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 yorkslass
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 426
Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 18 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
i find it rather odd actually that a man or woman has got to their 40s and never married got no kids, it makes me think mmmmmm
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 427
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/29/2012 7:19:05 AM
My only previous post in this thread was #275, something like two years ago, but the issue is fresh. Check that post if you want to. With more experience, here's a bit more:

First of all, Markus should consider REMOVING "Single" from the Marital Status options and offer "Never Married" to clearly distinguish from "Divorced," "Widowed" and "Separated."

Then - if someone is looking to get married and have kids, or raise kids they already have, they probably will think badly of someone who's never married or had kids. Fine. Someone who doesn't want to have kids - or get married - probably won't be a good fit for them.

But there's nothing wrong with the many people who don't want to have kids or get married. Are we "damaged goods?" That term originated as a slur against people who HAD been previously married, or already had kids! And it was used, in fact, on just about anyone who wasn't a virgin. My favourite aunt was treated that way by some in our family because she'd fallen for a guy who turned out to be already married, which she found out when their application for a marriage license was refused. He'd not expected Canadian officials to find his Chicago wife. She married another guy and stayed with him until her death. She was still a decent human who made that man a devoted wife, though she proved unable to have kids.

I've always wanted a stable, loving relationship without kids, marriage or religion. One lasted for nearly ten years; others for one to three years. And, yes, I have cohabited. Am I not a good bet for someone wanting kids or marriage? No - and they would not be a good fit for me, so I'm not going to try to trick them or coerce them into bed.

[NOTE: Here at PoF today, I'm looking for friends. Markus won't let me change the part that says, "looking for a relationship."]

It's all in what you want, and if someone isn't what you want nobody's forcing you to love them. If you WANT kids and marriage, and HAVE managed to fall in love with someone who doesn't want kids or marriage, you do have a problem. I won't pretend authority to assign blame or tragedy.

My older brother married, for the first time, at the age of 48; he's now 60 and still married to the same woman. He'd never cohabited with anyone before that, but something like seven years of long-distance relationship (just a nice day's motorcycle ride, and they met at a lot of conventions too) led them to decide to live together, and that meant marriage because of the international border between them. No kids last I looked.

Not everyone is aiming at marriage, and not everyone is aiming at kids, and the two factors are not perfectly correlated either. Is a guy a "loser" for not wanting to dance, just because a woman who needs dance in her life won't want him? Would he be happy married to an obsessive dancer?

ED BEAR

Veteran of a two-year relationship with a lovely lady who loved dancing and would happily dance with men other than me. (Though some of them refused to dance with her because of my existence.)
 Stevenin2012
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 428
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 1/29/2012 9:22:00 PM
You have two questions in one here: what's up with older and single guys who never married and why do people choose singledom.

I only chose marriage because I'd met someone I could see myself with for the rest of my life, otherwise I'd never had married and just continued serial monogomy and moved from one to the next.

Maybe these guys where smart enough to not settle for less and stayed single?
 senica
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 429
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/1/2012 11:37:16 AM
In my case My x after 23yrs Had a son whom she wanted to keep her 1st married name so he wasn"t the only one with that last name. Also for me i would always understand she was a single female. And it propbly helped me never take her for granite. And not become complacent And it really worked
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 430
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/2/2012 7:47:30 AM
Society says that we have to be married by a certain age,have a home 2.5 kids and a car and money. I dont buy into any of that b#llsh#t. I am never married becouse i haven,t found her yet.I am not getting married becouse someone thinks i should be.
 LastSunset
Joined: 8/19/2011
Msg: 431
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/18/2012 2:33:48 PM
Change your status to widower who was married for many years. That will look more attractive to women. It will make you sound capable of a long term commitment, and indicate that you are already housebroke,.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 432
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/18/2012 10:50:57 PM
for all you on here that been married and had kids. How did that work out for you??? Oh wait it didnt. How many of you are still thinking the world of the love of your life??? Dont tell me you dont love them no more.. I wont judge others for the mistakes they made if they dont judge me.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 433
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/18/2012 11:06:03 PM

lagoodguy:
for all you on here that been married and had kids. How did that work out for you??? Oh wait it didnt. How many of you are still thinking the world of the love of your life??? Dont tell me you dont love them no more.. I wont judge others for the mistakes they made if they dont judge me.


It worked fine, even during the 7 year fight with Cancer. I wouldn't give up the pain and heartache that the cancer caused, because that would be giving up the 28+ years we had too. Marriage or long term relationships are hard work, and you don't always get everything your way. But IMHO they're worth the pain and trouble. Keep looking forever for Mister or Miss perfect, you won't find them, because there are no perfect people.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 434
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/19/2012 8:23:31 PM
Blue eyes im sorry about that but im sure you know that i meant for the ones that been divorced and say that there must be something wrong with us that never been married.. I see nothing is wrong with me, Think I'm more normal then some of the ones I meet over time.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 435
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/19/2012 9:32:41 PM
lAgoodguy, I didn't mean it personally, more the general you never met someone who has everything you're looking for. Some posters sound like they didn't stay because of some imperfection in their SO, so they didn't marry them. I'm just saying, don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good enough. Because you'll never meet the perfect one, they don't exist. On the other hand if you don't want to put the work into a marriage to make it work, you're better off not getting married.

 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 436
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/21/2012 12:52:05 PM
Many of us never married are not looking for the perfect person, as we are well aware that we are all perfectly imperfect. We are also capable of putting the work into a marriage. I look at it as meeting the right person ( man or woman) is kind of like winning the lottery, or a combination of luck, chance, fate or divine intervention. Factor in the facts that many people will not date middle aged people who have not been married, a certain appearance seems to be of utmost importance to many (some of us do not have that appearance), location seems to play a part, and to some a certain personality does matter. I suppose it is difficult for men over 45 to get married, seems more difficult for women over 45. ( speaking as a woman in her 50s)
 LathaMath
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 437
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/21/2012 4:47:11 PM
Why a man over 45 never married?

1. Because he didn't have to. Plenty of independent liberated women friends.

2. Because he didn't like what happened to his married friends. Wiped out financially by divorce. Get the kids every 2nd weekend.

3. Rapidly changing definition of marriage due to femminism and other influences on social legislation.

4. Too discouraged about the human condition to bring kids into the world.

5. Too busy travelling.

6. Devoted to a career or a cause.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 438
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/21/2012 6:20:46 PM

Fifi47:
I look at it as meeting the right person ( man or woman) is kind of like winning the lottery, or a combination of luck, chance, fate or divine intervention.


Fifi, I fully understand, after my disastrous short 1st marriage I could have stayed single/divorced the rest of my life. and to be honest I don't know if it was luck, chance, fate or divine intervention that put me in the time/place when I met my late wife. I told the story in another thread, about being 'stood up'.

One Saturday night I had a date, went to meet her and she didn't show up. Waited 45 minutes to an hour and then went over to my normal hangout/bar that had live music most nights. After I got there, about half an hour later my 'date' walked in. She looked my way, but looked right through me, as if I wasn't there. That told me where I stood with her. A little while later my future wife walked in with a group of friends. They weren't regulars at this bar. I screwed up my courage and asked her to dance. Shen invited me back to her group and we were together till the cancer took her from me.

I may never know why those events happened like they did, but I'm glad they did.



 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 439
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/21/2012 6:32:17 PM
I have a brother and sister who never married or had children. They are both loners and have difficulty with small kids. While they don't dislike my kids and grandkids they are ill at ease around them.I can't say this is true for all "never marrieds" but I've know a few who were just like this. Marriage and kids causes one to learn how to give and take in life.
 Mercedes_48
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 440
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/22/2012 7:41:05 AM
Hi,

I post single....well becuase I've never been married. I'm 48......I didn't choose to be single, I just never found the right guy for me. I also believe, considering practically half of marriages end in divorce, may mean, that people are marrying, for the sake of being married, because society thinks they should, and their age, and then realizing later that they married the wrong person.

People should not judge someone if they have never been married. Becuase maybe its as simple as......they never found the right one.
 Bostonia2012
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 441
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/22/2012 12:13:41 PM
Marriage takes compromise, which is easier when you're younger and can grow together, but never married means not having made those compromises and perhaps not being able to then, much less now as people are set in their ways.

It's a red flag for me if I were looking for a future, but then again for an older woman who has come to the conclusion later in life that she really wants a partner, note just a sire or a beast of burden, it could be a blessing, too.

Anyone's guess...........
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/23/2012 10:01:58 PM
oh crap!
I've been married twice, but list myself as single because I'm divorced.
I'm pretty thick.........didn't sink in that this is what the "divorce" category is for????
So yeah, this either means that I'm and idiot, or really, really - single.
 SylvanSwan
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 443
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/24/2012 1:03:48 AM
yorkslass:
i find it rather odd actually that a man or woman has got to their 40s and never married got no kids, it makes me think mmmmmm

Why?
I don't understand this line of judgement. I sure the hell hope you don't go "mmmmm" to the men and women who could not bear children due to health reasons. Because it's really f ucking rude to do so.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 444
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/24/2012 1:19:59 AM

sylvanswan:
Why?
I don't understand this line of judgement. I sure the hell hope you don't go "mmmmm" to the men and women who could not bear children due to health reasons. Because it's really f ucking rude to do so.


This earlier post covered it. I too would be concerned that the person never had dealt with the day to day life as a married person does. A real Long term relationship over 20 or more years is not all rainbows and unicorns, there are bumps in the road you have to get through or throw the whole thing away.



Marriage takes compromise, which is easier when you're younger and can grow together, but never married means not having made those compromises and perhaps not being able to then, much less now as people are set in their ways.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 445
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:17:02 PM
I'm only "suspicious" of the men who aren't married, and spend more time with their male "friends" than with the women .they are dating -- especially when the male "friend" or "friends" always finds something wrong with women. Where I come from, this is often referred to as the man being "on the down low."
 Plenty_of_FreeTime
Joined: 10/26/2011
Msg: 446
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/25/2012 9:55:56 PM
Sometimes you have more to lose and less to gain by getting married.
For the most part it's really a crap shoot whether things will work for the long term or not.
Back in Calli.,the man got the shaft just about every time in divorce proceedings,
so why take the chance at paying alimony for X amount of years?
And some of us just don't like the responsibilities that go with being hitched.
I've known quite a few people (myself included),that have lived with someone,
and are/were way happier than many couples who have tied the knot.

Plus it goes both ways,it's a pretty major red flag in my book if someone has been married/divorced 4 or 5 times too!
Ok I need to go find that one in a million woman on POF that thinks like me!
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 447
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/26/2012 12:57:28 PM
Can't anyone accept that women - OR MEN - who haven't had kids JUST DON'T WANT TO DEVOTE THEIR LIVES TO RAISING KIDS? It's a perfectly legitimate choice, given the costs to parents and society of having kids.
ED BEAR
 simmoken
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 448
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/26/2012 4:05:20 PM
i have had 3 longterm relationships in my life but never been married.

It has always amazed me why so many actually jump into it and take the plunge when so many fail. 2 of my previous partners had been married before and didnt want to go through it again. My parents were divorced and many of my friends have been married followed by messy divorces.I went to a friends wedding last year which will make his third. My own brother has been married twice.

In my case i have been willing to get married but have never found the one, the one i would spend my life with.

However i have been engaged to and fully intended marrying the mother of my daughter, who i thought was my life partner, but the army called me away once too often and she found someone else.

I am 46 years of age and never been married. I'm not ready to write myself off quite yet and dont see why never having been married would label me suspect or a committment phobe.
 jack6521865283
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 449
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/28/2012 2:16:00 PM
I have had many relationships most of them great just never found my sole mate
 opalshine
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 450
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 2/28/2012 4:30:24 PM
I have been divorced over 8 years now and I am beginning to call myself single. That is because marriage and divorce was just so long ago. I take care of myself now just like I had never been married. I stayed in the house and I have made alot of changes (for example hard wood floors) - it feels like all mine now.
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