| why do people remain single at all?WTF?
Posted: 4/26/2007 2:33:17 PM | All I can say to the above poster is....read the whole thread, or at least, read all of my responses to the other posters.
Women like me?.....glad to meet you there sir, and just how much more do you want to show of your bag of misinterpretations?
I'm not married now because when I married; I chose to marry an alcoholic and he made the desicion over the years to not go to counseling, to continue to drink, and I am honoring his decision to part. Somehow...it doesn't matter though, does it? To you, I'm just a mean old maid that disrespects men and the marriage institution and doesn't care one iota about anyone but myself. You know my entire life story and you will judge me now.
It's really ok, I understand that you have strong feelings about all this. I'm sorry you have reason to be upset with this thread. Tuka | |
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| why do people remain single at all?WTF?
Posted: 4/27/2007 6:41:57 AM | Althought it's obvious at times to many females and males here why some PARTICULAR people are single over 45, I'm pretty sure that those of us that posted to this thread with good intent would give someone over 45, truly single as good a run as any.  | |
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| why do people remain single at all?WTF?
Posted: 4/27/2007 1:01:03 PM | Tuka from the post I just read I understand why women have doubts about some guys. funny how someone can jump before taking and checking thru before opening thier mouths or even putting the fingers to the keypad. Good thing that not all of us guys over 45 and never married are not that same.
Mound | |
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Miros
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Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 179 | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/28/2007 8:52:14 AM | | Oh don't worry about it women. I think that the emails from both the single and divorced men will likely dry up as soon as the men find out that one womans opinion can cause them to get put on a do-not-date him black list. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:10:36 AM | I just want to agree with you on your statement you have written.I am 47,been
"single" all my life and been in a relationship for 15 yrs., and lived together.I don't think its wrongto get married,its just depends on the couple.To shorten the story up,
she was my love of my life"she was a diabetic",we were planning on getting marriedbut the last 5yrs her health was deteriorating and I couldn't efford all the medical bills to help her out, if we did get married.so it was better that we just lived together and I helped what I could.we decided that we didn't need a legal paper,knowing how much we loved each other.she passed away in 2003 and now single again and now back out there looking.Its not why your single/never married,but how you choose in the stuation with that partner. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/29/2007 7:56:02 PM | L to L 46, I think that's a very valid reason not to get married. Financially each state (single or married) has it's reasons...especially if health problems, the legal system or Uncle Sam is involved. I guess it comes down to Money sometimes...and while we shouldn't let that dictate us, it's unrealistic to not pay that attention. I think every single person here has had LTR and has posted confirms that.
It may be several years before I can regain a single type status because of health ins reason. I hope not....but it may come to that. tuka | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:45:47 PM | Remaining single or married is not something as cavalier as trying skydiving "just once". At a young age I was engaged twice and both times the noisy voices in my head screamed "NO!!! don't do it!!!" In retrospect I am glad I listened to those voices. Both potential spouses turned out to be nightmares.
Too many people give more thought to dinner plans than they do to marriage and/or children. Too often it is thought of as a state of inevitability. Kinda like death and taxes. I am happily single, childless, not gay, and still looking for The One.
WD | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:14:36 PM | WD I have to say I agree with you on the fact that so many just jump the gun. Of all the people I grew up with I can count on one hand the ones that have remained married. However I can also name three that have never been married like myself. each of which are all over 45 and never married. Two females of the three. Oh off topic for a sec read your profile and loved it. OT: one of the guys I can name that has remained married since he married at the age of 20 ( and is well over 45 like myself) had met the woman and fell for her with in three weeks and asked her to marry him. Been a few ups and downs but they are more into each other than wanting to let go of something that has meant so much. To me to wed is a step I think should take a great deal of thought but I also believe if I am going to make it I want it to be once and no more. good luck to all and thier searching.
Mound | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/30/2007 3:28:00 PM | Being one of the never married I would like to know the following: Does this raise a red flag to women in general. Why does "retired" at 50 lead to "read-deleted" I had my reasons for not marrying and in time I had hoped to find someone who was willing to take the risk with me but seems like most are closed minded to this. Perhaps they should just put "involved/not involved so the red flags would not be raised until you gave someone a chance.
Rick | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/30/2007 4:17:51 PM |
Because they don't want to commit and to deal marriage at all.
Ah, words of wisdom from Miros. Maybe she should ask my ex-GF that I proposed to when I was 29, how unwilling I was to "commit and deal [with] marriage"? Yeah, the one that 4 weeks after I proposed didn't come home one night, and the next day told me she was sleeping with a guy from work and leaving. I only spent 6+ virtually sexless months "by her side" while she was very sick, the year before, certainly I know nothing of "committment".
Thankfully my GF now takes me as *me*, a unique individual, not some preconceived notion. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 4/30/2007 10:48:19 PM | Is this directed only at men?
I'm 45 and have never married.........When I have been asked..............the question I always ask myself is........
Can I honestly say this person inspires me to grow, and would continue to inspire me for the rest of my life, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, do we resolve conflict easily? After a hecktic day does them putting their arms around me or seeing their smile, disolve away the pressures of the day? Do I inspire the same in them? For me, if the answer to any of these are no....the my answer to the proposal must also be no.......
There is nothing wrong with being single..........or HAPPILY Married..........but Happily is the key word......... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:14:03 PM | A divorced man or woman can call themselves single but they really are divorced, it is not the same legally although they are similar since they are both free to marry.
In Costa Rica Lawyers perform marriages and in all documents, it must state how many previous marriages the person has had.
If the person is divorced widowed, single or married and how many times.
So stating single when you are actually divorced three times is a , misrepresntation .
Gregory 007  | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/2/2007 12:16:37 AM | I am single and never married also. I was engaged, but he turned out to be a player/cheater and after that, it really took me a while to trust again. I was younger then and the idea of marriage and kids was appealing, well something that you just did. Since then I just have never met anyone that I wanted to marry (who also wanted to marry me! ;).
Often I get asked - why did you never have kids? Well I wanted them, but I was raised (Catholic) and to do things in a certain order, marriage first. I didn't want to choose to be a single mom, so I practiced birth control. I get reactions like it seems so foreign or unbelievable to hear/understand that - like its such an odd answer.....???
Anyway, I find that now, I really like my life and though I would like to grow old with someone, marriage is not really THAT appealing to me. I have not met anyone that I wanted to live with and be together FOREVER!! The thought freaks me out! Perhaps it may be different if I fall madly in love with the right man that I just don't want be be apart from, but so far, I usually want to have my alone time after a couple consecutive days together! | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:35:44 AM | > Why do people remain single at all?
You mean there's an alternative?
Using the word "remain" makes it sound like you think being never-married requires a constant effort against some relentless pull, like marriage is an inevitability unless actively avoided, or that it's about as easy to do as jaunting down to the store for a liter of milk. Such is not the case by any means.
In my own case, the only time I was part of a population of exclusively single people was my first two years at college in the dorms. There was very little pairing off - for the most part we went around as mixed gangs/groups. After that I concentrated on my major. When I popped out into what's called the 'real world' after grad school and started thinking about it, it was like "where exactly does one go to meet like-minded people in a similar situation?". There really isn't any such place IMO. People say all you have to do is live your life and "the right person" will come along. Never happened. Not even close. After a half dozen years, by the time I was in my early thirties, the singles biz got going and I recall initially thinking I'd find more good possibilities than I would know what to do with. None ever materialized. In fact, to put it bluntly, it was really the dregs. Net: I've yet to meet anyone who was unattached that I even wanted to date. "Going steady", living together, or being married always seemed like the most remote of possibilities. Just my experience... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:05:24 PM | | You are not ready in the early 20's. Than time goes by fast. When you want to find someone you can not. As you get older most are attached. What is single is scared because of life experiences and hurts from before. They are not ready for anyone. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:43:40 PM | | So, how ever one feels about themself is how they should post? I was married for 22 years and had a child, but that doesn't count. Because I say so. Living with someone long term and being in a common law marriage doesn't count if you don't want it to. Because you say so. I can bill myself as single. Thanks folks! I should get a lot more responses now. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/3/2007 3:38:23 AM | | tim, I'm hoping people will be truthful and we are finally getting more responses from truly single people. The next consensus seemed to be, after 45, those out of a married/LTR relationship for a while that felt truly healed (2-5 years) considered themselves single....and of course, they are being told that they cannot claim the truly single label. That's the way the thread is going. tuka | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/3/2007 8:16:02 AM | I like the descriptive term I just recently heard, "unmarried single". The first time I heard it, my first reaction was "duh", but it does describe a person who is neither divorced nor separated, just never married.
In response to the question of why some people never marry, I've held out for a lifelong partner and never found one. I've been fortunate enough to dodge some bullets with men who would have only brought me lifelong misery. As I get older, more of the men I meet have gone through divorces and don't want to risk another one, so even if we were perfect for each other, marriage would be unlikely. With that in mind, I'll probably be an unmarried single until I die... and frankly, I can think of far worse things... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/4/2007 2:32:50 AM | I agree with fanny..haven't found the right woman.I've been in relationships where there wasn't much compromise.Ladies,I have a question..should the man do most of the driving in a relationship?Also should he give up hobbies&freinds to make the relationship work?Isn't compromise an important part of any pairing...business, platonic, sexual,romantic?Life is easier without settling for an inadequate mate.PLus I'm a huge non-conformist..ok,I work,pay the bills,have a social life,converse well,put money away for retirement,run a business,bathe.:)
Mike | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/4/2007 5:51:12 AM | Dated a man for over 3 years... he's 45 and never married, never engaged, never even LIVED with a woman.
Here's my take:
TOO MANY TOYS
NOT GOOD AT SHARING
NO IDEA HOW TO COMPROMISE
my humble experience on the matter. | |
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kalli
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Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 198 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/4/2007 8:12:12 AM | | That's probably an accurate description for some. My brother married for the first time at 50. Finally found her! Had several long term relationships which dissolved for various reasons, one turned kinda psycho, one had career aspirations with the U.N. which took her overseas and in another direction entirely. Funny thing is, once he married the rest of his life really took off. He was offered a fabulous job in Zurich, and they have lived there for 7 years now, trying to adopt a little girl from Russia for the past year and just got word they are to appear in St. Petersburg on the 18th to process documents and take her home! Sometimes waiting until you figure out the rest of your life so you can be a good partner is the right thing to do. | |
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kalli
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Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 199 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/4/2007 8:16:45 AM | "should the man do most of the driving in a relationship?Also should he give up hobbies&freinds to make the relationship work?"
1. No, but sometimes it is preferable if he is a back-seat driver. I'm a good driver but some men are nervous if they're not behind the wheel.
2. Absolutely not. Hobbies and friends enrich our lives and give us something to bring to the relationship. But when you're single you have more time for these pursuits. If you want the relationship to work, you have to balance how you juggle all three -- friends, hobbies AND the relationship. Some people think the new person in their life just has to squeeze in wherever there's room - that they don't have to accommodate them at all. Maybe, but if you both have busy productive lives and friends, and you are both not making any effort to accommodate then the relationship hasn't got a chance. And if only one of you is compromising, it is also doomed. | |
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