| |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 12:43:16 PM |
Single never married is a subject that I want to know more about as it hasn't been what I have experienced in my lifestyle.
I want to know how the circumstance of never being married came about because I want to see how people who have lived differently to me think.
I don't know that going through a ceremony and sharing bills is that much of a difference in lifestyle, than those who lived together and/or simply paid for a lot of their SOs stuff. And I don't think never being married makes anyone think differently...especially if one has always wanted ot be married with children.
Want I don't want to know is how people like to put down anyone who has a different opinion simply because they don't agree with people being truly single.
Single, divorced, widowed - I want to know about how these things have made people feel in society in general, so I guess I am going to have to deal with all the negative thoughts of people who don't understand some thing that they haven't experienced personally.
I don't feel any differently in society because I've never been married. I'm grateful I didn't make the mistake of marrying any of the 3 (or was it 4?) I was engaged to...as I'd definitely have been divorced by now. I would like to get rid of the wedding dress hanging in my closet though, since I also had to pay off the bills for the wedding I didn't have. I also don't believe that one has to necessarily experience something to know how they feel about it. Take having kids for example. I don't have any of my own, but I have helped ot raise kids; I also have wonderful parents who gave me not only a good foundation, morals, values, etc., but they also showed me what makes a parent good. I've seen many people who have had kids who don't know a damn thing about how to raise a child. Would you rather get the opinion of an alcoholic, abusive parent who personally had kids (but didn't know how to raise them) or mine?
As far as marriage, so far I've experienced everything but the ceremony, so I don't think married people have been through anything that much different marriage-wise than many of us...and though I haven't had a legal divorce (never having been legally married) I can tell you that after a very long relationship, it's still not easy to go through dissolving it. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 2:35:09 PM | I agree with Ooli
Alot of men's profiles say 'single'. I always assumed it meant single, never married.
But the numbers do not jive....
Personally, I find it a turn off. I want to know if a man has been married or not. I guess it signals to me that something is not quite right. After all, we are talking over 45 | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 2:45:03 PM | Personally, I find it a turn off. I want to know if a man has been married or not. I guess it signals to me that something is not quite right. After all, we are talking over 45
There is something right with being divorced? After all we are talking over 45. What ,do they have trouble sticking it out when the road has a few bumps?
Same kind of deal.
Single never married is a subject that I want to know more about as it hasn't been what I have experienced in my lifestyle
There isn't a bit of difference. Just because a person has never been married doesn't mean that they haven't experienced long term relationships. It doesn't mean that they have no experience with children. It just means that they have never gone through a wedding ceremony. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:17:17 PM | I guess I am old fashion. If someone tells me that they are single/never married, I don't think they mean that they have had long term relationships or have children.
If some tells me they are single never married, I think why would they never have had a live in relationship. It is very helpful to explain that while someone hasn't been married, they have been in a married type relationship, but never made it legal.
There is a big difference between single/never married, and single? but have had common law relationship and possible children.
I wonder what the correct legal designation is for someone who lived common law and had children............doesn't the tax department consider that single? | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 3:32:13 PM |
I wonder what the correct legal designation is for someone who lived common law and had children............doesn't the tax department consider that single?
Moraima, the tax department (or CCRA) would not necessarily consider it single in Canada, at least. I can't recall the exact length of time required for cohabitation of two individuals without the benefit of marriage for it to be called a common-law union and common-law unions are recognized by the Canadian courts and government. It matters not whether there were children as a result of this union but is based on the length of time of cohabitation of the adults in an exclusive relationship. It's been a while since I worked in divorce law so I'm not up to date on the time periods and other fine details. Sorry.
To answer your question, "common-law" is a legal definition of one's marital status in Canada anyway.
Tink | |
|
| |
blidip
|
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 108 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 6:27:27 PM | divorced means divorced not single
seperated means seperated not single
widowed means widowed not single
now lets see ... what does single mean ... duh
It has nothing to do with your explanations or how you feel it has to do with honesty.
Speaking of which ... why on this thread is it so horrible to be truly single. To me the questions arise as to why someone is divorced; like just what are they hiding about themselves in the get along and honesty department.
We are on a meet and greet site. 99 out of 100 people here have issues. One way or another they couldn't handle their previous life, whether it was beind divorced, or being seperated, or whether it was a long term relationship.
It seems to me that too many people here think that they are that 1 in one hundred that have no problems handling committment and life issues and feel free to point the finger. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 6:41:52 PM | The men I know my age that have never been married, i.e. single, are womanizers, homosexuals, or too neurotic to get into a long term relationship. Sorry to throw a wrench in the "feel good" discussion, but that's my personal experience.
I personally know one guy who is well placed in society that keeps several women on a string and manages to juggle them all the time. He's in his late 50's. The women he targets all have low self esteem, few close friends, and want a "higher" station in life.
He is not a friend of mine, just an acquaintance. Likable fellow, but a cad none the less. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 7:51:58 PM | | ^^^and I know some married men who do the same. Have several women on a string and juggle not only them but their wives too................ Some of them inhabit dating sites. Marital status seems to have no bearing on which men are cads. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 8:11:03 PM |
^^^and I know some married men who do the same. Have several women on a string and juggle not only them but their wives too................ Some of them inhabit dating sites. Marital status seems to have no bearing on which men are cads.
I know what you mean! There are a lot of men out there that say they are doing that. How much is BS and how much true is another question!
But, none the less, a cad is a cad. Be careful! If a man tries to rushe you to bed, he probably does not have your best interests at heart. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 8:45:27 PM | For me, it's simple: I was married twice, and divorced twice. I'm not ashamed of that, and I don't conceal it. The last time around we lived together. I was with him when he died. According to the state of Texas, and therefore the death certificate, but nowhere else, I am his common law widow. When I first got on this site I put down "widowed" and lord did the creeps come crawling out of the woodwork! I'm still not certain *exactly* what that word means to them, but it translates nicely for me into TARGET. After I deleted my profile, and returned, I put down single. Imma gonna leave it that way.
If there's room for not single/not looking for people who are dating and/or living together, single is fine as far as far as I'm concerned.
If others, based on a one second look, have a problem with it: so be it.
 | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 9:32:07 PM | Youre kiddin me , RIGHT?
What on earth do they want from you? if youre "WIDOWED"
Think youre loaded? I dont get it!!
Ive been divorced twice too,
Why would One LIE about their status, i mean its gonna catch ya one time or another!
I just dont get peepz who LIE. If youre separated and have been awhile, then SAY so, most peeps understand that!
anyhow.....my 2 cents | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 10:20:36 PM | | less baggage and surprisely this site won't post a message this short. Hm.... I have found that when I date that have never been married they don't carry that extra baggage of constantly needing to be needed. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/20/2007 11:27:52 PM | singleguy64: We are a fear based society! It is a shame to let fears dictate actions, but many people do.
Agree 100% Ooli_oop, its sad. People pre-jugdge others before actually getting to know them... I personally try to give someone the "benefit of the doubt", until their actions prove otherwise. However, that takes actual communication with the person, or at least listening to what they say and how it matches their actions, none of which is possible if you start out with "oh, they're XXXX (single, divorced, black, white, hispanic, fill in your choice of adjectives), so they must be ZZZZ (crazy, disillusioned, nasty, evil, again - pick your adjective)". By starting out pre-judging someone (prejudice) without actually learning anything about them, you wall yourself off from the possibilities.
As someone here used to post, take out one description and substitute another and think about how people would react. For instance, if we took:
All "single men over 40 who've never been married" are selfish. (as I remember a thread on)
And replace it with:
All black men are selfish.
Wait and hear how many people will say you are "racist". But in reality, how are the two different? All you are doing is substituting one generic class of people with another. What does it say about *you* if you can make such generic statements without actually knowing the people (neither of the above is true of "all" of either class, although I'm sure there are *some* selfish men, of many races/colors/divorced/single - how would you know whether they are or not without having contact with them?).
Its the same with the generic "all men are jerks" or "all women are gold-diggers", or whatever the blanket statement is that you see on here. I'm sure there's a lot of happily married couples, and dating couples, and even single people, who would disagree with both of those statements, based on experience. One might wonder why people making those statements are even *on* a dating site, they should be moving to a deserted island where they don't have to meet the opposite sex or something.  | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:15:39 AM | I have read 5 pages of drivel in this thread. I don't care if you're never-married, divorced 9 times, widowed, or married and cheating, everyone is here for a reason. I suspect that the reason is.....because you want to change your relationship status.
I am astounded that those of us who are divorced or common-law-dumped have the AUDACITY to judge the never-marrieds as "damaged goods", "mental cases", or "afraid to commit".
It would seem to me that if you were in a COMMITTED relationship, and are no longer in it, than YOU ARE< IN FACT the damaged goods.
With the warped outlooks most of you have, it's no wonder that no one can put up with you!!!
I am 45 and own my home, and 2 others. I have a (stable) income and a favorable credit rating. I have never been in a penitentiary or psychiatric hospital. I have no children of my own, but I am a "godfather" to a great couple of kids. (I'm on the birth certificate of one, and kinda sorta 'adopted' into being his sister's godfather).
I came to POF in the hope of finding a woman to spend my remaining years with in (reasonable) happiness. I assumed that I was to be honest in my profile. I guess that a lot of people are just so used to having others bend to conform to their ideologies that they can't even recognize reality any more. No wonder they're here. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:36:32 AM |
"There is something right with being divorced?"
Yes. It means that I was capable of identifying and rectifying a major problem. It's a resume builder!
And now I'm off to do some more work on my never-ending divorce! | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/21/2007 9:07:37 AM | Ok, I made it back. We all are a strong, DIVERSE, opinionated bunch.
Drivel as defined by Webster:
VERB:
driv·eled or driv·elled , driv·el·ing or driv·el·ling , driv·els
VERB:1. To slobber; drool.2. To flow like spittle or saliva3. To talk stupidly or childishly.
There is not a person here that, (including the poster who mentioned this) that is spouting drivel. I thank you for that. I also thank EVERYONE for their OPINIONS 
Someone asked me about my separation/divorce issues. I did wait for someone until I was over 30. This is why... in my early/mid twenties I participated in a drug saturated rural community; I moved to get away from it and found myself in the midst of big city cokeville. Was it the times?...or just bad choices? Both...so I worked 50-90 hours a week to stay away from it. When it all got to be too lonely and I burnt out on the job...I moved back home. By then some of the coke people were so burnt UP (or in jail) that peace descended in the rural town. I met an old aquiantance who was divorcing and had two kids, (instant family), but one hell of an EX wife...phew.
It seemed worth it to me. We married; had child of our own; I raised all the kids because the ex was very self absorbed. After 10 years of marriage, I opened my eyes to the fact that my spouse couldn't, and would never talk to me and he was not going to stop drinking. The pressures of his life I could not change....I tried so hard to make his life as comfortable as I could. I never knew how that was going because he never talked to me...I had so little to go on. The last seven years were spent trying to deal with it and coming to terms with my thoughts. I gave too much and did not ask for enough.....love.
We did not take the time to get to know one another and be friends to one another before we married. He has baggage from his growing up years he refuses to look at....it's very sad because he is a good person in so many ways. Why do people medicate with booze or drugs? Pain and fear....he remains in denial....so I had to move on. Fortunately, all the kids love me and come to me as the mother/parent/friend/confidante. I gained that and cherish it.
I don't know what to change about myself because I don't know what I did right or wrong....he couldn't, wouldn't tell me. I can only guess that I'm too independent for a person like him. When I finally had the guts to confront him about his drinking; he chose drinking.
BUT....back to the topic at hand.
What I'm getting from many of the truly single people is what I really wanted to know....THANK YOU so much for that. I see being truly single as STRENGTH and having good judgement about LTR's.
For all of us that recover from marriages and try again, I would speculate that we need to hone our judgement and we likely have. Being over 40-45 should give us the tools we needed to do that, what's more.....I think we ALL should make use of everyone's experiences, here AND IRL.
We tell our kids to learn from OUR experiences....we should listen and learn from OUR peers in this group too.
Key words LISTEN and LEARN.
thank you, tuka | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/21/2007 9:45:38 AM | Turk, I thank you for the dictionary definitions of drivel. IMHO, the third definition applies to several of the posters in this thread.
3. To talk stupidly or childishly.
As was stated several times previously in many ways, private definitons are quite different than Websters'. I invite all of you people out there that "know" there is an ABNORMALITY in un-married people over 45 (or any age), to post the factual information substantiating your claims.
Sevearl of you DISS me simply because I chose not not wed the woman that I was engaged to and learned was a drunkard, or the fiancee who got herself a b/f and another guy she was screwing, while living with me in a LTR. You say it's a defect in me. This, in MY definition , is DRIVEL.
Before several of you jump down my throat about this, all I'm saying is you shouldn't prejudge me (or any of us) simply based on our marital status.
Here's a thought, try getting to know people before you meet them and get married. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:06:51 AM | That last line....get to KNOW a person,
YEP....that's the one.
Get to know them and open the eyes, learn, listen, get to know.
So...are the schools or parents going to teach relationship classes soon?
OK, OK....the OVER 45's get to do it....think the general public would trust us?   | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:07:27 AM | Wanna ~~ Maybe they think you've got a big insurance settlement? For sure, they think you're vulnerable. And from what I've heard from other widows, they also think you're horny, lol! All I can say, is that it was most unpleasant. . . .
| |
|
| |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/21/2007 3:25:56 PM |
As was stated several times previously in many ways, private definitons are quite different than Websters'. I invite all of you people out there that "know" there is an ABNORMALITY in un-married people over 45 (or any age), to post the factual information substantiating your claims.
I thought that was what I did in my original post. But here is more. A college dean at a prominent college that uses women to cover his penchant for young men. Nobody talks about it in public because he comes from an old money family, but everybody knows details because his lovers don't all keep quiet. He keeps a string of women to be seen with in public places. A confirmed bachelor nearing retirement.
My aforementioned acquaintance that has been successfully keeping a string of women for sexual partners for many years. He's a bit of a legend in that matter. Confirmed bachelor at 58.
A distant cousin of mine that dates women until he starts believing that they are out to get him in some way and he starts ducking them. The women keep coming because he inherited a lot of money early in life. The drugs he used early in life probably had something to do with his behavior.
I've also know numerous other men that are younger and remain confirmed bachelors for the same reasons. An engineer I used to work with that is in his 40's and likes young women. He lives in a college town and gets rid of them when they reach 24 or 25. He's good at getting them too!
I find all that sort of thing disturbing and disgusting. To use someone in such a manner and then discard them is the height of conceit and reprehensible. But then again, I've been told I was born 200 years too late. | |
|
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/21/2007 7:06:43 PM | For all too many of us over 45 singles the opportunity with the right person has never presented itself.
There is a number of threads asking why people are still single. The best and most common answer is that we would rather be single then with the wrong person for us. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
