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| Pure Enrg review
Posted: 5/2/2005 8:46:32 AM | Pure enrg
"Looking for Sanity"?
Well now, there is a risky opening line to catch folks attention. Careful though, there be people other there who may want to put a white jacket on ya backwards with such a search you are on! ha ha. But I kid!
Might I make a suggestion about your headline?
"Looking for sanity in an insane world"
Or something to that effect. Make it catchy, make it creative (which you are almost there) and enough so as to grab someones attention fast enough for 'em to read further.
About your pics, I like the first and primary pic, the second looks awfully close to a mugshot. Lose it. Can ya find another pic or two with maybe a smile, a laugh or at the very least you doing one of your interests, perhaps tinkering with a car? Just a thought.
In yoru dating interests.... well..... looks a bit weak and scrawny. Come on guy, fix it up. Add lots more (think about 8 more things) that are expressly and uniquely you.
"Cooking & movies" is way too broad. So is autombiles for that matter. Be more specific. What exactly about cars? Old cars? Collecting or selling? Fixing or demo? ha ha
Cooking, what about it?
Movies? Know how many movies, types and varieties there are since like 1920?? Thats a bit broad, ya see??
So to the "About Me" section.
The first sentence tells that you are redoing your profile. Why ya bother telling folks that? It serves no purpose, lose it.
Start off this section with "about myself. I work full time in retail...."
Great to point out that you work to live (you forgot to point out the other part.... not living to work).
"My friends would say...." ok ok, stop the presses right here.
You have to own up to something. What your friends say about you, do you believe it or not? If you do, take onership of it, claim it as yours.
"I am easy on the eyes, responsible (replace the trustworthy thingy) and easy going."
That tells alot about you in just a simple sentence. Amazing how that works, eh? lol
Leave out the part about a haircut. Really now.
Further listings of your interests are fine, but jazz it up some. Throw a little of that sense of humor in there.
You remain nicely focused on the about yous, and shied away from the negatives.... until,
"...or isn't needing to start a family" (yet you have in your "Do you want Children" undecided/open. This would suggest more like NO! There is a conflict here. So which is it??
Also:"... I also don't want someone who will fall in love with me after a week."
This wont work and I will tell you why. Simply put, you are asking a dishonest person (so to speak) to be honest with you just because. Do you think a person who falls in love with people within a week will not answer yourprofile just because you said so? Nope, not gonna happen my friend.
Just lose that sentence, thats all I am sayin.
"First Date"
Me think you mispelled somethin'
"First of would be a bunch of flowers"
What is wrong with this? "of" I believe, you meant to be "off".
"I think I'm a romantic guy at heart"??
Again, take ownership or dont bother with it at all. Either you are a romantic guy at heart or you are not.
If you are, say it without hesitation. No "I think" or "maybe" or "I believe". Just "I AM".
"First date"
Dinner and a conversation.
Eh, its standard alright. Nothing original there. But if it is truly what you want to do, then how can it be wrong for you?
Where is the "Pure Energy" though? Come on guy, spark up that creativity. Loosen up, have fun and run with it!!
Thats my thoughts. | |
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| Par thres!
Posted: 5/2/2005 8:52:23 AM | Baldone
"Reel" me in, not "real me in"
Great selection of dating interests!
Do you believe in the "enter" button or do you believe it to be a myth? Come on guy, make a few spaces between sentences. They kinda run together.
Lose the (classic) fantasy of being with two women, ya crazy nut you!
"tryed" should be "tried"
"experiance" should be "experience"
Friends betted me? No, they "bet" you or "had a bet with me"
Your "First Date" needs work. What happened???? | |
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| archaicangel4u review
Posted: 5/2/2005 9:12:07 AM | archaicangel4u
Well now. An interesting read here.
"Lonely girl in need"
Boy oh boy, that is an invite, a definite attention getter.
Well, if THATS the kind of attention you are looking for anyway.
May I suggest something that appears a little less needy and poissibly putting forth the impression you will be clingy?
About your pictures,
Well Gee, pretty revealing aren't they? Are these the only pics you have?At all? In yoru entire life? Personally, I like your last picture. You are at a good distance from the cam, and are flashing a million dollar smile. Great! Lose the rest. And with that fourth picture, you do not need the other three at all!!!!! Trust me!
Your "Dating Interests"
I like them enough, ok. Pretty good.
So ummm, your interests include "confidence, goals and trust"? Or are these qualities within a person that interests you. If the answer is the second, move these qualities down to the About me. Hopefully, they describe yourself as well. So it'll work out just nicely.
"Reading"? Why exactly? Too vague. Try to be more specific.
Add a few more interests. Some things specific and uniquely you.
"About me":
Lose the first part of the first sentence where you state you are not good at describing yourself. Its nice you want to convey to people reading that you don't talk about yourself much to be so darn good at describing yourself.
Next part, I would recommend you surf a few of the womens profiles. This will give you a good idea of what to do and not to do. And definitely, look up this thread and see the suggestions and such made to previous people. This will give you some great ways to go as well.
Also, lose the "GED" part too. You should be commended for doing that, definitely. But does it really belong here? Nnnaaaahhh, save it for a few e-mails down the line.
You have a little girl, thats nice. But thats all you write? Maybe either a little more as in the interaction between ya or leave her out of the profile completely. You answered the "children" question that you had one, so whats the prob?
you are "in need of a man"? Thats just out and out d-e-s-p-a-r-a-t-e! Do ya really wanna come across as that? Really?
In the "First Date" section, you wrote you never actually been out on a date, only been to a guys place, watch a movie and talk to all hours. What exactly is your definition of a date??
Generally I advise people to keep this part simple. So to you I suggest,
"going to a bar would be a nice first date..im always up for bars, I would really like to....."
You fill in that last part. You gotta give us guys a clue as to where to start. As I have mentioned in previous reviews, if we were to take you skydiving on the first date when all you really wanted to do was have coffee at some small cafe'...."
Thats all I am saying. K? | |
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| ChrisJC review
Posted: 5/2/2005 9:28:07 AM | ChrisJC,
Well, I gotta say dude, if there were a profile that would make folks nervous, this would be one of 'em.
Your headline, the sentence or phrase that is to catch someones attention, to catch their eye to entice them to read on, yours says "Only God Can Judge Me".
WTF were you thinking?
Seriously though, would this be a headline of a lady that would catch YOUR attention?
Your pictures,
Well, I am gonna ignore the UNC hat (NC State, Duke fan here) and get right to the pics themselves.
Your primary pic is of you, in a darkened room, with a hat and shades. Its wrong, bad and not good. Lose it. Do you not have any other pics of you at all? Well lit perhaps? Minue shades or hell, even just outside maybe catching some flyballs or throwing for a touchdown? Something?
Your pther pics, they are of cars (as in inanimate objects), ok ok, we get it. These are probably things you've worked hard on and are proud of em. Work harder on your own pictures, less on featuring one of your cars. If this were a car site, well you'd be in like Flynn!
Your "Dating interests"
Perhaps you misunderstood or didn't know, as to the purpose of this section. And thats ok. This whole friggin site doesn't come with a handbook of instructions. One has to feel their way around. So I would simply like to convey to you the purpose.
This section is for you to list things you like. Perhaps snowboarding. Maybe jet skiing is more likely you being in FL and all.
Traveling up and down the east coast perhaps?
Spring Break?
Rapping!
Writing lyrics I bet
You get the idea.
"About me"
Here, you are off to a great start!
Where exactly is Oralando FL though? Is that near Orlando? Watch the spelling. Speaking of which, you are 22 years old. "i" is spelled "I", no need for the world to hide this fact from you any longer.
Keep with the focus on you, what you like and all that. Stay off the negativesof what you don't like or not want.
For example, LOSE:
"none off that nascar shit"
"dont like racist people"
"dont drink that often and dont smoke that often" (ok ok, this one is more flexible)"
You may not like racist people, but a lot of people who are racist do not realize it and may e-mail you. Others may just ignore your statement and e-mail you anyway.
My point is, do you really expect these negative people to not e-mail you just because you said so?
Yourprofile is fairly good, wouldn't kill you to break up all you wrote into like three paragraphs. It all kinda runs together at the moment.
I like your "first date" thoughts though, pretty good. You explained yourself well.Just watch the spelling and such, ya know?
Thats it | |
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| Longte review
Posted: 5/2/2005 9:37:02 AM | longte
Dude, about your headline. Whats it mean? Why is it your time? Can ya come up with something alot more attention getting?
You're from down unda, right matey? Crikey, you gotta have a better bead to catch the Sheila's peepers.
(Dont you hate it when people butcher your language? lol, done with respect however)
About your pictures, unless you yourself created every one of those cool pictures, l-o-s-e them. They are irrelavent.
And buddy, you looking for ladies, having pictures of snakes on your profile is a bad move!!
You have two decent ictures of yourself. Go with them and lose the rest. Find more pics of you however. Never can hurt!
"Dating Interests"
"Diving"? Good and original
"Traveling"? Close to being vague and too broad. Wouldn't hurt to be more specific
"Writing Poetry", hey thats great!
"Music"? Oh no, you've fallen into the oldest description there could be. Music, too broad and vague. Narrow it down some. What if someone who loves country music e-mails you who may like classical? Or a die-hard Opera lover e-mails you, a die hard Rocker?
"About me"
Great stuff.
Wouldn't hurt to share justa tad more about yourself, but nicely written! Good work.
"First Date"
uuummm, keep it simpler. Keep the first line "we would go to the restaurants beside the two rivers", lose the rest.
Thats all | |
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| ME next please!
Posted: 5/2/2005 11:45:30 AM | It looks like you have a good lock on judgement.. as i scroll through all the posts.. and as im new to POF. i would love if you would give my profile a quick glance over.. I know i need to spruce it up per say... so im looking for some help. Thanks Jack! | |
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| I'll review your profile and give ya some dating advice
Posted: 5/2/2005 4:15:22 PM | Well... I got some advice from a girl on profiles... Now I want to see what a guy's perspective is on it. I notice that with a lot of women, what they say they want isn't necessarily what they really want. Before reading mine, take a couple things into mind (1) I intentionally made it sound a bit general since I didn't want to alienate any gals who are part of a particular scene. I myself, am hard to catergorize because despite my expensive college education, (and I am a smart guy...not just on paper) I still prefer rural living, country music, and driving my old pickup truck. (2) I didn't want seem overly picky, since the selection isn't big in a place where I'm over 30 miles from a McDonald's. Perhaps I need to sound more defined but I just wanted to explain my current profile wording beforehand. Well...go ahead and have fun with it! Thanks!
-Chris | |
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selina
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Joined: 2/11/2005
Msg: 242 | |
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| do me do me
Posted: 5/2/2005 8:33:55 PM | | Would like to have you check out my profile also. Need all the help you can offer. | |
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| I'll review your profile and give ya some dating advice
Posted: 5/2/2005 11:35:24 PM | | Ok Jack I spruced my profile up abit let me know if anything else is wrong (which it probably is lol). As for the pics the first one isn't modeling at all my mother took that just 6 months ago when i went to visit her in Melbourne. Ok now that we've got that out of the way tell me what you think of the rest of my profile! Thanks so much! Alex | |
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| Queen in 'da house!
Posted: 5/3/2005 4:07:17 AM | Guys, take your hats off and bow
Ladies, time to take a bow as well, we are in the presence of sheer royalty!
'Da Queen herself is here, the one who started the reviews in the first place, her High and quite lovely, always the one for a kind word, only cross should you dare cross her, The one and only
Danceinpants!!!
Thanks for dropping by, I am in awe! lol
I agree, it is good to have two reviewers giving a few reviews and sharing suggestions. Lookie at what you started! ha ha | |
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| This - that
Posted: 5/3/2005 4:15:51 AM | @ Keeley, You are welcome... anytime!
And you got new pics. Nice. 'cept the one where you are either laying a rug or measuring or something. Eh, I'd lose that bad boy. Too distant too, we can't see your smile!!!!!
@ ChrisJC, shades or glasses, no one can see ya. Lose the glasses and lighten the room up some.
@ Chrismu2004, Thanks for the additional comments, I'll take 'em into consideration!
@ Sxcgoddess,
Great improved headline!!
Your primary pic was actually an amateur "everyday" photo? WOW!!!
"Dating interests", after every item, put a comma (,) so that the list will align itself, Right now it looks lopsided and kinda funky. A comma should fix all that. Give me a few of your interests in there too.
Your "About me", ssssoooooo much better!!! VERY GOOD JOB!
Much improved! I'll give you the daily award for most improved. Post it on your profile if ya want, the Dr. has spoken! ha ha
@ the lovely and talented Danceinpants, thanks again for dropping in. Glad to have 'da queens blessings! Oh great, now word will really spread about this! ha ha | |
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| This - that
Posted: 5/3/2005 4:50:06 AM | ok dr.j...gonna make some new pics today just to shock you!!! (decent ones, i assure you) carry on dr.... | |
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