| dating single parents
Posted: 4/23/2007 8:08:22 PM | Having a relationship with a mum doesn't worry me !
I think its all down to if the person in question is good with kids?
IE - if they understand children's needs and wants etc , and are able/don't mind
giving some of there time to the children for say...games or even helping with home work etc..
When dating a mum, blokes have to remember that they come as a package !
and also remember that the child/ren also have emotions.
JAZZY J | |
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diz73
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Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 52 | |
| dating single parents
Posted: 4/23/2007 10:01:31 PM | just think of it as weeding out those who would not fit into your family if things were to become serious... there are definately men out there who wouldnt run for the hills at the mention of children. i have had friends tell me that i shouldnt say i have kids when i first meet someone and i dont agree with that. #1, if they run for the hills, might as well send them packing before wasting time, right? #2, its like lying right off the bat if you hide the fact that you have children... etc etc.
i was a single mom in 1998 when i left my marriage, but i had another relationship for 4 years after that. no it didnt work out but it wasnt because of the kids... then i was in another for almost 2 years and he was great with the kids. and now ive met someone else who treats the kids great and its cool. if they say 'oh,,,, you have kids.....' and suddenly have to 'go', you know they arent the right one anyway so dont worry about it :) | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/24/2007 12:01:23 AM | | Since I turned 30 I've found that it's easier to find single mothers than single women around my age. I don't find them any less attractive. The only difference that I see is that it's harder to get together with them because they tend to have less spare time and because they have to protect their kids so they tend to be much much more careful. | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/24/2007 12:12:35 AM | thought u guys liked a challenge x
Men like a challenge, but not a compromise. | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:07:45 PM | In my age group women without children are rare. I find that since children are included in a relationship they need to be considered when entering into a relationship with thier mother. I have raised my children to be polite and to treat all people with respect. They are a preasure to be around. I have met children that do not have the same qualities or moral compass. I am not in a position to discipline someone elses children as I would not allow a relative stranger to discipline mine (that is my job). I would say that seven out of ten children are well behaved. I consider it a deal breaker to have poorly behaved children. I have left relationships that were otherwise good because of children.
Just so you don't jump on me, let me say that I have been a leader for Scouts and Cubs and have had training for both. I also managed the kids Ice castle for the winter carnival. One of my biggest enjoyments in life is letting kids be kids, safely. | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/25/2007 10:49:18 AM | | I think it's down to expectations. For me personally, I'm in my 30s & expect that I'll be at least as likely to meet a woman with kids than without, so I don't consider it an issue. I mean, people don't exist in a bubble before you meet them & if you want to have a relationship with someone that means with their whole life as well. If a relationship's to get serious though, at some point the man's going to have to build up a decent rapport with your kids if it's going to work. While the fact you can't have any more children will put some men off I reckon some blokes just can't be bothered if they think they can meet a woman without kids, so it's going to be more difficult to get a man as a result. But let's face it, do you really want a bloke who doesn't think you're worth the effort? | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/25/2007 2:23:31 PM | I'm also 34 mom of 3, all my children as well live with me and smiler1972 I can't seem to find anyone other then someone only intersted in "other relationships" which I don't want..I like u provide for my children and it seems unfair that men just brush us off as damaged goods...I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever find the right one...gets a little depressing sometimes...so I don't have advice for u..but thought I'd let ya know I'm in the same boat as u 
 anyone | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/25/2007 7:58:56 PM | I don't even have to read the rest of the posts to throw my opinion in on this subject.
If a guy doesn't want a relationship with you due to you having kids...what is the big deal? Everyone has the right to decide what is best for their lives and kids don't always fit into that (or someone elses).
I have honestly found the exact opposite reaction since most of the guys I have dated have kids themsleves. I have even dated several without kids that are fine with a woman having children. It's not necessarily the children that may be the issue...it might be the family dynamics that's got them not interested. Honestly though...why worry about it....move along...lots of fishies in this pond that love kids.  | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/25/2007 8:16:54 PM | | Boy I hope ur right scottishlass32....and with me, heck if they have kids, that doesn't bother me either, I just wish I can find one....and I dont always worry about it..cause I put so much time into my kids..but the odd day I get a little down I can't share my family with them and have someone for me..but ur right lots of fishes in the pond thanks | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/25/2007 10:47:52 PM | yummymommie have you tried going out to the events in your area? I have found a great group of friends through them and about 80 % are single parents so it's a great support group and the ones without kids enjoy spoiling and corrupting ours. We do lots of things with and without our kids so it's a good mix for family and just adult time.
Just a suggestion, but I was the same way until I found the events and haven't looked back since! Good Luck! | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/26/2007 5:53:07 AM | | well scottishlass my son is in soccer, hockey, power skating, swimming, and my daughter is in swimming and highland dancing...so u would think one single dad out of there lol...but I know I need to get out where other adults are.....but thanks I'll keep that in mind | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/26/2007 9:34:06 PM | I have 5 children and I admit that I guys run faster then ever when they find out. I am open to having one or two more if I get married again. It is not that big of a deal for me..I have 5 already lol. The money issue is what i have heard. I get a lot of child support, so I am def not looking for a man to support the kids and I. I want a relationship, not a paycheck. My ex husband was nothing more than a paycheck...by his choosing, and I want something different next time.
The way I see it, they can either accept me as a single mom of 5 and date me..or they can choose to look past me. Either way, I have become comfortable with the fact that I may stay single for the duration of my life. I understand it, and I am happy with myself and respect myself enough to not just rush into something or settle for any guy who gives me a chance.
do not feel as if you have to settle. It may take longer, but you want it to be right next time. We don't want repeats of failed realtionships!! That is how we ended up single parents anyway. | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/27/2007 4:24:28 PM | Some men/women have no concerns about dating someone w/children.
I am a woman - and have to consider dating men w/kids. Each would be a case by case basis, but I am leary about it. If it was just to date and I wasn't to have contact with the child(ren), maybe that would be ok.
It's not against the man. I think divorce is tough on kids and having extra women/men in and out of their lives is very difficult on the kids. Plus, I have the utmost respect for a father/daughter relationship. Girls who do not live with their dad need to believe that she is the center of his world. Having me around would irritate the girl and cause alot of problems... The kids have to be 1st...
That may sound strange - but it's something I feel is a factor. | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/27/2007 6:26:16 PM | @Appletini
I am happy with myself and respect myself enough to not just rush into something or settle for any guy who gives me a chance. do not feel as if you have to settle. It may take longer, but you want it to be right next time. We don't want repeats of failed realtionships!! That is how we ended up single parents anyway.
Excellent attitude!! I completely agree :) | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/27/2007 9:08:02 PM | What an interesting thread. As a single parent, who has dated both single parents and single non-parents, I would like to add my opinion.
I don't limit myself based on the history or situation of a woman. I have limitations, but children aren't one of them.
The longest relationship I have had since my separation was a year. She had three kids from two fathers. The first several dates had nothing to do with the kids. They were about getting to know each other.
Over time, we met each others kids. It was great. We each got along with each others kids, and our kids got along together. It was a bit strange when her kids would slip and call me "dad," but it was always with some humor. When I felt her children overstepped their bounds, I would take my girlfriend aside, and discuss it with her, away from the children. Sometimes, I would take her kids aside, when she was comfortable with it, and when they had difficulties talking to their mother about something. I never tried to be anyones parent. She never tried with my children. It worked out fine.
When the relationship ended some time ago, I must admit I missed her children, as well as her. But I accepted that that was part of the relationship. I wasn't their father. I was their mothers boyfriend. When it ended, my relationship with the kids ended.
But when I had that relationship, what wonderful times we all had. I wouldn't have missed that for the world. Neither would have my children. I hope her children feel the same way, and that she has enough of a relationship with them to know that.
I don't avoid women with children, just because their children are important. My children are important. I am very clear I don't want any more children. It's not that my relationship with a woman is less or more important, it's just different. I don't play second fiddle; I play tuba, on the other side of the orchestra. Totally different, but just as important.
Kids can add to a relationship. I wouldn't go to a children's museum, or a water park, or a kids concert without them. They are opportunities to see your potential partner in a completely different light. My potential partner can never be my children's mother, but she could end up their stepmother. And if she has never had children, I may not know how she would have raised children herself.
It doesn't mean I will only date women with children. My best friend is a woman I dated, who never had children, and doesn't want any. She is a really good woman, and a really good friend, to me and my children. My sister, who is married to a man who had children in a prior marriage, is both a wonderful wife to him, and a wonderful stepmother to his children. She never had her own, and she probably never will.
When it comes down to it, it's going to be the person, not their situation. Kids or not, how do I fit in their life, and they in mine? That's what's important.
Peace, Zoggy | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/27/2007 9:34:03 PM | i hope an objective opinion is welcome here! it's never been about rushing into anything, nothing lasting ever becomes reality when rushed into it.And certainly we all reserve that right to not settle for just anything,i think when you witness ages through out sites like this alot of people haven't really just settled. It's ok to give love the time it needs to become.Long as we've all learned from past experiences were all stronger and better for it in the long run!As for dating simgle parents, The good guys don't turtle and run,in fact most good guys embrace the kids as much as they possibly can.They've met that special woman,who just happens to have x amount of kids of her own and that guy wants to do anything he can to stay in her life,because she's that special to him, it's not about needing to instantly adopt the father role or anything like that.Smart guys know there's already a father and when he's involved ,respect him for being involved.They don't want to wear that guys shoes they want to create a place for themselves that warm, comfortable,inviting . As for whether or not that specific guy cares whether or not you desire more kids is only answered when you've asked that question.Unfortunatly unless you want to waste time trying to read the "signs" just ask the questions.You might be pleasantly surprized! It's great to be protective of your little ones,they are the world, just don't lump guys into sub-catagories until you've asked the correct questions because you may "assume" your way right past that perfect person thats right for you! | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/28/2007 2:16:38 AM | very well put *appletini* we r not looking for money of someone to even raise our children...we have done that ourselves..but if they could only get past the kids for a moment to see we have hearts and for the most part they are good..I don't think kids would b an isssue...and I have settled for the past 4 yrs and I deserve better then that and so do all the ladies out there with children tryin to date again | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/28/2007 2:22:57 AM | hey vegan girl
that is very understandable..I'm goin thro that kinda sorta with my daughters dad..he left me when i was preg on our 1 yr ann for another woman...6 months later they got married...so i raised her alone as a baby...i was still in contact with the grandparents so age 4 they pd a heavty cost of a paternity test...just to prove i was right..now his wife still wouldnt let him have anything to do with her..it wasnt unil she was 7 and his wife left him for someone else that i allowed him in....well long story short..he works all the time and he has a new gf that seems to b staying...on my end i was very jealous because i didnt want another woman to mow my lawn so to speak..and my daughter still says even tho she liks her now..she doesnt want them to ever marry, she is mad cause she takes daddy away from her..and she is only 9...so i can see how u would feel dating dad's with kids..
me personally as long as i click with the person and the kids r somewhat respectful it doesnt bother me...
but u do make alot of sense vegan girl  | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/28/2007 2:26:24 AM | dysoleray couldnt have said it any better then u did....now if u can install that in the heads of some of then men here lol what would b wonderful
take care | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/28/2007 7:12:24 AM | Yummy - thanks for being so open. I think the kids really need to be the priority. I may be a bit extreme. I've seen some lil girls never adjust to giving up their dad because they were pushed away too early. I wouldn't want to be the cause of a lil one trying to compete for their dad's affection.
I've seen the flip side too. Ihad a coworker that was invovled w/a guy and when they got to the point of engagement the son starting really acting out. Turned out he was scared she would leave like all the rest and just wanted to push her out before he got too attached...
Some men/women don't want to have children around. It's much better to have them pass on you at the beginning than to have them around your kids and then leave.
I think Wergund has a lot of good points as to why men/women back up. Men and women who become seriously involved w/one with children faces the same dilemmas. Of course, after the kids are raised it seems like a holiday.... | |
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Gavel
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Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 71 | |
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Gavel
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Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 72 | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/28/2007 2:30:34 PM | I've been thinking a whole lot about this since the majority of women I seem to meet have kids.
As a single guy, I want kids. Kids which sprang from my loins.(Did I just say loins?) Period. I could love and care for someone else's kids, but I want atleast one of my own. So if you aren't open to or can't have more, I don't think it'll work. Don't you think my parents have been busting my balls for GRANDKIDS for long enough?
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/28/2007 3:10:55 PM | ^^ I completely understand that choice.. and men like you are the reason I have put the fact that I can no longer have children in the first paragraph of my profile.. no sense having false ideas of what is possible.
Dysoleray... that was beautiful | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/28/2007 8:45:10 PM | | WORKS FOR MEN TOO women dont want to give up time for full time dads | |
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