| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 11/30/2007 5:19:40 PM |
I too am getting close to calling it quits. I've been online dating off and on for almost 2 yrs now! Yes, I met some nice guys, but I also had my share of jerks!!
So you said that you met some nice guys. Where none of them acceptable? Did you reject them or did they reject you? Was there just no attraction between you?
I'm trying to understand why people don't connect via Internet dating. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 11/30/2007 5:37:38 PM | Look at it this way...... Of course you'd be burnt out if you were going to the bars every night and getting hit on by guys/gals.... and being lied to every night.....
The beauty of this is that you can walk away! You can sit here in your panties and nothing else and discuss politics with a virtual stranger!!
Or you can turn your computer off and go do some laundry.
Everything is what we make of it and this is no different.
If you're getting conned or burnt out, walk away and find something else to occupy the time you used to spend sitting here. When you're ready, some of us will still be here.... lol
Me? I just put "FORUMS ONLY" on my profile and take a well needed breather. I post a little more and think a little less.
Seems to show....  But it does help.....  | |
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ultraJ
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Joined: 11/29/2006
Msg: 78 | |
| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:00:24 PM |
You can sit here in your panties and nothing else and discuss politics with a virtual stranger!!
Just like our politicians do!! | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:42:13 PM |
The age of initial human interaction is over. People are treated online in
ways that they would never be treated in person. There is no recourse
for someone's actions. Sure, lead them on and have fun with them for
six months.... then just reboot the computer when you've tired of them
and they're gone. Poooof!!! Do you mean you've never met someone rude at a party, a bar, a club, at work? You've never danced with someone who said "I'm going to the bathroom" and never came back? You've never met someone who said "I'll call you" and never did? You've never applied for a job and never heard back from the employer? You've never asked a waiter for a bottle of ketchup and never got what you asked for because the waiter disappeared? You've never seen someone in a park or a mall give you a seductive glance, and then never seen that person again?
None of this has ever happened to you? Do you live in a cave? | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 11/30/2007 11:46:34 PM |
... You can sit here in your panties and nothing else and discuss politics with a virtual stranger!! Or you can turn your computer off and go do some laundry. Please do your laundry BEFORE discussing politics with strangers! Your mom would not want you surfing the Internet in dirty underwear. What if you had to use your webcam?! | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:09:38 AM |
Something about online dating brings out the selfishness in people. Maybe it's because it is so much easier than going out into the real world and meeting real people. EASIER? If you met a guy at the laundrymat or the grocery store, would you ask him even half the number of questions you throw at men on a dating site? Would you investigate his hobbies, dating history, scan a log of his messages on a forum, ask to look at some of his personal photos?? Would you come anywhere close to that amount of effort before giving him your number?
OR
Would you think "He's cute, he winked at me." and give the digits on a whim.
Easier online? I don't think so! How would you feel walking through the mall and every single man had a list on his shirt of what he wanted in a woman, but very few came even close to what you felt was a match. Welcome to online profiles!
Have you EVER examined the list of profiles dating site classify as a "match" ??? It's completely laughable. They make a hit on age, sex, and hair color and call that a "match". Yeah, them and about 30% of the human race! Truth is, the sorting routines of most dating sites are worthless. The bulk work is up to you. Read and evaluate. Message and evaluate. Talk and evaluate. Date and evaluate.
No search engine can do that for you. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:13:46 AM | I'm giving serious thought to giving up on finding my last Soul-mate . .
...thinking that I've had my One-and-Only . .
. . and don't GET more than One in a Lifetime . .
I can only Hope that I'm mistaken . . and that she's Still out there . .
Looking for Me , too . . !!
. .   . . | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:39:59 AM | It's really not rocket science is it.
First, to message 79....
Of course disappointments (and worse) occur even when you meet 'in the real world'. But the internet by it's nature does attract people who can be who and what they want. They should call it 'Players Inc' !
Secondly there is more potential for getting it wrong on both sides.
Thirdly, the medium favours those who come across well 'on paper' or who look good in their pics.
Plus it's a market of sorts and therefore encourages a shopping mentality.
Anyone who doesn't recognise the above is a tad naive!
If on the other hand you first meet someone offline, you pick up on a myriad of signals about each other. It's easier to get an idea of who they are, whether you are attracted etc etc. And in some cases, people will be met through friends/family/colleagues.
The trick is not to expect too much and just enjoy it for what it is. Meet people but recognise that the connection felt online may well evaporate in real life. If you are feeling 'burnt out', you are investing too much in it.
If you are getting fed up, just take some time out or even leave completely. It's that simple. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 3:37:52 AM | Yeah - I have become what I call 'jaded' over the years.
It is tough.
You just have to keep on trying unless you decide that you really don't want to do that any more. I believe that this is the reason that many 'take a break from dating' so often. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:25:32 AM | Yes, I noticed alot of the origianl posters to this thread are no longer here.
So they are either on a break, met their one and only, or have created a new identity.
I am on a break from meeting someone (not that I've met many), just visiting the forums . I like to e-mail and get to know others from here, but I am mainly just looking for friends and a diversion on the forums from the cold outside. POF is a nice place to visit when the snow is on the ground, and the outside activities are less desirable. I've been a member for alot longer than I like to admit, but it was only the first few months that I realy expected or hoped to meet a match. Since then it has just been to read others posts, and to also add my two cents to the discussion. I miss reading some of the posts from people that were here when I joined. But the thing about dating sites is, there are always new members.
So maybe the right person for you, (or me) will join the site tomorrow.
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Tramp
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Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 86 | |
| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 5:22:37 AM | Summer, not alone, still here.
I suggest, to all, to meet more people in the daily life, less disappointments.
You will know right away if it is going to work or not. | |
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ultraJ
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Joined: 11/29/2006
Msg: 87 | |
| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:17:44 AM |
If on the other hand you first meet someone offline, you pick up on a myriad of signals about each other.
Yeah, you can't see someone pick their nose online.  | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 7:40:13 AM |
EASIER? If you met a guy at the laundrymat or the grocery store, would you ask him even half the number of questions you throw at men on a dating site? Would you investigate his hobbies, dating history, scan a log of his messages on a forum, ask to look at some of his personal photos?? Would you come anywhere close to that amount of effort before giving him your number?
Very well put. The only thing easier about online dating if the availability of a pool of people who might be available. In real life, most of us can go for days, weeks, or months without meeting someone who is single and available. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:26:49 PM |
Secondly there is more potential for getting it wrong on both sides.
Thirdly, the medium favours those who come across well 'on paper' or who look good in their pics. Plus it's a market of sorts and therefore encourages a shopping mentality. On points 2 & 3, I readily agree.
As for the "market", when I used to frequent clubs, people would always call them the "meat market" and say that everyone was shallow and only pretty people had a chance to score. They said it would be wonderful if there was a way to meet by personality first instead of looks.
Lo and Behold! Internet dating and profiles are here for us to show our personality. But what do people put? "No pic, no response!" So now the Internet has aquired the very same "market" label---I find that funny!
My point was that the only person that can make dating easy is "you". | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 1:38:33 PM |
Who says you can't sit in your clean and purty smellin' panties AND do laundry whilst talking to the masses??? And no webcams. If a man wants to show me his dirty underwear, it better be in person. Web surfing in your Maidenform? I guess... ...may as well light some scented candles and put on the mood music. I don't know if that's creepy, or not...
Men have a plan for underwear checkers -- they toss all the old stuff before a date and put new packs in the dressers. Let 'em check all they want! Sometimes we get new magazines to hide under the bed so you know we keep up with the times...!!
(...think I stepped on the foul line, there...oh, well...) | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:00:54 PM | I don't know about being burned out by online dating but I think I am getting a little burned out by my "relationships". Maybe I get my hopes up too high. I am growing tired of men who describe themselves as social drinkers only to find out any time they spend with me is considered being sociable. I am a little put off by men who tell me they believe that communication is key then after a few weeks quit calling, emailing, texting, communicating. I am slightyly frustrated by men who say they are old fashioned but what they mean is they want a woman who will cater to their every need but pick up half the check.
I am normally upbeat an optimistic. This is quite an unusual rant for me.
Perhaps I am getting burned out.
Perhaps this forum is rubbing off on me.
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:07:29 PM | Gotta agreee...some great people on here...once you sift through the people who disappear once cam isn't an option! There are some really nice guys out there, and sadly, sometimes the chemistry isn't there once you meet in person. I've met great
guys I'd be happy to see my sister or best friend date. They just aren't for me, right now. I know how magical it can be and I'm holding out! | |
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Who.Me
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 94 | |
| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/2/2007 4:30:05 PM | I am burnt out as well...I've basically stopped dating. I had to, I think I've dated every jerk in my State.
I have on my profile that I'm taking a break....
I'm tired of going out, liking someone and them not liking me or the other way around.
It shouldn't be this difficult, but it is. I think it's because there is the mentality of "Plenty of Fish in the Sea"....let's see if there is someone better the next time I click my mouse....
It really sucks!!!! | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/3/2007 5:37:27 AM |
So you said that you met some nice guys. Where none of them acceptable? Did you reject them or did they reject you? Was there just no attraction between you?
You didn't ask me, but I'll tell you anyway. I met a man who was perfect (for me) in every way but one...he couldn't/wouldn't show any affection. I don't know if he just wasn't that interested in me or he's so shut down that he couldn't (I suspect the second), but I was not willing to spend the rest of my life feeling unloved. The loneliest feeling in the world is to be with someone and want to hug them, but to know that you would be rejected if you try. What are the chances of finding that perfect blend of traits again, but in someone who could love me? Yea, I'm burnt out. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/3/2007 10:14:18 AM |
I met a man who was perfect (for me) in every way but one...he couldn't/wouldn't show any affection.
I can see how that would be a dealbreaker. I would not want to be with a woman who couldn't show any affection. | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/3/2007 10:48:24 AM | .....getting more convinced ...by the Day . .
. . just had a very disappointing episode . .
. . need to go for a walk . .
. . think . . | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/3/2007 2:45:56 PM |
I can see how that would be a dealbreaker. I would not want to be with a woman who couldn't show any affection.
We emailed almost every day for a month before we met. Then we met and I continued to get 'hooked' until it became more and more obvious that the affection thing just wasn't happening. It really sucks to get to like someone then find something about them that you just can't live with. I don't know that finding someone in the real world would be any different. Dating sucks.  | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/3/2007 4:11:04 PM | I just started with the online dating sites and I have my doubts that it will work. Just as one person already said: there are no guys in the cafe, bar or walking though the Mall with a wishlist of how their perfect woman has to look like and be like. Also the only thing you are able to do online is put together a profile and put some pictures up. For some of us the camera doesn't really like us so the pictures don't turn out and don't show how we are in real. The profile is just a part of someone's chararcter. In real life there is eye contact, chemistry, smiles etc and this is not possible online.
When I read the men's profiles, there are a lot who tell how wonderful they are, how loving and caring etc. They love to cuddle, yes we all do. However, are we all that wonderful in real life? Aren't we stressed sometimes by work, kids etc? Aren't we fed up sometimes by traffic, stupid people or whatever? But of course when you write down that you aren't perfect, then no one is interested.
But I also think that the people who view a profile should at least sometimes give it a try and contact someone. The only thing to really know someone is to IM or email not by viewing a picture and a profile. It's also funny how guys can be turned on only by a picture, doesn't even have to be a real picture. I experience that at an online poker site where you can put a picture up. The guys jump all over the pretty women's pictures even though they know they're probably not for real.
One of my friends tried online dating sites and she get's really depressed by it. I'm not letting that happen, I have a profile, I look through the forums but I refuse to get burned out by it. It's just not worth it. I'm really getting the impression that the best way to find someone is in real life, face-to-face, not on all these dating sites.
I know that there are a lot of people who do find their partner for life, their true love online, but I'm under the impression that they are still in the minority. So my advice is: just do it for fun, and don't let it get to you and rule your life. There is a big world out there what is much more interesting then the internet.   | |
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| Burnt Out on Online Dating
Posted: 12/3/2007 7:30:29 PM |
I know that there are a lot of people who do find their partner for life, their true love online, but I'm under the impression that they are still in the minority. So my advice is: just do it for fun, and don't let it get to you and rule your life.
When I started out with the online dating I had high hopes. I soon came to realize that there are very few women online that actually want to meet men. So now I just log on every once in a while, look at the forums and go on with other aspects of my life. | |
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