MAPT
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Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 26 | |
| Saying I love you... Hmmm
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:04:10 PM |
Without understanding just how many times that person has said that - how long that person has been looking - just how logical that person really is - just how much of a one sided match - two sided match - or potential match - without knowing what the other side has been talking about - has been “seeming like” - I would not right off the bat call the person a fool.
Good post..
JMO...circumstances definetly play a huge part. Since love is something that grows over time, wouldnt it be conceivable that a lengthy online "relationship" would evolve to the point where the individuals would become attached. Maybe those circumstances prevent them from meeting..like distance. Love is also something that has it's own personal meaning to each individual. So from our perspective, it might seem foolhearty, but maybe to the individuals it really is love..or pretty damn close.
Personally, i had it said to me once online..in the end it proved to be anything but love, but at the time it seemed possible. It doesnt mean i would assume there is no possible circumstance that would actually encompass online love, most likely not but possible none-the-less.
Anyways...I'd like to think love is not black and white with set boundaries. Nothing else in life is completely and utterly predicted (well besides death and taxes of course)
JMHO
MAPT | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:08:22 PM | I've never done what the Op is talking about, but I guess I have had good experiences meeting people from other sites (not dating) and them being the person I'd come to "love" online.
I was part of a divorce support forum for years, and still consider some of them to be the best of friends in real life. We hang out, go on vacations together, attend weddings, are there for the joys and the tears.....They were, by and large, exactly who they portrayed themselves to be online. And the thing is...when I liked, loved, disliked, was ambivalent ...etc. about someone online, I felt the same when I met them in person.
That's one of the reasons I really wish that more people in my general area posted in the forums. You get a sense of who they really are and if you'd really enjoy meeting them, even a sense of whether or not you'd connect on more than a few levels. So it really isn't that odd that some of these longer-term-headed relationships felt all those connections if they met here, in a forum.
The email thing feels a little different to me, assuming they didn't "know" each other from the generally honest way we present ourselves here. I think the emails can be just as deceptive as the profiles can be. But in the forums..most of us show our good and bad sides because we don't have our "be careful" walls up. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:11:42 PM | Like yes..Love no...and I know if someone said the love word to me without meeting me I would be off and running in the opposite direction...hmm maybe I scare to easily...lol
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:15:00 PM | I have also had a man tell me that he loved me before we even met. I told him that it was impossible, it may be possible to fall in love with the idea of that person that you have created in your own head, but fall in love..... not likely.
I ended up meeting this person from California and dating him for a while, long distance, and he still to this day professes his love for me, and would like me to marry him (it's been 2 years).
He may very well love me, but when people throw around the word 'love', I think it only cheapens it.
I want someone to love me for the qualities I possess, the qualities that he is a witness to, not some dream of what he hopes or thinks I am. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:16:20 PM | Ummm, yes. Without a doubt, run.
You can't fall in love with someone until you actually meet them and feel their essence. You can fall in love with what they write, like fine literature, and you can fall in love with their pics, like fine art, but you can't fall in love with their spirit until you're close enough to feel it. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:32:26 PM | | Well, I just have to say, the first three men whom I fell in love with were in person and they were for, I thought, love at the time but it turned out not to be real love. It had been the love of the body needing someone, so it wouldn't feel lonely, and for just the thought of being loved by someone else. Those were in person. The 3rd one was my husband. It was totally sex is all we had. Now when the sex has burned out and we are totall strangers, he doesn't know a thing about me in 16 years. We have nothing what so ever in common. I have been getting online and trying out the penpals and this site and I have found a few men whom I feel more close to than any man I ever met in my real life. I am a totally shy person in my real life only my closest family get to know the real me. No one totally gets to know the real me. However, I have told these few men I have met online more about my true thoughts than most of the people in my family who are not close to me. I feel that they are getting to know the real me, more so than my 2 boyfriends did, and more so than my husband ever cared to get to know me himself. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:43:39 PM | It's a little funny......there are alot of doubters here......or should we call them
non-believers. Love happens in MANY different ways. If it's not possible to
fall in love with someone on-line then I'd say you have to question more of the
ways people who are in love claim to have gotten there.
What about the guy who claims.......I saw her from across the room and knew in an
instant that she was the one........and EVERYONE who says "It was love at first sight".
What about two blind people that fall in love with each other?
How abou the penpals of years ago who fell in love through cards and letters?
and women who write to men in prison and claim to have fallen in love?
I know a guy who saw his "true love" {and now wife of 11 years} on a bus passing
by him on the street. He says he knew right then she was the one and she hadn't
even seen him yet....she was leaning against the glass reading a book. He ran to the
next stop to get on the bus to meet her.
Can you be wrong about being in love.....of course... someone can lie to you about
who and what they are and you fall in love with a person who doesn't exist? Several
here seemed to think so.....and if the other person had been honest about who they
were then those people may be believers now too. Honesty is a big key here and is
not easy to find these days in any kind of relationship.
There are happily married couples who have fallen in love in all kinds of ways that
people say are impossible. To say that it "can't" happen on-line seems foolish to me.
I'm sure there are many couples who met through this and other dating sites and will
tell you that they knew they were a match before they ever met......and meeting just
confirmed it. I've heard MANY people who have found the "right one" say that when
they did.....they "just knew it"........I'm sure that can happen on-line, on the phone,
through the mail, by pictures, or maybe even just the sound of a voice or a glimpse
in passing. You think up a way for two people to fall in love and I'll bet it's happened.
Can you fall in love without meeting? I think so.....and maybe I'll prove it one day!
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:49:20 PM | | I agree with Aces....chatting online gives a false sense of who a person is. We can be anything on this box that we chose to be. It has no bearing on who we are as a person. I've 'fell' a couple of times from talking online. For me love is a mental process that sometimes has nothing to do with physical attraction. I've learned the hard way though, that what I think and feel aren't what the guy is feeling at all. I love to talk, and that won't change, but I want to meet as soon as possible. If we aren't a physical match, there is no need to get the mind and heart involved to early. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 12:55:26 PM |
What is your opinion of someone telling you "I love you" if you've never even met in purrson, in just a matter of a few weeks of only talking on the internet (pof) ?
Ugh, story of my life!  It's freaky when a guy tells you they love you from the very start, and it's even freakier if they say it without having met you yet. That just can't be a good sign. It's never worked out in my case. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:07:41 PM | I've seen it happen and survive and they are both still surviving, one couple married, the other still in online relationship 4 years down the road.
I don't think it is anything you can say yes or no re it happening. I think we all forget that love's seeds are planted LONG BEFORE we realize it. I suggest it starts when you actually know that you like the person.
Me, I'd be cautious BUT then hey I've met a few fellows over the decades, that there was instant chemistry but the relationships weren't really based on us knowing each other and therefore did not survive. So on this I'm going to straddle the fence. I can say, I doubt it BUT life passes you unexpected things. So I'll stick with NEVER say NEVER The other part of that would be ONLY TIME STANDS THE TEST OF TIME  & optimistic | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:08:22 PM |
The real statement should be: I am in love with the person I have made you out to be in my mind....
I think that, in emailing and talking on the telephone with someone, we can fall in love with the image we have created in our minds of someone. This can be tempting to do, with online dating.
How many forums have I read of people who "fell in love" through online chatting, only to have the "relationship" dashed in one meeting?
I would say that someone who says "I love you" prior to meeting is in love with being in love. It is wishful thinking-------lovely thinking, but wishful, just the same. | |
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| Saying I love you... Hmmm
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:13:48 PM | If someone I have never met says "I love you to me", I think "Gee, how many others have you said the same thing to".
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:19:29 PM | Although it sounds ridiculous...it is very possible and believable. At work, we have a young lady from China, who is one of those "mail order brides". Her husband (100% American), discovered her on an internet dating site, and the two fell in love quickly and married. She understands little or no English...but these two appear to be about the happiest couple I have ever seen.
Meeting in person, I think, is a tad over-rated. One can learn more about a person from formal correspondence (assuming, of course, the written words are true and accurate), than can be learned from idle chit-chat when "face to face". This is understandable, as most people tend to put more thought into the words they write, as opposed to spur-of-the-moment spoken conversation.
I firmly believe that you can learn 95% of what makes a person who he or she is, just by knowing their hobbies, and their political leaning.
:o) | |
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| Saying I love you... Hmmm
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:28:20 PM | Hmmm I love everybody-but I m not "IN LOVE" with them I often endmy talks and or emails sayin luvzzzzzzz u meaning basically I like them n enjoyed their chat! | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:33:14 PM | | Aside from close friends and family, I've used that line very sparingly, only three times. I meant it every time. To me, love in the context of a special man/woman way is not something you do to another person. It is something that has to be shared. So a claim to love another person who doesn't feel the same way, is not love to me. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:42:13 PM | yeah... pedophiles do that every day to some poor unsuspecting kid...
Run away from anyone who falls in love with you over the internet. They're not in love at all, that's just another step in their game... | |
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vr1960
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Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 43 | |
| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:42:35 PM | | I don't think I would believe them. You can enjoy communicating through the internet and then you meet and there is nothing there. People can be so different talking on msn or through email than in person. I had the opposite problem once, went out with a guy for 2 years, he even hinted at moving in together occasionally, more for financial reasons, thank goodness we both owned our own homes, and he never, NEVER once told me that he loved me. Eventually the love I had for him, or so I thought, dwindled away so I didn't want to say it either. As you will guess, he is history. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 1:54:34 PM | I don't mean to pick on you gardennut, I'm just using your words as an example...
How many forums have I read of people who "fell in love" through online chatting, only to have the "relationship" dashed in one meeting?
NOW......if we're going to use this logic.......I know MANY people who met and
"fell in love" in more conventional ways {in person} and had their relationships
dashed by one incident or event.......does this mean that ANYONE who says
"I love you" is only in love with being in love? Is love in general nothing more than
"wishful thinking" just because relationships fail more often than they work out?
I think that, in emailing and talking on the telephone with someone, we can fall in love with the image we have created in our minds of someone.
Are you so sure that this doesn't happen even after meeting in person? People
meet face to face all the time and come away with a false impression of who that
person really is.......sometimes we know people for years without REALLY knowing
who or what they are. We have to be very open and honest with each other to get
to know each other......I don't know why that couldn't happen on-line or on the phone......or why being face to face would guarantee it?
Falling in love doesn't require a face to face meeting......you just have to BOTH be VERY open and honest about yourselves ......and for crying out loud.....be cautious,
but be open to the possibilities so love doesn't pass you by. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 2:08:17 PM | "Falling in love doesn't require a face to face meeting......you just have to BOTH be VERY open and honest about yourselves ......and for crying out loud.....be cautious,
but be open to the possibilities so love doesn't pass you by." Well doug summed it up pretty well with that.
It's like the threads about the LDRs...no can't work never will work. Come to find out it hasn't worked for them, hence it doesn't work, period.
How about all the threads, why can't someone fall for what I have inside instead of being so hung up on looks. Well here's exactly why, almost everyone is insisting on having that physical presence. Sometime the physical, truthfully is more of a hinderance to getting to actually know someone. If we're physically attraced, our drive kicks in and we want to get physical with them. Completely natural, not knocking it. But once the physical urges are satisfied, how many stick around to get to know the inside. There's certainly enough threads that would confirm that to be true.
Yes, you do fall for someone when you do meet, I'm not denying or downplaying that. But maybe it's on a different level, see if the chemistry translates, but you can build a solid real love for someone through email and phone calls until you do meet. Fall not for the color of their eyes, their body.....you can get drawn in by what the person they are on the forums, the person they are in their letters and calls.
It's always possible to be deceived, the internet is not at fault, people were and still are deceptive face to face internet or no.
If you don't think it's possible, then it won't happen, simple as that. And if you can keep someone around through regular dating long enough for them to get to know the deep, inside person of you, great. But don't knock it or deny it exists just because it hasn't happened to you.  | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 2:38:26 PM | I agree with bucs...
What works for one may not for another...
And while ppl are deceptive in both scenarios, until you're face to face all you have is what's inside a person...
Trust me, if there is deception it will eventually show itself...
Anything is possible so I say again: Just because it may not be right for you or has never happened to you doesn't meant it isn't possible for others... | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 2:45:33 PM | | It all depends on your definition of what it means. For most, I suppose it's puppy love. But falling in love and actually putting actions to the feeling is another thing entirely, so somebody saying they have fallen in love is one thing but they can't say "I Love You" unless they have done something, often enough, in person to prove it. Love is a verb, anyone can fall in love with me, so what? It means very little if they're not willing to do the work to love me, day in and day out. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:17:12 PM | | first I want to ask...what is the definition of "love"?. Seems to me, it means only ONE thing to one person and maybe something totally different to another. I wonder sometimes, if I put that question out there, how many different answers I'd come up with. I have found that LOVE comes in different forms, different degrees, different intensity. What I feel for one person that I call "love", might be totally different from what I feel for another person and call that "love" too. I have two children, I love them both, loving one does not inhibit my loving the other. But, I may love them in different ways, same with friendships. That ONE LOVE OF MY LIFE....??? I've been married 2x and each time I truly LOVED that person, because it didn't work out, didn't mean the LOVE wasn't there. I guess I'm taking alot of words to say, it all depends on the two people involved. We're all different, how we perceive things or feelings are also different. I think we limit ourselves when everything is always in black or white. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:23:24 PM | My humble opinion, I think we can fall in like with the person. If we communicate with them daily via emails, telephone etc we can grow fond of them and fall in like. I do not think that we can fall in love with someone that we have not met. Many times that 'spark' that we get online and via the telephone does not cross over into the real world.
Sometimes the person we get to know online and via the phone is not the same person in the real world. Be cautious of those who say they love you right away or without having first met you. And the old cliche saying 'trust your gut' rings true but also listen to your heart.
~Carrie | |
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