| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 8:40:38 AM | sassy if you dont care about matieral things, why do you care about the house?
You cant get what was his before he married you, only if you bought the house together after you married.... and that does not mean you will not get the house payment if you want the house.
Also if the house was given to him by a family member, you have no rights to it.
You need a lawyer as its not a matter of control, its a legal matter and you may have no rights to the house. If your not legally married, you may have no right at all to the house. You will have to file for child support and that may be all you get. | |
|
*Tee*
|
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 27 | |
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 8:57:36 AM | You're speaking as if the assets involved are either all yours or all his. Usually, unless somebody is entering a marriage with a prenup, or with already existing funds, isn't everything split in half?
I don't agree with any one partner trying to get all, I agree with whats fair. The fact remains that although you might not want the assets, realistically (assuming you have full or joint custody of your child) you can't just think of yourself here, you have to think of your child.
You still need a place to live to ensure that your child is in a good environment.
Your husband had every right to demand whats his, but so do you. Don't let pride stand in the way of realism, do what you need to do to get your half so you can make a fresh start with your child...JMO | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 8:58:57 AM | Sassy, I had the same attitude when I left my husband. However, at the time we were young and did not have alot of material things, so it wasn't an issue.
Have you considered family arbitration? That's what I did with my ex to avoid the legal fees. I was lucky though, because no matter what our differences were, my ex and I always ended up coming together to do what's best for our child.
The guy I'm currently seeing takes issue about my settlement with my ex. He thinks I got the short-end of the stick and it may appear that way on paper. Yet, my ex does alot for our child that's above and beyond the agreement.
Ultimately, it should be about what's best for the kid(s). I just tell my current interest that I'm the chairperson in the situation and that I will always do what's best to maintain a healthy relationship between my child and my ex. I don't want his money and if I we were to battle it out in court, we would just be lining the pockets of lawyers while causing stress on all of us. This way, we can save the money for my kid's education and extra-curricular activities.
If your ex is money/power hungry and you feel that you can advocate for yourself, arbitration is a good option that could create a win-win situation while saving money for all of you. However, if he's trying to use finances for leverage and you are concerned about how to advocate for yourself, some independent legal advice would be useful even if you opt for family arbitration. | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 9:36:23 AM | If any man wanted you just because of what you have, you don't want him anyway (same for rule for women).
However, Sassy, in your case, your ex was in the right (without more of the story). If men had any concern about you it would be;
1) You got tired of the relationship and instead of leaving yourself, you kicked him out! That's selfish and controlling, I'd say. Kudos to him for saying "Wait a minute! It's my house and she's the one who wants out!" But good for you for doing what you should have done in the first place.
2) You left with, as you put it, "MY" daughter. Did you have this child without the benefit of any man? Sounds like it. Otherwise, it is OUR daughter and once again, you are the one being "controlling" taking her away from her father.
Given just the story you've told so far (and I'm sure there's stuff you're not saying), you are the only one with a control issue. Would some men rightly be concerned about that? .... I should hope so! So if I were you, I wouldn't worry about what you have or don't have, but I would worry about how you treat others. True love and self-centeredness cannot exist together. | |
|
| |
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 10:09:27 AM | | Some men will judge you, of course, especially if they know if it will bother you and know you are vulnerable about it. People have a tendency to judge you on things that bother you. They know what bothers you and that's what they will hit on. Some guys won't because they know the past is the past. Find some one that will not judge you on the past....I could tell u a story about my current relationship to set your mind at ease and at least you will know there are some guys that won't judge anything that has already happened in someones life. "To love is not to judge" . Don't ever forget that! | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 10:12:17 AM | sassy back to the question...Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
^^^what????????????????? only thing that runs thru my head is if he wants you back after you cheated on him?? am i alone here? | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 10:26:59 AM | I was in sort of the same situation, I left most material possessions behind. That's just it they are material and can be replaced. I think the right "special someone" will accept you for you, all that you have been through and admire the courage and bravery it took you to do what you did!!
 | |
|
| |
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 10:59:57 AM | Why , pray tell, should he care? what is in the past is in the past and you can't change it now. But ,you should really be concentrating on your daughter and how she is doing rather then something that you may or may not have to deal with in the future. How you behave will teach your daughter how to behave . Yes , walking away with out the visable assests teaches her that material things aren't really important...what else do you want to teach her? Good luck,been there done that and it ain't easy, by any stretch. Sorry if I make mistakes I am New to Comp, | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 11:43:39 AM | I just wanted to make a point about women walking away from financial entitlements because we just want out of the relationship. As I stated in my previous post, I've done it. However, if we are walking away simply because he proclaims: "It's mine!" and we say: "Oh whatever, have it," because we are exhausted and worn down, we aren't necessarily doing what's best for our children or creating a fair situation for ourselves. Economically stable mommies mean economically stable children.
The man I'm currently dating is miffed with me because he perceives that this is what I have done. Yes, during my marriage I allowed my ex to bully me out of two vehicles (paid for by me and insured by me) simply because he said: "They are MINE!"
In some ways, I did allow my non-materialism become a liability for myself and perhaps my child saw me struggle more than what was fair. And as my current interest puts it: "Some men will capitalize..."
If two people have economically contributed to a domestic situation, then the partner that's leaving (usually the woman) could have some entitlements to the assets (and definitely child support) depending on the situation. We don't know if OP provided some income for the down payment on the house and we don't know if they were married or how much she contributed by working both inside and outside the home.
Again, I do understand the concious decision to walk away from assets no matter what the value is--sometimes you just don't have the energy for the fight. Yet, this is exactly how the economically stronger partner-turned-adversary can capitalize. | |
|
tdh46
|
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 37 | |
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:04:47 PM | Spiderwoman, where did she say her ex was bad? did i miss that part of the thread.... She kicked the guy out of his house, he moved back in and said "it's my house too, if you don't want me here you move" and half of you including the OP is slapping this guy with a control freak tag..WTF did i miss here, she ended the marriage, she should move, it's the guy house too, he has assets in said house he needs to protect.
No matter what thread gets posted in here the guy always gets cast in the role of the villian, you people need to get a grip. | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:12:30 PM | You say you aren't a material person because you left it all behind, but worry someone else wont want you without all your material possessions; this sounds to me like you are in fact a very material person masking your own identity with this question.
I'm a decent 38 year old male with my priorities straight. I don't date women for what they own, but instead for how they make me feel and how they act. I would date a poor girl struggling to make it on her own before I would date a wealthy woman that don't know how to make a man happy with just a simple smile.
Life is short and finding the right woman is a long journey so why waste time with the ones that don't fit.
Bob
Jonesport, Me
 | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 12:50:48 PM | Hiya Sassy, Im not really sure I understand your qurestion as well. As for you moving out and taking your child with you,,,,seems to me like you did the right thing. If you two felt like it wasnt worth working out anymore, then you did yourself and your child a hudge favor. Its the children that always seem to suffer from what the parents do. Im kind of in your shoes, I moved out and took my daughter with me.It was the best thing I could do for me and my daughter under my circumstances. I wouldnt care what any man thought of me rather, I was rich or poor. If a man truly cares about you, he shouldnt hold where you live, or where you work, or how much money you make, against you if, indeed he had any morals about you, or for himself. There are some men however, that are cautious, because alot of woman, not all, but alot, who are out to be gold diggers, and want a man to take care of them. Dont depend on a man to take care of you. If you love yourself and love your child, then do whats the right thing, and dont worry about what other people , or what a man thinks about you. The first priority should be your child. Once you have established yourself, then start looking for a man. Dont throw yourself back into the frying pan again, until you have done some healing. If a man can't accept you in your condition, then they are not worth accepting you at all, that tells me to move on,,,not all men are selfish.... Good luck!
~Alisa~ | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 1:09:11 PM | Oh...I judge every Divorcee. Rest assured...there are going to be guys out there who had their woman walk ( 70% of all divorces by the way)..and some of them, when they hear you were the one who ended the marriage.....well, they are going to remember when their ex wife did the same thing.
By the way, this one was hilarious: ( A TOTAL FORM OF CONTROL)...
most of the divorced dudes have heard this one before too
but dont worry......I am sure you left for good reasons......right? with no regrets...right?
Now if you are worried about not having any "stuff" dont worry......as long as you are a woman, and reasonably attractive, there will be dudes who will have you. | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 1:12:54 PM | I don't want to be a spoil sport here but I noticed you joined this site a year before putting your husband out?
I also don't follow the "know one will want me" thing nor do I follow that its 'all about what so and so has'.
The first girlfriend I ever had was broke but I still had sex with her ...I'm pretty sure that most males don't really care if you're broke or not. | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 1:51:27 PM | Sassy,
Not quite a year and a half ago, I was living in Chicago and experiencing the final stages of the worst relationship of my life. Prior to moving there, I gave most of the contents of my home to my ex husband because my bf's home was fully equipped and I didn't need all that stuff. Now, I had been a stay at home Mom during my marriage, and it wasn't until about 6 months prior to leaving Chicago to return to SC that I started working again. When I moved back to SC, I didn't have 2 pennies to rub together, was unemployed, and couldn't even afford to move back what few belongings I had taken to Chicago with me. I moved into a crappy apartment, could barely furnish it and my first job upon my return was waitressing. I can't even describe how poorly I lived; it was horrible! During that time, I started dating again and I dated guys of varying incomes. Out of all those guys, only one didn't have the "Ok, how is it that a girl like you ended up here?" look written all over his face. That one guy that didn't is the fella I've been with for the past 10 months, and he could care less. He took the time to look a lil closer and he realized what an awesome chiccie I am, lol---ain't a chance in hell he's letting me go, either.
The dates I had with those other guys were very cool dates, but the wealthier they were, the quicker they disappeared. I dunno, I guess they saw me as someone who'd depend on them financially, or maybe they saw what I was so deeply ashamed of, but tried really hard to hide? I wasn't ashamed of what I didn't have any longer, I was ashamed of the mistakes I'd make and the poor judgements that landed me in such dire circumstances. Once I did my time for all that and finally made peace with it, I bloomed like crazy! Perhaps that's what my current boyfriend saw in me? At any rate, what I'm trying to say to you is as long as you're working your butt off to make your life what it should be and you're doing right by YOU---hold your head high, put out your best positive vibe and just screw those that don't wanna mess with it all. Someone will come along, once you're really ready.:) | |
|
| |
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 4:20:16 PM | Sorry I didn't give you the full story Tdh46..
At the beginning of it all , He was drunk and threw me my 12 year old and my 15 year old out of the house ... He told us that we were "white welfare trash!" and wouldn't amount to anything more.... The RCMP.. removed him from the house that night and i told him he could NOT COME BACK!!!
In December he did move back in and said, "if you don't want me here than you could be the one to leave!" | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 5:46:39 PM | | its very hard for anyone in here to truly know what is going on between two people in private. it is a little strange thought that you have been on pof for so long before you and your husband broke up. i think you are not so much the innocent injured party you are trying to make yourself out to seem. certainly him getting drunk and throwing you and the kids out is not right ,if that is what happened at all. there may be a lot more to the story. | |
|
ddream
|
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 46 | |
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:57:08 PM | Well, I'm sure every country has it's own law when it comes to divorce (Yea I've seen The war of the roses LOL) and assume that's the way to go in the US. Here it's different and the judge decides who gets the house (as far as I know the person not living there could get the house too).
So that being said I think it wouldn't be a problem and won't judge you on just that... I'm sure most people won't but then again I'm not sure what the situation is like in the US. But if it means that the one living in the house is getting the house in a divorce then I don't have a problem with that whatsoever. But hey I'm not just anybody...  | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:29:38 PM |
However, I do want to find true love, and in today's world it is all about what so and so has.... I am afraid that I will be judged for this, and know one will want me....
I know it seems like it's all about having a large collection of possessions, and for some people it's true. But it's not true for everybody.
Ask yourself this. Do you really think you'll find true love with someone who would judge you based on your possessions? Is someone who would judge you based on your possessions even worth your time?
Don't be afraid of being judged on that sort of thing. The opinion (and it's only an opinion) of someone who would judge you based solely on your possessions shouldn't be given too much weight anyway. | |
|
| Would He Still Want Me After He Knows?
Posted: 4/30/2007 11:42:36 AM | | i think u should leave ur past and remember love is about risks, people wont care that ur ex was a ????, theres loads of men that will respect u for having the strength to start again, always look to the future as u cant change ur past, unless ur superman lol | |
|
| |
| |
Home
login 
