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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 501 | |
| | Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 21 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) | ^^^^^^ you don't need to get married, but that is the natural progression of those who truly love each other. There is no reason why, especially the young, would not marry those they love. You can cast aspersions on marriage all you like, but MOST people are for it with people they love, which is why the right for gays to marry is so important.
As far as losing love, I'm not sure of your point. In the end, we all die. But most people who marry young and in love can expect to have a lifetime of relative happiness, especially compared to their peers who never were in love with the people they married to begin with or never married to begin with.
And I would guess its not only where I live that people are shackeled together in loveless marriages, but most places where that happens, although I will not attempt to guess at the percentages. But even there, . most people make the best of their situations. And most people, especially guys as opposed to women, attempt to avoid divorce. Whether for financial reasons, or duty, honor and commitment, or the kids or whatever . . the fact is that most people DO stay together.
I never said all or even most people are miserable or depressed as a result of marriages where they are not in love, or never married, although undoubtedly some are. But, I think if you read these boards, unhappiness is really much more prevalent among those who are unmarried then those who are married. I think mental health statistics show this is true, especially when it comes to men.
At any rate, I have said this before. Show me a person who has never married, and I will show you a person who either love has passed by, or who has some sort of mental issues one way or the other. If there is one thing these boards have pointed out to me, is that a lot of people really are unhappy, as much as they attempt to hide it. One reason I like these boards is because it really shows me how fortunate I am. In a long term marriage (26 years so far) with a decent and kind woman. Everybody in the family is happy and healthy more or less. It is a cold world out there for many who do not have the fortune to be part of a family. . . and yet the religous right in our country attempt to deny that very right to those who are gay. Pathetic really.
Now having said all that, I suppose I don't disagree with you. At any rate, I would not go so far as to call the unmarried losers . . but they have missed out on one of life's great gifts in my opinion, maybe its greatest gift.
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:43:52 AM | Well, you clearly have a conservative religious background. There never was anything natural about marriage, and in most societies throughout history it has had absolutely nothing to do with love. Its only a relatively recent western idea that associated love with marriage, and only relatively recently did marriage extend below the upper classes as a legal framework. It has to do with property, wealth and social structure, not love.
Love is a human emotion that primarily results in effective reproductive behaviour, with secondary effects such as social bonding. Marriage is a legal structure that is manly associated with tax policies. Show me a person who has never married and I will show you someone whose life's savings are not legally encumbered and subject to the vagaries of the behaviour and decisions of someone who for much of their lives was a complete stranger....... | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 503 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:49:24 AM | Why do you conclude I have a conservative, religious background? One I am liberal. Two, I am anti-religion. I just am realistic. Yes, marriage is very natural. Ceremony or not, most societies have it in one shape or form. Yea, sometimes it has nothing to do with love, but that's a case of loving the one you are with instead of the one you select. Anyway, I don't care about hundreds of years ago in Europe. I am talking about the here and now.
You have made some assumptions about me, and now let me make some about you. You are anti-marriage . . do not believe in love . . are very "practical" in your outlook on life. That's the way you appear in your posts on this thread. I am sorry for you. I really am. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 6/26/2012 11:25:40 AM |
Love is a human emotion that primarily results in effective reproductive behaviour, with secondary effects such as social bonding. Marriage is a legal structure that is manly associated with tax policies. Show me a person who has never married and I will show you someone whose life's savings are not legally encumbered and subject to the vagaries of the behaviour and decisions of someone who for much of their lives was a complete stranger.......
Oh dear explains why in our golden years we have people looking for arrangements.. That is what happens when one is no longer producing.. Love flies out the window, along with the stranger? lol | |
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pfif
| | Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 505 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:08:32 PM | As the OP well knows, I should suppose -- it was pretty commonplace
in my day, to not marry. People snuck off and got married, sure, but
the incident was rarely reported. | |
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raicor
| | Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 506 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/16/2012 10:09:47 PM | relationships are mostly dysfunctional. more single, and living together people than are married now. social media, dating sites, readily available information have enlighted many people that the relationship paradigm of the past, well, should be past. however, there is still a large group think about old style relationships. hence, a relationship for many is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. odd for me, as in other parts of my life if something requires correction, read, learn, expert advice and fix. now, if everyone is starting to see this then it may be an indication why more people are staying single, becoming emotionally healthy and assessing a long term partnership with much broader intellect.
if you stare at something long enough, it will still look the same. the only real outcome from this activity is most likely fatigue or a pounding headache.
i once looked at the hill, and remembered all those who told me the grass was not greener over there. what they neglected to tell me is that they had never actually been there.
:) | |
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pfif
| | Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 507 | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/17/2012 11:38:01 AM | | The issue for me with older never married men is different from what you've been saying. I've dated several older never- been married men. While many are very nice, honest, intelligent people, they do not know women. They are often ignorant of women's bodies, moods, and intolerant of such. Many have visions of a perfect person, wife and lover. Hot meal on the table at 6:00, sexy nightgown by 9:00 and nary a "headache." These are strictly my personal observations and experiences. No old bachelors for me. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/18/2012 10:04:48 AM | well I'm good with that. I've just turned 45 and never chosen to marry.
I certainly don't want a mummy's boy. I don't have kids either.
Marriage is nothing more than a contract.
There are many kinds of partnership options. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:30:35 PM | So true Mereimont. I've found that same thing.
I was so frustrated that the man I dated was clueless about how a woman's body worked and he wasn't particularly keen about wanting to know. | |
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Fifi47
| | Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 511 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:01:11 AM | | Mereimont, you have described the majority of the divorced men I have dated. However, I realize that all men should not be put in the same basket. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:51:55 AM | I have tended not to date single, never married men without children. In writing and talking to them, it has been clear that their lives are pretty much focused on themselves and that they don't have a strong sense of responsibility towards anyone. There are exceptions, of course, but generally they don't get what it means to be responsible for a child or aging parent, which means they don't "get" where I'm at.
However, I have a date with one tonight-- we'll see how it goes. | |
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Fifi47
| | Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 513 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 5:51:00 AM | | Sounds as if you do not need to waste his time. He needs to spent it with someone who gets that he is more than parental and marital status. Maybe it is difficult to be responsible if one does not have children or aging parents. I need to call and check on my mother and see how my cats are doing. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 6:18:53 AM |
There are exceptions, of course, but generally they don't get what it means to be responsible for a child or aging parent, which means they don't "get" where I'm at.
Single people don't have aging parents? | |
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pfif
| | Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 515 | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:00:05 AM | Wow,this is a hot topic! I wrote a very long post last night and it was timed out I believe, before it posted. So I will try again and faster!!
First of all I disagree that single,never married men don't know women. I have been with all kinds of men and I don't think those titles have anything to do with how well they know women,in any way. Some of the married men,have been with that one woman their whole life and are not very good at understanding other women. I think it has more to do with experience. Some men have more than one long term relationship and some shorter ones,though they never made it to marriage they have more experience with different women and are more open to different "activities", ideas and behaviors. Just like women they are all different and shouldn't be judged on title alone...
That said I want to disagree about the whole idea that people who have never married are flawed in some way. Extremely JUDGMENTAL people!!! I mean do we judge those of you that decided marriage was a good idea?? NOPE,your choice. More than half of the marriages end in divorce now,out of those who stayed married more than half are cheating.(man, woman or both.) Some of the others that stay married,stay for financial reasons and for the kids. So really now, how many are really happily married!?!?! I know many single people who are very happy with their lives,thing is you would never find them on a message board like this,talking about their lives. No reason to be on a dating site because they are actually living their lives!!! So you can't generalize anything about singles from the singles that are seen here.
Everyone has a different reason for being single,mine are very personal. I am one of those whom love seems to have passed by so far. I am still looking and will never give up. I would like to try having a long term relationship,maybe marriage, maybe not.I have many married and divorced friends that tell me to forget it, it is not so great. But then I hear only from the woman's side not from the men. I would like to try for myself. I am happy though,I don't need a man to be happy.I learned that a long time ago. I do what I want and have raised two adopted sons on my own. I have accomplished many things in my life and I am happy with it. But it would be nice to have a best,male friend to enjoy the ride. I am beginning to think that is just a Disney fantasy but I will keep trying... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:16:16 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
sorry, girlfriend, but while they may be nice guys, I tend to agree w/ this:
I have tended not to date single, never married men without children. In writing and talking to them, it has been clear that their lives are pretty much focused on themselves and that they don't have a strong sense of responsibility towards anyone. There are exceptions, of course, but generally they don't get what it means to be responsible for a child or aging parent, which means they don't "get" where I'm at.
perfect song to describe this scenario:
BRYAN ADAMS
Do you really love a woman?
to understand her, you gotta know her deep inside
her every thought, see every dream
and give her wings if she wants to fly
nd when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms
you know you really love a woman
[chorus 1]
When you love a woman
and tell her that shes really wanted
when you love a woman then tell her that shes the one
Because she needs somebody, to tell her that its gonna last forever
so tell me have you ever really, really ever loved a woman
To really love a woman, let her hold you
till you kno she needs to be touched
you gotta breathe her, you gotta taster her
till you can feel her in your blood
when you can see her unborn children, in her eyes
you know you really love a woman
[chorus 2]
When you love a woman
and tell her that shes really wanted
when you love a woman then tell her that shes the one
Because she needs somebody, to tell her that youll always be together
so tell me have you ever really, really ever loved a woman
Oh you've got to give some faith, hold her tight
a little tenderness, you gotta treat her right
she will be there when you take good care her
ohh you gotta love your woman yeah
And when you find yourself lyting helpless in her arms
you know you really love a woman
[chorus 1]
Just tell me have you really, really every loved a woman
Ohh just tell me have you ever really really ever loved...
by the time a man hits 40, if he has never even LIVED w/ a woman...
Go w/ the odds ladies! | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:26:25 AM | ""I have tended not to date single, never married men without children. In writing and talking to them, it has been clear that their lives are pretty much focused on themselves and that they don't have a strong sense of responsibility towards anyone. There are exceptions, of course, but generally they don't get what it means to be responsible for a child or aging parent, which means they don't "get" where I'm at.""
There are exceptions to everything. My brother is in his 50's and never married yet he has been doing the major tending to our parents as he lives nearby and I am 1200km away. And he is doing a bang up job. As an example, my Dad was in hospital and my mother has alzheimers so my brother was looking after Mom and that included dealing with it when she wet her bed - he took her nightie off, washed her, changed her and changed all the bedding. As well, my brother has numerous nieces, nephews and now my grandchildren added into the mix and he plays with them, teaches them things and enjoys being around them. So the above quoted is b.s. to me, but I'm only basing that on my experience and yes, I would date someone who has never been married.
Folks get focused on "marital status" - if you're single there is something wrong with you, if you're widowed there is something wrong with you (my experience) and if you're divorced there is something wrong with you. My own personal judgmental opinion, which I freely admit, is to stay away from the multiple divorced. But that's just me and really, I shouldn't assume...but I do. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:38:18 AM | Always a hot topic with no real answer.....just a bunch of somewhat biased opinions from each side of the fence.
And there will be valid points brought to the table by both sides,akin to political,religious beliefs etc. IMO | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:50:33 AM | Post 517....that song makes him sound very NEEDY to me....I would run to the hills. I have had plenty of men SAY those things to get what they wanted.....the words do not matter.
I have an ex BF not husband,as I have never been married,who told me that stuff all the time....NEEDY,NEEDY NEEDY!!! I have another guy on here that calls me,I don't answer,he leaves messages, and emails me telling me he NEEDS me in his life!!! We have never met!!! I mean come on! He is a divorced guy.
Because she needs somebody, to tell her that its gonna last forever
Because she needs somebody, to tell her that youll always be together.....really??? Call it trust issues or whatever you will...I would never go for this...I totally don't NEED someone...but that's just me.
We will have to agree to disagree.....I will continue to make my decisions on an individual basis. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:52:12 AM | I tend to judge people as individuals, I don't use ignorant stereotypes to arrive at a convenient shortcut.
Just because someone doesn't "get where you're at," doesn't mean they are incapable of it as they get to know you.
If anyone wants to talk about the odds, I would point out that most marriages end because of money or infidelity. What does that say about the character of divorced people? | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 8:10:21 AM |
If anyone wants to talk about the odds, I would point out that most marriages end because of money or infidelity. What does that say about the character of divorced people?
It says for every cheater there was a faithful one, & for every F/U with money, there was a fiscally responsible ones. And those folks are the ones to have a relationship with...
I know many wonderful folks who are 45+ & never married. But the odds are, they never will. I want to be w/ someone who likes the lifestyle of togetherness, so I won't waste time w/ someone unwilling or unable to commit. | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 524 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 8:15:05 AM | "..I totally don't NEED someone...but that's just me"
Not only do you sound like you don't need somebody, but you also sound like you don't want somebody, which might explain your never being married or in love. You have missed out on one of the great gifts life has to offer, but i suppose you can't miss what you never had. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 8:33:51 AM | | Nope, I want somebody BUT I want the right somebody....it has to work for me too. My story is way too long and complicated for here, I have my reasons for why it hasn't happened YET!! I don't consider it "missed out" I am still very much ALIVE!! Actively dating and looking for what I want! And I have MUCH to offer....sex was worth waiting for and a good relationship will be too! | |
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