ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 51 | |
| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:29:53 PM | Different strokes for different folks. There's not a right or wrong answer here.
For me personally, if a man says "I love you" he lives overseas, and maybe we've exchanged a few emails, the first thing that will go through my mind is C-O-N! Skeptical, you bet! That aside, I do think it takes time, I don't believe it's an "instant" thing.
There's a difference in "falling" in love and "being" in love too! | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:36:37 PM | Since you don't really know him, either, it is not wise to speculate what it says about him. He took a risk, saying it, so try not to be judgmental until you find out more. He's telling you these are his feelings. I would take advantage of the opportunity to ask him what he means by it- a good way to learn about a person.  | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 6:45:50 PM | you cannot love someone truly without having met them and spent time with them up close and personal.
people are often in love with the idea of being in love or this trumped up dream version of the person they are talking to.
If someone said that to me it would weird me out and I am always shaking my head when people claim to be in love without ever having met, touched, spoken face to face or all the other things that I find very necessary to be in place before I fall in love with someone. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:42:22 PM | This is to the people who are saying it is possible to fall in love with someone over the internet or phone.
What if the person on the other end of the phone line or in cyber space that you have been talking to for weeks or months was someone different all together from what or whom they claim to be?
For all you know you could be talking to a Ted Bundy or the woman from "Fatal Attraction" but yet you say you can actually love these people!
Get A CLUE!!!!
You have NO proof WHO these people are at all but are so DESPARATE for love that you put YOURSELF or your CHILDREN in a situation where someone could get killed or duped out of money!
It would not be such a lovely storybook ending then, would it ????? | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:49:15 PM | | I would say that a person can LOVE the idea of what the person portrays and the bonding from each other online or via phone calls. But to be in love comes with meeting face to face and allowing everything to fall into place. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:53:00 PM | The real mistake the guy made is .........
People - no matter what they are feeling or think they are feeling ........ should ............ STFU.
Just keep that kind of wording to yourself UNTIL are are pretty convinced it is mutual.
Personally - I have not had a bunch of relationships like some others have had. But .....
The ones that I have had were all - almost instant. And they would have never have been at all - if it had not been two way. Two way RIGHT FROM THE START almost.
I was married most of my life - single now for almost 4 years and have been ...... um in lub ZERO times in these four years. I have had some “thoughts” about a couple of gals but their thoughts were too one sided for me and a backed out - and split.
I think a ......... no ......... I am the kind that refuses to put myself in a bunch of wonder/doubt. If I liked a gal and found myself in doubt/wonder/guessing that is enough for me to - call it game over and back out and FORGET IT.
Since every relationship I have ever had was instant or nothing - there was no guessing on either side right from the start - that seems to be what works for me.
And NOPE - I doubt I will be babbling about love all that quick ....... but again - if it is not working for the gal just as fast as it is for me ....... it is NOT a match in the first place.
So ...... I personally would keep my mouth shut while I was gauging her and if that went on very long - I would back away because it was not a match.
I don’t get “smitten” all that often - but when I do - I am not messing around and sure as heck not waiting for her to “decide” if I am worthy or not. If she has to do a bunch of “thinking” - rationalizing - convincing herself - debating ...... it is NOT a match and I am smart enough to know that.
Anything that is not almost instant - is rationalizing or settling. I would not care how much I liked her - if I detected one ounce of her settling - I would back away and split. I want NO PART of someone settling for me - none. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:53:22 PM | | despite the computer age, I am kinda old fashioned and think those three words should only be said when looking into someone's eyes, preferably after a passionate kiss....but I do understand that loving feelings can happen before. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 7:56:53 PM | | The word "love" is thrown around to easily at times I think. You have to actually physically see a person to know that you really love them and are in love with them, otherwise in my opinion you are falling in love with an idea, not the actual person themselves. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 8:16:25 PM | | I agree with HeyitsDoug, I think it is possible for you to look at someone, maybe even just hear the sound of their voice, (and some dont even get that far), and know in an instant that they are the right one. If people can be so in sync with someone as to hear their voices and know whats going on with them without even seeing them, then why is this not possible. Anything is possible. I believe that with all my heart. I think if people were honest with themselves they would listen to that voice inside them and follow their heart....I know I am going to. Later Doug | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:22:17 PM | Wow ... some very deep feelings on this subject. I wasn't really looking for a right or wrong answer here. Just getting some opinions. I knew in the first 5 minutes of first meeting my husband he was "the one", so I definitely believe in love at first sight, and don't believe there are any "time limits" as to when it should or shouldn't happen. Tho we are now divorced, we had 13 wonderful years together and it wasn't a lack of love that we ended up divorced.
I believe what someone had posted about divulging information behind a pc screen that you woulnd't be able to talk about face to face so easily. I have experienced that. I too have several friends I have been chatting with for years that I know I will never actually meet in person, and we have terrific bonds.
I believe there are different kinds of love ... as someone posted. But I think to actually be "in love" to the point of wanting to spend your life with someone, you have to not only have a lot of communication (regardless of what kind), but you also have to have that physical connection (not talking just sex). To truly "know" someone, you have to be able to see and/or feel that person in the flesh (even if you're blind) to see if all the thoughts and words ring true to that person's soul.
Thank you all for your posts ... I continue to talk with this person, and yes ... we have met and spent time together ... but must honestly admit the instant "I love you" was an instant red flag to be very cautious. I agree with several posters that some people just love the idea of being in love whether it's out of loneliness, desperation, or it may be real to them. Past experience has taught me tho that the instant I love you is out of desperation or loneliness, not "true" love. Guess what I'm sayin is .... I believe in love at first "sight", NOT first "type".
Again ...... thanks for all the responses.  | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 9:28:10 PM | Run. No question about it. Professing love and never met? You really have to ask?
Hey!!! I LOVE you! No, I really do!!! Be with me!!! Huh??? Don't you love me??? | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 11:44:30 PM | Yep .. can and does happen. Love is only how the other person makes YOU feel. Why be scared of that? It may change when you are actually around them, but for right now you love them. Relax, Enjoy it for what it's worth and while you've got it. Precious little of the stuff to go around .
Hell when it happens and he's married tho. That's when it will break your heart in a New York minute.
:bye: | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/15/2007 11:57:58 PM | I would never have thought it possible prior to joining this site... but I developed feelings for someone I had never met... even though I knew we probably never would
That stretched my view of what is possible.. while also making me realize that fantasy must be complimented by reality...
With too much fantasy you are just swimming in illusions with nothing to hold onto.. eventually you need the physical to actualize all of the feelings going on..
However, with too much reality you aren't even open to certain possibilities.. nothing too 'fanciful' can get through...
I think anything is possible... with a healthy balance of fantasy and reality..
JMO | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:45:05 AM | | I think having someone you don't know saying "I love you" and believing they mean it, is up there with that sick creepy feeling of someone cheating on their spouse. Sends chills up my spine. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:52:01 AM | | I would say that the person probably likes you an awful lot, and WANTS to be in love with you, but I think real love takes some time to identify, and certainly requires a physical meeting at least. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:31:20 PM | soberkitty
Without knowing the context in which the " I love you " sentence was used, along with the background and circumstances that caused him to have such a virtual affection reaction, any opinion (including yours ) is nothing more than just that ......... opinions.
Move at your own pace, but dig dipper and reach further to find out the real "why" behind it. Don't automatically assume he is "knots" just for that, who knows maybe there was a perfectly valid reason at that time, or he was meaning something else ..... you know the exactly same word used to describe a feeling, when used with a different intonation, can have a totally different meaning.
PC2000 | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/16/2007 1:00:01 PM | | Putting in my own two cents (and I'm no expert), this is a little freaky. I've heard of saying "I love you" after a couple of dates, but not having met (or even spoken verbally!) sounds like someone with few dating skills (we won't get into social skills). But then, after exchanging e-mails with someone a few years ago, and never having met or spoken to her, the woman I was IM-ing suggested I take the vacant apartment upstairs from her (so I'd "be close by"). That'll chase you off internet dating for awhile. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/16/2007 4:35:46 PM | K-LO... I agree whole heartedly! Been there and had that.I run the other way when they say that its to freaky.
[I'd say he loves some fantasy idea of who he thinks you are. And, when/if he meets you, he'll either be highly disappointed or he will have already placed you on a pedastal where you could do no wrong and he will remain in love with who he thinks you are and overlook your flaws. He's in love with the idea of being in love, and could possibly jam a square peg into a round hole to maintain the fantasy idea of what you could be] | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:25:07 AM | OK......first of all......some of you are talking about something completely different,
or at least stretching things a bit.
I don't care how you met.......some people will say "I love you" when they actually
don't.......some know they don't and are lying.....some just don't know.
Some people spend a whole lot of time together before actually falling in love....and
wether some of you want to believe it or not.......some people fall in love right away.
And as I said earlier.....if sentiments like this one from brat are true....
You have to actually physically see a person to know that you really love them and are in love with them, otherwise in my opinion you are falling in love with an idea, not the actual person themselves.
..........then blind people could never fall in love.
Fortunately we have people here who can speak for us all and let us know what to
expect.....and that anyone who has fallen in love without meeting face to face are
just wrong about being in love.
This is to the people who are saying it is possible to fall in love with someone over the internet or phone.
What if the person on the other end of the phone line or in cyber space that you have been talking to for weeks or months was someone different all together from what or whom they claim to be?
What if someone you meet in person turns out to be someone different?
For all you know you could be talking to a Ted Bundy or the woman from "Fatal Attraction" but yet you say you can actually love these people!
This too can happen in person......I'm sure someone loved Ted Bundy.....and
the chances of meeting Glen Close on pof are slim.....lol.....but the characters in that
movie MET IN PERSON...not on-line.....and he still didn't know what she really was.
Get A CLUE!!!!
You have NO proof WHO these people are at all but are so DESPARATE for love that you put YOURSELF or your CHILDREN in a situation where someone could get killed or duped out of money!
It would not be such a lovely storybook ending then, would it ?????
AGAIN......this kind of thing happens when meeting in person ALOT!
Sorry............but anyone with half a brain .......or "a clue" ......should know that the situations you describe here happen just as often in person as they do on the internet.
Of course things CAN go wrong......on-line or in person.......just as things CAN go
well.......on-line or in person.
The bottome line is......there ARE people who have fallen in love without
meeting........you can say it isn't true and it can't happen all you want........you can
say that they're wrong or lying if it makes you feel better.......but just because it
hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it can't happen. Some people........like some
who have posted here.......would have never believed it if it hadn't happened to
them.
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:44:26 AM | First off I do believe you can fall in love with someone you have never met...I did or I most certainly felt that I had without a doubt. When I did meet him in person , it was exactly as I believed it to be and more for that matter.
Did this happen in a matter of weeks...absolutely not.
I believe it does take time to get to know someone thoroughly to know if they are someone that you could love...how in a matter of weeks could you really know them? That would make me a little sketchy to say the least.
I fell in love with the mind and heart of the man that I am still with....of course the physical needed to be found out, and thankfully it was all there.
So YES , you can fall in love with someone you have never met.... | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/17/2007 9:53:37 PM | | Jumping the gun? Assuming the guy is sincere and not a scammer or something, that's my guess. Just overeager. He feels something for you and doesn't know how to express it. He knows it's more than just "liking you" and just jumps the gun. I'd say unless he seems very creepy, give him a break. Maybe explain to him that you appreciate where he's coming from, but it's way too early to be in love with you. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/18/2007 12:38:33 AM | I didn't meet my ex until a year after we started chatting online. We didn't meet on a dating site though... but I don't think that matters lol. We knew after about three months that we loved each other and after longer figured we were in love but wanted to see if that translated into real life. Because of the VERY long distance between us, we couldn't meet in person before then, but when we did and we got over the initial awkwardness and started to realize that we were as much the people we were online as we were in person, we knew we were in love.
I think it has a lot to do with circumstances. I've had guys tell me after two chats they were in love with me (sometimes less)... which is ludicrous... you can't love me ~ you don't KNOW me!!! If the person is REALLY far away (another country / continent) and you're both honest and true to yourselves and each other (in other words be/say the things you would in real life etc.) then I can see falling for someone online. Having said that, it's easy for someone to string you along online ... especially on a dating site, so cautious optimism is a good thing. At this point I don't think I could trust that what was happening in online communications would be enough to fall in love. You might think so just on words alone, but the truth of it will come out when you meet. | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/18/2007 1:01:17 AM | As I posted in another topic.... I dont think you can be in love over the Internet....The way we talk and present outselves over the net can be very different than when you meet someone in the real world.
Plus, I dont know how you can be in love, not only over the net, but in a couple weeks time...
Just thought I would put in my two cents....
KRS | |
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| Saying I love you without having even met
Posted: 4/18/2007 1:30:29 AM | | This is something that is occuring more often now that a majority of people are on the internet making new connections. I think it is a little odd, but Im with a lot of other people in that you never truly know what you are feeling until you meet the individual in person. I think that POF, and other sites provide the potential for love, but, its not real until the person is more than just emails, phone calls, and text messages to you. | |
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