| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:49:37 PM | Well in my case I am truly single and never married........yet .
I will consider it and have in thepast on a few occasions but the timing was not correct in some instances.
I thought I would marry when I was around 25 or 30 but kept putting it off because I wanted to find the woman of my dreams and not settle for second best, and when I found her something happened and it didn´t work out, one turned out not to be marriage material, one died, the other one wanted to marry when I wanted to wait and then when I was ready she decided on waiting, the last one didn´t work out.
So I´ve had long relationships for years but I´m almost 44 and still single, I enjoyed it but think it might be time now to take the step when she comes along.
One more thing , most of us see at least twice more divorces than we do marriages ( In Costa Rica us Lawyers/Notaries perform civil marriages ).
 
Gregory 007 | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:32:19 PM | Hi tukabirdy,
I have never been married. It is not a matter of my not wanting to be, but rather a matter of never finding the man I wanted to marry. Years ago I did live commonlaw, so I have experienced what it is like to share daily life with someone special. The man I lived with the longest never wanted to marry, saying that his parents' marriage didn't exactly give him a good example to model a lasting union on.
Even in today's world, a single person in my age bracket does encounter disbelief and shock when the subject of "Why aren't you married?", comes up. I don't think that my being single has made me any less of a success, good person, positive example, than I may have been if I had ever married.
I have had some good men in my life through the years and either I let them go or they ended the relationship. There is only one man I have ever regretted letting go, and he is back in my life now, hopefully for a long, long time.
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 5:45:01 PM | Gregory and Tony, thank you for adding to the thread, I enjoyed your photos too. Tony, you have a very nice grin and Greg....I can tell you have a historical bend.
RU4Me...it is good to hear a woman's view...was it hard to accept your man not wanting to marry or did you just have confidence in what you were doing?
seeking...I was so shy with boys and men and I think this is a common trait. I was sexually abused at nine so that really made me shy.
Tony,I do like the idea of writing your own marriage vows. I should have done that with my Ex, and if I ever get hitched again, I will do that!! tuka... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:03:39 PM | Hi, a Brit here. Not uncommon in the UK, I have 3 children from an ex partner, we just never got around to getting married. It made no difference to our relationship and certainly didn't contribute to our splitting up.
I have no desire to get married but certainly wouldn't discount it if that was what the lady wished. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:11:11 PM | Hi again tukabirdy,
In regard to whether or not it was hard to accept my former SO's lack of desire to marry,; I thought at first that I could live with that, since he was my first love. As the years went by reality hit me through my biological clock. He also didn't want to have children, and as I got closer to my mid 30s I knew my time for having children was running out. Though it was not easy ending the relationship, I see now that the decision to do so was the right one for me. The person I was at the time was very dependent and submissive, while the woman I am now is quite independent, strong, and able to speak up when she feels she is being mistreated or deceived.
My hope is to be married someday, and if I/we ever do take that step, it will be in the company of a few family members and only our closest friends. It may sound cliché, but at our age we have all the household items and toys we need, so a party with our favourite people would make the day special. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:35:38 PM | I really do agree with this. I have become a bit confused about seeing the "single" identifier as one man explained that after his divorce his was single again. His words are that you are either married or you are single and there is no in between and that most men feel as he does. It just doesn't fit the picture when other identifiers are in the choice field.  | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:51:14 PM | | Im 49(will be 50 on June 8) I have never been married or have never dated that much either.Why? well I guess I just dont wanna be dumped for another guy like the few women I have dated have done to me.Its not like i never see it comming,as son as i am really really happy,i know im gonna get dumped,its just a matter of time.I guess I was born alone and ill probably die alone. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 6:12:15 AM | Msg 20, I'm glad you mentioned that it wasn't all black and white...as I disagree that someone who hasn't been in a common-law situation has commitment issues...Some do, dome fdon't ;) I believe that if we're going to live together we should be married. I always swore that I'd never live with anyone and I broke that once when my ex moved here, and I really doubt I'd ever do it again, as I believe in the commitment of marriage. If one isn't willing to make that commitment, then why be willing to just live together? Because it's easier to move out if one wants to? Nope, not for me. We either go into it both determined to work though the bad with the good, or we don't get married. I've had several significant long-term relationship from 3 to 8 years long and while I don't regret them because I learned from them, I'm still glad they never ended up in marriage, as I'd be divorced for sure.
I also see a lot of women who put marriage on hold for a career, much like the men you mentioned, though I wasn't one of those women. Unfortunately, both men and women who wait until they're past 35 and want to have kids are going to find it harder in some cases, and the risks for birth defects affect not only the woman but the man also as sperm degreade starting around 35. I so like your attitude on having a child as it reflects mine, and I'm sure there are some men who also feel the same...though the man I was dating before was insistent on having his own biological children...I was game, but he figured at 'my age' that wasn't likely to happen, even with IVF, etc. and he wouldn't think of using a surrogate or adopting...I figured that if he wants the 'possibility' of biological kids over a partner, then it was good that he went on his way; though there's no guarantee that anyone else he found would be able to have kids, regardless of their age; nor that he would be able to either. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:36:35 AM | | I would love to find single men over 45 who have never been married, since I am a single, never married woman who is over 45. I look at it as they might be like me, finding people to date in the smaller town I live in is difficult, I seemed to become undateabe, since I have not been married when I reached age 40 or so, and most of the men I have met love taking care of divorced women and their children and want to have more children when they remarry. I would love to meet men my age or older who have not been married and have no children who want to marry a single woman who is not of childbearing age who has no children. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 8:56:01 AM | I am single ... never married ... it wasn't my fault, I assure you.
Although I don't seem to be getting any better at it, my history is a 13 year relationship with a woman who was separated, not divorced - strike one for marriage; a 5 year relationship with a woman who was separated, not divorced - strike two; a 7 year relationship with a woman who was separated, and when she got divorced, started cheating on me - strike three.
Now, you'd have to hogtie me and drag me to the alter ... kinky, but we can discuss it.
I'd have married either #1 or #2, and bless my lucky stars that I didn't get tangled with #3.
No kids, either ... I only like them spit roasted, crispy, with sauce on the side. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 11:13:23 AM | Ooli oop I understand and I just wanted to say I was not referring to anyone with in the thread on any of my comments. I was just referring to some of the things I have been thru in the past few years. See when we pass the age of 35 to 45 it is said that we that have passed that age barrier are couch patatoes and lazy. I have never been one to sit around unless I am extremely tired. I am lucky if I manage three hours of sleep a night at times. between working and then designing my miniatures and being on the run with dating or just doing what has to be done. Time seems to slip by but in order to get done what i want done and to relax and enjoy the people I know the pace is ongoing. as far as commitment well that depends on the ones looking at the meaning of it. See to me commitment means devotion and respect and honor above all else. as far as showing the one that I care for and how I feel for them well in that area I tend to be over whelming. I have a thing that I may send roses or flowers three to four times a month or candy or a gift for no reason other than I want them to know I am thinking of them. I would spend hours on the phone long distance if it were to be where I could speak to her and I have. I enjoy the moment of a soft caress of the cheek and the thumb running along the lips and then leaning in to kiss the lady so she knows the special feeling I have for her. I have even went and made the mistake of telling a fine lady after doing this she would always remember me when someone else touches her cheek and well I kind of cursed her. Spoke to her not long ago and she told me that she still has it happen from time to time no matter who touches her cheek. It is a good thing that she and I are very close friends and have been since that time. I also agree that it is a catch 22 situation and as we grow older it becomes even more so and harder to find the one that we would like to spend the rest of our lives with. Most ladies over 40 want guys that are younger and well I understand that since a lot of guys are jerks and don't take and try to make the steps to keep from being so as they grow older. I should say don't think as they grow older.
Oh and tuka thx.
that care people
Moundpuppy
thought I might add that instead of it costing an arm and a leg to get divorced it should cost dearly to get married. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 11:42:25 AM | prolibertate: I respect your stance on marriage. I have a similar view, although it wasn't always so.
I lived common-law with my ex husband for many years before we married, and I personally felt it was a mistake. I felt the common-law arrangement made our connection one of a convenience for the moment more than a commitment towards a future. When we finally got married, the damage had already been done. The commitment to a lifetime together had not been cemented in the early years and the marriage ceremony couldn't bring it to life so far into the union.
The stats that I've seen state that common-law marriages have a much lower survival rate than legal or church sanctioned marriages. I believe this is true even if a legal marriage occurs down the road, as evidenced in my own case.
I believe in marriage, in making that commitment up front and working toward a lifetime together. In a common-law arrangement, there is no vow, no conscious promise to build a life together. You simply co-exist, building individual futures so that you can move on without too much discomfort if it doesn't work out. Again, I know that this is not true in all cases, but it does seem to be true in most, IMHO.
Now I'm more wary of people who are dead set against marriage as opposed to those who have never taken the plunge. It is no secret that you can have divorced people with commitment phobias that run much deeper than those who have never been married or in a common-law arrangement.
EDIT: When I say I'm wary of people who are against marriage, it's not because I think their views are wrong, only that they are the opposite of my own. If I want to get married again, it makes no sense to date someone who doesn't believe in the institution. ;-)
moundpuppy: I didn't think you were addressing your comments just to me. I was moved by what you wrote, and wanted to tell you so. You seem like a nice fellow, and I truly hope you find what you are looking for. I hope we all do. :-) | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:30:39 PM | | I am now 61 and never married. At one time I used to tell women this if they asked and a lot of them did. "I was in the U. S. Navy for 25 years and for quite a few years I was in a position where I was away from where I was stationed for extended periods. That is NO way to be married. As an example, I was stationed on GUAM back in march of 1978 and I was asked to take this detachment out for what was to be a 40 day trip. Oh, I could not pass that up. So yes, I went .. Little did I know that the Skipper and Gilligan were in charge. In all I was gone from GUAM for 13 MONTHS and 4 Days. Now remember, the single tour is 15 months. Would any woman want to be married to me, for Christ's sake? I had others, just not gone quite as long. Then I retired and went to work for Federal Law Enforcement, again single and gone. That ladies, is NOT my idea of being married. Now I live at the edge of the earth (not really but it sometimes seems like that. I live in NE Montana. The closest McDonalds and Walmart is over 100 miles away. There are NO repeat NO women in this area that are single, widowed or anything else between 55 and 65. You ask why I live here? I was born and raised here and came back after 40 years because it is cheap and a fine place for my 2 Boston Terriers. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:50:39 PM | Dirsup, I think you were quite generous of yourself by not getting married while in the service. I live near Fayetteville NC and am around many brands of military wife. It takes an extreme love and special spirit to stay with a military man.
I've been to Havre which isn't too far from you. I've always said if I EVER runaway from home, I'd go stay with the Hudderites....noone would find me. So I understand that! It's very beautiful up there though so, if you have your pets, people, and hobbies, AND the PC...you are set.
I appreciate everyone's remarks on the live in situation vs marriage. I believe in the concept of marriage, after thinking on it...what I'm having a hard time with is the traditional aspect of man/woman roles....re back to vows. tuka | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 1:08:44 PM |
I'm having a hard time with is the traditional aspect of man/woman roles....re back to vows.
Oh, I can relate to this statement. It is hard to know what is expected of us in today's world and what we can expect of our partners. Gender roles are so confusing. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 2:44:07 PM |
"It is hard to know what is expected of us in today's world"
Ahhh, the magical wonder of "diversity".
"Gender roles are so confusing"
When you have lemons, make lemonade!
I can wear panties if you can wear the strapon! | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 3:06:51 PM |
Hearing a divorced person question the motives of one who never married is like hearing a convicted embezzler questioning the morals of a poor man who never stole.
That's a good one!
I have "single" on my profile, not to mislead anyone, but because single is what I am. How I got that way really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things and if it becomes an issue with someone, well - that's rather petty, isn't it? I am not married, therefore, I am single. It is what it is. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/16/2007 8:30:50 PM | | I would agree with you seeking4u. In the long run, does it matter if single means - never married or divorced. Both mean single to me. Your thoughts?? | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/17/2007 1:10:33 AM | | as a divorce may cost much more than a wedding, also I feel "single" sounds much attractive than "married" "divorced" or "parents" -- these 2 reasons are enough to keep me single forever. | |
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blidip
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Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 48 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/17/2007 1:29:49 AM | I am 53 and never been married. So I am truly single.
There are a lot of reasons and some excuses for this.
I am taken off guard at how some look at over 45 males being single is like the plague. I am under the belief that most people in this forum are now single one way or another. One way to look at it is that there are a lot of people on here who through circumstance or bad decision making are now single.
Some say the single disease is because of not being able to committ. That may be true for some but not for all. In the olden days I made a committment to play in garage and small club bands. I made committments to writing a few novels. Etc etc etc. I was married to music and to writing and to a degree playing/managing sports teams.
Over 10 years ago I was floored with a disabling disease called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This has kept me out of new social functions since I was in my early forties. I have finally found ways to cope and am now trying to enter society again.
In my very younger years I witnessed marriage after marriage end in failure. This made most people that I knew tres miserable. Young, foolish me did not want to be miserable ... besides I was, I will admit, on the immature side and was having way too much fun.
I am blathering and it is early in the morning ... but I am single and never been married; and I am NOT a monster. Please ignore the potato sack I wear over my head. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/17/2007 2:24:07 AM |
I would agree with you seeking4u. In the long run, does it matter if single means - never married or divorced. Both mean single to me. Your thoughts??
Neithter Divorcees nor single parents mean "Single" to me, they have responsiblities for their past. Even their exes dont often rise from ashs again and again or all of their children were sent to orphanages, they still have strings attached & are psychologically different from these who have never been married and childless---many divorcees write "single" instead of "divorced", but few single(never married) would wirte "divorced" insteas of "single" -- this says a lot of the differences between these 2 groups. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/17/2007 3:37:56 AM | I am mid-fifties, and never married by choice. From early on, it was always my plan to remain permanently single and childfree.
As of now, I give daily thanks that I did not succumb to marriage.
It was incomprehensible to me, why people would want to get married. Why would anyone of sane mind subject themselves to such pain and suffering? | |
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