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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/21/2007 7:47:12 AM | Hmmmmm...I have purposely neglected this thread but after reading what everyone else wrote decided to chime in...
You guys know I tend to be long winded when it comes to things I hold near and dear to my heart...so I will cut to the chase...
Married at 18, to a man 15 years my senior, thought I was wife #2, ends up I was #3, and he now divorcing wife #5, had 3 children 13 months apart, they are now 17, 18, and 19. We divorced because I caught him boffing his secretary in the parking lot at his job...then found out he had been doing his girlfriend before me for the previous 6 years, and he had a drug and gambling problem...and had stolen an insane amount of money from my father...good riddance...he never paid ANY child support, got caught and spent time in jail for filing fraudulent tax returns and non payment of child support. Still GOOD RIDDANCE...I just knew there was someone somewhere out there for me...Then I met him...or so I thought...or convinced myself...he was a cheater, a liar, had committment issues, cheap and miserly, and top all that off...abusive. Mentally and physically. But dammit...he was so charming...but he had to go to...I am with Tea on this one...my picker has got to be broken...or maybe it's just I want to believe the best in everyone...not anymore! Now I sit and wait for the men in my life to earn my trust, and loyalty, things that were once offered so readily and freely...are earned...by being honest, and straight up.
Then in 2004, while I was still with the last guy, I had a bad car accident that broke my neck....the surgeries, and pain, the rehabiltation...woke my ass up!! The important things I had let fall to wayside...partially due to the fact I was working an all consuming job...suddenly became my lifes focus again. I promised myself that if I survived and was able to function normally again...I would focus and give my attention only to things of eternal value...my happiness, my childrens happiness and well being...that I would never again get caught with blinders on...I have control in my life. I make my own way in life. I am ultimately the one that either allows or disallows the people in my life to do the things they do, and only I determine how and if it affects me.
I say exactly what I want and think to anyone who is around me...I refuse to have anyone guess how I feel, or what I think about a certain issue...and I respect someone who is capable of the same...
Yes, it has made me somewhat standoffish at first...I learned my lessons well. I have a close group of friends...keep your friends close, and your enemies closer and trust few...but the ones that take the time or I allow to get to know me...find a friend with heart, and strength, and loyalty...and above all else...HONESTY.
My life is what it is, and I am what I am...and to me that is very SIMPLE. | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:35:00 AM | Interesting thread ...
I left a 32 year marriage (got married when I was 18) after much thought and trying to make it work - had given so much and got nothing back in return - I was just about totally given out. (I had to bail to save my last shred of sanity!) I hope I have learned that giving is a 2 way street or else it isn't going to work in the long run. I remember so well on my 30th anniversary when my son congratulated us and I said whoopee in a sarcastic voice and immediately thought I cannot take another 20+ years of this. I filed for divorce 6 months later and it was the best decision I ever made.
I also learned that I will not ever sacrifice my goals and ambitions for another person again - if that makes me selfish - so be it. It is my time to be me - what I want to be. I learned that I can start over with nothing even at this late stage in life. I still feel there are another good 20 years or more left in me and I love the challenge of living life to the fullest. I found out that finding someone to love is kind of like finding a needle in a haystack - if it is meant to happen - it will and to not give up hope.
My only problem is that my past experience of falling in love which had all the bells and whistles you expect when you first meet and/or date (the sparks flying, the chemistry overflowing!), the long term marriage that developed from that - which was a very good marriage for 20 years - has left me wondering if I should expect that spark again. I have met someone that I care for deeply and he definitely has that elusive spark from the moment we met and I have yet to feel it - so - I don't know for sure if this one is meant to last. I care for him deeply and do cry when we have to part (we only have weekends together as this is a long-distance relationship right now), but I'm just not head over heels in love yet. We are very comfortable together, the passion is definitely there, and he loves me dearly - but I just don't know what is going on in my head right now. I will give this time ... as it is I'm loving having someone care so deeply for me - I just wish I was as sure as he is that we are a great match.
One thing all of this has taught me is to totally trust my own instincts. They have never really lead me wrong. I will wait for them to guide me.
No matter what happens I am sure to love and live each day to its fullest - that should be everyone's objective. It's so easy to choose to be happy and love life - so that's what I'm doing now. May all of you find your perfect mate - who of course will not be perfect - but will be perfect for you! | |
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_blu_
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Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 28 | |
| What's your story?
Posted: 4/21/2007 3:45:56 PM | So I have been given a directive: contribute to your own thread or suffer the consequences.
Here goes.
I am writing a book, and everything that you all contribute gets copied, dissected, edited for content and artistic merit, and summarily gets categorized for specific parts of the book. I am currently putting together a thesis for my Doctorate in Human Psychology, and this book is the final product of that process.
So, if you want to know anything else, feel free to ask me in private.
:wink: -- those of you that know me already know about me.
cheers~~
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:43:16 PM | | To all who I may have offended with my previous posts..I humbly appoligize and for the spelling also....but anyway I may have acted a straight axehole to some of yall and now I realize I was just being childish and petty...I have decided to stick around a bit and try to make friends with as many of yall pofers who can accept my appology and also the appology for the spelling as well...I hope to someday be friends with yall and be accepted into the pof family...again i appoligize for my actions and attitudes...to all GOOD NIGHT and have a great day/night/weekend..... | |
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_blu_
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Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 31 | |
| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:11:13 AM | My story is not nearly as glamorous as anyone else's. Quite boring really. Married/divorced twice, working on reconciliation with 2nd wife (who also is the mother of my 2 wonderful children). She moved back home 4 months after the divorce was final (after 2 years of separation). We are human, and have our faults. Nothing as dramatic as drugs, alcohol or abuse--simply got to a point where we were better together when we weren't living together. In order to move forward, a divorce was necessary--not wanted, but certainly needed. A "fresh start", if you will.
Now, my first wife-- little bit different story. Married my college sweetheart, almost made it to the 3rd anniversary. She left me. She was having an affair and got pregnant by the guy. She filed for divorce. I have seen the child, and she looks just like her daddy.
Am I bitter? Nope. Not one little bit. Mater of fact, when I got over the initial shock, and after 6 months of counseling (yes, I loved that woman deeply), I moved on.
I have had my SMALL share of "dates" after splitting with both wives. Some were pretty good, some were not. I do not base any relationship with anyone on the experience I have had (at least, I don't hold a grudge against anyone for the sins of another).
What has molded me into the sort of person I am is 20 years in the "people" business. THAT will jade anyone. If the money and the schedule (never mind I am the boss) weren't so good, I would be out of my current line of work in a skinny minute. That, however, is for a different thread.
What grinds my gears, etc... is STUPIDITY. IGNORANCE and the failure to recognise it in one's own self. How can you change and grow and if you don't see what's in your own head? How do you expect to win friends and influence people if you don't understand them? How can you have intelligent conversation with someone if you are unwilling to be flexible in your knowledge base (allow room for growth).
Give me a snappy wit, a serious intellect any day of the week. Beauty is good, but brains as well? Heck yeah. A sense of humor to temper the serious intellect. ALso a good cook. Gotta be able to keep up with me in the kitchen. Physical well being as well. Come on- humans are the only species who have sex for fun.
I also have extremely high expectations for others, and hold others to the same standard as myself. My standards are pretty darn high. "I will not lower my standards in order for you to raise yours". I like that quote. I also like "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part".
Now, read my profile, and it tells you I am not single/not looking. It's true. I like to flirt- don't we all? Knowing when too far is too far is critical, however, to prevent any harm being done to any party concerned. Too many people out there playing games with others. If I ever catch myself doing that, or someone points it out to me, then I am gone. Out of here. Won't be a part of something that I rally against. I am part of the solution, not part of the problem.
As to my previous post--well, it wasn't a serious post. I am just "joe average", no book deals for me, no PhD in the works. Sarcasm, folks--my attempt at dodging my own question.
Well, now that the "mystery" is gone, I can only imagine the looks of utter shock and dismay on some of your faces. I know, I know. It will be ok though. The sun will continue to rise and set, the birds will fly and the grass will still be green. These small revelations about myself do not diminish my superiority one little bit. I am still the "dragon sitting on high", looking below at the world.
Conceited, you say? Nope, not one little bit. Convinced? Not entirely. CONFIDENT? Definitely. It helps to know one's strengths AND weaknesses. 
One final thought-- if you walk away from this, thinking "geez, that guy is an a$$hole", well then, you don't know me very well. Ask any one of the regs here--they'll tell you I am one of the nicest guys around (well, as long as they cash the checks I send them, they will tell you that).
cheers~~ | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:53:28 AM | Why am I here? What are my opinions on such and such?
I've been divorced a long, long time. Didn't think I would still be divorced and alone after 17 years, but I am and I don't understand that. Most days, I'm alone, and I can cope and live with 'alone', but there are times, I'm lonely, and that hurts. When I'm lonely, I do stupid things...
Like join every date site in my spam box, which is what happened oh, October or November. I signed up for about 20 of these bad boys, even paid for a few and realized I was seeing the same people at each and every site. And the guys who were interested in me either I wasn't interested in or lived to danged far away or the guys I was interested in were either too far from me and weren't interested in me. I have several dear internet friends who live very far from me: Alaska, Michigan, New Jersey, Virginia, Alabama... I wouldn't have met them had it not been for this thing i'm typing on. And yes, they are dear to me and nothing in the world would satisfy me more than to see them happy and content. I have dear internet friends who live closer to home.
Over the past few months, I've pulled out of sites, but stayed with the two freebies because... well, they're free. I've met a lot of friends - platonic friends here and there and while yeah, I would still like to have someone in my life, like Sneaks said, God will provide when God decides to provide. I just hope He decides to provide while I can still enjoy and am capable of movement in a horizontal position.
As for the other questions - I have high expectations. I settled twice in life - with my ex husband, as well as a former fiance. Both taught me never to do that again, because of the personal and emotional cost. I thought I was getting too old, that I was unlovable, I mean, come on, we have all read the reports that the older women get, the less likely we're going to find someone because men like to trade in their used models for new ones, right? In days of my deepest despair and yes - insecurity - I *know* this old 1961 Covair can't compete with something built in the 1980's or 1970's. My gears get stuck and my tires are rather dry rotted. Paint's peeling in a few places too. I had a driver who had a rather harsh hand at the wheel. Like to take the corners really fast.
What revs me up is intelligent and raucous conversation. Genuine laughter. Friendly chatter. Bad jokes. A man who fills out his jeans really well. I like to look. Didn't say anything about touching, or none of that.
That's the Reader's digest condensed condensed condensed version of my story. | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 7:16:19 AM | I'm stunned... Has hell frozen over? Did I just read something personal about _blu_? Congratulations brutha ~ I knew you could do it.
Well, now that the "mystery" is gone, I can only imagine the looks of utter shock and dismay on some of your faces. I know, I know. It will be ok though. The sun will continue to rise and set, the birds will fly and the grass will still be green. These small revelations about myself do not diminish my superiority one little bit. I am still the "dragon sitting on high", looking below at the world. blah blah blah...
No, you're now just another bozo on the bus. (You always were; we knew that!) I love ya; I mean it. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.
Actually ~ Thank you all for sharing yourselves. That openness, in addition to the general wit and intelligence around here, is what made me decide to jump into the pond. You people as a whole don't threaten me, and that is a rarity for me to find for various reasons. I have no logical reason to be open to or trust my fellow man if my past experiences are any indication of human beings as a whole; but if I thought that way where would be the need for faith, hope or love? I make the decision daily to believe in and look for the good in man. You people to me are simply God with skin on, the skin just seems to fit you all better than most. | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 10:01:37 AM | I believe there are a couple of people, who are curious as to my story, or in who I am… or so I’m gathering from questions posed on other threads. So here we go…
First of all, I’m a very private person, so you’ll have to excuse any omissions or cryptic entries in this little tale. *disclaimer* 
I’m the youngest of five children, raised in the north and many of my values and beliefs have been taught to me by my two wonderful brothers who stepped in when my parents were unable to continue to teach me the ways of the world. I was raised in what could be termed as ‘the ghetto’ area of the city, but was taught that where one lives does not define that person; it is how we treat others and the ability to triumph in the face of adversity. I have two children whom I have raised on my own, with the moral assistance of a very supportive family structure.
I firmly believe that family does not stop at the people related to you by blood.
My best friend is a woman I’ve known since I was a small child, and she continues to be a very integral part of my life as well as her family. She describes my greatest asset and my greatest weakness to be one in the same ~ my loyalty towards the people I hold dear in my life. We’ve been fortunate enough to be able to mesh our lives and maintain the respect and admiration for each other that built the strong foundation of friendship. I often refer to her as my sister as the bonds of friendship cannot be defined in such simple terms without stating a familial tie.
I’ve made a number of choices in my life which I’m not overly proud of, but I take the responsibility for the ramifications of those choices and am more the type of person that looks to resolve the errors of my past and move forward rather than hide behind a façade of non-responsibility.
I joined this site over a year ago and have had the great fortune of having made many close friends who are now firmly ensconced in my life. As well as the friends I’ve made, I’ve had the incredible fortune of finding that one other person in the world that thinks I’m the most wonderful person and yeah, he’s willing to marry me. Go figure… 
Having been on this site for an extended period of time, I’ve realized a few things about myself. Firstly, I’m far more normal than I originally thought and I’m far more tolerant of judgmental people than I was a year and a half ago; having said that, I’ve also realized that my tolerance level with people that ask the same old monotonous questions expecting a different response is non-existent.
I’ve also realized that popularity is fleeting; regardless of how many people one speaks with here, it’s the caliper of the few that are in the inner circle that truly define us as individuals. I’m no better or worse than the person whose profile is next or above mine, just different. We all have issues which we are working to overcome, and regardless of what happens in my life, the sun continues to shine and life goes on for billions of other people.
One of my pleasures in life is a good sparring match… and I’ve found the forums to be an outlet for my sarcasm and wit… sometimes a little too much sarcasm. Hence my continued presence on this site ~ although I do come and go as whim or whimsy takes me.
I’m a people watcher, as in, I will lurk quietly and gauge the level of the people around me while my presence often goes unnoticed ~ and I’m perfectly happy sitting on the sidelines rather than being in the thick of things. I’m constantly a contradiction of personalities; reserved yet outgoing; gentle yet firm; whimsical yet staid; a veritable plethora of traits which comprise me and make me the unique person I feel I am…
Oh, and I might have a bit of a tendency to run off when writing. 
Yup, that’s me… | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:32:22 AM | Well let's see...I'm not one to normally lay it all out on the table, but since I feel like I know quite a few of ya'll I'll give it a try.
I have been married twice, both times to the same woman. We met when I moved to Florida and had a decent relationship, life was good for several years, we had 3 great kids together, unfortunately, the last few years weren't as good as I felt they should be. She had a communication problem throughout our marraige, I hoped from the beginning that it would improve with time, but never did.
It was the hardest thing in life I have ever had to deal with, leaving my kids behind. I could no longer take the argueing, and the lack of any passion. But I moved to Dallas, then Las Vegas, we were seperated for 6 years, never actually got a divorce. While I was gone, she had another relationship and 2 more boys. However, after 6 years of missing out on my kids lives, I could take no more and decided to move back to Florida. It wasn't long before we decided to try again at the relationship. I love all my kids, including the 2 she had with the only person in this world I truly hate. But after another 6 years of argueing and no passion (and very few hugs) I finally had to give up. I have been hurt too much for too long, and the love is gone. I now live with my 19 yr old son, helping him get started on his adult life, my 17 year old daughter lives with me as well. All I can hope for is to finally find someone that can make me happy, and I will do everything I can to make their life just as happy and comfortable as I possibly can.
I am not a wealthy man, but I do have plenty of love and compassion left in my heart, and one day I plan to share it with the right lady, however I'm not in a big rush as of yet.
I want to thank Blu for starting this thread, and everyone else for giving me the confidence to write this...now I may just go bury my head somewhere for a while...
Jim | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:45:37 AM | Awww Jim don't do that...I read somewhere...
Life is a series of problems:
Either you are in one now,
you're just coming out of one,
or you're getting ready to go into another one.
Me? I'm in all 3 | |
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Kyn269
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:46:26 PM | Well I initially promised Blu that I would put something together after a long thought process and encouragement quietly given by others who have take the chance to open up and share their lives.. here it goes...
I grew up #4 out of 5 sisters, I have 3 step sisters 1 birth sister (same parents) and a half sister by my mother though a 2nd marriage.
I was married to my first husband for 6 years, we have two wonderful daughters... he married the woman in which he was having an affair... after a few rough years and my the circumstances of my second divorce he realized the importance of his children in his life and we are now closer as parents. Rarely do we ever have a disagreement and I tend to consult him on issues that I feel he would prefer to have a say in... I am the primary custodial parent, meaning I have final say...
My 2nd marriage was the perfect marriage I thought... We had a beautiful baby girl, My two oldest girls and everything anyone could want, We had our own business, he drove o/o for the same company as my dad, new home, new cars, camper trailer boats... family vacations every year, never argued never had a fight....until 3 years later, the day after my father had surgery for cancer, I came home from work and my daughter (4yrs) told me daddy had done something very bad to her...Needless to say, he will not be able to see his daughter until she is 18yrs of age, and he will be getting out of the state prison in Oct 07... I walked out and left everything, for the saftey of my children... Moved to a county in which I was told he was not allowed to come into due to a restraining order... I have a shotgun ... and know how to use it. lol
3rd one ... was manipulation, lies and stupidity... I fell for a man who promised me the world.. only to find out 3 months into the marriage that he had been fired while we were married for theft & embezzelment (yes both) he not only stole straight out, but covered up several thousand dollars though writing comapny checks for personal items, and changing the numbers in the books.... I spent 3 hours standing in the middle of office depot talking to his former boss and found out the only reason he was not prossecuted was because he married me.... Hmm think it was forethought on his part...
What have I learned?? a lot, a man/woman must earn my trust... am I angry? No...
It does make me more cautious as to who I will date.
to Quote GirleySmiles
Life is a series of problems:
Either you are in one now,
you're just coming out of one,
or you're getting ready to go into another one.
Me? I'm in all 3
I know that God will only give you as much as you can handle, if He brings you to it.. He will bring you though it. I'm not one for sympathy, because I know for everything I have gone though, someone out there has gone though more, and If I can use my experiences to help someone else... then God has allowed me to be used for his purpose.
Kyn | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:02:22 PM |
now I may just go bury my head somewhere for a while
If you do that, you'll have plenty of company - me included.
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:04:11 PM | (((((Kyn))))) you are never alone and what you have survived! You must be one strong lady...you have my utmost respect...God Bless You. | |
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Kyn269
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Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 41 | |
| What's your story?
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:19:45 PM | Girly, I know I am Blessed.. I have a stong family that stands beside me...
and I am always in God's Hands.
Thank You
Kyn | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/24/2007 3:31:44 AM |
shall we go to the beach Zee??
Didn't you hear? I kinda like.... LIVE pretty much on the beach? Stand in my front yard, stick your hands out. 10 minutes to st simon's on the left and 12 minutes to Jekyl on the right. There's plenty of sand to... well... bury your head in!
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| What's your story?
Posted: 4/26/2007 7:57:52 PM | | I just wanted to say thanks to everybody that has posted in this thread. The details of "my story" are not as important as where I am in my story. After being put through experiences and pain I never thought I would be able to endure, I am finally starting a new chapter in my life. I came across this thread at a point where I really needed to be reminded that things will get better in time and that I am not the only person that has ever gone through this. | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 5/24/2007 6:25:52 PM | | Was it something I said? Man.....this thread just stuck it's head in the sand with everyone else. | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 5/24/2007 6:59:55 PM | | LOL!! No dude-- all the regulars posted, and that, as they say, is that. At least until some NEW BLOOD comes along and starts posting, that is........ | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 5/24/2007 11:13:53 PM | blu good thread. Today was one day of those days that I would just as soon forget. Nothing bad, just to much questioning ME and what I'm doing. I NEEDED this thread to show me that EVERYONE does indeed have a story. And all of us have been touched by pain and sorrow. Remember every time someone has hurt you...every tear you've cried...every smile you've shared...has made you what you are today.
I think I'll wait on "MY STORY" for another time...you know I don't know how to do the readers digest condensed version. I have the 36 volume encyclopedia version...grin
As far as the last two years on the internet goes, everyone I know tells me I need to write a book on the "Adventures of internet dating" smile I think I might just do that....I've met some wonderful friends along the way...and the group here on POF ...well your a great group and I hope each and everyone of you finds the happiness you all deserve. Take your painful memories and use them to your advantage. Hugs to each | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 5/26/2007 4:41:13 AM | Thought I would update my story. I have been blessed and have had my prayers answered in the form of a wonderful man I met here on POF. Things are going great and we both see us together for many years down the road! | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:17:58 AM | Well that is great browny, I wish you the best. You deserve it. Peace-Out | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 5/26/2007 8:23:31 AM | | for those that have found their mate - congrats -- my story is really not bad compaired to others -- married the man of my dreams 1979 after knowing him for exactly 9 months -- three children within 4 years -- good jobs for both - buying house in county with great school system -- living the american dream --- he is a truck driver - 1997 -- he rolls an eighteen wheeler 3 times in Atlanta on spaghetti junction -- hospitalized overnight for observation - thought everything was ok --- 9 months later - major headaches - forgetting things -- personality changes -- not until 2000 did we finally get a diagnosis -- DEMENTIA ---called Picks' Disease - runs it course in 7 -10 years -- making the patient a vegeatble --- my husband died 6 days after our 26th wedding anniversary -- he died having not known who his children were for the past 4 years ,not knowing the wonderful 3 grandsons he had - not knowing I was his wife for the past 2 years , not talking at all for the last 6 months of his life - he forgot how to -- he only knew how to walk and eat - and the last week he forgot how to do those last two things -- but he did die inthe hospital bed on a morphine drip not knowing any kind of pain - with his wife , his children and his grandchildren at his bedside until he took his last breath-- Thank you to for whoever started this --- I haven't really completely come to terms with all this until i just typed it all down-- maybe now I am ready for whom ever comes my way -- have tried dating but way deep down just haven't been ready -- shot down two good men because of it -- hope they forgive me -- just forgave myself --- hopefully now i am ready for life --- I thank GOD everyday for my friends ---wouldn't have made this far without them | |
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| What's your story?
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:00:59 PM | littleladyred,
Yours is one of those bittersweet stories that bring a smile to your face at the same time that they pull at your heart. To have that kind of love, and to have it last "for better or for worse" is just awesome. I can't begin to understand how you feel, what you went through, but I can say that God is a loving god. When He feels you are ready to make room in your heart for another person, He will send the person to you. If the others don't understand the concept of sometimes thinking you're ready before you are, especially in a case like this, well, you don't need those kind of people around.
My prayer for you is that you find the healing you need so that you WILL be ready for this gift from God that we call life. | |
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