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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Single (never married at all) men over 45      Home login  
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 blidip
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 76
Single (never married at all) men over 45Page 4 of 29    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)
Over 45 ... single ... sign yourself up for shock therapy.
Over 45 ... on a dating site ... er ... um ... erk ... red flag.
Over 45 divorced ... seperated ... the horror ... the horror.

Basicaly on the POF profile site there is a section for marital status. Most everything is covered in the drop down box. You can chose single ... you can choose divorced ... you can choose seperated ... you can choose widowed etc ...
To me it is very clear.
If you are single and never been married then select single.
If you were married but are now divorced ... well lo and behold there is a divorced drop down that you can select.
etc. etc . etc.

If you do not know the answer then get someone to help you.
If you know the answer according to the question asked then answer it. It does not matter one bit what YOU think you are. (Duh, let me see ... I have been married three times; divorced twice; wait I feel single; so I am going to answer single)

The marital status question is very clear. If you knowingly answer the question wrong then you are a liar.

If someone can not be honest with themself then how can someone expect them to be honest towards them?

Be honest and put your cards on the table.
 BRASS
Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 77
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/18/2007 10:27:47 PM
I'm 51 and have never been married. When I say single, I mean never married.A few weeks ago a lady at my church was shocked when I told her I had never been married. Like its weird to be my age and never married? And the grief I get from my family.
I 've been in relationships but it never worked out. I'm all for marriage, I just don't want to make a mistake.
My youth was spent doing lots of traveling to strange and unusual places, I craved the excitement and adventure. Actually I'm surprised that i've survived this long.
I did meet the ideal woman some time ago, but she died. That's life and God knows it really ain't fair. So I'll just keep plugging along.
 GirlWarrior
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 78
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/18/2007 11:06:26 PM

People who reach the age of 40 and haven't had a long term, serious relationship (married, living together, dating exclusively) should raise your eyebrows. It's a big, red neon sign for a lot of mental disorders.

Remaining unmarried could be due to a lot of different issues -- the other person didn't want to get married, cultural problems, even legal questions. It's the lack of relationships which is the sign that should cause concern.


I thought I would sign in from the psychiatric hospital and give a further opinion on this topic. The reason I'm in the psychiatric hospital is because I am single and therefore, according to the above referenced poster, I seem to have "a lot of mental disorders" because because I am single. Actually, I was fortunate enough to see the red neon sign myself and check myself into the psychiatric hospital therefore saving society from my mental disorder of deciding to remain single! Do I get extra brownie points for realizing my harm to society?

Thank heavens I saved so many of society from getting to know me and my mental disorders and put myself into a secure facility all because I chose never to marry. Gosh, it must be so hard on a person to be perfect and in a position to be able to judge people who don't fit society's so-called norm. Heaven help all the redneck thinkers out there!!!

Tink


Tink, you might want to actually read the post. C'mon, I know you can do it if you put your mind to it.

Here, let me help you. . .

It doesn't say "SINGLE" people are crazy, it says those who have not had a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP are a cause for concern. If you read the post, you would see that I am DEFENDING SINGLE PEOPLE. I know it's a lot to ask someone to pay attention when it's four sentences, but really, let's try, shall we?

Tink, do you understand the difference between being "single" and "never having a long term relationship"? Read it again slowly. SINGLE versus LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. Right there, I even made it bold for you.

I've never seen so many men with reading comprehension problems. Let me know if you need further help with that one.
 Ooli_Oop
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 79
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:01:30 AM
singleguy64: We are a fear based society! It is a shame to let fears dictate actions, but many people do.
 Isispriest
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 80
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 1:21:20 AM
I have never been married, but I was in a 12yr common-law relationship with 2 planned kids and a mortgage. We discussed marriage, but she wasn't into it. Or, as it turned out maybe she just wasn't that into me.
Why would anyone feel embarrassed about being single here? This is a dating site for singles to find a relationship or some dates, for goddess' sakes.
I would prefer to date someone who has been in a long serious relationship previously. At least they have shown they may be capable of sharing deeply and being true.
Tell ya'll though, I prefer to date women who have had children! I find if someone, man or woman, has never been a parent, they have little conception of what it is like to make someone else the priority, to live for something else besides their own wishes and interests.
Now of course I recognize that this is a generality, which does not apply in all cases, i.e.: Mother Teresa, Florence Nightengale.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 81
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 4:50:35 AM
Tink, you might want to actually read the post. C'mon, I know you can do it if you put your mind to it.

Here, let me help you. . .

It doesn't say "SINGLE" people are crazy, it says those who have not had a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP are a cause for concern. If you read the post, you would see that I am DEFENDING SINGLE PEOPLE. I know it's a lot to ask someone to pay attention when it's four sentences, but really, let's try, shall we?

Tink, do you understand the difference between being "single" and "never having a long term relationship"? Read it again slowly. SINGLE versus LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP. Right there, I even made it bold for you.

I've never seen so many men with reading comprehension problems. Let me know if you need further help with that one.


I very much appreciate your thoughtfulness in the feeble attempt to help me comprehend the English language. It is my native tongue and throughout my school years, English and its comprehension was one of my strongest attributes.

Perhaps it is you who does not comprehend the written word. I am not only single but, to add insult to injury, I have also chosen to not have a long term relationship. It might be prudent to not assume that people, other than yourself of course, do not possess the intelligence to comprehend the written word.

There also appears to be some degree of visual impairment as well. My profile clearly states that I am female. Given that it was pointed out that I have a reading comprehension problem, then it must mean that I am also included in the sweeping statement about men having this problem as well.

Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

Tink



 GirlWarrior
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 82
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:22:56 AM
Oh, so you understood it the first time, but through the amazing powers of ESP and stellar comprehension skills, decided I was including all single people in "no long term relationships."

Keep up the good work.
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 83
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 7:38:21 AM
Well now I am 51 and yes single never been married Yet!
Oh thats a nasty thing most of you are thinking!
Hey I am not like alot of you whom are now single because you didn't think with your minds before you got married. I do think with my mind !LOL
And yes I am a picky fellow when it comes to my heart strings. Oh sure alot of people fall for the flash& awh they see and then later end up devorced maybe with little kid's to boot . And then when your back single again your still mad from your last mistakes and so us singles never been married people over 45 are looked on as either freaks or there must be something wrong with us . Well theres not and we enjoy the fancy flash& awh just like the rest of you but we also know what we are seeking and if its not there then we don't get married .
 wilderness man
Joined: 4/9/2007
Msg: 84
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 9:05:54 AM
I agree with firm bear,Theres so much flash an no substance it gives the person away. Im more into substance then flash. Im 45 an have had long term realationships before but they never seem to "grow" anywhere? People get stuck in what society deems labels for people other then there actions,without question? WTF???? When people do stupid sh&t an go boo hoo,,,,,WTF???? what where they thinking?...They werent,thats the problem,people dont think about the consequences for there actions, what I run into more often than not is the negitive more then the positive,wow an that sucks! I for one am just trying to find a right fit for me! Doesnt mean Im weird or undesirable it just means I "know" what Im looking for an what Im looking for is something that shows me that they are "for real as they say they are"..more often then not , there actions prove to be somewhat not real, so as far as never being married... well its because Im smart an know what kind of "partner" Im looking for........nothing less nothing more!
 bonniebrownap
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 85
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 10:15:36 AM
I only know of one man that has never been married or had children. My take on the situation is that he got caught up in the career building mode. I questioned him on his lack of commitment and see now that he truly did let time slip by. He is now ready to correct his ways, but, caught up in all of todays myths of "never married" men. This man is stable, financially secure, kid oriented and all the plumbing works. It seems to me that the problem is the female questioning of his "why haven't you been divorced" life. If it weren't for the fact that he is distant kin, he would have a problem with me. lol.
 blidip
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 86
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:28:43 AM
I am agog?
45 single never been married is absolutely the worse case of non-committmentitis.
Now lets see ... divorced = great committment; seperated = great committment; having children = great committment (Now come on people; how many children are planned?).
I think a lot of people have this committment thing reversed. Mayhaps divorced, seperated etc shows a lack of committment and an unwillingness to try to make things work.
Too many people want everything to just fall into their lap.
I also noticed from a lot of posts on this topic that there is a lot of judges here. There is a lot of people thinking that they are okay while everyone else is not. AND YOU WONDER WHY A LOT OF YOU ARE SINGLE.
Give people a break ... as I am sure most people on this board needs ... and take a long look in the mirror and then smash the mirror as you are missing out on a lot. There are good honest people on this board but with all the conditions and judging going on is just a shame.
BTW does anyone know what agog means?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 87
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 12:59:14 PM
I have given up on being agog by anything I see/read anymore.

This is just another case of people with failed marriages judging others if they haven't been down the same route.

Certainly if a truly single person has been engaged multiple times, and walk out just before the wedding committment maybe the issue.

However, if the right person just hasn't shown up etc. then why call them as having committment issues.
 paramount_zz
Joined: 1/24/2007
Msg: 88
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 6:05:21 PM

However, if the right person just hasn't shown up etc. then why call them as having committment issues


If you are a guy over 45 and never married, what exactly are you looking for?

I think that's a feeble excuse.

But maybe I am being closed minded. Perhaps one of you guys could enlighten us.
 blidip
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 89
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 6:24:22 PM
"If you are a guy over 45 and never married, what exactly are you looking for?
I think that's a feeble excuse.
But maybe I am being closed minded. Perhaps one of you guys could enlighten us. "



Maybe some people's minds have been closed for so long that they are rusted shut. A closed mind is something that I am NOT looking for.

What I am feebly looking for.
A female.
One that I can get along with and who can get along with me.

Or I could have answered ... a gorgeous looking girl no older than 35; is independantly wealthy; is nice; is considerate; is womanly; oh wait let me see did I say that I was looking for a nice woman; did I say that she has to be athletic, smart, does not drink, does not smoke, did not email anyone for an intimate encounter; did I mmention that I am looking for a nice woman.

It would be a bonus if she reads and writes and plays and writes music.

Basically at this stage in my life I am only looking for someone that gets along with me and I get along with her and we enjoy being in each other's company ... any thing else would be gravy.
 drg1301
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 90
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 6:29:32 PM

But maybe I am being closed minded. Perhaps one of you guys could enlighten us.

We are looking for the same thing everyone else is. The one we want to annoy for the rest of our lives.
I would rather be single forever then be with the wrong one.
 ~squirrly~
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 91
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 9:05:41 PM
I reckon putting single on your profile after you have been divorced is a bit like trying to say you are a virgin again. I mean face it, what do you fill in on an official form if it asks your status?

This thing that you must have mental illness if you have never been married over 45 is a bit strong. There are people who never got into a long term relationship and maybe had a series of short terms.... Life ain't perfect folks. Some people have bad breaks or the timing was just off. Maybe they fell for someone and never got over them. I wouldnt say its mental illness if you cant get over a past love. Its just kinda sad.

I read that for the first time in US history, more than half (51%) of all women are single and this trend could continue since our patriarchal society is starting to wane. Our society is undergoing some changes and the traditional roles are being replaced. So get with the program and stop judging people on how things were in the past.
 cdn_guy
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 92
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 9:46:53 PM
It’s odd, I’ve been on this site, off and on, for the better part of a year, and until I started reading this thread, I never thought anything of the fact that I had ‘single’ on my profile while in the past I have been married. As Moraima mentioned, that was ‘a lifetime ago’ for me. There is a good possibility that I just don’t like the term ‘divorced’ because of my own issues with it. And I don’t mean my own actions specifically, but more the fact that the foolishness of youth ruined my first marriage and the impatience of impending middle age initiated the second. So yes, you could say I have ‘issues’ with viewing myself as ‘divorced’, but those issues have long been dealt with – at least, I believe they have. And so too has the term ‘divorced’, for me. Until 3 years ago I was in a very long term relationship with someone and most aspects of it were more like a marriage than anything I’ve been in before. But that ended and today I’m single. Hiding or lying about parts of my past has never been my intention. But it also hasn’t been my intention to draw extra weight to parts of my past that no longer deserve this attention. And if anyone asks me if I was ever married ... of course I’ll say I was, but I’m single now. I guess it just all boils down to semantics and how different people view different things. Still though, I’ve never had anyone make a comment on it, one way or the other, and I’ve met a lot of people in my time on this website. And yes, on my profile, I’ll remain ‘single’, because that’s how I feel, so that's what I am. If my last relationship was a marriage and it ended in divorce just 3 years ago, well ... that would be a different story, I think.

Just my opinions on it.

cdn guy
 vbxtc
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 93
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 9:48:36 PM
I'm only 43 but feel compelled to contribute...

I have never been married. That doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with me, and I'm not gay. People who get to know me ask me all of the time why I haven't been "snatched up". It only means that I have waited my entire life to find the right person to share that life with, and it hasn't happened yet (although my current SO may soon change that...). My parents divorced whan I was 8 and I have no desire to repeat that experience myself. Otherwise I would have "settled" a long time ago and instead of a suspect unmarried man, I could be another bitter divorce' visiting his kids on the weekends. But hey, my parents and grandparents would have gotten some joy out of seeing me get married, right?

The other assumption/accusation unmarried men over 40 face is that we are "commitment phobic". It certainly doesn't apply in my case. Most of my 30's were spent in a long-term (8 years) relationship that included engagement. It ended because we realized marriage would have been a mistake, and she's still my best friend. I've also been in two other committed relationships and look forward marriage whenever it happens. But it will happen because I want it to, not because I "should".
 blidip
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 94
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 10:19:21 PM
Like I was married a lifetime ago and I got over it so I guess I am single ... huh?
I feel single so that is what I will put on the form ... once again ... huh?
I am 45 but I feel 30 so I will put down 30.
I weigh 300 lbs but I feel 200 so I will put down average.
As I stated earlier the POF profile form has it stated very clearly. It does not matter one iota what you feel. The questionairre does not ask if you feel single; it asks whether you are divorced; seperated; widowed; etc. If the questions are confusing get someone to help you fill it out.
There is plenty of room in the comments section to say how you feel.
I am so confused ...
 WannaCStarz
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 95
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 10:57:05 PM
would someone who has never been married this late in life
want to risk being tied to someone with kids, who has been married twice, ....

someone who is soft spoken, gentle, and has a bad habit of letting others kinda run over them?? Other than that, not a bad person at all

AND...would a person like me think that a person never married would be a good match, would make that commitment to someone like ME who has a readymade family and dont want any more kids?????????????


Would ya be content with that?

 blidip
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 96
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/19/2007 11:28:52 PM
Hey, wannacstars,

I am sure that there is plenty of over 45 never been marrieds that would have no problem with a ready made family.

Speaking for myself, the only thing that I am looking for is someone that I get along with. I believe that is the most important thing.

As for whether you think a never been married would be a good match for you ... well, that is something that only you can answer. It seems that you have someone particular in mind. If you have a best friend that you can talk to ...

Just re-read. It is too bad that you have a way with you that lets people run over you. Talk to someone about this.
 Ooli_Oop
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 97
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 12:05:47 AM

Hiding or lying about parts of my past has never been my intention. But it also hasn’t been my intention to draw extra weight to parts of my past that no longer deserve this attention. And if anyone asks me if I was ever married ... of course I’ll say I was, but I’m single now.


That makes perfect sense to me. :-)

The problem is that on an online dating site where you might only get a second or two's consideration for your profile, people are going to make snap judgments...and that is about their perception not our reality. There's really nothing we can do about it, except recognize that it goes on. There's no point in taking it personally, because rash judgements are always about the other person and not us.

Yes, you should be true to yourself, cdn guy. The term, "single" is a good fit for you and I understand why you opted for it instead of "divorced". There will be women who won't pass you by for being "single", and who will instead check your status out with you before they make their minds up.

I hope that men will do the same for when they see the term "divorced" and not prejudge me, but I know that some will. C'est la vie. That's the reality of dating in the 40's+ crowd. We're all guaranteed to have a past. lol
 ~squirrly~
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 98
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 6:37:05 AM
If we were just given the options of 'single' or 'married' then yes.... single being the unmarried state could refer to the divorced or legally seperated but we aren't ....we are given several choices which, to me, means that single in the context of a dating site is "never married". I am not going to judge someone on that but I would wonder if they had ever been in a relationship because if not then there could be some issues. Notice, I said "could"....not "would".

Besides is "divorced" such a stigma anymore? I mean half the world is divorced!
 GirlWarrior
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 99
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 11:11:06 AM
Squirrly:


This thing that you must have mental illness if you have never been married over 45 is a bit strong. There are people who never got into a long term relationship and maybe had a series of short terms....


Who said that? Must?

What was said is that you should be concerned about people who have not had long term relationships because that is a red flag for mental illness.

It was not said that people who remain unmarried are mentally ill. It was not said that all people who have never had a long term relationship are crazy.

Of course, if you can show me something from the mental health community that says differently, I'd be delighted to reconsider my position on it. But perhaps you should spend a few minutes reading up on personality disorders before you decide I'm wrong, or worse, misquote me.

If you are going to comment on one of my posts, please have the decency to actually read it and reference it accurately (especially when someone else has already been corrected.) It will allow the discussion to continue without a lot of tangential dialog clarifying someone's misunderstanding due to careless readying.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 100
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Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 11:57:49 AM
Single never married is a subject that I want to know more about as it hasn't been what I have experienced in my lifestyle.

I want to know how the circumstance of never being married came about because I want to see how people who have lived differently to me think.

Want I don't want to know is how people like to put down anyone who has a different opinion simply because they don't agree with people being truly single.

Single, divorced, widowed - I want to know about how these things have made people feel in society in general, so I guess I am going to have to deal with all the negative thoughts of people who don't understand some thing that they haven't experienced personally.
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