| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:04:50 PM | As from the dating stand point guys we need to give the some ladies a little extra time. If you perk their fancy they will give you a email adress or a phone number. I wait for her to offer that infromation and if they don't within a period of time then its time to move on. I give a woman two weeks of emailing or Iming to give a telphone number. If not then again its time to move on. The read/delete part. I will answer every email that comes into my box. If someone took the time to send a message then its only right to send one back even if its a rejection. I have written up to two paragraghs trying to get some sort of conversation or reaction and got the read /delete.  | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:12:32 PM | Ok from a guy's experience and POV, bottom line is, you can send a nice message to any woman. The message can be about her likes and interests and it shows that the guy has read the rpofile, could be some humour in it, whatever. But if you do not appeal to her standards in how you look, meaning if she is not at all impressed or attracted to what she sees in one or 8 pictures, then she is going to say to herself "Ya right buddy you're ugly" and hit delete.
Also there is a double standard, women can also have men in their pics but men cannot have women in their's or else no reply back. For some odd reason women feel that those women, who may be friends, celebrities you met, hockey players you met etc, are the type you are looking to date or that they are ex girlfriends.
I had 2 pics up before, one with Shania Twain and the other with Torrie Wilson WWE Superstar I had met. I got a reply back saying "Kill the pics with the chicks, you won't get replies with those on your profile"
Yet even though I explained in my profile I was a fan of Shania Twain and a fan of wrestling, it was obvious that being mentioned in my profile went over their heads.
I currently have pics with a friend who I met in Winnipeg, she is on POF, some Finland Women Hockey hockey players, and German Women hockey players...I mention in my profile that I am a fan of women's hockey and state they are not ex gf etc.. I went to Winnipeg for the Women's World Hockey Championships last week.
I still got a reply back the other day saying "Shouldn't have pics with women in them" and this was from someone who had nothing but pics with women and guys on her profile. Double standards. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:37:12 PM | I have rarely had troubles with carrying on a good conversation with someone, even after a only a couple emails. I am looking for someone who has good communication skills regardless of the situation. No different than meeting a stranger or being introduced to someone at a party. How well can you carry on a conversation in any given situation is a quality that I admire. It should be no more difficult conversing with someone from here than meeting someone new at work or when you are out and striking up a conversation
People can lie through emails easier than they can by voice on the phone. I can usually see through someone's intentions by how they talk and converse, but it is much more difficult when it is outside the two-way communication realm.
If a woman tells me she would like to talk, I will send my phone number. I don't count the emails until I release that info. I go with the gut feeling and the fact I prefer getting to know someone that way. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:44:02 PM | here's a really good example of why i don't give out msn, yahoo, or phone numbers to people i don't get to know here first.
Just today, a gal pal who has an account here had to change her home phone number. She had been chatting here for a bit with a guy, then they exchanged email addresses. On her email addy is her last name (yes, i gave her hell!), he looked up her phone number and immediately started with the harassing calls. "I can't live without you." "Oh, the things I want to do to you." you get the picture. She was upset and worried that now he can also get her home address. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:59:24 PM | Jamieberry -
just today, a gal pal who has an account here had to change her home phone number. She had been chatting here for a bit with a guy, then they exchanged email addresses. On her email addy is her last name (yes, i gave her hell!), he looked up her phone number and immediately started with the harassing calls. "I can't live without you." "Oh, the things I want to do to you." you get the picture. She was upset and worried that now he can also get her home address.
I wish more people understood this.
Hence, why I never give out my home phone number. My cell number is not in my name, but an alias, with a billing address that is not my own. They don't care what address or name is on it, as long as they get paid (per my experience). My email address has 'parula' as the name and the address (which is a type of bird and, well, I don't have wings).
There's much to be said for caution and I am so glad that you brought this aspect up! | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/18/2007 7:03:56 PM | I've got a whole big collection of men's phone numbers on POF. They are quick to give them out. One guy moved to Georgia and on his first contact through email with me gave me his number and told me to call collect. Now that is a bit too much. Only called one though and we have been dating for 5 weeks now. I would much rather talk on the phone than go back and forth with a bunch of email B.S. I emailed him on a Thursday and he emailed back on a Friday and by the next Tuesday we met and just really hit it off. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/18/2007 7:04:37 PM | | A couple of years ago I gave a woman my number. And we had not even met yet and she was calling me 4 even 5 times a day. I said forget it that I do not appreciate being hounded this way when I have yet to meet her. She got offended and after I told her forget it that it was a turn off to me, she kept calling me. I had to change my cell number for the fact it got annoying she would keep calling. Then she would black her number thinking I would answer. Unreal. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/18/2007 7:14:33 PM | Hahaha Its funny to read this forum because Ive done the emails on here back and forth with a few great people and you know I have to say Im a pretty good guy yeah yeah everyone says that but what ever back to my point Ive only been on a couple date from this site and Ive tried to be as truthful as I can well a friend of mine is a silver tounged devil and just plays women, one message and a lay wft over?
Ive got to say the days of women looking for Mr Right has gone out the window and now its just who says the sweetest pickup line. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/18/2007 7:15:30 PM | I think most of the posters here have very valid points- if someone is rushing things its a red flag, but I will say one thing- at the risk of angering the POF gods- The chat software on here can be very annoying- I've had my incoming IM thingy pop up and then I'm unable to connect for some reason. Or, I IM a gal, and she can't read or reply to me. And its irritating and can spoil things.. I just find Yahoo IM to be easier and more reliable, although it has issues too. So I may tell a gal I would like to chat on Yahoo fo that reason alone. And I don't see anything wrong with that. If she doesn't want to, fine, I can respect that. But I've had enough problems with the chat on here I'd just as soon do it elsewhere.
Honestly, I like to chat with a gal and see if there is some common interests. Then I like to talk on the phone because I get a much better sense of personality that way, and emails IMs can sometimes be misread. Then if we sem to have a connection, then let's meet. But all in good time and at the pace both people feel comfortable with.
Just my 2 cents. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:41:12 PM | angelina45
no offense,
but look at what they frist see when looking at your photo.
try to put more clothes on and they might want to get to know you.
like i mention, no offense.
Oh god forbid. You can see my arm and my shoulder is completly naked. Next time i'm on a date I will be sure to wear a turtle neck.  Never heard of a spaghetti strapped dressed? My boobs aren't hanging out and I don't have a bra shot. Use to see tons of those before you could report from the profile. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/19/2007 2:49:44 PM | I must be doing this all wrong.
I don't like messaging or emailing someone for weeks on here.
If I send a message and get a response...or someone sends me a message and I respond...and it looks like a meeting would be interesting...I would rather meet asap instead of messaging back and forth. I also prefer to chat via email...but thats just me. I don't have a problem giving out my email addy within a few messages...but that doesn't make me easy and I don't have any agenda. I can just as easily block you from my email as I can block you from here...I don't see the difference.
I think meeting someone for coffee is a far cry from committing to a serious relationship. I don't have to KNOW that the person Im meeting is THE ONE...I just have to know they have possibilities. I also think sometimes the longer you chat in here without meeting...the easier it is to build up impressions...sometimes wrong...and the easier it is to be disappointed. Often times we let our imagination get away with us.
Anyway...thats my opinion.
boo
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/19/2007 3:17:39 PM | P.S: To my last post. No offence taken. But what does what I'm wearing have anything to do with what this post is about?
It may be a valid point if that picture was not recently added all of a few days ago, when I updated my profile (pics of me are few and far between as I myself don't own a digital camera, so sue me for using it. It's my only most recent one at the moment)
What this post is about doesn't only apply to me. This is about everyone and there experience's when it comes to IM's and messages. People rushing things, being ignored or deleted etc etc
This has been going on for aslong as i've been here long before the few days ago that picture was added. Thanx for your impute though | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 4/19/2007 3:40:21 PM | | different people have different experiences, some rush some dont , as for me i dont rush anything , i carry the conversation to a instant messaging service so its easier to talk and its still safe. i dont care if i get the dreaded "deleted" messages. im not the most attractive guy out there but im not insecure either. if they wish to be superficial and delete it then thats their shortcomings. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 11/11/2007 11:11:25 AM | I don't quite understand the whole read/delete thing. I can understand if anyone gets an initial e-mail asking for sex or wanting a phone number right away, but what if it's nothing like that? I look at profiles, read it, determine if from this brief snippet of information if there is something I like then if I think that from this little bit of information I can get along with this person I will send a message. I've never been perverted, I've never asked for a phone number. Here's an example of a message I recently sent and had read/deleted without any response:
***** Hey, how's it going? Was browsing through here and read your profile and thought you sounded pretty cool so I'm casting out a big "hiya" your way :)
I'm just on here checking things out. Been single for a little over 3 years now and realizing getting back on the horse is all kinda strange... or maybe I'm just strange, I haven't figured that out yet! *laughs*... I'm on PoF without any expectations, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking for long term, or dating or whatever. I do want someone special in my life but i don't believe you can force it or say on the first date "yeah, we're going to be together forever!" I'd like to spend the time to get to know someone and then see what happens... to see if both people want to take that step to allow themselves to be vulnerable. Just thought I'd get that out there since my profile says I have no expectations and some folks have asked me what exactly I mean!
So anyways, if you get this message and want to email me back, that will be super fantastic... I hope your weekend is going well. Bye for now.*****
I don't understand what's wrong with that? Her profile stated she's looking for long-term so I just let her know that even though mine says "dating" and my profile says I have no expectations this is what I mean by that... I thought communication and clarity was important! She also said she likes a guy who has a sense of humor and can laugh at himself, so I threw a little joke about myself there (this is true, I can laugh at myself) These first messages are hard, and I do actually spend time thinking about how I'm going to write it so that it doesn't come off as a creep and to just have it deleted without any kind of hi back or anything just seems rude.
Does anyone have an opinion of this? Do I expect too much in thinking a response is appropriate when the initial contact is in line with what she supposedly is looking for and I'm not being a creep, pervert or whatever? | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 11/11/2007 12:13:31 PM | Hello there. I just read your post. Some guys like myself are just looking for well less be honest sex. Single guys have needs and I am sure single women do to so why is this SO hard to understand?? About yahoo or any other IMs out there. I myself like to and find it easier to talk to people at the moment. Yes on this site atleast we can send hundreds of e-mails without having to pay but like me I find it easier to communicate when people are online together at the same time talking. What is so wrong with that?
peace | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 11/11/2007 2:09:40 PM | We understand only too well that many men on dating sites are just looking for no strings sex. A few women too of course - but the main difference is that most women don't need to go on a dating site to get it. Eat your hearts out guys.
Personally I don't read/delete unless they have been unpleasant. I know this has been endlessly debated. I just think it's rude not to reply. That said, instant turn offs include text speak, messages of the 'hi, wanna chat?' variety, a string of 'testimonials' or a first contact mail giving the senders email address and yes - even the telephone number! | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 11/11/2007 2:22:14 PM | i got a first email from a woman who had very provocative pictures and she sent me her phone number on the second email. i told her i wanted to continue emailing a few mor etimes to get a feel of what she is like and in her next email she rebuffed me severely then blocked me.
being too forward happens to both genders. | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:47:43 PM | I can hold a conversation...[Ask my*Testimonial-ettes*!]
And .. I'm always Polite and respectful in my 1st Contacts....I only expect common courtesy..!!
I can only assume that after reading my letter . . then my Profile . .
I'm just not her 'cup-of-tea'...
But .. when she merely 'Read/Delete's my letter....without so much as a 'Thanx, but No thanx'...
it only serves to promote more 'woman-bashing'..!!
Manners, Ladies . . . . Manners...!!! | |
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| Things that will most likley get you read/deleted after only one message...
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:30:44 AM | [For me, meeting people online is ALOT more difficult than meeting them in person. Something about the face to face interaction. I try to talk to women on here and it's like I got cooties or something.]
^^ i have to agree with you Kyle. I get better results when interacting in person. i have a group of friends, all ages men and woman, we get together on a regular bases and socialize. the other week i met someone thru a group of friends...now he wasnt someone i would normally approach to date but then again, i dont really know til i meet him right? as time went by...what can i say...his attention is focused on me, hes funny, makes me laugh, always smiling as i am too, hes smart and is open to topics, kind, caring and nonjudgemental and more. i am starting to find out, we are compatible on many levels, ...looking forward to seeing and talking with him again. (SMILES) whos knows right....only time will tell.
talking to someone for endless hours on the computer, I loose interest quickly. | |
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