make someone a PRIORITY who treats you only as an OPTION
NEVER give MAXIMUM BENEFITS to someone who only makes MINIMUM EFFORT
DO GIVE the benefit of the doubt,...but when no more doubt...no more benefit...]
miChelle from L town | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/19/2008 6:38:09 AM | Hi Kristine, and the answer is yes. But like you, I don't see it as some sort of 'disease' should I not meet someone to spend my life with.
There are many many people who spend their entire lives without a SO and lead very normal, happy and well adjusted lives. Yes it is nice if one does have a SO to share life with. Yes it is wonderful to have a warm body to cuddle up with at night, but should it not be in my cards, my life will STILL be as fulfilling and complete as it is now.
To complete my life doesn't necessarily mean I MUST have a SO, it just means that I've already got my wheels in motion to make my life run smooth. Should someone happen along who can make my journey that much more pleasureable, I'd consider it an added bonus. Either way I know I'll be fine.
Life is what it is and what we make of it for ourselves. Get out and enjoy your life Kristine and don't pine while waiting for that SO. It'll happen when it's meant to . The wheres and hows are sometimes beyond our control. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/19/2008 7:12:54 AM | No, I fear REAL problems like job loss, bad health, not being able to eat food, losing the place I live, death of loved ones, you know - stuff that might actually be terrible.
As long as you have basic needs and a good support system of friends and family, you're good. An SO is just icing on the cake - but without the cake, the frosting can be a bit too much to take. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/19/2008 11:42:43 AM | oh man can I relate SweetKristine
too well.. same thing all my friends are happily married and having grandchildren or my bro who I use to hang with is getting married again and now has no time for me
and my 2 single girlfriends that madethis all bearable meaningtheir great company andhow they would come over visit and get me out and go dancing well one in oct left to go back to brazil for good
and now my polish friend just told me last night she is leaving for poland in march 21 as she is not happy here has her twin sister there and mom and better job and friends and found a man on a dating service who just happens to live in her town and knows her mom
so i Know i should be happyfor her and I am but ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
and this place pof is filled with nuts nuts nuts
its been on bad experience after the next
just awful ones
and being older and yes I fear I will be alone
and I have been able to be alone alot and actually need time alone alot
but having in 4 months a year and a half ago
lost my daughter, killed in a car crash then my best friend to melanoma then almost myself to melanoma then my dad died in my arms and then my mom and then my twin sister was murdered by her husband that I fixed her up with
so i guess im lucky to be sane at alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
I then went to floried to take a break and it was a nightmare ex for the most part
I did meet aboy a teen I took under my wing he is sweet and amazing
but I just found out he got a girl pregnant and he is such a good boy at 17 he has taken her in and is going to marry her sends me copies of teh ultrasounds he is so special and rare an dmore mature than any man i have met in my life and certainly on here
but i am sad
I am selfishishly sad for me that he does nto need me anymore and that he is too busy to chat with me daily
and I am sad for him that he is growing up too fast as he sings amazign and plays guitar and writes and I was going to get him on american idol
he would be perfect for that so handsome so talented
but now he is tied down and for now he is quite happy about it
so I just lost him since his gf or wife to be need s and wants his attention alot
so I came home to boston from florida for my aunt dying of cancer whose son and wife moved in so she didnt need me to help my brother thru a major heartattack who fell in love and she takes care of him and he does not need me
and to be with my single gal friends who have left
and then now shaun is growing up an daway
and i try to make dates on here but they are all nutty
players lying married men abusive
or just not for me
so yes
i am having a bit of a pity party and i have confidence like you
but i fear I will always be alone man wise
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
hope noone feels like jumping off a bridge after reading t his
ugh
it feels like its all losss loss loss
but for you who are young and are goign to school
there is soooooooooooo much hope
and so much promise in your future
dont ever forget that
trust me it gets harder with age not easier
Im sure those that are young and full of life and have support snad school will do just great!!!!
Good luck to us all
lol | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/19/2008 2:36:31 PM | [The best advice is to never let a good chance at a relationship slip away. Because you may never get that chance again.]
I wish I could just get my man to read this.
Chelle | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 2/23/2008 10:17:05 PM | response to Mr. Ivan msg 790:
I agree that we shouldn't let a good chance at a relationship slip away yet none of us knows that we'll be alone for the rest of our lives.........if it's meant to happen it will; we just have to 'let someone special IN', which is what we're not doing in the real world....sad. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:27:51 AM | Thats how i feel, when i was younger i used to supress it because everyone kept telling me "you'll find someone when your older" like people do but no-one has turned up and im now really almost convinced that there are two inevitable fates for me: Death and being single for life. I feel jealous of all the others who grew up just assuming it would happen (in a way i think we all do) and then it does.....except to us who are still single with no sign that it will ever change.
I agree that we should "never let a good chance slip away" and i can definatly say that ive kept to that.....yet there HAVEN'T been any way to hold on to the rare chances that ive had...i always hold on like my life depends on it....the other person just says to me "oh its not worth it cos you'll find someone soon" as if????? THEY FIND SOMEONE but i dont...i just stay lonely!
i know that its not a life essential to have someone (in the way that is for food, shelter, a job etc) but you still need at the very least happiness even if you dont get a rship with anyone but thats my problem....unless i believe that someone wants me, i just cant be happy and have fun because im still always being rejected by the persons i want to have fun with and its difficult to have fun on ones own.
Ive got friends obviously but friends dont "love" you do they???? so its not the same. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:36:16 AM |
THEY FIND SOMEONE but i dont...i just stay lonely!
You could start by taking some things out of your profile like the fact that you can be "immature" and "child-like". No woman wants someone who describes themselves like that. If you are trying to say that you can be spontaneous and fun, then say that.
In general, I think the biggest key to finding someone is CONFIDENCE. If a person feels like they are worthless and will never find someone, then that's exactly what's going to happen. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:43:55 AM | Hello Sweetkristine,
Christin here..lol
I know exactly what you mean. Same here. I don't want a short term fling, I want something proper and that's why I don't have kids either.
Yes, it does get me down, especially on holidays or weekends, when I know it's time for people and families to get together and I don't have any of that since my mum lives in Germany and I am on my own here and got no other family left.
I tend to try and make it nice for myself but I noticed that I avoid going for a walk on days like that because that's when the 'families' go for walks and then there's me, little Miss Singleton, mincing about right in the middle...lol.
Trust me, I know what you mean and it's okay to sometimes get down about it.
You aren't on your own on that score:).
Well hopefully I get to read soon a post from you saying you are about to leave because you met Mr Right!
x x x | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:25:35 PM | Indehills, i only used those terms because:
1. These actually aren't my terms, they are actually how everyone that knows me describes me, im actually terrible at describing myself because im not an artist person at all and im useless when it comes to describing anything (except absolute things such as interests etc) in the same way that (i'll admit) am a useless dancer!
2. I find that if i just say that im "fun" then the first thing that girls ask (naturally!) is how fun? It conjures up an image of someone thats clubbing every weekend, getting drunk etc because (unfortunatly) most girls ive met think that fun spells those things and that everything else is NOT FUN ie boring. I dont share this interpretation at all and (i suspect), neither do you.
Yet when i am fun its extremely suprising (ok spontanoues!) yet the trouble is i do then become very immature depending on what the term really means (which to be honest i dont know!) as i believe others do at times and i have used it because theres such a contrast between that and my normal every day personality that everyone describes it as if id suddenly become twenty years younger for a few minutes and that this extreme contrast (well everyone else has always described it as such!) could take a girl aback and they may attempt to say that id "mislead" them or something which is the last thing i want to do.
so yes i probably could have desribed it better yet i dont know the best way to do it without creating a "false profile". | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:35:16 PM | Oh sorry regarding your other point i dont believe that if you think positivly you'll simply get someone and i never desribed myslef as "worthless" and i dont beleive im worthless for a single minute!! If that was so everyone would have someone because would anyone seriously join a site if they thought there was "no chance" of finding a partner? would you bother to upload a photo or write a desription as best as you could (ok im not going to pretend for a minute that my profile and/or photo could have been better...they could have been!) if you thought there was "no chance" i know i wouldnt!!!! so this argument seems flawed. Im not saying its impossible, just unlikely whaich are two different things and it would be bizzare to simply attract loads of girls simply by me saying that "I will definalty find someone" it just wouldnt work like that.
I agree with you that confidence attracts girls and used to work wonders for me a number of years ago yet unfortunaly i wasnt interessted in ANY of the potential partners at all......so it seemed pointless to use confidence to attract girls unfortunalty...The ones i WAS interessted in were unaffected by my confidence attempts (hence why i dont try the same procedure now which if i tryed abit i probably could) | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/8/2008 3:15:09 PM | I know the feeling of the loneliness. I keep thinking the same thing about being a third wheel.If you go with friends they have their b/f or g/f .I thought this site would help me.But I'm like you,I just sit at home on Fri,Sat. and Sundays.For some reason people think I have alot of dates.But I don't.I sit here on this computer and look at the e-mails hoping there's someone out there that feels the same as I do. And it seems when you find someone you think would be a good catch they always live too far,or they play games with your heart or both. I hate going places and doing things alone. But I also hate having someone tell me they care and have deep feelings for me . Then just never hear from them again. That really hurts.And to be honest when I first was single was ok. But now I'm ready for someone special in my life to share things with.Someone who feels he wants a loving relationship.And wants to know how it feels to have that special connection. I guess I'm just too much of a romatic.  I'm not getting any younger.. . Are there others that have this problem also. I mean look at all these profiles....and very few are honest about what they are looking for...I need help ..I guess I'll just keep fishing and hope I can find a Keeper.Tell me this,Is there others that have the same problem I'm having? | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:06:08 PM | | The way I figure it, if I'm alone at the end of things then that's cool. Maybe there's another calling for me out there. Maybe my life is not to have a romance that is the finest example of life long love. I'm cool with that. Is it ideal? Not really. I like having someone to wrap my arms around in bed for sure. To feel her heartbeat, to see her smile, hear her laugh, to wipe her tears and hold her close. But if I never find her, okay. Just as long as I get to look at the stars one last time and imagine that somewhere she's dying with me, too. A little weird and maybe morbid, but that's how I look at it. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:31:26 PM | I like how hardcandylick said all that. Pretty much the way I feel.
In the end we are all alone anyway.
But not really, we have all touched and been touched by many.
Life is pretty much an adventure and death seems like the biggest mysterious adventure of all.
When I leave this world, I just hope that there is nobody who thinks 'Good! She is gone!'
IT would be nice to have a man to be my partner for the rest of my life, but if that doesn't happen I feel like maybe it was just not meant to be in this lifetime. Maybe it was meant for me to just be a part of many ppl's lives. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/9/2008 1:38:49 AM | | In effect, we are all 'alone' but feel the desire and need to have a partner in our life to make us feel complete. My wedding day was planned for this Friday and this week has been really difficult for me but, since splitting up im looking on the positive things happening in my life. Im taking a english language course in Spain soon and hoping to move there which is something i wouldnt have done if I had got married again. As one door closes another one opens. Yes i still hope to find my soulmate eventually but im not hanging around waiting for him, im concentrating on ME now and maybe he will come into my life one day when im not looking. | |
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| Ever feel like your going to be alone forever?
Posted: 4/9/2008 2:05:01 AM | Hell yes, I think the more you want something, the more it eludes you, so guess I just have to no longer chase it.
If it happens it happens, if not, so be it, for now Im going to sleep like a starfish for as long as I like, watch the telly and flick through the channels, just to entertain myself, fart in bed if I so want to (no seriously, I will - I dont like competition anyway lol) and eat what I want, when I want if I want, hell I may not even COOK if I dont want to lol, but on a more serious note, I do know he is out there, I do know hes mucking about and taking his flipping time, he wont lie to me, he wont tell me one thing and do another, he wont say what he thinks I want to hear because he wants to get me inbetween the sheets, he will be everything Im probably not even looking for and will more than likely take me by utter surprise.......but he HAS to be coming, Im sure of it. I had a talk to cupid and told him he was no longer allowed to sit on his butt in bali sipping vodka, he had to get back to work, so Im sure he is doing just as I asked......................yeah RIGHT!!!!  | |
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