| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/6/2007 8:58:54 AM | >>>
Sure they do, they work on killing any respect you'll get from your children, for the rest of your life. I've seen this firsthand with a few friends of mine who's hubbies stepped out on them.
Honestly, if you are that unhappy in your marriage or current relationship, either take the steps to fix it, or take the steps to end it...before pulling in another person.
I've never cheated, I've not been cheated on (to my knowledge)...but from what I've seen, the damage affairs do to everyone involved hardly would make it worthwhile to enter into one. | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:05:28 AM | | I dont think its fair I keep getting pushed aside by woman just because I done have a car. After all I am the one taking you out and paying for everything. I have feeling to. Theres has to be someone out there for me. Ken | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/6/2007 9:54:04 AM |
I dont think its fair I keep getting pushed aside by woman just because I done have a car. After all I am the one taking you out and paying for everything. I have feeling to. Theres has to be someone out there for me. Ken
Ken, Please limit the conversation to the topic in the thread. I've seen you post nearly this exact same text elsewhere on the formus as well. Maybe you should start a thread. But I would first see Avionics_71's thread called "QUIT COMPLAINING".
-MoS83 | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/6/2007 4:42:05 PM | Are there kids in this relationship?
Anyhow…
It’s hard to say really. But I think that if you have an affair, be careful. Make preparations like meditation, celibacy, as a way to release your self into the true essence of you. Also if you do, do it out of self-love, not revenge or boredom. Talk about it with a good friend first. I think your questions displayed on the Internet, will attract vultures and losers; or is this a clever ploy so you can drain energy from the lonely hearts that might engage you as a rebound? Hahahahaha. Just kidding!
Maybe one thing to consider: is your present partner having an affair? If so, or not, maybe mention swinging or role-play as an option. Tell your partner that you are bored, if that’s the truth. Sneaking around with out certain answers will jade your existence. What does your heart tell you to do?
Have you explored toys?
Anyhow, these avenues are healthy. Leave lies out of this equation.
When I was faced with this situation. I did what I’m suggesting to you. It turned the seven-year itch into 12 years of good adult sex and truth. I have no regrets. I know today that I’m a nice guy trapped in an endless battle with my penis.
When I look back at the situation, it has made me more epithetic to the needs of others. And I have harvested the growth. From time to time I find myself telling the lil me to just shut up. (if you get my drift)
As for soul mates, that’s bullshit. Drug addicts and people who are trapped together in foxholes are closer to that phenomenon. Way beyond wilted weenies and wet flowers.
Hello!!!
Sex is not a part of the soul mate thing. If you are looking for a soul mate put your sex parts in the closet for about a year or two. And you will find that the honesty that is in you, is your soul mate.
PS, if you think my reply to your bulletin is holier then thou, who cares. Face it; you’re screwed. lol | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/13/2007 1:25:32 AM | Personnally, I think cheating/having affairs is pathetic and shows a weakness of character. People should finish one thing before starting another.
In other words, if he can't keep it in his pants......he's not getting in mine!!!
(this works boths ways btw) | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/15/2007 6:15:58 PM | Here's what I think of affairs........I was married for 10yrs we were together 8years prior.
We had a nice home and a daughter in kindergarten when it all went to hell. One day my wife approached me and said there was this guy who was doing work in her office and she wanted to know if it was ok to hire him to do work on our home. I saw nothing wrong with it so we set a time to meet. He was a very friendly guy, I really hit it off with him, we all began to hang out.
Then in the spring my wife and I started to have problems, it was agreed that I would move out till we could work it out. Then one night I thought I would surprise her and stop over with some roses. When I got there Steve's truck was in the driveway, as I walked up the steps I saw the two of them screwing in the floor. I sat down and I cried, then the police showed up I was informed that my wife had called them and said I was stalking her.
Legal battles, bankruptcy, job losses, being accused of child abuse all took there toll. I have tried three times to kill myself and am now in a day treatment program. I no longer see my daughter because she is afraid of me. At 48 I have nothing and I must start over. To woman I am damaged goods so any type of relationship is not an option. Yet my ex-wife and the boyfriend and my daughter are all living nice comfortable lives. As for the two of them well they have each other. Something their affair did not leave me. | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/15/2007 7:46:31 PM | PERKS? SO, U WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO RUINS PEOPLES LIVES, KIDS, WIFE EVERYONE, U WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO GOES HOME TO BE WITH HIS WIFE, WHO LIES TO HER FACE AS HE SMILES AT HER, WELL U HAVE UR LIFE PLANNED OUT VERY WELL, DON'T U? VERY SAD SWEETIE, VERY SAD!   | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/16/2007 9:58:42 AM | scintillating angel,
In my humble opinion, affairs are like slow poison. Even though it tastes sweet at the time, it still kills in the end. Someone will be hurt. Someone will feel guilty and suffer for it. Families get destroyed.
I couldn't have said it better! It's always the kids that get hurt.!! We as adults need to stop it. We need to sit down with our spouse and put it on the table before it begins. If its something your feeling you need to figure out why and find a solution together. It is poison and we need to get rid of it. | |
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Vixxin
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Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 61 | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/16/2007 2:39:03 PM | Hmmmmm....... a very intersting topic
The serious part of my response is this.......... I have been cheated on before......and while its understandable that it in the human nature to get certain feelings and cravings, It's my humble opinion that the ability to stay loyal is one of the few things thhat separates the human from animal. Some people are more in tune with their animalistic side, and they enjoy that part of themselves. I also think that the people who feel the need to have a sexual relationship outside of a relationship are just unsure about themselves, or their relationship.
it's no fun being in a relationship with someone who is not on the same wavelength as yourself as to how initmate the relationship is going to be. if you want a relationship where having sex with other people is ok....then find a person that shares your beliefs, and don't waste someone elses time who doesnt want that kind of relationship. The only thing in life you can't get more of is time, so please be courteous to others and don't waste theirs.
now....the funny part of this ...
I love seeing all the people that put down how faithful and loyal and devoted they are in here......then promptly say "hey, by the way, I'm available and waiting for you to message me"...and yes...i have an "Off" sense of humor | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/16/2007 4:23:01 PM | | I know a lot of guys that cheat on there woman I am a one woman man and I cant get any one just because I dont have a car its not fair. Ken | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/16/2007 4:36:40 PM | | Ken....get a car..........or at least quit whining...at least i know where the "special" in special K comes from | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/19/2007 8:24:38 AM | | Been married 25 years and one day woke up and said This is'nt what i want anymore so i ganderedon fish had an affair found a great man was going to leave my spouse found out was devistated. He begged me tostay for 6months i did but already had a lover.I know it's not right but I need happness in my life lead a very hard life . I still have affairs and they are rewarding to a point .I sometimes want more but I don't let it gothat far. I am very caring and sweet of my lover. My husband is not mean but not ambitious enough and I am we tryed changing our lives but they are back to the same thing! I 'm no thappy but will stay for my family and him!!! Ilike my lover as my friend and confidant'also talk to him about things my hubee doesn't agreeon etc.... we do things together mylover and i dinner wine tasting events shopping giggling like kids it is rewarding!! Be careful tho!!!!! I have it under control!! | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/19/2007 2:29:18 PM | I recently had an affair, and everything was fine during the heat of the moment.
But It go to the point where the other person got scared and told her husband on me.
The worst part about it is that I was good friend with him. I hate myself for doing what I did. I don't think I can ever forget myself for what I have done.
Affairs are dangerous. | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:22:20 AM | I am divorced but I found someone one here and he is married an we see each other may be every 2 mo, but I fell for him an he with me.
But also I had one who was a dat from here and we sorta got together for 2 days andnow I have to make desions.
but I do know why people do it one partner does not fill the other with that love feeling and we shursh for it .I know that having two or even one is hard
Darlene   | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:29:00 AM | I don't have a car but I do get them to meet at a loco restraunt here and they are ok. then see where it goes from there......cheer up smile .
someone is there for you.
thank-you
Darlene  | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/20/2007 9:37:48 AM | Y ou are someone if you made it thru all this mess anstill here on earth YOU ARE HERE FOR A REASON ! I am bacly went thru it to and I was not the one who cheated till we were seperated allmost 10 yrs.thast when I picked up an found someone I really wish I could talk to om messanger. I have a shoulder to lean on an ae open ear
darlenerathman   | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/20/2007 12:32:33 PM | A committed relationship is just that. If you have a problem being with one person, then don't commit yourself.
I don't think it is more acceptable, just more out in the open.
I would like to know why two people would get married if you don't already consider each other your soulmates.
The problem here is that you don't seem to realize that human beings are capable of controlling themselves. If you can't control yourself and feel it necessary to have sex with someone outside of a committed relationship, maybe you should have yourself committed. People who can't control themselves sexually are obviously ill and belong in a psych ward. | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/20/2007 3:42:07 PM | | I thibk u can fall in love several times over but If you focused on the person that you are married to..things can work..after all even if you arewith your soul mate i believe everythng gets old...why not work on the person u were once in love with and u built alife with.Affairs are wrong decietful and they hurt so many people and i believe it is bad carma..if you r not happy get out before getting involved. Ive been the victim of being cheated on and i tell u it destroyed my kids and i emotionally..thank god im a strong person and can understand why it happens..I got myself 2 gether..but what comes around goes around..tt | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/20/2007 7:51:09 PM | I dated my ex for 3 years, was married for 20 years, I am 42. I waited 7 years to have a child because I wanted to make sure my marriage was stable and secure. We loved each other and were deeply in love. He worked for 13 years on C-Shift , it wore him out, he wouldn't get off that shift, we needed two incomes to get by so Iworked 40hrs a week and was still up for those 2am feedings, up at 5:30am to get our son to a sitter and made it to work and back home to make dinner and take care of laundry etc call me a doormat I didn't care, I loved him!
Did he cheat on me??? Yes but it wasn't with a woman it was with drugs and money. Drugs were his affair, his lover and became the highlight of his day and over spending our hard earned money. Many promises were made, another child was born. Stress, frustration etc drained me...the "well" had run dry...We went to marriage counseling, he went to rehab. It didn't bring back the $26,350.00 he "misplaced" It didn't restore our love. He did get clean though.
We both tried hard to repair things, get away weekends etc. You can give and give and still it may not be enough. It took me 5 years to work up the courage to do something about all of this, I didn't want to disappoint our families, our children or God.I never cheated on him...I thought about it, flirted with the idea but I couldn't. Loneliness and a feeling of abandonment was what finally made me ask him to leave. I asked for a seperation, a chance for both of us to re-group, rethink etc....while I was rethinking he met a woman... 3 weeks later he moved in with her and her teenage daughter.
I am alone raising two children whom he refuses to see unless it is his designated weekend. Our children are young 9 & 13 and have typical challenges that youngsters have. She has a child who is 17 an Honor roll student cheerleader etc basicaly and easy child to love and an only child. My children miss their Dad they have trouble transitionsing when they go there and come home. They (Son and daughter)share a room there like they are visitors, while the 17 year old has their own room.
Today, three years later, he is engaged to this same woman, they own a new home, new cars etc. I know the grass looks greener....I am glad I didn't cheat I just wished he would have left sooner!!
I hope Karma kicks in soon because I loved him fiercly, supported him through the above, forgave him for the mis-use of our money, Ieven overlook the fact that he is not an attentive Father, plus I stayed by his side when he was diagnoinsed with cancer, and yes he is doing well.
I am wishing I could find someone who will give back to me the kind of love and loyalty and attention I have given and am still capable of giving.
Ultimately I wished he would not have cheated our children out of a Father who is there for them!
Angel2luv | |
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| On Having affairs.................
Posted: 3/21/2007 12:38:52 AM | I am happy to be have the opportunity to comment on this question and hope that people I know read this.
To start off blatantly, it is NOT okay.
I am 36 years of age and have not married yet because of this very reason. I have neither found what some call a soulmate, nor have I found a woman that would be the one I am searching for. I do not want to marry under false pretenses and find out later that the woman was looking for something else, but settled out of convenience.
I have never been in a relationship where the person cheated on me as far as I know. When I had been in a relationship and my girlfriend went out with male friends I had no thoughts of her being dishonest or disrespectful. If it did happen, without my knowledge, that may be the exact reason why that person moved on without me.
With regard to your holier than thou comment, it is ultimately up to you to decide if you believe people are telling the truth or not. Regardless, these are only opinions and when I collect this kind of information, I go with what I feel is necessary for my benefit and junk the rest.
Hope this sheds some light on your situation,
Paul | |
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