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 kje_67
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 351
Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 15 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
I'd have to note, however, that in the "traditional" use of the word 'marriage,' I'll never be. The notion that one is required to apply for a license (and be bound in a contract WITH the state) and make the state a third party to a union is, frankly, laughable. Anyone ever question how long that practice has been around?

Well, anyway, I suppose marriage can be defined in a number of ways. But not being willing to, nor having applied for a license from the state, has bearing on my status. I guess it might for some. I'm most definitely a proponent of marriage. Just not when it includes asking the govt for permission, and making them a contractual party to it.
 *MiniMe*
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 352
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/22/2011 11:17:21 AM
Never wanted to for a LONG time. When I reached my 40's I wanted to but only with what I thought would be the right person for me and it did not bother me one bit that it may or maynot happen. Now in my 50's I still feel the same. I'd like to marry but not for the sake of it or of being alone or older.

I heard some advice once: I'd rather be alone than WISH I was alone
 cowizard1
Joined: 8/6/2010
Msg: 353
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/25/2011 7:21:40 AM
Girl,people stay single because they haven't meant someone they want to spent the rest of their lifes with,they like being loners,they haven't the time for a relationship,or many other reasons.You aren't being fair with a person if you say they are hard to get along with because that person never was married.Talk,meet, and see what they are.You can't know them until you meet.People who sterotype others by opinoins are ones who I stay away from. They are people who are very difficult to get along with and I have found not worth my time.
 ZoeLuther
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 354
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/25/2011 6:32:35 PM
I use single because I have been single as long as I was married. 14 years each.
As for single men, never married and never lived with anyone. I don't take them as serious marriage partners. After 45 and closer to 50, they are never going to settle down and as someone mentioned, you have to flow into their already set ways or it won't work.

Well thanks but no thanks. Not to mention, they don't have the concept of children, of any age, and sometimes the children or grandchildren need attention. I have had unmarried, childless men tell me that I do too much for mine. Umm....toodles sweetie. The men I have dated, who have children/grandchildren, do just as much, if not more than I do. So i totally know who I need to be with if I ever decide to remarry.

Most of my friends remain single after divorce because they want to focus on kids and getting to know themselves again. They don't want to make another mistake and drag kids into it.
 TwistNShout
Joined: 10/16/2009
Msg: 355
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/27/2011 3:32:02 PM
Well this thread made me go back and check I had selected divorced in my profile. lol

I don't view men or women in their forties and beyond whom have never been married as not being able to settle down, just not having met the person they wish to settle down with. I have several male and female friends who are like this, some of them have admitted that something in their early life made them afraid of commitment or that someone would let them down; normally through marriage breakdown or unfaithfulness between their parents, or sometimes personal experience of a partner. I will say though my friends that have never lived with anyone are so settled in their ways now that they would find it hard to share with someone now. My last girlfriend is 50, lived on her own for the last 25 years, if I stayed the night she used to follow me round tidying up after me. ;) Also, like various women who don't have kids, she found it hard to accept that my kids come first even though they are teenagers and one is at University.

As someone said it takes a while to get your ex out of your system, some people never manage it. For myself I still see my ex, as one son still lives sometimes with my ex and sometimes with myself we still have to talk. Luckily we seem to have progressed past the breakup, I wouldn't call us friends but at least we are not enemies ;) One woman I went out with a couple of times dumped me because apparently talking to my ex meant I wasn't single, so people take different views I guess.
 sweetblue62
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 356
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/27/2011 3:37:05 PM

I wonder if putting divorced makes you look like damaged goods? Personnally I think single and divorced are one and the same.

Single and divorced are not the same.
Single is never married.
Divorced is used to be married, but now single
Being divorced doesn't make me feel like damaged goods.
I still have a lot of love and affection to give to the right man.
I am older and I know what I want and how to give it!
 TNBinLV
Joined: 6/16/2011
Msg: 357
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/27/2011 3:59:18 PM

Single and divorced are not the same.
Single is never married.
Divorced is used to be married, but now single
Being divorced doesn't make me feel like damaged goods.

Agreed. Actually, if I meet someone my age who has never been married, divorced, or is widowed, it makes me wonder why. And if that person tells me that they were engaged at one time, but the other person died it then makes me wonder if the reason they never later married, was it because they never got over the earlier relationship enough to ever enter into or commit to another.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 358
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/29/2011 7:48:06 AM
I wonder as a single person why divorced people either cannot commit to a marriage or marry the wrong people, but that does not make me think they are awful people or leave them alone as far as looking at them as potential dates. What I cannot wrap my mind around is the fact that so many people either cannot look at each person as an individual and/or keep saying that one bad apple spoils the whole bunch.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 359
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/29/2011 1:45:47 PM
I know men who have never been married and as it happens, they say that they just did not meet the right one. Some women never meet the right man. Honestly, what does it matter? We are all single now and it is no wonder that people stay in the pond so long with such preconceived notions of the labels that POF asks us to put ourselves.

I am open to single, divorced, and widowed. My requirement is that they live in the present emotionally and not be dragging around so much heavy baggage that they need to talk about it all of the time.
 Redragon7956
Joined: 12/5/2010
Msg: 360
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/30/2011 11:05:03 AM
Hi

I think your find, that when people put down "single" most of them probably mean they are single again after being with someone, or after being married and are "single" again like me, this is an easy mistake to do, they have probably click'd on the wrong heading, possible i think.
 tra1000
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 361
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/30/2011 3:02:18 PM
The term single is just that you are single, whether your are divorced, separated, or widowed, for some that hide the fact that they are in a relationship just shows there dishonesty and why would you want a relationship with someone like that anyway(these are the people that make it suspicious for the rest of us). Myself i have put single, but i am a widower, the reason i put single is that i am tired of the sympathy replies. I have been a widower for a few years now and have moved on, I really don't want to hear the " I'm sorry for your loss" any more, so this is why i put single. Not everyone has sinister intentions, so don't judge until you know why they are single.
 mpipe
Joined: 4/6/2010
Msg: 362
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/31/2011 5:09:42 PM
I agree with this. You have to ask. I'd certainly met the woman I'd wanted to be with, felt it in my bones, the works. Didn't happen due to some God-awful tragedies, and nobody has hit that since. But if you want to judge from an online form, that's cool - you're not for me.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 363
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/31/2011 5:38:34 PM

I'd rather be alone than WISH I was alone

Much like my little mantra: I'd rather be alone than feel lonely with someone. (There is nothing worse than being in the same house with someone and being worlds apart.)

~OT~ Personally, I will never again, ever, consider a relationship with a man that has not been married or at the very least lived long term with a woman. No offense at all intended to those who've not done either, but I find that since most of my life was having a "family" of my own (spouse/child ~ BF/child ~ spouse after child was an adult, etc.) I just view the day to day to day different than those who've not done that with another human being. It can be dull. It can be boring. It can be out and out taxing on the nerves. But, for those who've never done it? It's just plain foreign. And that makes it nearly impossible to cross bridges that the day to day stuff brings with it. Not married by 50? Never lived long-term with someone? I'd not be willing to invest time, energy, emotion and such with someone who would likely see the world very differently than I do. Once my preference was never married/no children. Time and time again, I was beating my head against a wall when the dull-drums happen and the other party had no clue how to deal with the reality that life isn't a 24/7 vacation or fun times non-stop. JMO
 boaterguy7
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 364
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/31/2011 5:52:59 PM
I am single and never married, and I have wondered for a long time what women might think about it...like "Why hasn't he ever been married?" I was engaged once, and I am thankful we didn't go through with it. Like many have posted, that would have been worse than being single. I've wondered why I'm still single, and it is just life. My early years, I wanted a career, so I could support a family, and when I did that, it was harder for me to find the right woman. I won't lie, I've been burned by some who have taken advantage of me, and that has made me very cautious about motives. I think I'll find her one day, and she will have won the lottery...and she will be able to say the same thing about me too. There's old saying, "There's nothing better than a happy marriage, but nothing worse than an unhappy one."
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 365
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/1/2011 8:08:19 PM
I posted earlier in this thread about assumptions, and had to pop in again to see where the thread was leading. I completely understand where others are coming from in terms of someone divorced/widowed with kids having a totally different life experience from someone who has never been married, lived with a person, etc. Absolutely true, and I would never say I know what it's like to be a single parent. I don't, and don't pretend to.

Perhaps situations have a better chance of working out if the two individuals share common experiences? In my case, I never wanted to rule out divorced men with or without kids -- and I would not have done so still, had I not met my now-fiance. On the other hand, with my guy also never being married or living with someone, he and I did have that mutual experience. I suppose it did help; we've had some really interesting talks about other people failing to realize that when you are single, you are responsible for EVERYTHING. But, that 's the same experience of a divorced or widowed person, correct?

I dunno, PoF people. I'm still awfully hesitant to make an assumption that one cannot be happy or make a relationship work if the situations aren't the same. I'm more inclined to think anymore that there are some people who are really lucky, and meet their soulmates relatively early in life (and then stay married or in long-term relationships.) The rest of us? Well, we didn't get that lucky. Either we didn't meet "the one" in our 20s, or we married thinking it would work -- and it didn't, for whatever reason. Doesn't matter; we remain hopeful and optimistic, and live our lives in the meantime.

And hey! Look at my guy and me. We're having the time of our lives confounding and amazing everyone around us. He and I were supposed to be the always-single, always-agreeable, always-flexible persons who could work any schedule -- 'cause what else did we have going on? Now, the reactions of many are, "You're getting MARRIED? Huh? How did that happen?" Hilarious!
 timetogo3223
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 366
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/1/2011 8:24:28 PM
I'm finding more and more women in their 40s that have never married and never lived with anyone.

Do the same "assumptions" apply or is it different for a women?
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 367
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/2/2011 1:34:01 PM
Just have to add my thought's as I have never been married. I have had relationships that lasted longer than many married couples. I can honestly say that I truly want to settle down with just one women but don't feel that I have met the right one yet...
 mermade
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 368
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/2/2011 2:04:24 PM
Your post comes across as judgemental towards those of us who never married. Society puts a stigma on those of us who never found the right person, didn't make a mistake by marrying and then getting divorced (how is that better than staying single?), or perhaps were going to school, building careers, or just plain not ready.

Think twice just because someone hasn't married at 45+. He/She probably was smart enough to not make a mistake and how refreshing it is to meet someone who doesn't have a lot of baggage floating around.

Single today means divorced, never married, separated, etc. For me it means never married, but I keep an open mind.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 369
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/2/2011 2:27:25 PM

I'm finding more and more women in their 40s that have never married and never lived with anyone.

Do the same "assumptions" apply or is it different for a women?

Yes, women are treated the same way. I am getting a similar reaction when I say that I’ve been living by myself for many years and I don’t have children.
 cutiecaliente
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 370
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/2/2011 5:12:05 PM
because we have not found the right person... i am willing to be with someone... but unfortunately it has not happened... i tend to meet guys who do not want to commit
 LMMSwFL
Joined: 10/31/2010
Msg: 371
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/2/2011 5:29:03 PM
Gee, I'd like to be 45 and unmarried again. There's nothing inherently wrong with the concept, in my case building a business got in the way although I dated and eventually married at 48. Wrong woman (and I don't mean that sarcastically, but I did and I know it) and perhaps for the wrong reasons, I never thought anything was wrong with waiting until I could come up for air and enjoy life, and still don't.

And in all honesty I should have married sooner because of the person I was with. But that's also part of it too. We make mistakes in life, some we can't repair or don't realize until later we should have. But the clock keeps ticking.

It's another thing completely if a guy can't commit or is a philanderer or runs away every time things get serious or problems arise. The point being there are legitimate reasons to be unmarried in your mid-forties that doesn't mean a woman ought to automatically head for the hills.

It shouldn't take you long to figure out if his reasons are real or not.
 cnydevilindisguise
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 372
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/14/2011 2:52:34 PM
I guess I will have to admit some of us were just to dumb to realize what could have been and wasted oppurtunities. Thank GOD for wisdom with age !!!
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 373
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/14/2011 7:14:14 PM
Didnt read all the posts on this thread but the bottom line is this. People that were married and now are not for what ever reason. They think that people that were single all there lifes are defective and there was something wrong with them for never been married. People that never been married think that if you were married and now are not then there must be something wrong with you for not making the right choices. Now you are also jaded with meeting other people after your bad exp. If you were married more then once then you are in there deep and proven you cant make a choice and stick to it... As for me im happy to say that at 45 i didnt make a mistake at getting married and pay for it.. Been with someone for longer then many people been married.. Atlist i dont have to pay when its ended.. Yes alot of it has to do with money ask anyone that has to pay after the break up, Man or Woman but mostly man.
 damian67
Joined: 3/20/2011
Msg: 374
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/16/2011 12:10:55 PM
Well i aint 45 for another 6 month but i have been single for the past 4 yrs, not all folk who put "single" down on the profile are lying, i have never been married simply because the woman i was going to marry pasted away 5 month before the wedding. Since then i have only had relationships tho i will get married one day but i am not going to rush in to it, in many ways i am old fashioned and yes there are a lot of blokes who put "single"down when they are not single simply because they are after only one thing but not every bloke is like that so please you women out......dont prejudge cos some of us are not on ere to get laid.
 wooliepack
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 375
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/19/2011 8:30:06 PM
I never chose to stay single for my entire life, I have known many women I'd like to marry. They all had different reasons or excuses to pass me by.
Mostly, my life/career path never brought me into contact with marriageable women. I didn't go to college, I went to a mostly male tech school.
I used to wonder why I wasn't meeting single women my age-- at all! Nada! Well, one. We shared a home for a couple of years. We keep in touch, but I'm still glad I never married her.
By my late twenties, I realized, they were all domesticated and out of the pool.
I wouldn't see them again until they hit forty, divorced with kids. How romantic.

One big issue I had was a lack of social skills for dating. Some of us are naturals, I'm not. Most people get around that by simply having a collision between their hormones and class schedules. I wanted to learn how to be a Chick Magnet, but I couldn't find a mentor. I looked, and finally gave up. When I got this computer, one of the first things I discovered was the online seduction community, of dating gurus and Pickup Artists "PUAs". This was knowledge and insight I'd sought when I was twenty, but it didn't exist!
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