| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/27/2007 7:32:49 PM |
I also want to reassure those that have NEVER been married that that is a valid choice.
Thank you. I'll sleep much better tonight knowing that the fact that I've never been married meets with your approval. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:38:13 PM | But the question was "Why do people remain single at all?
That wasn't the question but I will answer it anyway.
Maybe because it is just what happened in our lives. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/28/2007 2:31:29 AM | I think if you are divorced you should say so, no **** footing around. I was married at 16, divorced at 17, that still counts as divorced. It would be nice if people were also upfront about how many times divorced but that's wishing for too much truth. I would love to meet a single never married guy over 45 (heck, over 40) with no kids. I'll take a once married, divorced guy with no kids. I wonder if the mountain guy is reading this,
I'd take him. I don't think there's too much wrong with me, and I'm almost never married. Career and other things took priority but mostly it was just good thinking that kept me from walking down the isle, in both cases where I almost did I made the right decision not to marry those particular people. They are nice people but one is an alchoholic now and the other is still as stuborn as he ever was. I'm ready for marriage now (if I'm not too stuck in my ways) and apparently I'm a fox. There must be a nice bachelor or divorced guy out there that is not mentally ill or crazy? | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 5/28/2007 2:35:21 AM | I can't believe this, they censored the other word for kitty that starts with P and it wasn't even used in the naughty context. Okay then "No cat footing around the issue".
Sheez Louise... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/16/2007 7:58:57 PM | | I see I am being talked about. I have asked myself how it is that I never married and I can't think of any reasons that make sense. I have never been in a relationship long enough to ask someone to marry me. My longest serious relationship is 3 months. And the 30+ women on POF I've emailed without responses are not helping to change this. Anyway, I spent much time researching this question since it always comes up in an uncomfortable way. The book "Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others" by John T. Molloy has the answers and you can order the book from your favorite bookstore. It's an excellent book for women to read because it explains how to make a man want to marry you. I didn't do any soul-searching on this question until both my parents passed away. It was the first time in my life that I felt lonely. I have never had the feeling of loneliness to drive me to seek relationships until recently. I have spent a lot of enjoyable times with women in the last couple of years and I now feel uncomfortable when I don't have anyone to spend time with. That is a huge difference from before when I went 10+ years without a single date and I would tell people I had given up looking for a mate. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/16/2007 9:13:27 PM | Aside from the deceit angle of the word 'single,' I'd like to address the truly never-married and over-45 person.
I've seen some defensiveness in the posts (I didn't read them all, thread too long) about the idea that there is something "wrong" with anyone who didn't marry by that age. I wouldn't put it that way. But because I did marry, and did raise children, I find I have more in common with other adults my age who have had similar experiences. Raising kids is a PROFOUND exercise in self-sacrifice as well as in dealing with chaos. Someone who has only had him/herself to worry about for their adult life certainly is more carefree and often younger-looking, but what would I talk to them about. It's not only dating partners, I find a similar gulf between me and unmarried people my age, of both genders, in my workplace. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/17/2007 8:54:20 PM | The latest Canadian stats indicate that 1 in 3 of us have never been married. We are not as much a minority as some would have us think. The stats also say that there are more never marrieds and not marrieds than there are marrieds-- the count is 51% to 49%. I've never been married and it's nice to see people reinforcing the Seinfeld-ian message that there's "nothing wrong with that!" (even tho' Seinfeld was talking about a different population group, the line works here as well.)
I agree with Celticmist (message 52). There are just as many reasons for never having been married as for having been divorced or having stayed in a relationship. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/18/2007 1:12:45 PM | I don't think there's anything wrong with never having been married. Some are shy, some are busy, some really DONT WANT to marry.
I didn't get married until I was 32, and it was only my 2nd LTR (if at least 6 months is LTR).
For men....we are expected to "make the move" relationship wise and if you're a shy man (as I am), then you do admittedly run a much more difficult path to marriage.
BTW: Has any woman on this list ever asked a man to marry them? I'm just curious... | |
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Who.Me
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Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 212 | |
| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/18/2007 2:07:45 PM | I'm a 45 yr old single female....single as in Never Been Married. This does make men think twice about me. I have remained single for a variety of reasons. The most prevelent reason....
I spent 19 yrs raising my daughter alone and she was my main concern during those years. I felt she had to come first...She is now 23 and a college graduate. I did a great job! During that time I thought I didn't have anything to offer someone because my daughter had to come first. I also found that a lot of men didn't want to date a single mom much less marry one.
Now, I would absolutely love to get married. If I do someday that would be great. If I don't...well that would be ok too. I am enjoying my life more than I ever have. I love my work and my friends...I have a lot to offer someone now because my priorities have changed. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/18/2007 4:42:00 PM | I was simply too busy making my dreams come true. I dated people who were busy doing the same. I've certainly been asked, but when push came to shove, I realized I couldn't see "til death do us part" when I looked into their eyes.
I could see brunch next Sunday, or an auction next Thursday, a movie on Friday, but I just couldn't see what I thought needed to be seen for it to be a once in a lifetime, now and forever, and until the end of time. And unfortunately when I did see that, they didn't. It's about two people seeing it at the same time. Timing is everything.
I've not given up hope of finding that, but I must say, when they wear white socks with dark shoes now, I don't pass them by as quickly, I simply buy them dark socks and get on with it. Ah wisdom. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/18/2007 5:06:30 PM | Hello everyone
Well this is the first time I have ever put something down . I am 52 and never married . The reason is I really dont know . A part of me really likes the peace and stillness of being on my own . I have a sister who did the married thing and for over 20 years . It was really bad and left her a very hard mean person on the inside . Also she had 2 kids who turned out really bad . I look at this case and know deep down inside that unless I really meet " THE LOVE OF MY LIFE " Im ok with being on my own . As I get older I really do think that god has a plan for all of us . And his plan for me so far is to be on my own . This may change or maybe not . I don't feel like a creep or lowlife or anything like that . I can say that in my younger days I was a party boy and had my share of female friends but as I have gotten older that lifestyle has become very shallow . Im sure we all know what I mean . Well I do think that Im a very good and moral man so ladies we are out here so keep looking .   | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/18/2007 6:23:22 PM | Hi,
I am a single male, never married. The primary reason I have never been married is that I never wanted children. I had a four year relationship with a great young lady, perfect in every way. One day she said she was wondering about marriage and children. I had always been up front and honest about the issue, so it wasn't like I surprised her at all when I said marriage would be great, but no on the kids. We broke up within the week and she married the following year and now has three children. Boom, four years gone in one conversation. Next relationship lasted two years. I made sure that she was well aware of my lack of desire for children. What followed was a repetition of my previous relationship. She told me that she thought she could change my mind about kids but since I was unmoving on the matter, she decided to call it quits. Next two relationships (one and a half and four years) were almost identical in results. It all boiled down to the young ladies involved needing/wanting children and the fact that I was fairly adamant about not wanting them. I was never dishonest about the matter. I could have married any of the four and been happy. All were wonderful women. I've never felt comfortable with children and have always had zero desire to have them. So, while I feel I have had the opportunity to marry, my decision to refrain from being a father has had disastrous repercussions. Eleven and a half years worth of relationships gone. Not wasted, since I enjoyed the company of all four and my time with them was wonderful. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/18/2007 7:31:58 PM | Most people who have been married can't seem to understand why some people stay single.
Most people who want or have children can't seem to understand that some people do not.
All is good as long as we stick to what we basically want to do with our lives. Problems come some times for people who don't listen to their basic needs and allow someone else to get them to change their status. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/19/2007 10:34:30 AM | | i am a 46 yr. old woman and i never married does this make me a spinster of just smart? maybe a little of both but my 3 kids who i raised by myself will tell u i am a heck of a mom and this is all i need to know. i am glad i never married any of my exs because they would have ended in divorce anyways so at least there is no lawyer fees or messy court room drama to deal with. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/19/2007 3:41:15 PM | well i'm 52 and really single. we all have our reasons for being single, or why our marriages didn't work. i don't think it is wise to generalize about anyone. if someone looks interesting, get to know them, then draw a conclusion.
just my 2 cents | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/19/2007 4:09:40 PM | | Why get married? It has always seemed absurd to me that two people would pair up for the rest of their lives. I can see wanting to get laid, and then wanting to stick around, and that winds up lasting for decades, but to actually plot one's life in terms of one relationship? Why? Your kids will be around only until they are old enough to be sold to the rag man or taken in by gypsies or employed by the carnival. So after that first 11 or 12 years, your job as parents is done. As young men and women looking ahead and having the example of their own grandparents, is that what you really want? Marriage makes people old and wrinkly after a few decades. By staying single you can travel the world as a carefree hooligan or devote your life to a worthy cause. Marriage is a quaint habit left over from the days when life was working a farm and the world beyond was out of reach. Today we have endless miles of paved roads, a thriving global economy and effective birth control. People who never did marry were just ahead of the curve. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:15:09 PM | LOL swamp thing.. If nobody every got married and had children, we wouldn't be here! 
I see nothing wrong with either senerio, being married or staying single, having children or none. It is a choice, most of the time, but accidents do happen!!!
I have 2 sons, one is married with 3 children, the other is single, and probably will stay that way, who knows.. Everyone has their priorities in life. JMO | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 10:34:13 AM | I'd like to throw my $0.02 in. The question "why do people who have never married stay single?", have you considered it may not be by choice! - last time I checked you can't just walk into a shop and say can I have a marriage please? Marriage requires the commitment of TWO people.
I'm single - as in never married, I'm also originally from the U.K. where getting married is a poor second to having a career . The reasons why I am not married are varied.
I am shy and detest the club seen.
After high school I served 9 years in the RAF - marriage was the furthest thing from my mind.
After military service I was building my career, working long hours and traveling extensively.
I moved to the U.S. 10 years ago and basically started again with the career building.
I have dated women I could have married, they did not feel the same. It is certainly not a lack of commitment issue, that's why I on this site with 'relationship' listed as LTR - now I've just got to get some replies to my e-mails.
It seems marriage status is up there with smoking and drinking as far as peoples impressions of a person are. | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 11:56:20 AM | | If men would accept email from women who do not have a picture posted and who lived more than 20 miles away they might get a lot of responses. Some have testimonials from women stating how great they are it makes me wonder why the men are not dating these women and if not, why these women feel inclined to post comments about how great they are..... | |
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| Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 9/23/2007 12:43:05 PM | Anyone who is over 30 and is single, whether divorced or otherwise, has some explaining to do. Who is likely to be the better match (1) the person who has never married, or (2) the person who has been married and divorced?
The person who has never been married may have some very good reasons. If they are not particularly good looking, the answer may be perfectly obvious, literally. I know plenty of guys who have never married and are over 45. These men are engineers, lawyers, businessmen and professionals; they are stable and would be perfectly good husbands. However, they are not as exciting as a drunkard, philanderer, or psychopath.
By the same token the person who is divorced may not be as good a choice. Looking at the statistics, 1 out of 2 marriages will end in divorce. However 2 out of 3 second marriages will fail. That is, if one marries someone who has previously been married and divorced there is only a 30% chance that that marriage will work. Nice people keep spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends.
The real concern should be about someone who is (1) good looking, (2) over 30, and (3) single; what's wrong with them? | |
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