| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/13/2007 5:58:14 PM |
Why am I surprised? because it was her idea to meet. It was idea that I share her bed. Why would she ask me "when can we meet?" and offer to share her bed if she was seeing some one already and for the last 9 months. Why even bring up meeting if sha has some one?
i totally see your point, raz.
and, why didn't she tell you at the time she asked you that she was seeing someone else and is this a problem for you?
it's really quite strange and i think you have a right to be miffed over this.
well, hopefully you'll meet somebody who has their youknowwhat together very soon.  | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/13/2007 6:42:04 PM | She was not truthful, honest with you. She played you. It is not quite cheating -- but it is not nice. She didn't cheat her boyfriend because she was not into you anyway. She's a player.
Some people on these are bored and are interested only in online chatting... You will never end up meeting them. They fake interests to have attention. Sometimes they will online chat only when they are bored. They will disappear for a while, then come back, re-disappear, etc.
There are quite nice girls too :) You just need to find them and identify the players and the weird ones.
Try to follow these hints:
1) Meet the person within 2-3 weeks. If you cannot do it because of distance/cost, just avoid starting anything online with that person. In-person, it is different than online. You don't want to invest to much time online before meeting the person...
3) Don't try to be too focused, overly excited about someone that you have not met yet or only met once.
I think this comes with time. I was getting very excited at the beginning, then very deceived.
Do look forward. Be interested. Just be realistic -- it might or might not work out.
4) Recently, I figure out that "email girls" work better for me than "online chat girls". I don't have time to be on the online chat all the time. Also, I'm not interested in chatting a lot if it does not go anywhere... | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/13/2007 6:57:18 PM | hi
I wouldn't be surprised at what she did with you mate! unfortunately most of the time we on the side of the person who complains without looking at the reality, in my view she wanted to be with you but you were cold! otherwise you would do anything to meet her as soon as possible (not two years because I wouldn't wait even two months:) ). well she waited for you but you were waiting for something else! so that you disappointed her and at the end she had to choose someone else, the other reason she chose someone else was that she was able to talk to that one closely and she could see him while she didn't see you and didn't know how you look like, she didn't look at your eyes to make a contact with you while she could do all that sort of things with that guy, on the other hand she couldn't see any point to tell you about her relationship with that guy coz she concluded that you two were not going to meet at all!
but unfortunately the guy she met was not her lovelife | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/13/2007 7:03:37 PM | | Nope dont bother would you like your gf to cheat on you?Walk away and just stay friends or dont even bother with her | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/13/2007 8:57:55 PM | | It is your choice how you are reacting. I read this complete forum. Here goes. Relationships are choices I make in life. I also am accountable for the choices I make on here. When you stated you have been cheated on in the past. Look at that, work on that, why did that happen? What are you going to do to prevent it from happening? Do you trust yourself? Last of all be realistic, this is a web site with no promises or guarentees. I see people day in and day out in my office over relation ship issues. I only get as good as I am, I only attract good relationships as good as I am etc. I hope you understand the important messages I am sharing. | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/13/2007 11:37:37 PM | | Thank you every one and I am listening to all the advice but I don't think some of you understand yet. Because of the distance we were talking as 'friends', like 'pen pals' most of the time. It was just recently that we started talking about meeting and being on a romantic level, that's why it was so long before meeting, we had not intended to be more than friends but that changed about 3 months ago. I couldn't believe her last email. Even after I told her I would not come up then she had the nerve to ask if we could keep talking. There is no way I want anything to do with her again. I know she would do the same thing to me she is doing to this other guy. | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/14/2007 7:18:52 AM | absolutely not that is the way people seem to be these days. nobody cares about anyone but themselves, no one can seem to be honest. i say what i mean and mean what i say and a man i only as good as his word. i can't find anyone who lives by these. sorry she was such a B good luck
kelly | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/14/2007 9:13:28 AM | | right kelly, it is really disturbing, and that is why i say in my profile that i am looking for a guy who "says what he means and means what he says"! a real problem, i think particularly in online dating. | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/14/2007 9:19:21 AM | You're right raz, I understood your post to mean something differently, yet I think it was the way it was worded that led to that impression. Others also are getting that impression.
So here's my take, based on what you're now writing. If indeed this woman was seeing someone, and never mentioned it to you during the six month period prior to the "three month period" you were talking about meeting, then that means to me not much of a connection with her as friends, so as to know what was going on in her life. That's a kind of a hard one to miss. Obviously she wasn't forthcoming about it. Dealing with strangers you have to pay attention to oddities or differences in stories being told you and pretty much question what you're hearing so as to test it for truth. That's the way it is. You may want to be more of a private eye, as it were, in your conversations in getting to know people. When you can do that and read people better, you'll be able to more so weed out bigger problems down the road.
Evidently, that other guy is on the way out, as she's not that interested in him anymore, which is why she felt okay with the idea of having you visit. She finally mentioned the other guy to you just so she could feel comfortable with herself along the lines of "okay, I did tell him that I was seeing someone, so I did my duty, but as it happens, he's coming to visit me regardless" and feel that it's out of her hands and more about fate. The fact that she's leading him on but not interested in him is another flag you can throw on the pile. She's been kind of doing that to you as well. Makes you wonder how many other guys in this two year period she's keeping some strings on, doesn't it?
Well, what you found out is that she's lacking in honesty. It's still sad that a large amount of time was used up on her in the time spent writing emails and chatting, instead of using that time to find someone great. I know you're probably thinking "it was only as friends" but do you really need a friend who lives so far away? It was just someone to chat up and fill a lonely spot now and then. There wasn't any real friendship that could stem from this. Make friends (include men in that) with people locally that you can go out with and do things with.
And that's why a good rule is to not waste time on making "friends" in far away places. You can't do anything with them. You can't say "Hey, let's grab a beer Thursday night" or "You wanna see that new movie Sunday afternoon?" It usually doesn't go anywhere. Add to that, that online, anybody can be anything, and you don't really get to know a person just by what they write you or speaking on the phone. You have to meet them and spend real life time with them to get it all. The trap online is when that doesn't happen quickly and people over-stay on the net. And that's what you've experienced. Handle things differently, and you'll get different results. | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/14/2007 9:38:06 AM | This is a good example of why so many are so set against an LDR. I don't blame anyone who is, I was myself. Dead set, no way.
And then, well guess what. Did meet someone here on the forums who managed to get my attention there, couldn't write because of my email restrictions. He didn't ask for anything but friendship, he'd read all my posts and knew my mind was set against an LDR. So we did become friends, and then before long...well we just grew into more than that. Changed our profiles, became a "couple" as silly as that sounds online, just didn't have any interest in anyone else. We did meet a few months later, he visited again this year, I've just got my passport to go meet his family and we're planning on getting married when he moves here late summer.
Looking back, I would never have believed anyone if they'd said it would happen. But it did, and I've never been happier.
I'm not trying to give you any ton of advice, simply realize that no two women are alike. You'll meet all kinds, and you may meet some that are less than upfront. It'd be no different in "real world" dating and meeting people.
Just know it can and does happen...right here.
Keep your heart open and your mind, use your instincts, trust your gut. Something wonderful can't happen if you shut yourself off totally.
I truly hope your next experience is much better.  | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/14/2007 10:25:02 AM | Oh, there's a small percentage of LDRs that work out, but the probability of finding yourself in one of those is so nil, it's better to put effort into something that has greater odds of working out, is my point. The exception to the rule does not prove that the rule is incorrect.
I know a LDR couple, they've been seeing each other for almost two years now. They live about 1,000 miles apart. They visit each other maybe every other month or three. They say they're very happy. And it appears so from the outside. Until you think about it.
Personally, I think there's something terribly inadequate in that arrangement. He travels to see her and ends up doing little fix it jobs around her house. They actually plan that he's coming to visit and will repair the whatever while he's there, or put in the cabinets or whatever. He's glad to do so. He's happy just to be in her company. She comes to visit him and he takes her everywhere and treats her to things. That just doesn't register right to me. To me, it sounds like he's needy, needs her validation and approval, and works for it and she uses him. They were both rebounds too.
And, they never talk about who's going to move. Without moving, it will stay long distance forever. In a way, seeking long distance relationships is a way of having a relationship with tons of space built in. I have to wonder what's up with that. You have to wonder if that's the only way they can make it work. That reminds me of something I overheard from two gals passing me on the street last night. One was saying to the other: "Yeah, the only reason I'm still in a relationship with him is because I haven't seen him in six weeks!" Both gals started laughing hysterically. Hmmm.
I wish you the best bucsgirl! I'm not trying to rain on your parade, yet it scares me though that you guys have only met a couple of times, spent a limited amount of time actually together, and then, when you have, it's been mostly a vacation? (Well, it is at least for the one away from home). And you're already making plans to get married? Why the rush? Hope it works out! I've heard these stories before... you may have too. I know, I know, "This time it's different!" | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/14/2007 10:36:27 AM | I can understand what it may look like from an outside observer. The only people who really know what it's like are the two people living it. And rush? We've known each other nearly 2 years and talked about an LDR as something that would be temporary. We both knew one of us would move, and we both did research it out thoroughly. Before we met the first time. I've heard many stories, too and hear more and more about people who've been happily married that met off the internet. And of course many of the other kind!! 
No need to be scared for me, but appreciate your concern. | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/14/2007 11:25:08 AM | LDR is a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love. not an easy task but it can be sucessful an rewarding in the end. no matter what...one of the two does have to relocate ..and if neither one are willing to move, then it wont work.
"Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel."
~ Anonymous~
i know in my heart busc an sas will be happy together...i wish them the best(daylillies) | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/14/2007 10:33:00 PM | sorry to go off topic: congratulations bucsgirl, I have known you here for those two years now and know how happy you two are from all your posts through that time. Glad its working out for you.
Enjoy...
Carmella  | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 40 | |
| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/14/2007 11:38:34 PM | No you are not over reacting at all. If she wants to fool around beind her new bf's back, she'll do the same thing to you.
I'm sorry for your pain...and I can relate to it a little bit. I have been emailing a guy for 1.5 years as platonic friends also. We never met, but after allllllllllllllllll that time I did consider him to be more than a regular cyber-schmuck who swims in and out at the drop of a hat. I'm very slowwwwwwwww to consider someone to be a real friend, and he was at this point (well as close as ya can be without meeting in person...he lives 10,000 miles away).
Anyway suddenly that came to a screeching end, NOT for your reasons...but some other reasons with the same result. Yep, after all that time it was really sad. I missed my "friend" for a long time. After several months we tried(are still trying???) to become friends again, but it wasn't/isn't the same....too much effort and seemed futile..Kinda like beating a dead horse.
Crazy thing is after alllllllllllll this he jsut wrote to me the other day and said he'll be in my town in a couple of weeks on business and suggested meeting. Wow, what timing....I don't know what to say or think about this. Anyway....yep cyber friends can still be a huge disappointment but I am SURE there are good ones out there too. So, dump her like a hot potato and stay open to meeting new people. Be careful, but be open.
New friends and /or rekindled friends are a wonderful thing! | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:06:16 AM | nice stuff bucs girl...thats why i'm keeping all options open...my passports always here on my desk and flights are cheap enuff for a reconnaissance mission...actually i told a lady I've been chatting with in the southern part of your nation that since i was born on a friday 13th i'd bought a whack of lottery tickets for last nites draw and would fly down this week and take her out for lunch if i won...i'm crazy enuff to do stuff like that...lol...which reminds me i have to check those tickets
OP: Interesting as I had a conversation with a local women one night on IM that was all hot and horny to shoot some pool with me the next day right after i first signed up here...so we got to chatting a bit more and it turns out she's been banging some guy on and off for the last 8 years, but would leave him if i turned out to be the 'right' one...lol...
what a joke...maybe I'm old fashioned, but i told her i didn't really like the sounds of all this all of a sudden and i think i'll pass on the pool tourney...she really couldn't get it and thought it was being quite unreasonable...i said anyway, i have to take the dawg for her walk, good night...
...when i got back there were three emails waiting for me with a whole bunch of pictures of her and her rationale for me not to think of her as a little piggy... not a real good sales pitch on her part...but anyway i emailed her back and told her i thought maybe she was too into herself and her own self-satisfaction and she should cut the cord with the other guy and stop being so ready to put him out wednesday morning with the garbage...
...our towns not that big, so i guess she must have feared i would spread her name around or something, which I wouldn't bother to do anyway since i don't know the guys on here looking from my town...she deregistered from the site completely the next day...poof...gone...but she's probably back with a different handle
at least she told you before you got there...man what a waste of 3 months for ya | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:45:49 PM | los mo lady 42
It's funny you say that because that is exactly what I tell people. A person really is only as good as their word and I firmly believe that. (Too bad you have that 75 mile limit on your settings)
Creativguy
Thanks and trust me I know full well she would do the same thing to me. That is why I told her I don't want to talk to her anymore. I could never trust her now.
bucsgirl
That is a great story and it really gives me hope. I sure hope it works out for you.
slysterling
That woman must this ones sister..lol It seems like the bad women screw over the nice guys and the bad guys screw over the nice women. Wouldn't it be great if the nice ones only found each other and the bad ones could wast each others time screwing each other over? | |
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| Am I over reacting?
Posted: 4/16/2007 6:06:06 AM | Wouldn't it be great if the nice ones only found each other and the bad ones could wast each others time screwing each other over?
^^ that would be fabulous...but unfortunately not realistic. ...sigh! i dont look at it being screwed over...lesson well learnt and it gives me a better perspective on what i want for my future. | |
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