| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 1:44:30 PM |
The real concern should be about someone who is (1) good looking, (2) over 30, and (3) single; what's wrong with them?
What makes you think anything is wrong with them? Being single is not some kind of defect. Personally, I enjoy it. I do what I want, when I want, and I don't have to ask anyone's permission or answer to anyone for it. Nobody I know who's married can say that.
Anyone who is over 30 and is single, whether divorced or otherwise, has some explaining to do.
Just because you don't like someone's marital status does not mean they owe you (or anyone else) an explanation. Married people don't have to go through life constantly explaining why they got married. Why should single people have to explain themselves?
I see in your profile that you're 49 and single. Does this mean you think there's something wrong with you, and you feel you need to go through life explaining your status to everyone? | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 6:30:28 PM | | I'm with you 'Ohio Lady', why should single over 45's explain why they are not married and someone who has divorced one or more times is determined to be the better person!!!! I personally am not particularly religious but as I remember the vow has something to do with a LIFETIME commitment, not until one or the is fed up and wants a change! | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 6:31:47 PM | i have found that there is a BIG difference between someone who has been married, with kids, and one who has always single.
it's like being an only child. the world revolves around them.
the single guy doesn't have the responsibilities but sometimes it harder for him to share, or see anothers point of view. even with all of the baggage, i prefer someone who's been married before. living together even for years doesn't count. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 6:59:46 PM | Scarlet - I have to disagree most strongly with what you said, if you had read my post you would realise that all single men over 45 do have responsibilities, personally I want to share but cannot approach women in clubs or bars - OK I'm shy about that, that's why I'm on this site because I can e-mail someone without being rejected in public - we're not all movie stars who can fall in love and marry someone before lunch. I personally want to marry someone who will be with me for the rest of our lives. As I previously stated I have dated ladies who I could have married but they were not of the same opinion.
Personally speaking I find your comment both unjust and offensive, I will share with the right person, not someone I should just because it is something I should do. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:22:27 PM | i'm sorry i offended you. i really am. your right i didn't read your post. my opinion is based on my experiences alone. but if you read the last line of your comment .... it kind of makes my point ( please don't be offended ), don't you think?
the last thing i want to do is upset anyone. and if my opinion is different then yours please don't take it as a rejection rather a difference of opinions. isn't that what these are for, to state our opinions & experiences.
scarlet | |
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Viel
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Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 231 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:38:46 PM | | Maybe they didn't find the right person. Or maybe concentrating on work or school. Trying to take care of school loans. I, too have thought it strange. I've seem some men who still live with mom and all their needs are taken care of except the sexual. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 7:54:26 PM | | Scarlet, I do not think I agree with you, I am not upset and as an ex-brit I encourage differences of opinion!!!! I just don't see that the last line of my comment proves your point - I thought it counterpointed with your point - hey discussion of the English language is always good fun, especially as I I'm not that great. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:59:53 PM | Why do people remain single at all? Tuka
Really?? Really?? Who want's the misery of divorce? If you aren't happy with yourself what makes you think someone else can "complete" you? I'm 45, Oldest of five and took every one of my siblings to first day of kindergarden and first grade. No need for kids myself and LOVE my life. I'm rarely lonely. Never afraid. Marriage is fine but do not make me fit into your mold of "normal"  What "works" for you doesn't work for other. To each his own. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/24/2007 6:51:16 AM | wow came back in and caught up on what I have been missing. Saw so many that have stated that a single and never married have a problem sharing, doesn't know responsibility. Thats just a couple of what I saw. I think it strange that someone would think that someone never married could be this way. First I think a person that is single after 40 is doing a couple of things.
1st they are not just jumping into something that would in today just wind up in divorce with added baggage to follow them around. Now before that is taken wrong I do not refer to kids as baggage in any form. they make this world turn.
2 nd They are searching if thats what they have been doing for the one to make a committment to and show not just to compromised with thier surrounding.
I am 56 as of last month and never been married. Haven't found the one I wanted to marry as of yet. been a lot I have dated and several I have wanted to date and get to know better. I also take into account that I have responsibilities I have to take care of. I spent the first part of my life making sure that three other siblings were taken care of when my father was not there to do so. schooling and a career play a lot into not marring as well. As far as sharing goes whats this. I am the older of seven and gave up so the younger ones were well done for. What is it that makes a single not sharing just because he has remained single. sorry but thats a crock. I am told by people that know me not to give my last cent to everyone around if they need it or the shirt off my back. Been told I am to generous and sharing. I have been told I am set in my ways and on somethings I am. However not so much that I would not step aside from what I like to do most and do something else. There are so many issues as to why a person would remain single. to those that are smart enough not to just jump into something that may end up in divorce and betrayal from another My hat is off to you. We all make mistakes and live to regret it to some extint. Mine was not returning to the one that I cared for the most but it is in the past and gone. Life goes on and we survive and make the best of what we have dealt or been dealt as we move on.
sorry for the ranting so to speak but it struck me wrong as to how someone could think just because someone was never married could be like an only child non sharing no responsibilities. Now I know thats thier opinion and I respect that and mean no ill intent against thier post. But each person is different and it is better to get to know them before judging them just on a paper saying that they are or have been married. where as responsibility of an older person that has been told they have cancer and it is spreading to take and make thier last days better is in my opinion a responsibility in itself. sorry people off my box now. now it may appear I am judging this post I have mentioned and I am not I am just making a point that not everyone that is single and never married is not the same by any means of the words.
People have a great day and enjoy hope you all have luck in your 
Moundpuppy | |
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| Loss
Posted: 9/24/2007 3:24:40 PM | One powerful romance killer is to accuse someone of being something they are not either directly or via metaphor. It is a bad habit that has little to do with being single or married and will harm a relationship with anyone.
I don't agree with generalizing groups of people. For example, someone on the westside of the city where I live once said everyone from the southside is a snob. Also, a friend feels that all women on web dating sites are the same and not worth dating. If I had gone down the generalization path I would not be on this website or looking for a mate. Although I have dated numerous married women, lady luck hasn't allowed me to date any single women so all I can talk about is previously married women. All the women I've been with enjoyed my caring nature. One of these women mentioned one other single man she went out with who was very selfish. She said I was very dependable and was lucky to have someone who would always stop anything he was doing to help her. One day I received a call while at work from a friend who was very sad because her elderly cat was very sick and she needed to take him to the vet. I immediately offered to give her a ride to the vet which I did and she came out of the vet's office without her cat with a sad face. I walked up to her and hugged her and felt very sorry for her loss.
And I feel sorry for people who feel single people are not worth knowing. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/24/2007 4:28:07 PM |
I see in your profile that you're 49 and single. Does this mean you think there's something wrong with you, and you feel you need to go through life explaining your status to everyone?
I think you missed the irony in my post. The original poster implied a view that something was wrong with someone who had never married (i.e. made the same mistake once). A sort of superiority is implied in this attitude.
I stated that I know many guys (myself included) who have never been married, but don't have any significant deficiencies (unless one counts being well educated, having a good job and being nice as defects).
An appropriate response to the attitude of the original post is to point out that someone who is divorced does not have a particularly good track record, and the odds of having a successful relationship with them are not good (about a 30% chance of success). People who live in glass houses, should not throw stones.
In my case, I simply have not met anyone I really wanted to marry. Perhaps after practicing law for 25 years and seeing so many bad relationships, I know the perils of a bad relationship. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/3/2007 12:07:13 PM | Why?
There are many reasons, and we all have our individual stories.
Speaking for myself, it's pretty simple.
After graduating high school, I went off to get my education.
During my years in school, I wasn't ready for marriage or parenthood and I knew it.
I just went to school, dated some and partied some.
I was 26 before I began in the career department.
Got a once in a lifetime job working with brilliant people in a small "skunkworks" type company where what I did made a difference, and got to do things that were far beyond what my educational "credentials" would've allowed me to do in a typical "credentialist" company.
During these years I knew I would be a pre-occupied husband and father, and if I'd gotten married, it would likely end in divorce.
So I just worked, had fun, and didn't seek out a committed relationship.
I worked in this environment until I was 35, until my dad had a flat line heart attack.
He was never the same after that, as I assume it took too long to revive him.
I dropped my career, and began going back and forth between my parents home 110 miles North of here, and my home.
We were able to keep my dad out of a nursing home for the next 6 years, and he died with dignity at home.
I'm now 41 years old, and went back to a life that wasn't the high pressure career that I was involved with before.
At this point, I was open to a committed relationship if I met the right woman.
But now being lucky enough to be self employed, one downside was meeting the kind of women I wanted to be with in order to hook up with that "one".
After a few "fits and starts" I finally met a woman through online dating when I was 44.
We had good chemistry and mutual attraction.
More important, she as a woman of good character that was clearly marriageable, and I loved her.
The only issue was one of day to day compatibility, largely due to us not having enough things in common.
We were together for 5 years, I loved her enough to marry her, but we could never solve the compatibility issue.
I'll still say she's a great woman, I want her to be happy, but we're just not a good fit.
So I'm now 51, a normal healthy man, intelligent, engaging, fun, uncynical, unjaded and emotionally younger than my years in good ways, and most important, available eligible man without baggage and nothing but the future ahead of him.
What I've found to be the most hilariously ironic about my situation is that women seem to look at a guy like me with suspicion, like there MUST be something wrong with me!
How do I know this?
I did an experiment on the other two dating sites that I'm on some time back.
I did nothing but change my relationship status from "Never Married" to "Divorced", and I suddenly found myself getting responses to my initiated contacts, as well as a steady stream of initiated contacts from several women.
I changed it back to "Never Married", and suddenly the contacts stopped, and I again began getting all the scam responses to my profile from women claiming to be in the 25-30 age range, with a picture that looks like a model, and questionable mastery of the English language...
All of them madly in love with me of course...! 
I was on this site a few days ago looking around, and saw a woman who looked like an old friend.
So I registered so I could send her a message, as we hadn't spoken in several years.
I figure I'll stay on here and see how things go.
But I expect it'll be the same as on the other sites.
Women who think it's too good to be true that hat a never married guy my age doesn't have some type of "major malfunction"...  | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/3/2007 1:51:55 PM | To people who wonder why many of us are single and over 40? Well my story? When I was in my 20's even into my thirties I was to busy hitting the bar scene on the weekends as that is the only real form of entertainment in the small town area where I live where you can meet people. I had the looks and build for awhile, but was butthead when i was drinking, and believe me news travels fast and tarnishes your reputation real quick when you do stuff like this, but i deserved it. Into my late thirties I went on to get a college degree, and stayed away from the alcohol, as I know it does not bring out my best side so i won't do bar scenes anymore. In college opportunities knocked but I devoted all of my time to my studies, I was very afraid that dating might bring on head games that might interfere with my future carreer success. I eventually graduated after a severe auto accident, and now work at a job where I am required to work all weekends. So here I find myself in the personals. As to questions regarding a single older person still living with parents? I must say this, it seems odd, but you know I lived by myself for quite sometime and it was lonely so I let people think what they want, and if they can't accept it thats thier problem not mine. All i can say is hold true to your values, be you not what people want you to be, or what you think they want you to be. I have spent 1/2 my life trying to be what I felt others wanted and that did not work so I am going to be me  | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/3/2007 3:14:42 PM | This may be a little off topic, but does anyone know the history of marriage? From what I've read, marriage was invented to protect property (women, children and land) and then there's the religious aspects of it, which was what, back in the stone age sometime?
I've changed my mind about getting married. I used to think men that had never been married were affraid to commit. Same with women. And I know there're still out there. Frankly I don't blame them. Who wants to have to deal with a legal contract stating that you have to stay together FOREVER or else? This is the 21st century, the old ways don't work anymore. People don't have to get married to have children, buy a house or do anything else any more. Hell, in some states you don't even get a tax break. And if we were to get our act together in this country regarding health care, people probably wouldn't get married for that reason either.
When I find my last relationship, I'm going to have a spiritual ceremony. Nothing legal. And if either one of us wants out, then so be it. Better then spending your last dime on a lawyer.
Thanks for letting me vent.  | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 11:55:16 AM | I wonder if putting divorced makes you look like damaged goods?
wow, i can honestly say i never thought about it like that before. but for me, its more like "it is what it is". If you want to understand the why behind the status, then i guess you are going to have to make the effort to ask. Dig a bit, and find out about the person.
I am not one to land on the "typical" presumptions about any aspect of a person. certainly i have my preferences to age, height, etc., but i dont adhere strictly to them.
I am most likey to ask questions. I am finding that i seem to be in a pool by myself. That when most ppl see my pic, they land on all sorts of negative assumptions. Or when they read on my profile that i am into reading, writing, and motorcycles, that i am any number of assorted things. None of the assigned things are from any accurate info about myself. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:00:03 PM | living together even for years doesn't count.
ill be sure to pass this saged wisdom along to my brother and his common law wife of 30 yrs who have two grown children. im sure they will be thrilled to know that their union and commitment to eachother and their family is meaningless. Im sure their mortgage company feels the same way, that their commitment to eachother is meaningless. I am certain my neice and nephew will be comforted in the fact that you see that their parents commitment doesnt count. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:42:01 PM |
I wonder if putting divorced makes you look like damaged goods? - p-trishthedish
Actually, if you read my post a few posts before this, you'll see that in my experience being "never married" is considered to be "damaged goods" much more than being "divorced".
On the other two dating sites I'm on, all I have to do to dramatically increase the number of women I can meet is simply switch "never married" to "divorced". | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:52:14 PM | | My first reaction when I see single never married when someone is over 45 is that, for some reason, having a relationship hasn't been a priority. My uncle got married in his 50's to a woman in her 50's and it was the first marriage for both and they were very happy........... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 1:51:48 PM |
My first reaction when I see single never married when someone is over 45 is that, for some reason, having a relationship hasn't been a priority. - friendlyldy
Your reaction is probably close to the truth for a lot of 45+ never marrieds.
Though as one myself, I would acknowledge there are 45+ never marrieds who are not capable of having a successful relationship for whatever reason.
I think maybe they give us all a bad name.
I just know that for myself over the last 10 years or so, when I reached the point in my life where I was free to devote the time to a relationship, that NOT being divorced has been the BIGGEST obstacle for me.
I actually had a woman tell me that she felt she was really taking a chance on me because I hadn't been married before!
She'd been married twice before, and ironically I found that as a never married guy, I had better relationship skills than she had.
(I could explain but that would carry this off topic)
Yet as long as I say I'm divorced, and change nothing else about me or who I am, I have no problem initiating communication as well as getting communication from women, and even meeting them in person if we hit it off.
But saying I've never been married has been the kiss of death for me as far as meeting women.
Which just shows me that this world is in some ways a very screwy place.  | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 2:02:56 PM | 57, never married. never even seriously considered it. I've lived alone all my adult life (lots of women in my life but never one I lived with on a full time basis) can't say that I'm terribly unhappy about it. yes, living alone can be lonely, but it also can be pretty wonderful.
interestingly reaffirming thread. you take a lot of grief for being terminally single in this world. reassuring to see that there are others out there.
it always makes me wonder though when I hear the "afraid to commit" thing from someone who's been thru several marriages. I seldom voice it but the little voice in my head says "this from someone who pledged till death do us part...or a couple of lawyers". | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 2:04:29 PM | I did meet a woman whome I asked to marry me. Situation's changed and we never got wed. A few year's later she left,taking only her clothe's and wed a friend ? across the street. A few year's later she left him taking half his house
In my case I had a lucky escape and put me off for a long,long while, still a wee bit cautious. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 5:34:49 PM | I wonder if putting divorced makes you look like damaged goods? - p-trishthedish
Actually, if you read my post a few posts before this
and if you had done that very thing you would have seen that i was not the person who originally said the damaged goods comment. I merely cut and pasted to make a point. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 5:44:54 PM |
and if you had done that very thing you would have seen that i was not the person who originally said the damaged goods comment. I merely cut and pasted to make a point. - p-trishthedish
I'm sorry if I gave the impression I was aiming this at you.
I took the quote from your post that you quoted, because I saw that you answered the question, I thought you made a point, and I was just adding my own slant on the same question.
Sorry if I wasn't clear on why I did what did. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/4/2007 8:19:30 PM | I'm 52 year old woman who has never married. I thought I was going to have the "story book" life--marry at 20-something, a couple kids, white picket fence--the whole deal. I came close a couple times.
When I realized it wasn't going to work out that way, I had my ups and downs until I hit my 40's. And now, I truly think I dodged a bullet.
We all need to play the cards life deals us. Sometimes it's solitaire and other times it's strip poker. And I'm never going to play "old maid"! | |
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