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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/29/2007 5:34:14 AM | | There should be no issue. if a man likes you and respects you he should respect your children also | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/29/2007 2:02:27 PM | I have read the first two pages of this and I am glad to see this topic discussed because it opens up the opportunity for men to chime in with their feelings on this. I will speak from my point of view, and I will pass no judgement on any of the comments made. Though this may have already been said on the page I haven't read yet, I felt inclined to shine a slightly different light here.
My ex wife and I raised her neice and nephew from the ages of 3 and 5. They are now 13 and 15, and as of the last time I saw them, they wanted to come and live with me, which was 2 years after our original separation. I am their father in every way but one. But due to her control in the situation, I have absolutley no contact with them now and by law, no legal rights to do anything about it. I actually still pay for things for them and I will not stop doing this, because I want them to know, I will always be there.
I have had more than one unsuccessful relationship, I have lost very close family and friends to all forms of death. But dealing with the loss, of my life with those two kids, is by far the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with emotionally! I've loved them and raised like they were mine, but now I am not allowed to have anything to do with them.
Please don't assume that men are weary of the "baggage". It could be they are more weary of wanting to be a father, but realize they would never really be allowed to do so. And assuming something goes wrong in the relationship, they also realize they will have no considerations when it comes to being a part of the childrens lives. It's pretty easy to love kids. It's not so easy to quit loving them. I would have no problem being in a relationship that involves children and helping financially, emotionally and fatherly. That's what family is supposed to be, but for me, it would require a legal contract, or an extremely, extraordinarily, reasonable lady, for me to take that chance again. The pain is more than one should ever have to bear.
Add to that, some like myself, would still like to have children and that is less of a possibility with women who already have 2, 3, or more children.
But then again, these are just my opinions. | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/29/2007 4:41:48 PM | Coudnt agree with you more only meet di**heads after one thing dont want them to be a new daddy to my children and dont want them for financial stability either,  where have all the good guys gone they are either gay too young too old too up thierselves full of too much bull sh** or commitment phobic! x | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:50:04 PM | | I have the same question but with the sexes reversed.......encountered many women who were instantly detered by kids, even heard of this with single moms not wanting to date a guy with kids.My kids are outstanding and the ex and I are drama free. So its just not just the boys who do this........btw, whats the male equivalent of joining the nuns? | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:15:01 PM | Personally, I love it when a man tells me that he wont date me because of my kids. Do you know why? Because he just saved me from a world of pain. Namely, getting involved with a man that's potentially immature, selfish, egocentric and narcissistic.
I read through some of the things that men say on these posts, such as "they are not my kids never will be..., id rather spend my time and money on other pursuits than bother with a child that's not mine..., the attention will be on the kids moreso than me..., blah blah blah!
Personally, i would NEVER want to have a child with a man that thinks this way, let alone have him be a stepdad to my kids.
If this is the way they treat/think of someone else's kids, I shudder to think what kind of parent they would be when it comes time to have a child of their own "flesh".
Moreover, as a parent who has a bio child and an adopted child i can tell you that being a parent is so much more than whether or not a child is of "your flesh". I am now and forever will be the parent to my adopted child.
It really burns me up when i hear some people saying "He is not of my flesh therefore he will never be my child".
How unbelievable IGNORANT!
There's an old saying that goes like this:
Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own!
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn’t grow under my heart
But in it.
I am currently dating a man who's divorced and has a stepchild whom treats as his own and still maintains a bond/contact with her. This was his view on the subject:
"If a man cannot see fit to love, care for, accept and support another human being , such as a child, simply because that child is not of "his flesh" then I truly question his emotional maturity, level of responsibility and capacity to form deep loving and lasting bonds with any woman. Because afterall, the woman that may eventually become his wife is also 'not of his flesh' and yet as a husband he will be expected to love her, bond with her and provide the emotional, physical, financial support typical of the bonds of marriage with no guarantee of whether that marriage will last."
Guys next time you run from a woman simply because she has kids consider this--
How would you like it if a woman refuses to date you simply because of you have a close bond with your mom/ dad or siblings and she didnt necessarily always come first?
How would you like it if you were taking care of your mom/dad because they could no longer take care of themselves and a woman held that against you?
"Sorry but i can't even consider the thought that i may one day be responsible for taking care of your mom/dad as well that's why i dont date you"
"Sorry but i can't even love you because you're taking care of your parents and i know i wouldn't always come first."
"Sorry but I can't even love you because i can't see fit to love and care for someone, like your family members, because they are not of my flesh."
Would you even want to date a woman who is this selfish and lacking in compassion, patience, and understanding?
Would you like it if you were ever a divorced parent (which you may very well end up being considering a 55% divorce rate) and a woman to says to you "Sorry I won't date you because you have kids"
This is precisely what happened to a man i went out on a date with.
He admitted to me he used to refuse to date single moms when he was childless.
Now he's dealing with trying to date as a divorced parent himself and becomes frustrated when women wont go out with him because they believe he's looking for a "mommy" to his kids.
Karma, Karma, Karma! | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/30/2007 3:25:15 AM | i dated a bloke for 8 months and all was going well, he'd met the kids and everything!
one night we were out when he blurted that he wanted me but not my kids....
he said he'd only got along with my kids just so we could be together and that really he wanted me to give up my kids and be with him, i was utterly gobsmacked and at first thought he was joking.
me and my kids are a package, i don't expect anyone to take them on financially or otherwise.
i will be honest and say i've never dated a male single parent so i can't comment on that issue but i'm sure like me they're not looking for a substitute parent for their kids. | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 4/30/2007 5:47:22 AM | | I will just echo the same as others have said in so many ways.....kids come as part of the total package. I have kids that arent with me and I expect a woman to accept that because its in my past....cant scorn me for what cant be changed. I have no problems with dating a woman with kids like wise. | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:12:58 PM | well said army....wish there were some more out there that actually lived closer to me that thought that...and u know what I raise and support my children, heck I live thro my kids, and if they can't accept me for my kids they arent worth it..its just finding one who will repect me and my kids...
but well said everyone :) | |
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| dating single parents
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:51:48 PM | | Dating single parents can be great but if it does not workout then in Canada you have to pay child support for your step children if you are married or live in a common-law relationship. It can be a financial minefield a single person with no kids may want to aviod | |
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