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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 526 | |
| | Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 22 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) | | Sorry, but there is nothing like young love. That is something you will never experience. You also seem to have a negative attitude which will preclude the possibility of true love in the future, perhaps as a consquence of the baggage you have picked up over the years. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 9:43:38 AM | It says for every cheater there was a faithful one, & for every F/U with money, there was a fiscally responsible ones. And those folks are the ones to have a relationship with...
Not true. It is possible for both spouses to have cheated just like it is possible for both spouses to have been fiscally irresponsible. It's also possible for both spouses to have cheated AND been fiscally irresponsible...
I know many wonderful folks who are 45+ & never married. But the odds are, they never will. I want to be w/ someone who likes the lifestyle of togetherness, so I won't waste time w/ someone unwilling or unable to commit.
Odds are that most divorced people will never remarry, either. And those that do remarry have a significantly higher divorce rate than first time marriages.
A few of your assumptions are just plain wrong. First, the fact that a person hasn't been married does not mean they were never in a committed relationship. Secondly, the fact that someone has never been married does not mean they are unwilling or unable to commit.
When you refer to a marriage that ended in divorce as being a sign of commitment, I have to question how good that commitment really was. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:37:19 AM |
When you refer to a marriage that ended in divorce as being a sign of commitment, I have to question how good that commitment really was.
Well that assumes both parties did not wish to work on the problems they might have had.. Often that is not the case and it only takes one to end it.. So why both to contest the inevitable.. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:46:31 AM | Well that assumes both parties did not wish to work on the problems they might have had..
No moreso than the assumptions being posted about people that haven't entered into a marriage, which is the point I'm trying to demonstrate. People that love to stereotype others rarely like being stereotyped themselves... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:48:49 AM | | ""When you refer to a marriage that ended in divorce as being a sign of commitment, I have to question how good that commitment really was."" I tend to agree with this statement. Maybe it also means that a person married 2 or 3 times should be committed...just a variation on committment. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:49:31 AM |
I have tended not to date single, never married men without children. In writing and talking to them, it has been clear that their lives are pretty much focused on themselves and that they don't have a strong sense of responsibility towards anyone. There are exceptions, of course, but generally they don't get what it means to be responsible for a child or aging parent, which means they don't "get" where I'm at.
Funny, I've heard that same thing from a lot of divorced women about their ex's. 
And interestingly enough, *those* men I guess are perfect for dating then, simply because they've been married.  | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 10:55:55 AM |
Sorry, but there is nothing like young love. That is something you will never experience.
Oh, can our forums get even more depressing? :-( When will we finally have a time machine? | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:01:30 AM |
"..I totally don't NEED someone...but that's just me"
Not only do you sound like you don't need somebody, but you also sound like you don't want somebody, which might explain your never being married or in love. You have missed out on one of the great gifts life has to offer, but i suppose you can't miss what you never had.
agree w/ above.
I am a feminine woman, I like to wear skirts & dresses, perfume, makeup, jewelry, fix my hair & I like my designer handbags! I like a relationship that is romantic & sensual, w/ a man I feel is sympatico w/ me on many levels. I like to hold hands, to be held, to be touched, to be made love to, to sometimes be ravished by the man I love. I like to love freely, w/o fear of rejection & or abandonment.
I had a friend recently say this: "Men are out there and don't require much more than some spread legs every now and then, and someone to sit across them at dinner. And a lot of women don't ask for much more, as long as he shows up and plays the boyfriend role when they need him too. It's really nothing more than a FWB.
But who wants that?
Passion- yes. But.... what's missing is a life. I DO want to get married and be with someone in the morning! They don't want that at all.
Maybe being with a less passionate man-- who wanted that "married lifestyle" would suit me better?"
As Prince said in his song "Purple Rain": I never wanted to be your weekend lover.
I only wanted to be some kind of friend. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:39:25 AM |
No moreso than the assumptions being posted about people that haven't entered into a marriage, which is the point I'm trying to demonstrate. People that love to stereotype others rarely like being stereotyped themselves...
Chances are he never met the right one and chances are you will also fall into that category..I guess I think if you have had a happy marriage previously and that ended due to his death you might just have another one.. Even if the one following decades later did not work out.. I believe in keeping a positive attitude but harder to do with someone that has NEVER met the right one, or thought they did.
nativerock | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 535 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:55:41 AM | Sorry, but there is nothing like young love. That is something you will never experience.
Oh, can our forums get even more depressing? :-( When will we finally have a time machine?
There is nothing fun about getting older and accumulating the physical and emotional baggage that goes along with advancing years. There is nothing that can compare to first - young and innocent love. But that does not mean that those who are middle aged or seniors cannot fall in love again and be very happy with one another. I suspect though that a person who has never married by the age of 49, is complaining about the "neediness" of the men contacting her and is still looking for the "one", and expresses an implicit negative attitude towards guys is likely to be a never married person to the end of time. I think it is very sad that people reach middle age and never experienced, even for a short time, being in love enough to get married. But there are never marrieds who do get married in their forties and fifties and live happily ever after. Its just not something you hear about very often. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:03:18 PM | I guess I think if you have had a happy marriage previously and that ended due to his death you might just have another one
That would make you a widow or widower, not a divorcee. Unless you had another marriage besides that one.
If I had a happy marriage, it would not be to a him.
I believe in keeping a positive attitude but harder to do with someone that has NEVER met the right one, or thought they did.
How does that make it harder to keep a positive attitude?
The fact that someone hasn't been married does not mean they never met the right one or thought they'd met the right one. It only means that all of their prior relationships ended before taking vows as opposed to after. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:17:05 PM |
Unless you had another marriage besides that one.
Yes over a decade plus later finally dated (children were out of the house so now I could) and remarried.. Icannot say the second marriage was horrible he just got very homesick and started acting out his frustration.. He had never lived anywhere else in his life but where he was born.. However he was the one that wanted to move here and I think that was a huge mistake..
How does that make it harder to keep a positive attitude?
The fact that someone hasn't been married does not mean they never met the right one or thought they'd met the right one. It only means that all of their prior relationships ended before taking vows as opposed to after.
Could be but chances are once you are in a relationship for a couple of years you either decide they are right for you or they are not.. However there is the odd case where people have lived together for over a decade and never married but that could have been simply a fear of commitment..You see someone divorcing after a few decades to me does not really bother me since I understand how two people over such a length of time might drift apart.. I mean you hope it will never happen but these parties had no problem making the commitment.. The others I described may well have and that was why they never married.. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:25:52 PM | "I am a feminine woman, I like to wear skirts & dresses, perfume, makeup, jewelry, fix my hair & I like my designer handbags! I like a relationship that is romantic & sensual, w/ a man I feel is sympatico w/ me on many levels. I like to hold hands, to be held, to be touched, to be made love to, to sometimes be ravished by the man I love. I like to love freely, w/o fear of rejection & or abandonment."
What makes you think I am not and don't want all these things?? I have all those things with my current interest,he would do anything for me....as would the last one. Are you saying I should stay with a man because he wants me even if I don't feel it for him? I won't pretend to know anything much about all this stuff,I was a very late bloomer and I know very little about dating,relationships. But I do know I have never been married and there is not a thing wrong with that. I have had a great life and plan on it getting even better!
"There is nothing that can compare to first - young and innocent love." What makes you think I never loved anyone when I was younger?I never married but I did love someone...until he started hitting me....I was one of the smart ones and got out while I could. And if it is so wonderful..why aren't you'll still married... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:25:55 PM |
I think it is very sad that people reach middle age and never experienced, even for a short time, being in love enough to get married.
Since when does loving someone or being in love with someone equate to getting married?
People get married for variety of reasons,guess what it's not always for love.
And on the other hand, two people can be madly in love with each other and never sign a bonding contract...
Relationships can and do work in a myriad of different ways....your way of thinking is rather archaic and dated!IMO | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 540 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:29:48 PM |
The fact that someone hasn't been married does not mean they never met the right one or thought they'd met the right one. It only means that all of their prior relationships ended before taking vows as opposed to after.
Obviously accurate but it goes deeper than this in most cases. It is normal for socially healthy people to meet, fall in love and marry. If that doesn't happen, the question is why? I think the never married are suspect for a reason.
Since when does loving someone or being in love with someone equate to getting married?
Since it is the natural course of events for young people to want to marry the people they are in love with.
People get married for variety of reasons,guess what it's not always for love.
Oh, I agree here, which is why there are lots of divorces or unhappily married people. I think lots of people never give themselves a real chance.
What makes you think I never loved anyone when I was younger
several things: 1) You never got married, not in 49 years of living. That too me indicates some sort of psychological hangup which makes you suspect for marriage in the future and (2) You express negative attitudes towards guys. Incredibly negative attitudes actually. Here is a beautiful, poetic love song, and all you have to say is it is evidence that the guy is too "needy". I think this shows an attitude expressing contempt for love to tell you the truth. I would be surprised if you ever actually marry. Sorry. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:42:57 PM | YAY! # 539!!
The original question was why do people stay single,the answer is there are many reasons and all unique to each person/situation. Being single does not mean you are less than,no one will ever convince me of that,I am NOT less than.It took me a long time to get here and no one will bring me back. I have no issues with men now and I am moving forward. And I believe any of the men I have been with would tell you I am fun,smart,sweet....I may not come off that way here. But people insinuating I am less than because I have never been married really p***** me off! HUGE pet peeve for me.
After all we should all be pretty much single here....what makes you divorced people so much better??? | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:57:26 PM | You are soooo WRONG....I LOVE GUYS!!! I was just late in discovering them!!! You are very right I did have many hang ups about men,all of which I have worked on and resolved. My current guy knows all of them and why I had them and is totally understanding,which you show no sign of. I think you might be one of those men mentioned before that doesn't understand women.....MY MAN does!!!I am actually not hung up on getting married anymore and I have NO fear that I can have a man in my life as much as I want!! Wow...I sure must be a very poor writer if that is what I am communicating.
I am not going to get into my life,no one wants to hear it,but most of my adult life was spent taking care of my two adopted sons,both of which have "special needs",I also worked full time the whole time. I also cared for foster children. So there wasn't much time for men and I don't want another kid to care for when I do,if I do, decide to get married...a PARTNER, not a kid. He cares for me,I care for him... | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 543 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:11:51 PM | | Well first of all, I never said LESS THEN. Those are your words. But thank you for acknowledging that you had previous issues, which proves my point. As for the present, you have to try to get over this feeling that "neediness" is somehow bad. Without neediness, there would be no need for love. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:17:08 PM | ""Without neediness, there would be no need for love."" I agree with you on this, some won't but I know what you are meaning when you say "need". I liked the fact that I "needed" someone and actually, I loved the fact that I was "needed" by someone. It is a huge thing, "need". I miss it probably more than I would have thought or would have admitted and I hope to have it again.
It's all in how you look at things. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:39:34 PM | Obviously accurate but it goes deeper than this in most cases. It is normal for socially healthy people to meet, fall in love and marry. If that doesn't happen, the question is why? I think the never married are suspect for a reason.
Normal has never been something I aspired to be. I've always reached for exceptional.
You're entitled to your opinion. I happen to think there just as much to support an argument that those who took a vow and backed out of it are equally suspect, if not more.
You never got married, not in 49 years of living. That too me indicates some sort of psychological hangup which makes you suspect for marriage in the future
You're assuming things about people you have never met based only on the fact that they have not taken marriage vows. That is incredibly ignorant. | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 547 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:00:15 PM | You never got married, not in 49 years of living. That too me indicates some sort of psychological hangup which makes you suspect for marriage in the future
You're assuming things about people you have never met based only on the fact that they have not taken marriage vows. That is incredibly ignorant.
Well she agreed with me that there were issues that prevented her from getting married. That means my assumption was right on. And whether you think it ignorant or not, people always make assumptions about other people based on their actions or non-actions. That's never going to change. Besides, I said it made her "suspect" for marriage in the future. I am pretty sure that if you study it, more people who have never married by 49 are never going to marry than will marry by the end of their lives. Therefore, whether you think it ignorant or not, it is also an accurate statement. People are not ignorant simply because you don't agree with their opinions or assumptions. Thinking so makes you, well, pretty ignorant yourself. By the way, I have not followed your posts. Can I assume you have never married?
I agree with you on this . Holy cow. I am going to have to mark this date on my calendar. :-) | |
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ventti
| | Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 548 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:07:20 PM |
It is normal...
Define "normal". And if you're going to say "like me"..forget it. I don't know any married men who haunt dating sites..so what you think is "normal", doesn't hold for millions of others. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:08:17 PM |
Are you saying I should stay with a man because he wants me even if I don't feel it for him? I won't pretend to know anything much about all this stuff,I was a very late bloomer and I know very little about dating,relationships.
No, I was speaking about myself.
Like another poster says, u do not get the lyrics to a very sexy romantic song- and re-read the 2nd part of ur quoted statement above. I can the say the opposite, I do know alot about stuff, was an early bloomer & have had quite a few relationships WHILE raising 2 special needs children. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:16:20 PM | And whether you think it ignorant or not, people always make assumptions about other people based on their actions or non-actions. That's never going to change.
Yes, the world is filled with people that have ignorant ideas. However, I've never seen that as a compelling reason to join their ranks.
I am pretty sure that if you study it, more people who have never married by 49 are never going to marry than will marry by the end of their lives. Therefore, whether you think it ignorant or not, it is also an accurate statement. People are not ignorant simply because you don't agree with their opinions or assumptions. Thinking so makes you, well, pretty ignorant yourself. By the way, I have not followed your posts. Can I assume you have never married?
As I stated earlier in the thread, most people that are divorced at this age are never going to marry by the end of their lives. So by applying the same argument, they aren't very good prospects, either.
As I've stated in other threads, it is the stereotype you are espousing that is ignorant. I did not say that you were ignorant.
I have never been married. I was once very close to it, but she died in an auto accident. | |
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