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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/20/2007 1:31:25 PM | Not going into too much detail..but we got down to it in a park late at night - right across from the pub..it's pitch black and no-ones around...one of those drunken end of the night moments when both of you can't wait to get home.
Anyway, I hear this sniffing and kind of hah hah hah heavy breathing...getting nearer and nearer..then he feels something licking his arse..and stops dead. He says to me "Something just licked my arse.." Well i burst out laughing!
It turns out it was a dog on a long lead, and it's owner was trying to tug the dog away but the dog wouldn't budge...and we couldn't move or we'd be caught....
Yes, i don't think i'll ever forget it lol. | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/21/2007 9:02:13 PM | When I lived with my ex wife we lived in a semi detached house. The houses were designed so that the master bedrooms were only seperated by a wall.
Well i'm banging away like steam locomotive except the steam was coming from my ears (it was a hot day and the windows were open, about 3pm) and shes crying out loud "harder, faster, more" etc. Well 5 minutes into it the couple living next door were bashing the wall in, so I stopped and listened and heard them going at it ten to the dozen as well. So I put on my spiderman outfit and gave him some of his own medicine and started bashing the wall down from the other side.
So all I can hear at this point is "bam, whomp, yes, harder, whomp, bam yes, harder".. We tried different tempos and positions but the other guy gave up.
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/22/2007 10:24:43 AM | Okay I have two...
Freshman year of college this guy I was seeing and I took a walk and ended up near this old cemetary and in the shadows of this tree. We started making out and then I decided to give him head. As soon as I'm on my knees and he's... free to the air.. this ghost tour walks up to the entrance of the cemetary and begins their presentation maybe 40 feet away. We're under a tree and by a fence in the shadows, so we thought we couldn't be seen, so I continued. A good 15 minutes went by and vaguely I realized they hadn't moved, when I finally stood and straghtened, they moved on and by us, only to stop in front of our tree and present it as the "Kissing Tree" with us standing there red in the face, definitely right under it.
When they finally walked away and we walked in the direction they'd come, I stopped at the cemetary entrance and turned around. There was a street lamp behind where we'd been at the street corner that PERFECTLY illuminated us. We gave a show for about 20 mixed company tourists.
Annnnnnd...
My mom's house is in a cul de sac, and one summer in college I was home, and we were just coming home from lunch and our next door neighbor stopped us to say hi and ask about some function. He grinned at her and made some comment about "enjoying" the sounds of the evening, and the fact that my mother and her new boyfriend don't close the bedroom window (which is only 10 feet from his bedroom window) at night. She laughed in his face and told him that at least she had something to make noise about, and wasn't it funny that in all the years she'd lived there she'd never heard anything from their window. He was beet red as she winked and drove away. Go moms. | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/22/2007 12:16:04 PM | | I am a telephone man and when I was in my early 20's I knew this girl whose dad owned a construction company. I asked her for a date and we wound up at a City park that had a small lake. We were on a pinic table having sex at 3 am when I looked up and saw some guys sitting in a boat watching us. We hurried up and left. Next time I went over to her Dad's company to do some work a guy that worked for her dad kidded me about seening me with the boss'es daughter at the park. Now i knew the news must be all over her Dad's company. | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/22/2007 2:25:01 PM | Hi all,
My then partner and I were having a session in her room, as it was her house she got to choose the music during our bedroom antics. She was a fan of Take That so I'm doing my best, anyway as she gets closer the random track selector pipes in with "It only takes a minute girl", this sets me off giggling (not the best soundtrack for a romp) ans starts giggling too and we kinda lost the sexy mood :-(
The good thing that came out of it was it motivated us to make an album of the worst songs for a man to hear while having it off as a mixed tape including such hits as;
'Mr Soft -****ey Rebel', 'Relax- Frankie Goes to Hollywood' and the er theme song of the 80's cartoon Gummi Bears (you try it).
Friends who heard it wanted a copy and has proven to be quite popular.... | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/22/2007 11:40:41 PM | | It didn't happen to me personally but when I was married my stepdaughter came running into the house saying that she heard the neighbor beating up his wife. I ran outside to investigate and found them in the throes of passion with the window open. I am just glad she did not realize what was really going on! | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/23/2007 10:08:52 PM | OMG,, I haven't laughed like this in a while. I almost fell off my chair laughing.
Ok, here's one of mine:
My boyfriend and I were in the thoes of passion. He was on top. We were so hot and
heavy that we both were being pretty vocal, but I must have been loud, because my
dog jumped up on the bed, and she was right behind him and was growling. She must
have thought he was hurting me. He kind of slid her off the bed with one foot and
went right on pumping, without missing a beat. Afterwards , he said that he was too
close to orgasm, to stop because of a mere potential dog bite. We started laughing
hysterically.... | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/25/2007 9:51:50 PM | OMG these stories are way to funny. I guess I have to share my stories as well.
Back in high school I used to spend a lot of time at my sisters house with the girl that I was dating. I was in high school and couldn't do anything at home because mom and dad were always there so we would go over there. One evening we were fooling around in the spare bedroom and she decided to surprise me with putting ice in her mouth while going down on me. I honestly have to say that I never saw it coming. When she did it I apparently yelled holy s**t pretty loud. Loud enough in fact to startle my sister and brother in law who in turn came running into the room to see if everything was ok. I don't think that either one of have ever moved that fast in out lives trying to find something to cover up with. My brother in law still brings it up from time to time.
A different woman that I was dating had a cat. The cat would usually be curled up on the foot of the bed while we were doing things. It was strange at first but I got used to it after a while. I guess the cat was getting bored watching the one night and decided to come up behind me and sink his claws into my butt. Talk about a mood killer. She couldn't figure out why I yelled and jumped up so quickly. She had a good laugh afterwards but the little sob drew blood. It took me a bit longer before I laughed at it. | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/26/2007 1:22:33 PM | Ohhhhh, yes, animals can add so much to our lives...lol... [ I really DO love animals,
though. ] Hmm, by the way , in my above post, I meant THROES of passion, not
thoes.... --- talk about typos !!!! | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/27/2007 9:10:55 AM | once a guy was on his knees giving me oral sex and my dog got on the bed and starting licking him right in his butt hole!! should have seen that guys reaction! silly dog, sure wrecked the moment-but it was very funny. | |
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LWK
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Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 64 | |
| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/27/2007 4:31:48 PM | Well here goes
At the time I was living in an apartment that was right next to the managers apartment, and my b/f and I had just gotten in from a date. The manager saw me walk into my apartment with him. We locked the front door , proceeded to the shower and from there into my bedroom . It was warm in the room so we turned on the A/C which was a window unit right over my bed.
So we're getting all hot & heavy he's on top , I'm as usual moaning and enjoying when all of a sudden he just stops moving and he is staring at my bedroom door which is about 2 feet away. So I turn my head to see what he is looking at and there stands my landlady (she's about 75 years old would be my guess) with this silly ass grin on her face.
I'm of course frantically trying to grab the covers that are under us to cover him up but he just calmly looks at her and says "Is there something I can help you with ?" By this time I am giggling uncontrollably , as she finally comes out of her stupor and says
"Well I knocked and knocked but nobody answered your door so I used my key to come in and tell you there is smoke coming out of your A/C I think it might be on fire!"
We had steamed up the bathroom so much and left the door open when we came out to hit the bed and the steam was being sucked into the A/C and out the window and blowing by their living room window .
We told her that since we were right under the A/C we would certainly be aware if it was on fire ... and she just stood there still... finally my b/f said ok your dismissed now unless you'd like to be next????? LOL she literally took off a a full run !! Never heard a word from her again. | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 8/27/2007 8:06:34 PM |
Ohhhhh, yes, animals can add so much to our lives...lol... [ I really DO love animals, though. ]
With seven dogs in my house, I normally say...uhhhh how about your house???
Been there, done that! LOL! | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:54:47 AM | A couple of funny things have happened to me:
My first wife was 6 months pregnant with my oldest child and at the time, we owned a water bed and one morning I got off of work and crawled into bed next to her. Suddenly, I was awakened to her riding me. She was extremely wet and seemed to be getting wetter and wetter. It was to the point that it seemed almost too wet. So I told her to hop up and low and behold...she pissed on me!
The last one was someone I had met and we were going at it for what seemed like forever and she drew her legs back almost over her head with her feet resting against my chest. Well...after her being in that position for awhile, we both finished and as I gently lowered her legs down, her left leg was locked into that position.
Needless to say, I didn't know she had a pin in her left hip, the pin bent and I caused a small fracture in her hip AND a trip to the emergency room where the doctor told her that she wasn't 20 any more and needed to watch the amount of strange postions. (She's 44)
To this day I still feel bad about it and now she can't really have any sex until her hip is fully healed. | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 10/8/2008 8:46:07 AM | | A few years back me and a gal got kinda excited and ended up on the floor of my studio, going at it the door was ajar and the next door neighbors caregiver kicked it it hit my gal in the head, "Bonk!" and she farted so loud and powerful I felt the air tickle my testicle...Then there was the time I was making love to another gal who was large like myself and my thang wasn't in her thang but it was in her tummy roll..And she was the virgin..I was in an elevator once with my sex buddy gal pal we got so horney we went at it in the elevator I hit the stop button not wanting to get caught and the fire alarm went off when the door was opened there were about 30 people along with the fire dept. watching..Yes those were the good old days. | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 10/8/2008 9:29:24 AM | Alright these were all very funny and I thought what the hey I may as well share one as well.
I was with this one girl that for the longest time was one of those quiet girls, so one night we're going at it like crazy animals and out of no where I hear this loud screaming sound and I stop dead looking around my room thinking to myself "what the hell was that?!?!" when I look down at the girl I was with and she's got this wide eyed look on her face like she was scared sh!tless from the noise. So I asked her "Was that you??" All she did in response was go bright red and tried hiding her face. Guess she wasn't so quiet after all | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 10/8/2008 7:23:00 PM | Haha these made me laugh!!
I have one to share:P
My ex and I hooked up for the very first time, and while we were going at it he told me he was going to name each one of my breasts. He played with them for a while and decided that the ones name was going to be "perky" and he couldn't figure out a name for the other. So we continued to go at it until we were done, and right after he finished I looked up at him and said "So what are you going to name it?" (didn't really think about how I phrased that...)
The look of horror on his face was priceless because he thought I was talking about kids.
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 10/8/2008 9:30:35 PM | | I was about 17 and me and my wife were together in my best friends sisters bed room (befor we were married), and his mother came home for lunch. She thoght I was in bed with her daughter. She was banging on the door and yelling I thought she was going to break the door down I kept yelling It's not Lorie It's not Lorie. After she calmed down we walked out I don't know She seemed so releived but still pissed but at least I wasn't Banging her sweet little daughter. | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 10/8/2008 9:38:07 PM | | Funny Now Freaky then- My wife and I befor we were married was on top of a hill in the back of her mustang hatch back we were right in the middle of Z()&*)& when i looked out the side glass and saw a guy on his knees peeking in the window of the car . My heart almost jumped out of my chest my wife freaked out I climbed out of the car with just my underwear on running through the woods trying to catch the perv. Needles to say I never did but we still get a kick out of it. | |
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| Funniest thing ever happened to you during sex?
Posted: 10/14/2008 12:56:54 PM | I just thought of one more. It's funny as Hell, yet might even be disgusting to others, but here it goes.
My last wife and I were on our honeymoon and were in a hotel for a few days. On our first night together as a married couple, we were having sex (obviously) and she decided that the special occasion should call for anal sex. (Something that she loved often.)
I obliged and several minutes later, I was greeted with resistance during a stroke inwards and was immediately BLASTED out of her. Not pushed out, but blasted out by an ENORMOUS fart of no known magnitude.
Needless to say, I didn't touch her again for a couple of days afterwards. | |
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OMG that is funny! 