| | Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 23 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) | I'm thinking the "need" "neediness" part of love can get confusing. It IS how you look at the words, the interpretation, semantics. Love in partnership/marriage itself does, I suppose, "need" certain qualities to be nurtured and to thrive. Just as in order to grow a garden, plants need nutrients, sun, rain. (ha-isn't there a song about this?) I think "neediness" gets a negative tilt when individuals become so focused in their "wanting" from someone that "need" gets distorted. Semantics and blah, blah, blah.
I don't believe that those who have not married and are in midlife are flawed, unable to love, or show psychological "problems" anymore that the rest of the general population. Our generation experienced much new thought on that and many folks loved/committed to longterm without marriage. Examples on this thread have pointed out different experiences of committment and loving that those who managed to stay in longterm marriages may STILL never experience.
And then, there are the Mother Theresa's of the world, eh? Who is to say what one does or does not know of love, giving, committment, devotion, generosity, insight, wisdom, kindness, fairness and on without having known them?
Assumptions will always be just that...until the truth is known. | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 552 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:22:08 PM |
Define "normal". And if you're going to say "like me"..forget it. I don't know any married men who haunt dating sites..so what you think is "normal", doesn't hold for millions of others.
I'm not going to bother describing Normal. Look it up. But quite a few people have asked why a married guy is here. For the same reason people are on millions of other forums . . to offer opinions and maybe make a few friends in the process. Just because I am not looking for a date does not mean that these topics should be of no interest to me or that I can't enjoy the debates. There are all kinds of threads here, on religion, philosophy, politics, which I have posted on extensively in the past. So for those wondering why I am here . . I FIND THE MATERIAL INTERESTING. I am tired of arguing about Obama, health care, the coming war between Israel, the US and Iran, the existence or not of God. And since I do not need to worry about whether I ruffle any feathers here and thus lose out on a date, I can be as honest as I want to be without fear that a woman will hold it against me. | |
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ventti
| | Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 553 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:49:12 PM | ^^Is it "normal'' to encourage extra-marital affairs at every opportunity? Is it "normal" to opine and daydream about "The One" who isn't your wife whenever you can?
Glad you find the material interesting..doesn't make it "normal".. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 3:56:57 PM | Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams
by John T Molloy (who wrote Dress For Success)
He has research in the book that breaks it down...b/w that & my experience, it makes ALOT of sense.
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 6:57:34 PM | | AAAAHHHH come Judi it is like a guilty pleasure. Like watching The housewives of where ever. If nothing else it will make you laugh out loud. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:01:05 PM | ^^^^^I know, it's like a soap opera some days!!! "How the Argument Turns." "Who's Getting Blamed." (or should that be "Flamed"?) "Lifestyles of the Old and Dateless." LOL
And yet, I still come back to read....it is indeed a guilty pleasure. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/21/2012 7:25:24 AM | define single.. common-law marriage (included) ..my interpretation of separated means not divorced yet..
the legal term for me is separated..yet I am single
truthfully, our status does not define us..it ranks our availability..
we paint the portrait from here | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 561 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/21/2012 11:03:51 AM |
I have never been married. I was once very close to it, but she died in an auto accident
I am sorry for this, I am sure it was a great tragedy in your life. But the only option arising out of such a tragedy is to go on living and find another person to whom you can give your love. If you convinced yourself that you could never fall in love again, you did yourself a disservice.
normal'' to encourage extra-marital affairs at every opportunity? Is it "normal" to opine and daydream about "The One" who isn't your wife whenever you can?
I haven't read any posts of anybody encouraging extra-marital affairs. To whom are you directing this accusation? And who are you accusing "daydreaming" of "the one"? Normally I don't bother responding to posters who just make stuff up, but I was curious if you could back this up or if you are simply another one of those angry people for whom the facts don't matter?
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/21/2012 12:17:23 PM |
I have never been married. I was once very close to it, but she died in an auto accident
I am sorry for this, I am sure it was a great tragedy in your life. But the only option arising out of such a tragedy is to go on living and find another person to whom you can give your love. If you convinced yourself that you could never fall in love again, you did yourself a disservice.
I lost a man I loved when he was young, but my heart went on...that is the emotionally healthy way to live life. To do otherwise is to be stuck | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/21/2012 12:24:31 PM | But the only option arising out of such a tragedy is to go on living and find another person to whom you can give your love. If you convinced yourself that you could never fall in love again, you did yourself a disservice.
I agree that the only option is to go on living, but I don't agree with the rest. My other relationships haven't wound up in matrimony, for various reasons (religious differences being the most common). The notion that being coupled with another person is the only way to be happy might be how you view life, but it is not how everyone views it.
For the first time in history, more than half of all adults in the US are not married.
but my heart went on...that is the emotionally healthy way to live life. To do otherwise is to be stuck
I can assure you, I have never been stuck.
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/21/2012 1:23:02 PM | | So Paderic, you are just on a dating site for companionship, maybe someone to vacation with? Maybe you're scared to have deeper feelings than that of a casual nature. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/21/2012 2:44:24 PM | So Paderic, you are just on a dating site for companionship, maybe someone to vacation with? Maybe you're scared to have deeper feelings than that of a casual nature.
That's idiotic.
I'm on this site to participate in the forums.
The more I read these forums, the more amazed I am that anyone ever gets together. | |
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ventti
| | Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 566 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/21/2012 3:14:53 PM |
haven't read any posts of anybody encouraging extra-marital affairs. To whom are you directing this accusation?
You, obviously. You do it at every given opportunity.
But getting back to "normal"...which you refuse to define, as if it's all too obvious..
You mean "normal"as "like me".
Trouble is, there are billions of people who aren't like you or live your life with your rigid rules and fantasmagorical escapes..
A man who hasn't married by 45 doesn't necessarily have to be abnormal. He may just not believe in the concept. And he's not alone. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/22/2012 4:04:39 PM | Hmm... I'd always read that formerly married people were much MORE likely to remarry? Any recent stats, folks?
The telling one is that wealthy people marry, and less wealthy ones don't, to a very strong degree. Marriage attaches one to a financial lifestyle.
I also am reminded of, "Marry the first time for love. After that's out of the way, go for money."
ED BEAR | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/22/2012 4:46:24 PM | I'm going from memory here, but... Formerly married people are statistically more likely to remarry, I believe a little more than 50% of them do. However, that diminishes with age. The average age of couples for 2nd marriages is mid 30's. People who are not married in their fifties are not likely to ever get married, regardless of whether they've been married before.
People that remarry also have a >60% divorce rate. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/22/2012 7:52:51 PM | | OK I'll bite on the 5 year old question :Too busy chasing a pro contract until the age of 30 to settle down , then couldn't find the right woman , now can't seem to get any interest other than women I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole. Life can be cruel I guess. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/23/2012 7:32:27 AM | Never married, !
We have all lived close to it, Have`nt we? Engaged, live toghter perhaps. Just that time was`nt right, Money or kids perhaps. I`d say Life. You were living it.
I have been so close to marrage, Always felt that i have not found the right one, I only marry ONCE!.. i want to keep that for the one. If i go through life never married, its been fun! I hope the rest you guys and gals, find the one.
Any other reasons, your living a lie.
Drew. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:43:17 AM |
single never married over 45, generally has commitment issues guys like that I avoid like the plague
Good For You!!
I have SERIOUS reservations about anybody who would subject themselves to an archaic ceremony for permission to cohabitate. with 50% of first marriages, 64% of 2nd marriages, and 75% of third marriages ending in divorce I can't understand why anybody would get married. Sure ain't a risk I'd take (50/50 shot at loosing everything - no thanks). | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 8/9/2012 1:56:07 AM | Im 46 and never married.Was engaged once but found that she cheated and also became a different person,so caught up in material things.After my engagement i changed carreers and again got stuck into working to buy my own house and everything i have now(alone)
On top of that through my 20s i work my ass off and then travelled when and where i could,as i felt thats what i wanted to do at the time. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 8/9/2012 5:57:11 AM | I think it's funny that people think its BETTER to be married and divorced. The vast majority of us have had the chance to be married....we made the choice to not be,because we thought about it and didn't think it would work. I don't get into things that I don't think are going to be successful. And that makes the "single never married guys worse"!?!?! They used their heads to know it wouldn't work for them. People have other priorities sometimes,thinking that marriage is the only goal in life is a bit narrow minded.
The only truly successful people in relationships are those that are in a HAPPY long term marriage. And they shouldn't be here..therefore given the logic here, any one here is not good at relationships and has earned a red flag. JMO | |
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