| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/16/2007 9:31:27 PM | | Either way we go online or offline dating can become discouraging and disappointing! I am beginning to wonder if maybe it's the people we are choosing to meet! Rhonda | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/16/2007 11:57:58 PM | First, allow me to say... our resident 'moon_fish' dude ... is harmless. He likes the word 'garter belt'. Seeing one...might be too much for his heart...so, whoever he lands with.. be gentle. Butttt, be sure and give us the exclusive scoop on PoF.
And, pay attention to Ron9. He doesn't mince words..which is good!
As my longggggg profile outlines, I was on before... ended up on over 130 FAVs list... had no clue who 90% of em were. I felt like a ho. 
Went into hiding... recently reemerged... and things are mucho mucho better! 
Sooooo, I recommend just taking a break.. a breather... from the actual 'dating' agenda outlook... stay on to enjoy the forums...then, get back in the 'dating' mode when the timing feels right.
Just don't delete out your profile totally... cuz I lost all the real friends from my FAVs list and had to add em back in when I rejoined. Now, I use a 'weeding' out process. When I'm put on lists and no contact is made within a reasonable time, I delete myself off their list. Simple process. Voila! | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:56:40 PM | Well I use the old adage that a stranger is just a friend you haven't met, and once I blocked the 20 and 30 yr olds from contacting me here, it's been pretty peaceful.
I got to meet some lovely men , enjoyed some interesting chats and yes even dealt with a few yahoos. I truly have no expectations when I go to meet someone for coffee.
A male friend also told me to judge a man by what he does, not what he says - I have found it to be very sound advice.
I would be leary of any man who start talking about summer vacations after only a few weeks of dating - it would strike me as a person who is love with being in love, and I would expect them to be off to greener pastures as fast as their little hearts go patter off.
I have been dating someone from here for about 12 months now, so this can work. I still do not try to predict the future, but just relax and enjoy the good time while it's here. I find people only fail us when we burden them with our expectaions. Take a break and then come back, and meet some new friends.  | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/18/2007 5:26:08 AM |
I find people only fail us when we burden them with our expectations.
Every once in a while in my wanderings through the forums, I stumble across things that just have a sensibility that is inescapable.
cdn guy | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:35:32 AM | There are still some of us here that are sincere about wanting long lasting relationships, most people do. Some just want to have fun for fear of intimacy. It takes time to sort those out from those than are able to be intimate emotionally but if the connection isn't there upon meeting, it doesn't matter anyway. I like what Celti said about paying attention to what a person does, not so much what they say. That has always been the old addage about "actions speaks louder than words" and too many times we get caught up with words....like me here. lol.   | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/18/2007 2:10:13 PM | | Perhaps your expectation is too high, or you are too determined. I see online dating as a learning process. Learning from others, making life more interesting. Especially English is my second lauguage, it forced me to write better emails. One day if I found that special someone that would be a bonus. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/18/2007 4:16:32 PM |
maybe you meet, and it turns out the guy has lied about age, height, weight-- or something.
Don't take this (online dating) too seriously. I just do this for fun. If I actually met someone who would evolve into something serious that would be just "icing on the cake". I've only met 3 women from this and all of them contacted me first. I belong to a social group for serious matching. That way I can see what they look like in person before talking to them. I can also see how they respond to me, body language says a lot. Join a singles social group in your area...that's what I recommend. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/18/2007 5:24:46 PM | Tigger........,
There is nothing wrong with your looks. You posted 5 pictures and you appear good looking and fun in 4. Your main picture (number 1) does look a bit solemn. But again, that's only one out of four.
:-) | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:00:25 PM | In response to msg 34...The trombone "player" is a figment of the imagination. My apologies to all other musicians.
I may get slammed here for advocating the necessity of cynicism.
Rightfully so, until they prove otherwise. Don't rely on communications only, to develop trust, as one can only discover inconsistencies in stories that may or may not mean an attempt to deceive. Of course, the realization that a person is outright lying should be anyone's first step in eliminating further communication.
Well said!
Muskoka | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/18/2007 7:04:18 PM | Honestly - all too often people are too busy watching the door close behind - to see the one open in front.
Maybe you do need to take a break from all this on-line dating. I'm certain if shan't do any harm!
As for trusting; the biggest risk of all is not taking one.
I so wish you well - regardless of your choice! | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/18/2007 7:07:29 PM | Celticmist (msg 53)> That is SO true about judging a person by what they do and not what they say, and indeed very fine advice. Words are often just words, and the deeds showing that the words are truly meant truly show a person's mettle. Actions DO speak louder than words. I also like what Irish Eyez ^^^^said: "as for trusting, the biggest risk of all is not taking one."
Candidsecret, if you feel like you're burned out from dating, take a break and hide your profile for a while and spend time reading the forums/whatever. Not all guys seem to be blessed with the need to be considerate...so, instead of wondering why your guy didn't even call to break up, thank your lucky stars that you found out his true self before you got even more involved with him. I know what you mean about going out with someone and they have 'misinformed' you about their weight, height, intent, or whatever. When that happens to me, I always think that maybe they're insecure about their ht, wt, (whatever), and let it go at that. Just see them for who/what they are, but don't let yourself become cynical because of the way somebody acts...your own happiness is always a choice, don't let it be taken from you by somebody elses actions or deeds:-) jmho... | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/18/2007 9:59:59 PM | Thanks everyone for your feedback.
As an update. Yes, I'm going to take a break from online dating. And no, I don't think my expectations were unreasonable. I didn't think we were going to be together forever--I just sort of expected more warning that he was no longer interested.
The talk about summer was not firm plans or anything. It was more like, "When the weather is good in the summer we can do such and such." It gave the impression that he was thinking we would be dating throughout the summer, at least. And then he suddenly stopped calling.
Yeah, I am lucky to have found out what an irresponsible, self-centered jerk he is. I'm not going to let him get to me.
I still think meeting people online is maybe not a good idea for me. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:08:50 AM | | I was wondering when someone would say dont listen what they say watch what they do! That.ll tell you who an what they are about. It does get fustrating being on here but its a way to meet people with the same intrests that are "hopefully" intrested in meeting you...so many head games online an it gets discourging...what the hell happen to people anyway?......self respect,integerity,honor?......god I sound like "old school"....market america market them selfs out of a realistic realationship................. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 5:10:33 AM | | Thanks Positive. And you're not so bad yourself. Now why is it that only the women who are thousands of miles away not have a problem with me? Damn! | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 5:29:03 AM | Probably the biggest thing wrong with "online" dating is that we're handed too many choices and keep throwing back the minnows wishing for the "big catch"....one of the "minnows" could have developed into the love of your life and you won't realize it until you find yourself telling your buddies "the fish that got away" story....and by then it will be too late..... | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 5:35:31 AM |
So I just want to know, how do those of you who have been doing this for a long time manage to keep going, to keep from getting burnt out and cynical?
It helps if you stick to believing that you have very high standards and you aren't going to lower them for anyone. You must wait for the 'right one' to come along before committing to a first meeting and if you wait long enough, your future soul mate will come sweeping you off your feet into a life of never ending bliss.
Don't admit that you are here because you're lonely for you will appear desperate to those trying to hide this vulnerability and you'll chance being the future victim of someone attempting to take advantage emotions that come with being human.
Whenever anyone questions that you may be going about finding someone to share with the wrong way, attack them with arguments about how you're alone and happy about it. Explain over and over how you won't choose to be in a disastrous relationship and can wait for your knight in shinning armor to appear or be perfectly happy by your self but keep seeking a relationship as an option on your profile.
Define your preferences to the "T" and stick to them religiously for they will form the mold your soul mate needs to fit for you to be comfortable.
Then sit back and wait. Under this model, the longer you wait, the better the chances of finding the one that fits your mold or someone malleable enough to flow right into it.
I tried to stay positive about being single but some woman decided to share her emotions with me and now look what happened. I can't claim I'm waiting to make the best choice anymore and I have to endure the comforts of a vivacious personality capable of making choices too soon to claim she waited a long time. I have to tell her how I feel about stuff or she looks confused. I don't like that look but I do like her smiles so I selfishly do things to provoke them. She'll probably even enjoy reading this post damn it!
I'm sorry, I think I could have remained positive about being single and looking and not finding someone but now, I may never find out. I should have kept trying to date women that think I only want sex. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 9:16:14 AM | | I think you're just saying ---- cut the bullshit and be honest ---- most of us ARE here because we're lonely ---- there is absolutly NO shame in being lonely ---- the shame is in being deceptive and playing games with people's feelings at the risk of hurting them ---- I'm strong enough emotionally to let my guard down and be vulnerable ---- I learned a long time ago that feeling EVERYTHING (good and bad) sure beats the hell out of going through life numb ---- yes I have been hurt on this site ---- it was my fault ---- I was not clear about my expectations from the onset and I think thats crutial ----- communication is the key to all things you value in life ---- and then trust ---- you can't expect more than another person is capable (or willing) to give ---- its impossible ---- so when you realize you have different sets of goals or he (she) is "just not into you"---- you part ways and give the person you once cared for his (her) wings to fly and find what will make tham happy ---- cause it sure wasn't you ---- then you lick your wounds for a couple of weeks and move on ---- thats the way life works ---- its filled with disappointments but we can't dwell on those or we may miss fabulous opportunities while we have our heads stuck in the sand ---- falling in love comes with HUGE risks ---- sensitive and gentle people get hurt ---- but we learn ---- oh my God do we learn !! ----- what we truly want ---- what we truly deserve ---- what we will NEVER settle for again ---- we learn from our mistakes ----- the alternative is to give up completely and concentrate on hanging out with our friends and travelling or going on cruises (which can also be nice during the healing process of a broken heart) ----I for one am still looking for that tall dark and hansome "someone" squeezing melons at the local safeway (EVERYONE has told me he exists) ---- wink ---- | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 9:53:07 AM | | My personal experience has been to "hide profile" when feeling burnt out on the dating scene. I try to keep in mind that they are people just like me. Frustration is just part of the dating world. I could probably be described by some as: she isn't serious. Yet, I feel that I am. I don't see this as a game, but I know what I want and am willing to stay the course to find the right one. If they do not call, they are doing me a favor and not leading me on. I appreciate open honesty, but I also view silence as an answer. In the "Online Dating" world, it is the "too much information" available that I find myself moving on. I would rather have a picture and a date of birth. Period. Let all other information come forward in due time. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:04:22 PM | I have found that most of the men on these dating sites, can be around 40-50 years old, and look like they are in their 60's or 70's, with misleading photos if any at all. And once you contact one that has contacted you, you dont hear back from them! Thats very irritating Lets all just be honest with each other. Im burnt out on dating, I have had some dates, and when they showed up, I couldnt even tell who they were, going by the pics posted, didnt look anything at all like the pics.
And then there were the ones just looking for a one night stand. PLEASE, give me a break, if your profile says your looking for long-term, then dont come looking for just sex. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:15:24 PM | | The internet is like arranging your own blind date. Stay home or take your chances. In my lifetime , I've had so many blind dates that I should get a parking sticker but most were actually fun. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:07:28 PM | Speak for yourself!  Some of us have great success and fun. Mind you, I agree about people getting burned out. You just have to look at those with over a hundred people on their favourites list. I take my hat off to their sheer stamina
speaking of which the mail is going again | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:13:32 PM | I remove people who put me on their fav. list if I am not interested in them.
Keeps me from burn out | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:15:25 PM | Great post, peaceful spirit.
Myself..I think I'm done with the dating thing. Not that I have, lol. But I think I'm done looking for something I will have to find myself and not via the help of the internet. Instead....friends will suffice.
I dont like being lonely, and I am. Hence my presence here. And thats all Im here for now. When I want to be around people....here y'all are. When I want my alone time (which I have plenty of), I can log out. Simple. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:40:49 PM | I too am getting close to calling it quits. I've been online dating off and on for almost 2 yrs now! Yes, I met some nice guys, but I also had my share of jerks!! Thank God most of the jerks showed themselves online or on the phone before making that coffee date. I'm not sure just what these men want?! A long term relationship is blazing in capital letters right next to their "handle", but I found that if I'm somewhat aggressive in my approach~B-A-N-G shot right down! If I'm not familiar with the cast of layers for the Patriots another gun fires. I don't know what else to try I feel I've tried everything???!!!! | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 11/30/2007 4:57:32 PM | Burnt out....no but it does get tiresome
The number of times I get a message I reply and get no reply, they contacted me first!!!
A lot of these sites are a con, they say free but you have to pay to read messages etc You aways say I won't pay, but the minute you don't subscribe, you get loads of messages. You subscribe and no reply.
Not sure what people are looking for, more of a ego boost to most. | |
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