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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/16/2007 1:13:33 PM | Are these “Independent Woman - watch me roar” threads EVER going to stop - or even slow down.
Ok ....... I now think all these “are guys intimidated by us independent women that keep shoving it in guy’s faces” threads now out number the “why do women pass us nice guys up for jerks” threads.
Ok gals for the 1,000 time - my answer is - yes you should be proud of yourself now >>>>>>>>>>> STFU about it. | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/16/2007 3:56:49 PM | Hav n Fun, thanks for your compliment. It appears I am the only male that feels this way in this forum, but thats good I enjoy being myself; a leader not a follower; A true sign of an Aries.
For the record, a man can still be a man even if the woman earns more. Each just has to respect the other and know their place and responsibilities in the relationship.
Bob
Jonesport, Me
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/16/2007 4:23:44 PM | something My man's an aries, too. We seem to mesh perfectly together, we have a really strong partnership. And I really think that's what most want in a relationship. I'd much rather have him take my car in when it needs to be fixed so I don't have to listen to a rigamarole about a carburator and pray I don't get ripped off. If I let him do something for me, then I let him do it...hands off and appreciate what he does that I can't do or that he does much better. Vice versa, we both manage to have a compliment of skills and strengths so together we're much more than either of us is by ourselves.
In the workplace, I'm the dept. supervisor.....the boss. That's my job so I function in that capacity. I don't need to be the boss at home or in a relationship. I think many times both men and women confuse their relationship roles with their career roles. I'm a totally different romantic partner than I am a boss at work. He's the same.
It's great that more women are living on their own and managing households and families. I think it makes us much more resourceful. For myself, it only increases my appreciation of the man in my life, rather than decreases it.
If you want to run your own life and always have things your own way, then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship. I don't think this makes me less of a woman or less of a strong or independent woman. I wouldn't think of doing or saying anything that would emasculate my sweetie. Men and women both have egos and self pride, and in a good relationship neither should have to sacrifice theirs.
I'm glad to share my life with him and think we're a terrific team.  | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/16/2007 4:26:08 PM |
A woman instists on paying her half of the date?
Liked to drive 1/2 the time?
Made more money than you?
Would rather try to solve and issue herself before she would accept help?
- paying half - no problemo, but I'd rather I pay this time, she pays next - then we get to treat each other and enjoy it a bit more, rather than treat it like a business deal where we've negotiated fair terms.
- made more money than me - not a problem either - so long as she understood I may not be able to afford to do/buy/eat/drink/wear the things she does.
- problem solving - not an issue, but all men like to be considered useful, so even if she solves the problem, it would be nice to be asked how I would have done it. Just so I see she values my opinion, as I would value hers.
and then there's the doozy.
- wanted to drive half the time. No. Hell No. I bloody hate being driven round by anyone (male or female), and in particular when I see a guy and a woman in a car together, and the woman is driving - it just looks wrong to me, and I'd never allow it unless I was for some reason incapable of driving myself. I have no way of explaining this - it's just the way I am.  | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:25:02 PM | well.. lets look at this question from a different angle.
I’m a man and I insist on paying for only half of the date?
I will drive 1/2 the time
I make more money than you?
I Would rather try to solve and issue by myself before asking you for help?
I’m an independent man.. I don’t need a woman in my life but I would like one.
If you take comments that women make about being a independent woman and imagine a man saying these things to you.. How would you feel? Would you think he is a jerk?
In a sense there saying to you … I don’t need you or a man and wonder why men don’t care for this.. Its not about you being self sufficient.. That’s awesome.. It’s the attitude that surrounds it. I think it is counter productive to a relationship.. independent means single.. if you don’t need a man he will feel this and think what’s in this relationship for me.. What’s my value to her? She doesn’t need me.. I’m out and want someone that needs me as much as I need her. men need to be needed much like a woman needs to be needed .
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:34:22 PM | | I've met very few "truely" strong independant women,,,,, but the ones I did were more of a turn on than an off. The females that I have met who have TOLD me that they are strong and independant,,,,yeppers,,, total turn off. | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:40:17 PM | The short answer is yes. If you have to wear your independence like a chip on your shoulder then it will make a lot of guys shy away.
If the woman wears her independence like a adult ( in other words she doesn't have to point it out ) then no it won't be a turn off. In that case independence is not only appreciated but sought out. | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/16/2007 8:00:41 PM | A woman instists on paying her half of the date? I would welcome that!
Liked to drive 1/2 the time? I prefer to drive only because I enjoy it and because I've been in several accidents and other people driving make me nervous.
Made more money than you? I don't have a problem with it as long as she was willing to share and didn't rub my face in it.
Would rather try to solve and issue herself before she would accept help? I'd let her know I was willing to help but if she wanted to do it on her own then I'd let her. | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/16/2007 10:07:42 PM | A woman who insists on paying her half of the date is fine with me. I totally respect that in fact.
Liked to drive 1/2 the time? well, if they are in the passenger seat then that's better than other women I've known. Otherwise, I don't really care who drives unless I'm terrified by her driving hehe.
Made more money than me? Well, not in itself, no.
I solve issues the same way and frankly I respect women who are like that too.
You've basically just said do guys feel intimidated by a low-maintenance woman and I'd bet that since many of us just desire to be wanted and not needed you should have no trouble meeting a guy based on these things. | |
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ddream
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Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 37 | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 12:11:22 AM | This is my first time in this forum so... be gentle...
I understand the idenpendent and strong woman's concerns but I also agree with the majority that financial position, driving and problem solving are not the ways to define these characteristics, perhaps!
I see strength as being supporting, knowing your own mind and being mature enough to know that it is better to be understood than right, being able to be an equal without needing to rattle your cage about it and being able to treat your partner with the same affection and love as he treats you. Yes you can pay for things and problem solve, but surely, if you want a truly balanced relationship, it would be nice to get and receive gifts or treats without feeling "put out" by it or feel that it was a competition of status. If a partner bought the meal, drove me to somewhere nice for the day or gave me a thoughtful gift, I would think about how lucky I was... I hope he would feel the same when the gesture was reciprocated.
Independence... I understand the importance of showing that you are not after a man to "look after" you in the financial sense... but isn't it about looking after each other in all senses... or maybe I'm missing the point. Its not about who makes the money, or who drives, its about making memories, adding a "non monetary" value to both your lives that doesn't need a checklist of "who did what when, who gave what..."
I see my strength and independence as having honesty, integrity, values in the things that really matter, adventure, spirit, supportiveness, empathy compassion... I may be coming from this from the completely wrong angle... but these are my thoughts for what they are worth.
If you focus and draw attention to the kind of strength and independence you seem to value, I could see that would have an impact on a relationship that should be equal... but also feel that if your roles were reversed and your partner was constantly making an issue of having "more than", I think it would bother most people.
Please don't shoot this down anyone, my opinion may not be the same as yours... but it doesn't make me right or wrong its just a different perspective.
PS. If you open a door for me... I will think you are curteous and kind... and I would do the same for someone else... manners cost nothing. My femininity is not so fragile that I would need to make an issue about a door!
Have a great day.
Christine xxx | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 3:03:53 AM | A woman insisting on paying for her half of the date would be fine for me - most of the women I have dated have done so in the past anyway.
Driving half the time is fine with me also - again, most women I've dated in the past have done this anyway.
Making more money than me would be fine - just as long as she didn't try and weaponise it by constantly saying "well, I make more money than you so you should do this, that and the other...". Its never happened to me, but I know a couple of people who have had people act this way in a relationship. I don't see the point in comparing all the time, it reminds me of when you're kids and you measure who has the most lemonade in a glass, who has the bigger biscuit... it gets boring and you realise there are more important things in life. So I really wouldn't have a problem with dating a woman who earns more than me. :)
I would prefer that someone tries to solve an issue before accepting (or asking) for help. I work in IT Support so I'm used to people asking for help, only to find they could have fixed it for themselves if they'd just made the effort and tried! So outside of work this would be a plus for me.
So I guess from that, a strong independent woman would not be a turn off for me! :)
- Gord | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 3:10:35 AM | OP this worn out topic of a thread began innocently enough----it merely seemed you didn't do a thread search BEFORE venting here first. That's okay----these forums are full of redundant "questions" that seem to reappear once a week. This notion men are intimidated by or don't enjoy independant, strong, self-sufficient women is simply wrong, wrong, and more wrong! SOME men can find the smallest of resons to not like a woman---this characterisic is but one of many.
Like has already been said the qualities you list aren't indiciations of anything substantial and don't show any real strength or independence. Instead they show you yourself have an income that allows you to live a certain way and have made choices that some would find non-traditional which is NOT to say they're "bad" in anyway.
I find it hilarious you feel the need to get angry and lash out at a dissenting opinion and begin calling the men insecure simply because they don't agree with you. Perhaps this "independence" you think you have obscures your vision in life outside your own little world. I get the impression you'll have a long lonely life ahead of you with the attitude and point of view you've demonstrated here so far. I hope it gets better for you----and that all the "things" you amass are a comfort in your later years! | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 3:12:37 AM |
Independence... I understand the importance of showing that you are not after a man to "look after" you in the financial sense... but isn't it about looking after each other in all senses... or maybe I'm missing the point. Its not about who makes the money, or who drives, its about making memories, adding a "non monetary" value to both your lives that doesn't need a checklist of "who did what when, who gave what..."
You haven't missed the point at all - that's spot on, as far as I'm concerned. I do wish people wouldn't make so much of things like that - I always wonder what happens if things change, like someone being too sick to work (and therefore not earning the money anymore)?
Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic at heart but I always believe that if two people love eachother, then none of that other stuff should really matter...
Maybe that's just me, though?
- Gord | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 3:39:34 AM | | I actually appreciate independent women. There is nothing worse than having a relationship ruined by resentment. When I date a girl for 2 months and every time I visit her she has a honey-do list, it's hard not to feel used and resentful. And let's not get into the whole bank account issue. It's like having a second car payment sometimes. As a gentleman, I will always offer to pay, but it's nice sometimes to hear the woman say that she will take care of the check. | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:00:17 AM | Paying for a date hardly makes a woman independent? Are you bloomin mad? I dont know any woman thats paid for a meal... or even a drink...
I always pay my half to everything... Holidays, meals, drinks... everything. Either that or get tarred with the 'women are freeloaders' brush! And believe me.... most women are! | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:17:06 AM | I guess I'm bloomin mad then... not only have I paid for a meal as a treat for my partner, but I would think nothing of getting a drink for him the same way as I would buy a drink for my best friend... because in my mind thats what a partnership should be... giving and taking... If he was insistant on always paying, all the time, which some people are comfortable doing, then I would redress the balance in other ways... a special home cooked meal, his favourite cd, tickets to see his favourite band, a day trip to a special place...
It's nothing to do with freeloading or having an imaginary points system about who does what for who... its about being together... and feeling loved, and cared for... not a one way street, a partnership where there doesn't have to be a battle every time a purchase is made or something nice is done for someone! There would be nothing worse than having a really good meal or wanting to go and see a show and having to debate or worry about who's turn it is... there is a gift to yourself when you give someone something... especially when you expect nothing in return.
Argh... if my view tars me with any particular brush... so be it!
Christine xxx | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:35:34 AM | Hi chris, Im not sure you read all of my message... Most of the women I work with wouldnt dream of paying for a thing.. I didnt say I was like that... I pay my half to everything because I believe it is the right thing to do... (and not being wanted to be tarred with the freeloaders brush). why should men constantly be under pressure to take out women and lavish them with goods? Its wierd to me.. I treating people to surprises like you said, paying for band tickets etc AND I pay my half to everything.
If someone wants to treat you then its different... like you said. But I jnow this girl who's never even so much bought her husband a drink.... women like us a rare breed...let me tell you! | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 4:46:06 AM | I guess I was confused by your "i pay half of everything" vs "if someone wants to treat you its different".
I've always had relationships where I felt that there was a mutual understanding of giving and taking... so if my partner said, lets go for a pizza... if he had money in his wallet and he wanted to pay, then I didn't stress about an imbalance, because I knew that somewhere along the line, I would be doing something nice for him too. Likewise, if the car needed some fuel and I was the one with the money at that point, I would stick fuel in the tank and not give it a second thought.
If a man decides to take you out, and treat you and get pleasure from looking after you... is that so wrong? Does that make you feel any more or less of an individual because someone has decided to do something nice for you. Would you be restless thinking... I need to pay half of this because if I don't establish this position I will enjoy the experience less?
Maybe I'm too much of a hippy! I just go with the flow with the knowledge that I give as much as I take... whether thats emotional, physical or spiritual, I don't need to immediately balance the books... I want to enjoy experience for what they are, live in the moment, without agonising over all the politics of it.
I agree that there are some women who are very much in it for what they can get... but there are some guys who obviously get a "pay off" from that, otherwise it wouldn't happen.
I guess the key is to find someone like minded... a ying to your yang!
Cx | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 5:31:38 AM | To be honest C I always have this guilt feeling if I dont pay towards something... (its always in the back of my mind not to forget to do something in return) Is that sad?
You probably have the right attitude.. Besides, I think Ive known too many of the wrong kind of women that think a man is a walking cash machine.. and I always had this idea that I didnt want to be like that... Its cruel on the man... who usually ends up getting his heart broken for his own generosity... women see them as an easy walk-over target...
S x | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 4/17/2007 5:42:09 AM | No I don't think you are sad at all... my opinon isn't right its just different and its a product of my upbringing and experiences, as yours are. Theres no right or wrong here...
I just feel that to accept someone doing something nice for you is an important part of the partnership. I guess it is maybe my fear that by always "going dutch" your not allowing someone to express their affection in this way without that "balancing the books feeling".
Obviously you are a very thoughtful and fair person... but there is a gift in allowing someone to make you feel special too! And you can always redress it at another time, allowing you both to just enjoy whatever it is, that you would otherwise debate...
If you are surrounded by "what have you done for me lately" women... its no wonder your attitude has been affected... but you don't need to swing to the opposite end of the spectrum either because then you miss out on the good bit, which is ultimately allowing someone to love you and make you feel special, just as you would for them.
Right... I'm off my soapbox now... I do find this really interesting though and have enjoyed listening to your point of view.
Cx  | |
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