| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/23/2008 9:20:13 AM | Strength and independence are self-evident and a woman with those qualities does not need to prove anything - by definition. I have no problem letting a woman buy me dinner without that making me feel like I'm dependent on her for anything. I think woman who insist on splitting everything because they feel some need to assert their independence are the ones who I would think of as being strong and independent. A strong, independent woman would not be afraid to ask me out and pick up the check, the same way I expect to pick up the check when I ask a woman out. It's dating, not lunch out with the women (who for some reason always want separate checks.) Guys don't operate that way (at least most don't). Believe it or not, guys who are friends don't find it all that weird to say, ``Don't worry about it, lunch is on me,'' and few will nit pick over a few dollars if they settle up after the bill is paid.
If a woman made more money than me, I wouldn't care and personally, I would rather have a woman solve a problem herself before she asks for help. I'm all for learning how to do things. Note: calling a repairman to plug in the refrigerator would NOT be solving a problem herself and that would be irritating on several levels. Whether solving a problem herself is an issue depends on exactly what you mean by solving a problem. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/23/2008 9:43:30 AM | What "strong and independent" means IMHO isn't about who picks up the check after lunch. It's about the ability to make decisions, to set goals and to work towards achieving them.
That, I suppose, describes executive qualities. Women who are free from living in stereotypes can think and live like executives, not just like servants or helpers, beginning in their own lives. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/23/2008 9:17:40 PM |
Being independent does NOT make you special at all in any way - it just makes you an adult
Totally agree with that, I'd only add the word "responsible" in front of adult. (being an adult doesn't imply responsible IMO)
People who make declarations "I am" ____(fill in the blank) I tend to find a little suspect, being that it's not what we consider ourselves to be but what another person considers us to be. After all they're going to make up their own minds anyway, no matter what one says or declares about themselves.
In the realm of romantic relationships, it is possible for two independent individuals to build an interdependent, synergistic relationship that is mutually enjoyable and satisfying. They learn to trust and depend on each other, and at the same time be trustworthy and dependable.
I am a businessperson, so I tend to think of it like a successful merger, not an acquisition and definitely NOT a hostile takeover. 
A successful merger is all about synergy, the combining of the best of both and the acknowledgement of weaknesses and strengths of both parties.
No one individual, no matter how intelligent, capable or talented can accomplish what two people can. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 11:10:02 AM | | I feel strong independent women can be a turn off when women use it as a tool for Ego and Selfishness to belittle a person. I have been down that road with women and I refuse to travel it again. I would rather get with a women who is already successful then to be with one who is trying to become independently successful. I feel if she is already established then she does would be use to having things verses a women who never had sh**t and acting as if she cares for you then when she get established independently the the true selfish person come out. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 12:05:30 PM | your all wussies!
(emotionally) strong and independant women are a BIG turn on for me. i still like to look after a girl, but i prefer her to know what she wants from life, and if she pursues it passionatley. i'm very independent myself, so i'd hate for someone to hold me back.
also i got a thing for girls in office wear,does that count? i think it makes them look confident,which is sexy. | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 1:26:07 PM | | for me, i love an indepemdent women, however I still want to know that she would come to me for both physical and emotional support if need be. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 1:28:57 PM | Again I ask... who cares?
No need to analyze here... I am not about to change who I am in order to suit what may or may not be attractive to men in general, please. It is whether I like me that truly matters. I know full well that who I am and what I have to offer will be attractive to the right one eventually. In the meantime I have no issues being on my own. | |
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| are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:21:51 PM | hey jimi, that makes so much sense!
I've brought my kids up on my own , and it takes a lot , now, to accept help. Once you gain independance, as a woman, it takes one heck of a lot of trust in the other person, to think of letting it go. But, yeh, we all need to be needed | |
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| are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:26:11 PM | | ^^ I hear ya, definately.. but I think that in allowing yourself to trust another enough to feel healthy need for another, to allow someone else to support you, well... you don't lose, you GAIN independence.. Jmo :) | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:27:08 PM | This is the same as asking if a guy likes a girl who is blonde, or tall, or short.. its really going to depend on the guy. I know guys who like their women to be dependant on them, I also know guys who want a woman who can do everything on her own as they work away from home a lot or don't want someone that they have to worry about.
You just need to find a guy that you like who appreciates the way you do things. The combination (for all of us) is hard to find, that's why we are on these silly websites :)
Best of luck in your search,
- Dyna | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:39:35 PM | Just because you are an independent woman does not mean you have to be strong, arrogant and unapproachable...
I pride myself that I am independent meaning I am self sufficient and would not need a man to support me... There are a lot of needy people out there, who basically need a man to support them financially and emotionally. I strived hard after my marriage broke up not to be dependent solely on a man, to have self worth and pride as an individual rather just being someones wife. I would say l am financially secure and that I can manage and be on my own for ever if I have too... I would however, prefer not to be alone. I want someone to be around to open the wine bottle and change the light bulbs... and I hate sleeping alone....
Men nowadays should welcome an independent woman, as an independent women typically doesn't have time for drama and only want a good quality relationship and are emotionally more content. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 4:12:42 PM | Ok let me help you so you can see it from a male perspective.
Strong independent woman: yes
Abrasive compeditive angry woman: no 
Often times women see this as one group but really they are two. Often the second group is blatently sexist. Who wants to be part of a persons life when they arn't wanted or liked. | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:49:55 PM | It depends. i think a woman who is opniated,and can fend for herself in the world is admirable. i also think if she needs to manifest that by being excessively hostile towards men to achive that,then yes. and in fact its a false front for insecurity.
sort of like the man who is terribly handsome,the kind of guy a well looking lady sees in an environment,talking with his friends,dresses just right for the occaison,the type who people seem to gravitate towards, a powerful,and seductive presence without having to actually portray that.
or the ype of lady who is seen walking acroos a busy New York street after work,catching a cab,in a black or red dress,knee length,hair blowing in the wind,the kind of thing you might imagine in a calvin klein photo...ya know.
the embodiment of sexy and alluring without having to do anything....yes...this type of strong presence is definately a turn-on. someone who is obnoxious...well either count on being single your whole life,or going through relation after relation.
independant is good,but sometimes this type of lifestyle can make one accustomed to being so into their own schedule that they dont always interact at optimum level with others,even friends at times. | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:16:55 AM |
girls that self-identify as such, and tout their strength and independence? go away.
Its the "anything you can do I can do better." Listen most men don't care. If you can great but stop browbeating. And thats what the second group I was refering to does. Its unattractive and unpleasent to be around. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:55:43 AM | | I like when a woman wants to drive, it's nice to be able to kick back and just be a passenger now and then. I like a fair amount of independence in a woman, though it's nice to rescue a damsel in distress once in a while......kill a spider, open a jar, slay a fire breathing dragon.....you know, the usual! | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:41:55 PM | | I wouldn't mind any of the things in the initial post. Unfortunately some of them aren't going to happen. Females are hypergamous and therefore most--even the most successful--will refuse to be with a man who makes less money than them. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:13:33 AM | you have failed to describe a strong or independent woman to me in your initial posting OP.
You have simply described a woman whom wants to be perceived as an equal.
And if i've invited you out, then no, you can't pay half. Insisting would appear rude and insensitive to me and would tell me that I should not expect another date with you.
However, since I AM in a big truck, and may be in an unfamiliar town......you are allowed to meet me where I park and go from there. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:57:01 AM |
Females are hypergamous and therefore most--even the most successful--will refuse to be with a man who makes less money than them.
gotta say, you're right on there. i'm not at all attracted to men who aren't my equal or better. don't know why exactly, but it's there. think it's the same for most women. must be some genetic or basic cavewoman type thing! lol the weird thing is most men think it has to do with money, but with women who have plenty of loot, how do the men explain it? i know i sure can't. as i said, it's just there.
as far as the rest of it goes, i'm almost wary of mentioning i'm very independent (financially, mindset, lifestyle, etc) because it's becoming almost a cliche ....... and not a good one. i suppose, i just have to set that aside and be who i am. can't cater to everyone. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 9/1/2008 1:48:38 AM | I think that you just don't want to feel like you are financially taking care of another adult.
I know the feeling. I supported mooch for four years. I ended it because I got tired of it and began to resent her for it! I mean, she could have, at least, worked a part-time job and maybe brought $100 per week into the relationship! SOMETHING would have been better than nothing!
Personally, spiderette, I think you put more weight on the issue than is actually there. I'm sure that, if you meet the right guy.....he's self-sufficient......and treats you excellently?? Then his gross yearly won't mean as much to you. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 9/1/2008 2:29:10 AM | for me, it has nothing to do with money. money is simply (sometimes, anyway) a reflection of certain things. for example, generally, if one has the tenacity, value system, etc to get a good education, then one makes more. a mere reflection.
the real issue for me: i'm just not attracted to people who aren't my peers. i think that's true of most people. people gravitate to the familiar. if you have certain values, you expect that in other people. it's just the norm in your life.
an aside, i think women are still somewhat held back in even in this day and age. there are a lot of opportunities, but a lot of women are still raised to covertly believe in that knight on a white horse, the white picket fence with children, and i could go on. i also think men's stereotypes of women tend to encourage that (it's all about "looks," and similar attitudes). it's changing, but it's not there yet. there are a few women who are there (via more traditionally men's type educational endeavors and the like...very empowering), but that's still not the norm. i still see too many women going into marketing majors and the like rather some of the heavier (and more lucrative) sciences. | |
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| Are strong independent women a turn off?
Posted: 9/1/2008 9:14:16 AM | | negative it's a turn on, however much like being a strong independent man, if someone takes interest in you, and your too strong and too independent to confide, show trust and show they enjoy your company more then being strong... that's another ball game | |
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| Are strong independant women a turn off?
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:00:25 PM | wow, ron9, there are meds for that.
i've had no choice but to be independent. it sure beats living in a carboard box under a bridge. gee, this morning alone i've had to deal with a toilet that exploded in fountain-like fashion. not a man for miles around to help me. i didn't even whine or cry.
OP, you go girl. i truly think guys like strong and independent women. don't change for anyone.
puts me in mind of a song written by a friend of mine called "american girl - xxx's and ooo's" sung by trisha yearwood. take a listen.
best of luck to you and your son.  | |
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